~*Me again. I was happy with the reviews so I posted the next part. Still not edited so excuse my massive typos. I don't have time to fix them. ^_^*~
"Quatre!!!" I looked at whoever was calling me from the mirror in front of me. My elder sister, Iria, was standing behind me, her hands planted on her hips. She was already dressed (a pretty red thing, covered in beads held up by two strings and ended above her knee) and she was glaring at me. I smiled as I struggled with the bow tie.
"What is it, Ir'a?" She pointed to the clock on the far wall.
"We have to be there in 10 minutes and Mr. Maxwell and Mr. Yuy aren't dressed yet!" I laughed.
"They'll be there, Iria." I consoled. "They just like to be an edge on things." Iria stomped over, pushed my hands away and started to knot my own tie with better sucess then I was having.
"Well I don't want to much of an edge..." She mumbled. "The Winners can't be late for their own party." I rolled my eyes.
"I know, I know." I sighed. "Whats this for again?"
"Its a fund raiser, dearest. Haven't you written your speech yet?" I looked away.
"Oh, of course I have." She slapped my arm.
"Quatre! You're almost as bad as Mr. Maxwell!" I cracked a smile. She was right, the more I hang out with Duo, the more of his personality rubs off on me. For better or for worse.
"Don't worry about a thing." I said reassuringly. "I just tell them what they want to hear and everything will be just fine." She looked me over critically, her face scrunching up as she tried to find imperfections. Finding none, she relaxed and looked up at me.
"Look at my lil brother, all grown up." The blood started for my cheeks.
"Aw, Ir'a." I protested. She snickered.
"I know, I know. You're getting to big for this." She gave me one last look over, then started pushing me toward the door."Now c'mon, we have to get those two slakers moving."
Its been about a month since I've seen Aina and although I don't think about her as much as I did before, her presence is always with me. She's made an impression on me, but what kind I don't know. I've changed. Trowa and I have changed. We don't have the same relationship we had before, the kisses and the laughing. I'm lucky if we share two words together over tea.
Tonight is the Winner Enterprises Annual Fund Raiser. I don't know why we have them annually, we have enough money as it is. But the old buisness men always tell me "Can't wait for the next Fund Raiser!" I think they're just kissing my butt, but I don't want to disappoint. My sisters were all excited, buying pretty dresses, finding dates. I think its cute, watching them fuss like they do. My sisters really are kind people.
~~~
"Looking good, Q!" Duo said, hitting me hard on the arm. I winced, looking away from my full glass of champaign. He really had to get a new greeting.
"You don't look so bad yourself, Duo."
"How long do we have to stay here?" Wu Fei asked in his usual anxious tone. I shrugged.
"You don't have to stay, if you don't want to Wu Fei."
"We'll stay till the end, Quatre." Heero said in that emotionless, military tone, shooting a glare to Wu Fei. "There's no point in leaving now." Wu Fei made a sort of grunt and looked away from Heero. I chuckled. Wu Fei and Heero were too much alike for words. Its really funny to walk in on those two alone. Arms folded, eyes squinted into glares....I don't know wheather they hate each other, or if they're best friends.
Trowa was leaned against the wall, watching me with his cold green eyes. I tried hard not to sneer. Did he have to watch me all the time? It was like he was a constant babysitter, making sure I didn't dosomething stupid like stick my finger in an electrical socket or something. It was getting to the point where I couldn't stand Trowa Barton any longer, as cruel as that sounds. I just wanted him to stay away from me!
"Heeey...." I heard Duo said, probably giving some lady the eye. "Who's that fox and why don't I have her name?"
"She probably doesn't give her names out to pimps, Maxwell." Wu Fei snorted. I snickered. Ah Wu Fei...he really does have quite the sense of humour. As Duo tried to regain dignity by calling Wu Fei a couple of racial Chinese slurs (which I just don't feel comfortable saying) I went to see the female Duo was giving the eye.
My champage glass crashed to the ground.
"I'll be right back..." I mumbled and started after her, leaving my bewildered comrades behind me.
Aina [last name]. No doubt about it. There was no mistaking those sad, brown eyes, or that stunned look on her face. How did she get here? Or better yet...why was she here? I thought it best not to startle her, so I hugged the wall, praying to God some buisnessmen didn't find me here.
Aina was on edge. She was looking at each person suspiciously, like we could all read her mind. Maybe she was looking for me....I couldn't help but hope.
It was hard to believe that this was the same person. The Aina I met was nothing but a scrubby, gutter girl, who probably stowed away on some space ship. This Aina was.....I can't even put it into words. She was...almost civil. She didn't look like the type to go up to strangers and jam pointy objects into their throats (although I don't know many who do...well...maybe Heero...). In fact, she looked absolutly stunning. She wore a black dress, held up by two straps on both shoulders. The dress cascaded down her curves like a midnight waterfall that I could have let my fingers soak in for hours. A brick coloured lip stick had stained her lips, so her wonderful grey eyes (...I thought they were brown...?) nearly blinded the whole room.
I wanted to kiss her again. Right then. In front of all my collegues, in front of my sisters, in front of my fellow pilots...in front of Trowa. I probably would have too, if she hadn't started off again. I shook myself from my daze and made silent presute after her, keeping my eyes to the ground, praying I wouldn't be noticed by Aina or anyone else from work.
She left the ballroom almost immediatly, down through the coils of knotted hallways. Where was she going? The crowds were slowly thinning out to merely a few lost drunks. Aina was so focused on her destination that she didn't even know I was following her. I would have found that semi-amusing, usually, since I'm the most left footed of the former Gundam-Pilots. The Perfect Soldier, I certainly am not.
Finally, Aina turned her last corner. I stayed behind and peered at her with one eye. She was standing infront of the conservatory. The conservatory was located in the center of this building. It was basically just a place for people to go and meditate, or where lovers went to share a moment of privacy. It was like an indoor garden, but the ceiling was missing so you could gaze up at the stars at night. I had only been to it once, when the man gave me the grand tour when Iria and I were renting this place for the party.
Aina looked once more over her shoulder, and entered the conservatory, with me close in toe. I caught the door before it closed behind her (Hey, I may have been clumsy but I am still one of the best spies Earth has to offer, right?) and watched warily from the crack. ...Once again my heart started to flutter....
She was so beautiful by moonlight. The moonbeams carassed her body gently, holding that warmth which only I saw in her close. I supressed an urge to burst through the door and hold her in my arms, instead, crouching down lower into the shadows.
She looked around once, making sure no one was in there, then moved to one of the covered tables. She ran her hand over the cloth table cloth for a moment, drumming her painted nails uopon it in thought. Then, with a heavy sigh, she ripped the cloth off.
I gasped.
I'm not one for explosives, really. Thats Duos job. Pretty much, as the Gundam pilot, if I'm in trouble, the only explosives I need to worry about are the ones triggered by the shiny red button. But as I've stated I AM one of the best terrorists in all of space and I know when there are a lot of explosives. What Aina had hidden under there...was alot of explosives. From the looks of it, she could take out this whole building with only half of what she had stored there! What the hell was she doing with all those?!
"What are you, nuts?!" I cried, bursting into the door. Aina immediantly pulled the knife from her purse and pointed it out at me. I threw palms up, so she could see I was unarmed.
"Winner?!" She interjected. "What are you doing here?!"
"What am I doing here?! I should be the one asking the questions!" She sneered and jabbed the knife out at me.
"Winner...you best stay away from me. I'm blowing this place to holy hell and I'm taking BOTH of us with it!"
"Why?" I asked, putting my hands down again. "Why would you do that?"
"Why?" She scowffed. "Sweet revenge, beautiful Quatre. Sweet revenge!" I took a step forward, but had to hop back when she held the knife out further.
"Aina...what do those people have to do with it?" She gripped the knife tighter...and her tiny chin quivered a bit as her tears fought there was forward. ("Oh Allah, I'm making her cry. Don't cry, Aina! Don't cry!")
"You love them, Quatre." She choked out. "You love each and everyone one of them...family...lovers...aquaintances. You love them as I loved "them!""
My heart fell to my feet. Of course...the colony.
"But they're innocent, Aina!" I pressed. Tears were now falling down her face again, her lips had budded to a pink rose.
"So was my family!!!" She screamed. The sobs took over her body again, as the memories of her family rushed back to her in one great sea. I felt it too. I felt the same joy she had when her father returned from long business trips. I smelled the memories of her mothers cookies. I heard the terrified screams as their bodies were being torn by bits of broken glass and stung with peices of their house. I knew what it was like to feel to helpless. To be watching this from afar, listening to these screams rip into my very soul. And I knew what it was like to hate...no..loath. I loathed the one who would do such a thing. The one who would be so cruel as to rip the very thing..the only thing...I have ever possibly loved. I longed to feel the mans blood run into my arms like a river, and laugh as it begins to grow cold and hard on my skin. I knew...and I understood. I felt it all. I knew what she wanted.
"You're right you know..." I said, now staring off, smiling at the image of my body drenched in the blood of a killer. "He deserves to die. He deserves to suffer." I heard her speak to me then...far off and distant. Like she was 50 feet away from me.
"...what....?" I turned to her stunned face, and smiled cruely.
"Death to the killer, Aina." I stated as I started toward her. "I killed them." Her hand began to shake as she gripped the knife, now with less confidence than before. I took a step forward and she hopped back.
"Don't come any closer!"
"Do it, Aina. This is what you want!" ('This is what we want!') Allah himself couldn't stop me now. My debt would be paid. Aina's revenge would be complete. I kept walking toward her. Her feet were frozen to the ground with fear. Her green eyes widened as I gripped tight onto her wrist. She cried out in pain, but out of pure terror she didn't drop the knife. I laughed once more, pulled her close to my body, and kissed her roughly on the lips. Did she kiss back? Who the hell cares? I don't think she did...I think she was too shooked to find my blood on her hands. Yes, my blood. My blood washing the filth of guilt from her hands. Thats right, Aina. Feel it. Feel it burn the dirt from your hands....
She let go of the knife in stepped back. My body felt heavy...and I fell to my knees. The faces of those who I had killed were looking down at me, laughing. I laughed along with them, as Aina stood over me, crying her lungs out for help.
-----
-----
"Good morning, little one." Was the first thing I heard when I finally came through. I forced my heavy eye lids open, and after they adjusted to the bright room, I looked over and saw Trowa, staring down at me with a sort of smile on his face. I could barely supress the smirk that spread across my face. For the first time in a good while, I was happy to see Trowa. I started to sit up, until 1,000 pointy needles began stabbing into my chest. Trowa was on his feet the second I cried out, and stretched me back out on the bed.
"Careful..." He mumbled, stealing a chance to touch my cheek. "You've had it rough." I groaned a bit and tried to think back. I couldn't remember anything....what did I do? Self destruct and survive? Crossed Heero one to many times? Had another encounter with......
Trowa caught me again before I made another attempt to sit up.
"Where is---?" Trowa cut me off.
"The girl? She's mostly fine." I blinked.
"Is she here?" Trowa nodded.
"Yeah. She and I have been taking turns watching over you. She's asleep right now." My body went numb. Aina was here. Right here. Watching over me while I slept. She was so close and I didn't even know it...
"She okay?" I asked. Trowa nodded.
"Yeah. A little shaken up but alright." We paused.
"Do you...want to see her? I can wake her if you want." Trowa asked, for once breaking the silence. I looked up quickly. How did I respond to that? I mean, yes, I wanted to see her but did I want to see her when Trowa was around? What would he think? Would he know? Would he finally figure it out.....?
I shook my head.
"No, not if she's asleep." I answered dryly. He shrugged.
"If she's still asleep, I won't wake her." Another strange pause. Then...a shakey nod.
"Alright." I said weakly. He smiled some and nodded.
"Fine then. I'll see you in a little bit, Quatre."
I expected a kiss, or atleast an affectionate pat on the hand...or anything like that! But I got nothing. Barely even a smile! He just nodded, turned on heel, and was out the door. That hurt...a lot. How could Trowa be so insensitive? For the love of Allah, I'd been in a coma for a week! And he leaves so suddenly! Of all the....
"Trowa said you wanted to see me?"
...insentive...things...he....could.....
"Uh, well, I, uhm...." An unfamilair lump rose in my throat, and I found it nearly impossible to swollow.
"Wait a second!" My mind reminded me... "She tried to kill me!"
"What are you doing here?!" I found myself demanding, wincing slightly as I disturbed my wounds. She seemed to expect such harsh question though...because she didn't even flinch. She just nodded and took the seat where Trowa was.
"I came to see if you were alright." She answered quite truthfully. "You gave me quite the scare."
"I could say the same for you..." I replied slowly..."I mean...its not everyday someone goes out of their way to break into one of my parties to destroy all my friends and family...just because of my own sins...."
"Its not everyday someone breaks up other peoples parties to destroy family and friends for any reason..." She replied coldly..letting the meaning sink in for itself.
Ouch. I don't know what hurt more...the knife? Or that phrase? .....Probably the knife when I think about it but at that moment.....
"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. "I have no words for you...no beautiful phrases for your sanity...no kind words to ease your nightmares..."
"There's no need for that any more." She said bluntly. "I forgive you."
I started at her for a few moments...trying to comprehend what she just said. Forgive? Me? The murder of her family? Somehow...this just didn't seem right. I mean, yes, sure, I did *want* to be forgiven....but wasn't there something I had to do to earn it? I'm almost sure crusifixion was one of those general cleansing methods one used to absolve themselves of their sins...."I'm sorry...I didn't quite catch that?"
She sighed. "Quatre Raberba Winner...I forgive you. I understand the circumstances in which you were under....I understand you couldn't help what you did. My only problem is...I wonder if you can forgive me? After the way I behaved, that is." My mouth was going dry. Do jaws come with screws? Because I think mine were coming unhinged.
"Err...well...of course, Aina! Of course I do...forgive you that is. Though, I must say I don't understand the change."
"I don't want to become like you." She answered a lot quicker than I would have liked.
"Not like....?"
"I saw you there...the other night....when you took the knife from me..."
I had to think on this a bit when she mentioned this. It was strange, really. I had forgotten most of the encounter at that time. True, I knew it was with Aina and I knew she was trying to take out everyone dear to me...but how it was stopped? I hadn't a clue.
"Did I?" I asked rather stupidly. "Did I stop you?" I just as much assumed Heero or Wu Fei came upon her and I in a stuggle...I had no idea that---
"Quatre...." She looked up at me with great wide blue eyes. Blue eyes. How very strange that her eyes change so suddenly? I know it wasn't just a trick of my own eyes...Ainas really did change so spiratically that there was no telling just who she might be next. It was like her mask, I suppose, the only way she knows how to hide herself. I...didn't understand at this time. Nor did I think it was the time to ask. "Quatre.." She repeated. "You're so full of hate."
"Me?!" I blurted out. Now I've considered myself a lot of things....a murderer...insensitive....cruel...but never hateful. That was one thing I thought I had seperate from the rest of the pilots. I wouldn't hate. "I don't hate anyone!"
"Thats not what I saw." She said. "I watched you Quatre...I saw the hatred in your eyes. You wanted blood. You wanted revenge. You....you wouldn't stop until you felt blood on your hands. Quatre...I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like you..."
I didn't understand. Blood? On my hands? I hated blood...I've always hated blood. I especially hated the feel of yet. And yet...and yet when she mentioned it....I looked down at my hands and noticed that they seemed almost...emaculate. Usually all I see is invisible dirt that caked on my hands. And today? Today...they were clean. Flawless. For the first time since I could remember, my hands were beautiful. And it scared me.
"Aina I...."
"Don't say anything Quatre!" She said shortly. "I know you don't understand. Trowa told me you wouldn't understand."
"Trowa?" I said numbly...like this was the first time I had ever said the word. She nodded.
"Yes. He said you wouldn't understand hate. But you would understand if I said I didn't want to be like you anymore. I don't want to hate anymore and....and this is my first step toward it."
I felt sick. My insides were starting to churn inside of me and the little white dots were floating about my head. I wanted to vomit....but I hadn't eaten. Aina could see the distress on my face and she stood then....leaning me back into my pillow and kissing me gently on the forehead.
"Sleep Master Winner." She breathed into my ear. "Sleep well. I won't leave you this morning, I promise. Tomorrow will bring a new beginning to us all."
I closed my eyes then...falling almost instantly into a dreamless sleep.....
~~~~
Recovery took no time what so ever. Aina and Trowa were always the first to greet me in the morning and the last to speak to me before I went to bed. Yet never at the same time. They worked in shifts, you see. Ever the jester, Duo made a little time sheet to hang on my door so they wouldn't over lap each others designated times.
I was, however, a little bit annoyed by the fact that Aina seemed to fit in so well with the rest of the gang. After all, she did try to kill them all and knowing Wu Fei...he wouldn't stand for such 'injustice' from a woman. I had asked Trowa about it one day as he wheeled me through the Hospital Courtyard during lunch time. He explained that, yes, he and the others knew Aina was the one who planted the explosives however they also knew that I wouldn't take a knife to the stomach for just anyone. "Duo was the one who found you..." Trowa explained. "He was getting bored and had a bit too much champagne for his own good. When he heard Aina cry for help he came stumbling in to find the pile of explosives and a dying, delirious, Quatre. Luckily, Wu Fei had also decided to wander away from the party and was trailing Mr. Maxwells footsteps. He was able to sort out the situation from the histarical Aina while the drunken Duo tended to you."
"Wu Fei has a way with women, huh?" I had joked. "Who would have thought? But...how did you manage to keep the Authorities from catching her?" Trowa had look down at me with the faintest bit of a smile on his face.
"Quatre...you underestimate us. We're only the best spies never known. A simple police contamination is nothing to us."
We had laughed then...something he and I hadn't done in a while. I had missed that, I had to admit. But it seemed that everytime I found myself getting closer to Trowa...his "shift" was up...and Aina would come join me for dinner.
"Hospital food is the pits." I'd say while poking the green jello with the plasticy film on it.
"Yeah." She'd merely reply with. I'd peer up at her with a shy sort of smile.
"You and Trowa must have great conversations." She'd shurg.
"We don't talk that often."
"Oh..." And then we'd sit in silence. And I'd love every minute of it...because all I could think of was how close I was too her. Pathetic, isn't it? I'd do my best to remind myself of this everytime I was around her, how pathetic I really was, but then that heavenly scent if hers would waft under my nose and I'd be sent into a daze that I wished never to return from.
"Aina?" I'd then ask. "Why do you keep coming?"
"Because you're here."
And that would be the end of it until Trowas shift came up or I went to sleep. It was horrible to be in love with two people...and I didn't know what I loved more about the other one. I was torn, completely torn, but I didn't want to give it up. Any of it. I actually *liked* having the two around me...one to be in love with...one to be infactuated with. I wish I could have kept it this way, to induldge in my own selfish desire. But I knew...even then...I couldn't have it both ways.
~~~~
I was leaving now. I was strong enough to leave the hospital, which I was greatful for, because I had load and loads of paper work I had to do when I got home. Yes, it was very nice having Trowa and Aina around all the time, but responsibilites came first. My love life was a close second.
I had just packed up the few things the boys were able to bring to me when I went in search of Aina and Trowa. I made sure to make them promise me that we'd leave the hospital together. None of this "shift" crap. I figured out, that the only way to sort through these problems was to get them both together and do a very heartless yet nesissary comparison. How awful I was those three months. Awful and insensitive.
"Quatre!!!" I looked at whoever was calling me from the mirror in front of me. My elder sister, Iria, was standing behind me, her hands planted on her hips. She was already dressed (a pretty red thing, covered in beads held up by two strings and ended above her knee) and she was glaring at me. I smiled as I struggled with the bow tie.
"What is it, Ir'a?" She pointed to the clock on the far wall.
"We have to be there in 10 minutes and Mr. Maxwell and Mr. Yuy aren't dressed yet!" I laughed.
"They'll be there, Iria." I consoled. "They just like to be an edge on things." Iria stomped over, pushed my hands away and started to knot my own tie with better sucess then I was having.
"Well I don't want to much of an edge..." She mumbled. "The Winners can't be late for their own party." I rolled my eyes.
"I know, I know." I sighed. "Whats this for again?"
"Its a fund raiser, dearest. Haven't you written your speech yet?" I looked away.
"Oh, of course I have." She slapped my arm.
"Quatre! You're almost as bad as Mr. Maxwell!" I cracked a smile. She was right, the more I hang out with Duo, the more of his personality rubs off on me. For better or for worse.
"Don't worry about a thing." I said reassuringly. "I just tell them what they want to hear and everything will be just fine." She looked me over critically, her face scrunching up as she tried to find imperfections. Finding none, she relaxed and looked up at me.
"Look at my lil brother, all grown up." The blood started for my cheeks.
"Aw, Ir'a." I protested. She snickered.
"I know, I know. You're getting to big for this." She gave me one last look over, then started pushing me toward the door."Now c'mon, we have to get those two slakers moving."
Its been about a month since I've seen Aina and although I don't think about her as much as I did before, her presence is always with me. She's made an impression on me, but what kind I don't know. I've changed. Trowa and I have changed. We don't have the same relationship we had before, the kisses and the laughing. I'm lucky if we share two words together over tea.
Tonight is the Winner Enterprises Annual Fund Raiser. I don't know why we have them annually, we have enough money as it is. But the old buisness men always tell me "Can't wait for the next Fund Raiser!" I think they're just kissing my butt, but I don't want to disappoint. My sisters were all excited, buying pretty dresses, finding dates. I think its cute, watching them fuss like they do. My sisters really are kind people.
~~~
"Looking good, Q!" Duo said, hitting me hard on the arm. I winced, looking away from my full glass of champaign. He really had to get a new greeting.
"You don't look so bad yourself, Duo."
"How long do we have to stay here?" Wu Fei asked in his usual anxious tone. I shrugged.
"You don't have to stay, if you don't want to Wu Fei."
"We'll stay till the end, Quatre." Heero said in that emotionless, military tone, shooting a glare to Wu Fei. "There's no point in leaving now." Wu Fei made a sort of grunt and looked away from Heero. I chuckled. Wu Fei and Heero were too much alike for words. Its really funny to walk in on those two alone. Arms folded, eyes squinted into glares....I don't know wheather they hate each other, or if they're best friends.
Trowa was leaned against the wall, watching me with his cold green eyes. I tried hard not to sneer. Did he have to watch me all the time? It was like he was a constant babysitter, making sure I didn't dosomething stupid like stick my finger in an electrical socket or something. It was getting to the point where I couldn't stand Trowa Barton any longer, as cruel as that sounds. I just wanted him to stay away from me!
"Heeey...." I heard Duo said, probably giving some lady the eye. "Who's that fox and why don't I have her name?"
"She probably doesn't give her names out to pimps, Maxwell." Wu Fei snorted. I snickered. Ah Wu Fei...he really does have quite the sense of humour. As Duo tried to regain dignity by calling Wu Fei a couple of racial Chinese slurs (which I just don't feel comfortable saying) I went to see the female Duo was giving the eye.
My champage glass crashed to the ground.
"I'll be right back..." I mumbled and started after her, leaving my bewildered comrades behind me.
Aina [last name]. No doubt about it. There was no mistaking those sad, brown eyes, or that stunned look on her face. How did she get here? Or better yet...why was she here? I thought it best not to startle her, so I hugged the wall, praying to God some buisnessmen didn't find me here.
Aina was on edge. She was looking at each person suspiciously, like we could all read her mind. Maybe she was looking for me....I couldn't help but hope.
It was hard to believe that this was the same person. The Aina I met was nothing but a scrubby, gutter girl, who probably stowed away on some space ship. This Aina was.....I can't even put it into words. She was...almost civil. She didn't look like the type to go up to strangers and jam pointy objects into their throats (although I don't know many who do...well...maybe Heero...). In fact, she looked absolutly stunning. She wore a black dress, held up by two straps on both shoulders. The dress cascaded down her curves like a midnight waterfall that I could have let my fingers soak in for hours. A brick coloured lip stick had stained her lips, so her wonderful grey eyes (...I thought they were brown...?) nearly blinded the whole room.
I wanted to kiss her again. Right then. In front of all my collegues, in front of my sisters, in front of my fellow pilots...in front of Trowa. I probably would have too, if she hadn't started off again. I shook myself from my daze and made silent presute after her, keeping my eyes to the ground, praying I wouldn't be noticed by Aina or anyone else from work.
She left the ballroom almost immediatly, down through the coils of knotted hallways. Where was she going? The crowds were slowly thinning out to merely a few lost drunks. Aina was so focused on her destination that she didn't even know I was following her. I would have found that semi-amusing, usually, since I'm the most left footed of the former Gundam-Pilots. The Perfect Soldier, I certainly am not.
Finally, Aina turned her last corner. I stayed behind and peered at her with one eye. She was standing infront of the conservatory. The conservatory was located in the center of this building. It was basically just a place for people to go and meditate, or where lovers went to share a moment of privacy. It was like an indoor garden, but the ceiling was missing so you could gaze up at the stars at night. I had only been to it once, when the man gave me the grand tour when Iria and I were renting this place for the party.
Aina looked once more over her shoulder, and entered the conservatory, with me close in toe. I caught the door before it closed behind her (Hey, I may have been clumsy but I am still one of the best spies Earth has to offer, right?) and watched warily from the crack. ...Once again my heart started to flutter....
She was so beautiful by moonlight. The moonbeams carassed her body gently, holding that warmth which only I saw in her close. I supressed an urge to burst through the door and hold her in my arms, instead, crouching down lower into the shadows.
She looked around once, making sure no one was in there, then moved to one of the covered tables. She ran her hand over the cloth table cloth for a moment, drumming her painted nails uopon it in thought. Then, with a heavy sigh, she ripped the cloth off.
I gasped.
I'm not one for explosives, really. Thats Duos job. Pretty much, as the Gundam pilot, if I'm in trouble, the only explosives I need to worry about are the ones triggered by the shiny red button. But as I've stated I AM one of the best terrorists in all of space and I know when there are a lot of explosives. What Aina had hidden under there...was alot of explosives. From the looks of it, she could take out this whole building with only half of what she had stored there! What the hell was she doing with all those?!
"What are you, nuts?!" I cried, bursting into the door. Aina immediantly pulled the knife from her purse and pointed it out at me. I threw palms up, so she could see I was unarmed.
"Winner?!" She interjected. "What are you doing here?!"
"What am I doing here?! I should be the one asking the questions!" She sneered and jabbed the knife out at me.
"Winner...you best stay away from me. I'm blowing this place to holy hell and I'm taking BOTH of us with it!"
"Why?" I asked, putting my hands down again. "Why would you do that?"
"Why?" She scowffed. "Sweet revenge, beautiful Quatre. Sweet revenge!" I took a step forward, but had to hop back when she held the knife out further.
"Aina...what do those people have to do with it?" She gripped the knife tighter...and her tiny chin quivered a bit as her tears fought there was forward. ("Oh Allah, I'm making her cry. Don't cry, Aina! Don't cry!")
"You love them, Quatre." She choked out. "You love each and everyone one of them...family...lovers...aquaintances. You love them as I loved "them!""
My heart fell to my feet. Of course...the colony.
"But they're innocent, Aina!" I pressed. Tears were now falling down her face again, her lips had budded to a pink rose.
"So was my family!!!" She screamed. The sobs took over her body again, as the memories of her family rushed back to her in one great sea. I felt it too. I felt the same joy she had when her father returned from long business trips. I smelled the memories of her mothers cookies. I heard the terrified screams as their bodies were being torn by bits of broken glass and stung with peices of their house. I knew what it was like to feel to helpless. To be watching this from afar, listening to these screams rip into my very soul. And I knew what it was like to hate...no..loath. I loathed the one who would do such a thing. The one who would be so cruel as to rip the very thing..the only thing...I have ever possibly loved. I longed to feel the mans blood run into my arms like a river, and laugh as it begins to grow cold and hard on my skin. I knew...and I understood. I felt it all. I knew what she wanted.
"You're right you know..." I said, now staring off, smiling at the image of my body drenched in the blood of a killer. "He deserves to die. He deserves to suffer." I heard her speak to me then...far off and distant. Like she was 50 feet away from me.
"...what....?" I turned to her stunned face, and smiled cruely.
"Death to the killer, Aina." I stated as I started toward her. "I killed them." Her hand began to shake as she gripped the knife, now with less confidence than before. I took a step forward and she hopped back.
"Don't come any closer!"
"Do it, Aina. This is what you want!" ('This is what we want!') Allah himself couldn't stop me now. My debt would be paid. Aina's revenge would be complete. I kept walking toward her. Her feet were frozen to the ground with fear. Her green eyes widened as I gripped tight onto her wrist. She cried out in pain, but out of pure terror she didn't drop the knife. I laughed once more, pulled her close to my body, and kissed her roughly on the lips. Did she kiss back? Who the hell cares? I don't think she did...I think she was too shooked to find my blood on her hands. Yes, my blood. My blood washing the filth of guilt from her hands. Thats right, Aina. Feel it. Feel it burn the dirt from your hands....
She let go of the knife in stepped back. My body felt heavy...and I fell to my knees. The faces of those who I had killed were looking down at me, laughing. I laughed along with them, as Aina stood over me, crying her lungs out for help.
-----
-----
"Good morning, little one." Was the first thing I heard when I finally came through. I forced my heavy eye lids open, and after they adjusted to the bright room, I looked over and saw Trowa, staring down at me with a sort of smile on his face. I could barely supress the smirk that spread across my face. For the first time in a good while, I was happy to see Trowa. I started to sit up, until 1,000 pointy needles began stabbing into my chest. Trowa was on his feet the second I cried out, and stretched me back out on the bed.
"Careful..." He mumbled, stealing a chance to touch my cheek. "You've had it rough." I groaned a bit and tried to think back. I couldn't remember anything....what did I do? Self destruct and survive? Crossed Heero one to many times? Had another encounter with......
Trowa caught me again before I made another attempt to sit up.
"Where is---?" Trowa cut me off.
"The girl? She's mostly fine." I blinked.
"Is she here?" Trowa nodded.
"Yeah. She and I have been taking turns watching over you. She's asleep right now." My body went numb. Aina was here. Right here. Watching over me while I slept. She was so close and I didn't even know it...
"She okay?" I asked. Trowa nodded.
"Yeah. A little shaken up but alright." We paused.
"Do you...want to see her? I can wake her if you want." Trowa asked, for once breaking the silence. I looked up quickly. How did I respond to that? I mean, yes, I wanted to see her but did I want to see her when Trowa was around? What would he think? Would he know? Would he finally figure it out.....?
I shook my head.
"No, not if she's asleep." I answered dryly. He shrugged.
"If she's still asleep, I won't wake her." Another strange pause. Then...a shakey nod.
"Alright." I said weakly. He smiled some and nodded.
"Fine then. I'll see you in a little bit, Quatre."
I expected a kiss, or atleast an affectionate pat on the hand...or anything like that! But I got nothing. Barely even a smile! He just nodded, turned on heel, and was out the door. That hurt...a lot. How could Trowa be so insensitive? For the love of Allah, I'd been in a coma for a week! And he leaves so suddenly! Of all the....
"Trowa said you wanted to see me?"
...insentive...things...he....could.....
"Uh, well, I, uhm...." An unfamilair lump rose in my throat, and I found it nearly impossible to swollow.
"Wait a second!" My mind reminded me... "She tried to kill me!"
"What are you doing here?!" I found myself demanding, wincing slightly as I disturbed my wounds. She seemed to expect such harsh question though...because she didn't even flinch. She just nodded and took the seat where Trowa was.
"I came to see if you were alright." She answered quite truthfully. "You gave me quite the scare."
"I could say the same for you..." I replied slowly..."I mean...its not everyday someone goes out of their way to break into one of my parties to destroy all my friends and family...just because of my own sins...."
"Its not everyday someone breaks up other peoples parties to destroy family and friends for any reason..." She replied coldly..letting the meaning sink in for itself.
Ouch. I don't know what hurt more...the knife? Or that phrase? .....Probably the knife when I think about it but at that moment.....
"I'm sorry." Was all I could say. "I have no words for you...no beautiful phrases for your sanity...no kind words to ease your nightmares..."
"There's no need for that any more." She said bluntly. "I forgive you."
I started at her for a few moments...trying to comprehend what she just said. Forgive? Me? The murder of her family? Somehow...this just didn't seem right. I mean, yes, sure, I did *want* to be forgiven....but wasn't there something I had to do to earn it? I'm almost sure crusifixion was one of those general cleansing methods one used to absolve themselves of their sins...."I'm sorry...I didn't quite catch that?"
She sighed. "Quatre Raberba Winner...I forgive you. I understand the circumstances in which you were under....I understand you couldn't help what you did. My only problem is...I wonder if you can forgive me? After the way I behaved, that is." My mouth was going dry. Do jaws come with screws? Because I think mine were coming unhinged.
"Err...well...of course, Aina! Of course I do...forgive you that is. Though, I must say I don't understand the change."
"I don't want to become like you." She answered a lot quicker than I would have liked.
"Not like....?"
"I saw you there...the other night....when you took the knife from me..."
I had to think on this a bit when she mentioned this. It was strange, really. I had forgotten most of the encounter at that time. True, I knew it was with Aina and I knew she was trying to take out everyone dear to me...but how it was stopped? I hadn't a clue.
"Did I?" I asked rather stupidly. "Did I stop you?" I just as much assumed Heero or Wu Fei came upon her and I in a stuggle...I had no idea that---
"Quatre...." She looked up at me with great wide blue eyes. Blue eyes. How very strange that her eyes change so suddenly? I know it wasn't just a trick of my own eyes...Ainas really did change so spiratically that there was no telling just who she might be next. It was like her mask, I suppose, the only way she knows how to hide herself. I...didn't understand at this time. Nor did I think it was the time to ask. "Quatre.." She repeated. "You're so full of hate."
"Me?!" I blurted out. Now I've considered myself a lot of things....a murderer...insensitive....cruel...but never hateful. That was one thing I thought I had seperate from the rest of the pilots. I wouldn't hate. "I don't hate anyone!"
"Thats not what I saw." She said. "I watched you Quatre...I saw the hatred in your eyes. You wanted blood. You wanted revenge. You....you wouldn't stop until you felt blood on your hands. Quatre...I don't want to be like that. I don't want to be like you..."
I didn't understand. Blood? On my hands? I hated blood...I've always hated blood. I especially hated the feel of yet. And yet...and yet when she mentioned it....I looked down at my hands and noticed that they seemed almost...emaculate. Usually all I see is invisible dirt that caked on my hands. And today? Today...they were clean. Flawless. For the first time since I could remember, my hands were beautiful. And it scared me.
"Aina I...."
"Don't say anything Quatre!" She said shortly. "I know you don't understand. Trowa told me you wouldn't understand."
"Trowa?" I said numbly...like this was the first time I had ever said the word. She nodded.
"Yes. He said you wouldn't understand hate. But you would understand if I said I didn't want to be like you anymore. I don't want to hate anymore and....and this is my first step toward it."
I felt sick. My insides were starting to churn inside of me and the little white dots were floating about my head. I wanted to vomit....but I hadn't eaten. Aina could see the distress on my face and she stood then....leaning me back into my pillow and kissing me gently on the forehead.
"Sleep Master Winner." She breathed into my ear. "Sleep well. I won't leave you this morning, I promise. Tomorrow will bring a new beginning to us all."
I closed my eyes then...falling almost instantly into a dreamless sleep.....
~~~~
Recovery took no time what so ever. Aina and Trowa were always the first to greet me in the morning and the last to speak to me before I went to bed. Yet never at the same time. They worked in shifts, you see. Ever the jester, Duo made a little time sheet to hang on my door so they wouldn't over lap each others designated times.
I was, however, a little bit annoyed by the fact that Aina seemed to fit in so well with the rest of the gang. After all, she did try to kill them all and knowing Wu Fei...he wouldn't stand for such 'injustice' from a woman. I had asked Trowa about it one day as he wheeled me through the Hospital Courtyard during lunch time. He explained that, yes, he and the others knew Aina was the one who planted the explosives however they also knew that I wouldn't take a knife to the stomach for just anyone. "Duo was the one who found you..." Trowa explained. "He was getting bored and had a bit too much champagne for his own good. When he heard Aina cry for help he came stumbling in to find the pile of explosives and a dying, delirious, Quatre. Luckily, Wu Fei had also decided to wander away from the party and was trailing Mr. Maxwells footsteps. He was able to sort out the situation from the histarical Aina while the drunken Duo tended to you."
"Wu Fei has a way with women, huh?" I had joked. "Who would have thought? But...how did you manage to keep the Authorities from catching her?" Trowa had look down at me with the faintest bit of a smile on his face.
"Quatre...you underestimate us. We're only the best spies never known. A simple police contamination is nothing to us."
We had laughed then...something he and I hadn't done in a while. I had missed that, I had to admit. But it seemed that everytime I found myself getting closer to Trowa...his "shift" was up...and Aina would come join me for dinner.
"Hospital food is the pits." I'd say while poking the green jello with the plasticy film on it.
"Yeah." She'd merely reply with. I'd peer up at her with a shy sort of smile.
"You and Trowa must have great conversations." She'd shurg.
"We don't talk that often."
"Oh..." And then we'd sit in silence. And I'd love every minute of it...because all I could think of was how close I was too her. Pathetic, isn't it? I'd do my best to remind myself of this everytime I was around her, how pathetic I really was, but then that heavenly scent if hers would waft under my nose and I'd be sent into a daze that I wished never to return from.
"Aina?" I'd then ask. "Why do you keep coming?"
"Because you're here."
And that would be the end of it until Trowas shift came up or I went to sleep. It was horrible to be in love with two people...and I didn't know what I loved more about the other one. I was torn, completely torn, but I didn't want to give it up. Any of it. I actually *liked* having the two around me...one to be in love with...one to be infactuated with. I wish I could have kept it this way, to induldge in my own selfish desire. But I knew...even then...I couldn't have it both ways.
~~~~
I was leaving now. I was strong enough to leave the hospital, which I was greatful for, because I had load and loads of paper work I had to do when I got home. Yes, it was very nice having Trowa and Aina around all the time, but responsibilites came first. My love life was a close second.
I had just packed up the few things the boys were able to bring to me when I went in search of Aina and Trowa. I made sure to make them promise me that we'd leave the hospital together. None of this "shift" crap. I figured out, that the only way to sort through these problems was to get them both together and do a very heartless yet nesissary comparison. How awful I was those three months. Awful and insensitive.