Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N- Thanks for the reviews; mccrdel, Adorelo, brookeAp3 and Lemon Green. I really appreciate your comments!
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Entering your dark, empty apartment you chuck your keys on the kitchen table, and walk straight toward a light switch that lies on the wall beside your refrigerator. You hastily flick it once, then twice and no light comes from the overhead bulb. Blaming your power shortage on the rain storm, that until now you hadn't noticed has escalated into a thunder storm, you make your way to the bathroom.
You flip on your shower and shed your clothing, hoping the warm flow will wash away what the rain refused to earlier. After only receiving seconds of warmth, the rushing water turns cold. Quickly flipping off the water you slam a fist to the wall.
"Damnit!" you yell. Not only cursing the shower, but cursing Calleigh... and most of all cursing this whole damn situation, because you can't bring yourself to blame her for all of this, even though you want to.
Why is she doing this now?
And now that you think further, you're not sure who to blame this on. Jake? Calleigh? Or maybe yourself..? Thrusting an angry moan through your teeth, you shove both of your hands onto the tile and lean your head against the turquoise surface.
Why is this so hard?! I've wanted her for so long! It's like I finally get a chance with this amazing woman, and I don't know if I can bring myself to be with her.
Stepping out of the shower, you wipe the mixture of cold water and perspiration from your body with a damp towel and quickly dress in some U of M sweats, in an attempt to warm yourself from today's events. And even though the fuzzy fabric does nothing to warm your skin, the closeness of the soft cotton inside comforts you somewhat.
Closeness.
Something you lost when Marisol was taken. Something you have longed to have with Calleigh. Something you hadn't experienced with a woman since you were shot... since your feelings for her finally surfaced. And now that she has offered you some closeness, you retreat. You figure it's because you are still hurt by the false hope she instilled in you and her relationship with Jake, but that could just be your mind trying to find some semblance of rationality in your lingering feelings for her.
You urge yourself to let these things go, but the powerful compassion you had for this woman cut bulky deep scars in you, and you can't understand how to make them heal.
They say time heals everything, but it's been too long and you hurt the same, if not more, than when this whole thing started. And you're positive she hurts too because you saw the glints of regret and extreme pain in her eyes earlier today. And if you had read her them like you had so many times before, you're sure it would've brought tears to your own.
As you go deeper into you're thought process the light over your kitchen stagnantly flickers on and off for a few seconds, then makes a low cracking noise and goes out again. Ugh. Damn blub is blown.
As you search for any scrap of paper and a pen to write a reminder to buy more light bulbs the phone rings, and your thoughts immediately turn back to Calleigh.
Why would she be calling so soon? It's only been... where's my watch...4 hours? What?
Shock only stays with you for a moment because you suddenly remember the countless other times when thoughts of Calleigh would carry you away for innumerable ignored hours.
You silently hope its Calleigh calling, due to all the questions raised by your mind in the past 4 hours. Maybe she can put your mind into some state of ease, at least for tonight with some answers. Because you have an early shift tomorrow.
Snapped out of your thinking again by a loud, drawn out beeping, followed by a click you hear the worried voice of your mother come over the answering machine;
"Eric! This is your mother. If you are there pick up this phone right now! Eric! Pi-"
You snatch the phone out of its cradle. "Ma, I'm here", you say a little more monotone than you'd hoped.
"You're lucky you picked up this phone young man! I was worried sick about you when I saw that thunderstorm outside. Was your drive home from your date alright?"
"Yeah, Ma it was fine, and it wasn't a date it was... just a meeting," you say sounding a little frustrated.
"Well, I don't know what to call it, you never told me what it was about or who you were meeting. I just assumed a handsome young man like you would have a lot of dates. Even on a horrible day like this..." she says, almost too proudly.
"Ma, come on", you whine.
"I'm sorry honey...I just-"
"Ma, listen I'm fine, you just caught me in the middle of some, uh, paperwork from my last case. I'll talk to you later okay?", you hastily spit out, sounding impatient.
"I don't think so honey. Don't think I can't tell something is bothering you, just because I can't see behind those brown eyes of yours. I can almost see you lying through the phone."
She waits a moment then lets out a small breath, "I can hear the hurt in your voice, tell me what's wrong" she urges, somewhat soothingly.
You sigh deeply and take a big, long breath.
"Eric tell me, or I'm going to have to come over there right now" she says in her disciplining tone.
"You are not driving in this weather, Ma", you say, internally rolling your eyes, because you know she'd definitely see you through the phone if you literally did.
"Well then, I guess you're just going to have to tell me" she boasts, knowing she's got you.
"Okay, fine. That...meeting I had earlier, wasn't a meeting per say. But it wasn't a date either", you state. Then you hesitate before saying, "I just met Calleigh for coffee, and we talked."
"Is she still stuck on that boy Jake? They broke their engagement six months ago; I'd have thought a strong girl like her would be over him by now." She speculates.
"No, Ma, she's-"
"Good. That's good. She never deserved to be treated that way by him. She deserves a nice, honest man like you Eric" She says, and you can hear her awaiting your response.
"Ma, come on, you know we're colleagues an-"
"Yes, Eric I know you're colleagues and I also know that you have be infatuated with her for too long. Now tell me why this 'meeting' made you so upset... Did you ask her for a date?" she questions.
"No Ma, I didn't ask her for a date... I gave up that hope a long time ago" you murmur.
"Well what happened then?" she softly urges.
Taking a drawn out shallow breath you say, "She told me she had feelings for me and that realised she wanted to be with me."
"Oh! Well... Wow." She says, speechless for once.
"My thoughts exactly", you add.
"Well, what did you say?" she pushes.
"I, uh, told her I needed time to ...process" you say hesitantly.
"Eric!"
Here it comes...
"Why didn't you sweep her off her feet then and there?! You have wanted this for so long Eric, what has changed!?" she shouts.
"Ma! Don't you think I realise all of those things! Don't you think I want to be with her!? I just... I can't do it! She ..."Ughh
You take another breath and continue; "She hurt me Ma. I don't think she meant to, but she did and... I don't know if I can do this now", you explain.
"Eric, you can. You can do anything", she replies, all too motherly.
"Ma, I don't know..."you say, trailing off.
A couple long moments pass by before she speaks again,
"Eric, when I was pregnant with you, a little while after we came to Miami, your father stayed at your Abuelo's for a week or two in the summer because of a fight we had." She says plainly.
"Okay...?" you stutter, perplexed at her sudden change of subject.
"The night before he left we had a big fight because of something I thought he did, not intentionally, but it hurt me greatly." She pauses, letting her words sink in.
"And I told him to leave, because I didn't think I could be with him because of it", She pauses again, and you have to take a seat on your hard wooden chairs because she's never told you anything bad about their marriage before.
"Ma, I-"
"No, Eric just listen." She scolds "And he gave me almost two weeks to cool off and think about it before he came to see me one day while your sisters were in school. I told him I couldn't be with him anymore, no matter how much he apologised, no matter how much he said he'd never meant to hurt me. But after we talked for hours, I realised how sorry he was, and because I still loved him with all my heart and I forgave him. Even after, he helped me feel better about our fight and we built back our trust and our love just got stronger than before."
"I never knew that about you two Ma", you say, somewhat in awe.
"Well it's not a big deal now, but do you realise what I am saying?" she asks calmly.
"Uh, well ... I guess yo-" and she cuts you off again, this time with an impatient tone hanging in her voice;
"I am saying that maybe you can tell Calleigh how you feel about her, and she can help you feel better like your Papi helped me" she says.
You sigh inwardly and think about her suggestion. Can I do that? Will it even work?
You are brought out of your thoughts when she continues; "Eric, I can tell by the way you say her name that you still love her" she says, chuckling lightly.
"Come on Ma, I don't love her" you say loudly.
"Okay..." she says in a mocking tone.
"Well... I don't. And stop talking like that, you're starting to sound like Rosa and Mari-" but you stop yourself from saying her first name out loud, and as soon as you stop yourself you hear her sigh into the phone.
"It's okay to say her name Eric, I'm fine", she reassures you, but you can still hear the anguish painted in her voice.
You nod silently. And mumble an "okay" you aren't sure she heard.
After a moment she says, "Eric, your fathers going to be home soon and I have to cook dinner, but please think about what I said".
"Okay, I will Ma, thanks..." you say. "Oh, and Ma?"
"Yes my angel" she says affectionately.
You blush a little and shake your head at the pet name before you say, "About your fight with Dad... What was it about?"
She lets out a small laugh before she says "I was snoring", she says simply.
"What?" you say, laughing a bit yourself.
"That night, I was snoring too loud and your father decided to sleep on the couch, but I woke up to him leaving and I panicked. He tried to explain it to me but I thought he didn't love me anymore or something silly like that" she says still laughing.
"Ma! That doesn't even sound that bad, how could that turn into a huge fight?", you say incredulously.
"Hey, watch your mouth young man. I was a sweaty, eight and a half month pregnant, self conscious, young mother! Until you give birth you don't judge!" she says loudly, but you can hear the teasing tone in her voice. "And I realised how silly it was after I had you!" she adds.
"Okay, Ma, your right" you quickly say as a small smile forms on your lips. Leave it to your mother to cheer you up, she always does.
"Alright then, I will call you soon honey, and don't be so down about you and Calleigh, just talk to her."
"I will Ma, I love you", you utter.
"I love you too" she says.
Click.
You pick up your watch again from the table and note that another hour has passed.
Yawning, you walk around to a lamp beside your couch and flick it on, and it happily lights up. Good, the power is on maybe now I can get a decent hot shower.
After taking a long, relieving, shower you dress in some clean pyjamas and decide to distract yourself with some paperwork due for Horatio's trial on the pending Henderson case. After a few long hours, with almost no thoughts of Calleigh, you set your alarm for work the next day and slip under the beige covers of your large bed.
Ah, sleep.
And as soon as your eyelids close the thoughts from today come flooding back, filling your mind. You try to push them to the back of your mind, and restlessly change your sleeping position in an attempt to forget everything, just for a few hours.
After what feels like hours of tossing and turning you stare into the bright red numbers of your alarm clock.
1:54
Damn. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.
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A/N- I would really love to hear your thoughts, good or bad. I welcome criticism so go nuts!