NoelxLightning
Noel: How do you know who I am?
Lightning: I've been watching you from Valhalla...
Noel: You've been... watching me?
Lightning: Yes... I love the way your sleek, robust biceps lift those swords and cut those behemoths... how your muscled thighs tense when you chase a goblin, seeking a kill...
Noel: What else have you seen?
Lightning: I have seen Yeul. You love her.
Noel: ...
Lightning: But you can't have her now. It's too late.
Noel: ...I miss her...
Lightning: I know you do. But you have me. Here.
Noel: Is it safe? Should we not be on the run?
Lightning: There is no need to run. We have eachother now...
*Lightning drops Noel beneath her and gazes into his eyes with desire...*
*Caius shows up from afar with a camcorder and gains a nosebleed*
SkyxAirship
Sky: Airship? Have you come to me again?
Airship: Yes! Our love shall never perish! There are those who wish to split us apart, but we shall always unite again!
Sky: Oh, Airship! Who are these who attempt to shatter our love, to destroy our faithful bond?
Airship: Square Enix... they are removing me from Final Fantasy! They are trying to end our relationship!
Sky: Those bastards!
Airship: Don't worry. I snuck into Type-0. We can stay together forever, regardless of what others may say about our forbidden love!
*Sky and Airship embrace and kiss*
ChichuxCactuar Act 3
Act 3
Chichu: Ochu!
Ochu: What are you doing, little Chichu?
Chichu: Just wait for a second...
Ochu: Uh, Chichu? Why are you unzipping my pants?
Chichu: It's... just an experiment...
*meanwhile*
Cactuarina: I'm, like soooo glad you got rid of that annoying Chichu. Her hair was a mess. And she's sooo overweight. Like, ugh! Am I right?
Cactuar: Umm, yeah, sure.
Cactuarina: But now you got me and my sexy thorny little body! We are suchhhh a hotter pair! Like, who would even date that ugly Chichu anyways? It's awesome you dumped her fat roundness for me!
Cactuar: ...
Cactuarina: Show me those 1000 Needles of yours, baby!
MogxLongGui
Mog: Wow... I know you said on your online dating profile that you were big, but... you're HUGE!
Long Gui: *chuckle* I AM pretty big, I must say! I like cute little things like you. Other Long Guis... they just crib my style.
Mog: I read that you enjoyed reading books...?
Long Gui: Oh yeah. I read Game of Thrones and Harry Potter. You?
Mog: Twilight! I like to imagine that I'm Bella and that hot werewolf is chasing after me.
Long Gui: Sorry... but I don't think this relationship is going to work out.
NoelxYeulxCaius
Yeul: Noel. You have returned.
Noel: What's up, guys?
Caius: ...we have something to tell you.
Noel: Huh?
Yeul: I saw what you did with Lightning in the other realm. I saw your passionate kiss, your zealous love...
Noel: No! You misunderstand! I was drunk! I didn't know what I was doing! It was rape!
Caius: Save your lies. We know you have betrayed Yeul.
Yeul: That is why...
*Yeul wraps her hands around Caius's muscular arm*
Yeul: I have chosen a new beloved.
Noel: No! You have to give me a chance!
Caius: ...there is one way you can prove yourself.
Noel: What is it, Caius? I'll do anything!
Caius: Shall we do it, Yeul?
Yeul: We shall.
*Yeul takes Noel and lies on his body. Caius bends down and lies on them both. Then the screen fades in to the sound of bestial moaning...