Hey,

What's this? Yes, I think it is… another installment of our wonderful self-indulgent King. Hey everyone. I'm gonna be putting up these chapters while I'm workin' on The Sequel. I'll generally have a small update about how the sequel is doing. I'm planning on not putting anything up until I have a small safety net of chapters under me, that way if I fell of the face of the earth, or was abducted by goblins for a short stint, I would still have stuff to put up. Yeah, chapter 1's done. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Now, there might be hints in here that will later parallel events in aforementioned sequel. However, they probably won't make sense until later. But at least these chapters give you an idea of what Jareth does in his free time, and it fills you in on the history of the Labyrinth and its King, well, at least the history that my crazy mind likes coming up with. And that's worth reading, right?

What the Goblin King Does Not Do

In the dark, the boy would watch the clouds pass over a waxing moon. The boy would sit and watch as the Labyrinth steadily changed itself over the seasons. Originally, there were no inhabitants, no buildings, no castle. Long, long ago, the boy had no wish for any such things. The boy had the Labyrinth, and for a long time, that was enough.

However, over time, the boy began to realize that his labyrinth really wasn't doing any good. Yes, it gave their magics a place to take physical shapes, but it didn't seem to serve any practical service. Not that the boy wanted everything to be practical, or serviceable. But still, the boy felt the need to create purpose in their lives. So he created his castle, not the grandiose castle of today, precariously placed in the heart of an ever changing labyrinth; but a much simpler affair. It consisted of a central stone building, no larger than a regular double story house, and a tower affixed at the southern side of the building.

The labyrinth was a little wary of having to move such a building around and not break it, but the boy put protection around it, and that was that. Every morning, the boy would awake in a new location. The labyrinth took great pride in serving this purpose for the boy. It would work tirelessly, trying to find newer and more wonderful locations to have the castle appear at. And the boy appreciated it.

The problem with utopia, is that some people get bored with endless bliss…both the boy and the labyrinth did.

So, they devised a new way to entertain themselves. They would allow passer-byes to enter the labyrinth, and try to get out. Of course, the only problem with that was that the passer-byes, once thrown into the labyrinth, had no idea where to go to try to find the castle and its ruler to plead their case before. Yes, because the boy's castle moved, they were amassing a rather embarrassing collection of skeletons. This wouldn't do. The boy enjoyed fun and games, a mischievous prank here and there, but he certainly didn't want to think that he was responsible for leading them to their doom. Really, he didn't want to be responsible for anything, but that tends to be slightly unavoidable in life.

Again, the boy and the labyrinth had to change to facilitate this new development. This time the boy decided that the center was a good location for the castle. However, the labyrinth pleaded with the boy, it loved showing him the infinite sights and sounds of its magic, of its lands, and it didn't want him to get bored with it. The boy came up with a plan, the labyrinth would always make sure to change the areas around the base of the castle, so while it stayed in the center of the labyrinth, it didn't need to have the 'center' of the labyrinth stay the same. One day a great rolling meadow would serve as the foundation for the castle, and on another day it would be a great hillside with stilts. This was pleasing to both parties.

The only problem was the castle. It was too small to see from the edges of the Labyrinth! This wouldn't do! So, the castle began to become something bigger. And of course, now that people could see it, it needed to be something worth seeing. The labyrinth had many suggestions on this subject, because it had heard of many different grand castles which were placed on the lands surrounding it. The boy liked quite a few ideas, so soon the castle was an interesting conglomeration of styles and eras. And this way, it wouldn't matter if the boy wanted to change a room here or there, it wasn't like it all had to match.

An excerpt from 'The Tome Of Knowledge'

The large book flipped a few pages restlessly and began to preen itself. This was quite a feat to achieve for a book. Because what the book had to do, was fold two pages over and use them to inspect the other pages for dust or crinkles. If the book was fortunate enough to have a cover with flaps, it would commonly use those. The Tome Of Knowledge had no such luck.

When Jareth entered the room he saw something that truly amazed him, not that he would ever admit to it, after all, that was something that Goblin Kings never do. What he saw was a flock of smaller books cleaning the thick tome. Apparently, the tome was much too old and tired to clean itself, so it had recruited friends.

He cocked his head to the side slightly, "What in the Underground ARE you doing?"

The flurry of activity suddenly stopped and several books were so surprised that they fell right out of the air. Then they all began squawking at him, trying their best to give him an explanation.

For those of our readers who have never heard or tried to communicate with a flock of frazzled books, don't. Just don't. They sound similar to Jr. high girls, except that books don't use any one language. Oh no, they're much too smart for that. Instead they switch between languages and dialects with almost every word. This makes for a very confusing jumble, and only the most well-versed, affluent, and patient person could ever hope to survive such an encounter. I would suggest that you ask the book to write it all down, if you do have to have a conversation… much easier that way. They're books, they're better with the written language.

Jareth held up a hand and the room suddenly silenced. "I don't want to know. Just return to your places, all of you." The smaller books took off in a torrent of page turning and flapping. However, the ancient tome stayed where it was. Obviously the old thing didn't want to move. Jareth glared at the book a moment before it remembered its place and took off.

He sighed and gracefully plopped down onto a couch. It was a nice couch, overstuffed, leather, black. What was interesting though, was its smell and the fact that it did magical massages. It had taken quite a few tries before Jareth had perfected the spell to make this couch, and there were quite a few lucky goblin houses that held couches that would either vibrate the unsuspecting occupant off or bombard them with overpowering massage techniques. Sadly, one couch had to be put down after ii ate the goblin that was sitting on it.

Jareth rolled his head around, letting the tension in his body be drained away by the couch. It had been a long, hard day and he wanted to relax a little. Suddenly a cup of warm hot cocoa appeared on the couch's arm rest. He could smell just the tiniest hint of peppermint. "Shnapps?" The couch purred in response. He picked up the mug and sipped. It was wonderful, rich and chocolaty, but laced with the perfect amount of peppermint alcohol goodness. Yes, a little alcohol would be the perfect thing right now.

His day hadn't gone well. They'd gotten into a fight after only two minutes of being in the same room. Then his fiendish plans had been interrupted by that brute that lived with her. LIVED WITH HER! Oh, that he wasn't sure he could forgive. Then she had set 'ground rules'… GROUND RULES?! How dare she set rules on him! Was there an echo in here? Never mind. However… what had she really meant. It was all so intriguingly infuriating. If she had set rules… that meant that he was expected again. Well, if you looked at it in the right light, she wanted him. Well, that was a given. But the stubborn git just wouldn't admit that. No, that would be too easy, and she seemed to love difficulty.

He fumed.

His fuming was interrupted when a smallish book perched on his knee. He looked down warily. The books in his personal library were like crows, and if you showed any signs of weakness, they would descend upon you, all demanding to be read. Good think that the Goblin King never showed any weakness.

The book was, of all things, What Goblin Kings Don't Do (more commonly referred to as What The Goblin King Does Not Do). It ruffled its covers and puffed up a bit, settling happily onto Jareth's knee. Setting his cocoa aside he held out his hand to the amiable little book. It was more than happy to comply, springing up onto his hand and letting itself open to where they had last let off.

- Does not show amazement.


- Does not eat truffles. Expensive mushrooms that really are just mushrooms, hunted for by pigs. PIGS! Well, he does eat chocolate truffles, but that's different.

- Does not clean bathrooms.

Jareth thought about this statement. Yes, even when it was just him and the labyrinth, he had refused to clean the bathrooms. Hence the bathroom cleaning spell that saved many lives and brought in a tiny fortune every year. If nothing else, Jareth was the amazing entrepreneur.

- Does not eat wild herring.

Again, it took Jareth a minute before he could place that one. Ah, yes, the one and only fishing trip with the labyrinth. Mentally he shuddered.

- Does not physically shiver.

- Does not fraternize with runners.

He'd added that one after Sarah had run through.

- Does not pay attention to people and try to get them to be a runner by subtly placing his book 'The Labyrinth' into their possession.

Another cleverly added entry which owed its existence to Sarah.

­­- Does not regret.

- Does not collect, he hoards.

- Does not smoke or do drugs. However, the occasional 'mushroom' is acceptable.

He had never been big into the whole idea of drugs. That would mean you were handing over your bodily actions and mental capacities to something other than yourself.

- Does not sing in the shower. He composes.

- Does not… stuff.

And he would be the first one to tell you that.

- Does not tutor, even though he has a vast amount of knowledge on most subjects and is a genius in IQ.

There was a tiny note inscribed into the median of the page, If only he was as good with dealing with people! Jareth scoffed. He was fine with dealing with people; they just weren't good at dealing with him. Inconsiderate idiots.

- Does not play fair.

- Does not like cocoa without peppermint shnapps.

Jareth smirked a little. That was enough, now on to scheming. He placed the book back in its place and stalked off. The little ingrate would be sorely afraid if she believed he was going to simply allow her to have power over him.

.:OoO:.

Look, another chapter. I figure I'm just gonna do 15 things each time. That way they stay novel and a wonderful little treat. Hope you guys are enjoying your history lessons. Later.

Shadow-D