Warnings: This fic is rated Mature for sex, self mutilation, language, and drug use.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gakuen Alice. I don't advocate using drugs or hurting yourself.

Chapter 2

When I got inside the car, I looked at Youichi, really looked at him, for the first time. He was a handsome older man, maybe a few years older than I. He had messy hair that looked to be dyed silver and deep brown eyes. He didn't look at me at all, and I wondered in horror if he was one of those men. I could see the defined muscles in his arms, and could imagine them holding me against my will. This man could rape me, and I could do nothing about it. Oh fuck! What am I doing in this man's car? I didn't want to show him I was nervous, so I kept quiet. The good thing about being scared to death was that I finally stopped crying and was entirely sober.

He didn't hesitate as he drove. I suppose he already knew where he wanted to take me. I waited in silence, hoping he didn't take me to a seedy motel or a dark alley.

I was surprised when we pulled into the driveway of a large house. I quietly got out of the car and followed him inside. It seemed as though all the lights in the house were on, but there was no one in any of the rooms we passed. We stopped in front of a plain black door, and Youichi turned to me with a grouchy look on his face. "Just… don't get on his nerves… our parents are out of town, so you can sleep in the spare bed."

He? I opened my mouth to ask a question, but promptly closed it when Youichi opened the door without knocking. The sickly sweet smell of smoke filled my nostrils and I saw an irritated man my age sitting on a couch with a water pipe in hand. He scoffed and set the pipe down. "What do you want?" Youichi pushed me into the room, "She's staying for the night, and I'm heading out." And he closed the door. "Whatever…"

What the hell? Did I just get passed off? This is annoying… I didn't wait for him to say anything to me. Instead I took a seat on a nearby chair. Without a word, he took another puff from his pipe. As I looked at him, I recognized his slick black hair and crimson eyes. He was Natsume Hyuuga, a guy from my class. He didn't talk much at school, and when he did it was usually an insulting or condescending remark.

He sat on the couch silently examining me. I watched the flicker of amusement in his face when his eyes passed over my red and scarred wrist. "You're a cutter." It wasn't a question, but I refused to answer him either way. He seemed to notice my lack of speech and extended the pipe to me. "It's better." I eyed it for a moment, curious. Why the fuck not? I took the offered pipe and inhaled deeply. I almost started coughing, but resisted the impulse. I handed it back to him and sat back in my chair, exhaling.

After a bit, I noticed a change within myself. It was strange, but not unpleasant. I felt calm, and my vision seemed a bit fuzzy. I could only concentrate on one or two things at a time, and they seemed to be a little warped. We sat like that for hours, passing the pipe between ourselves, not saying many words. After I don't know how long, I felt my eyes grow heavy and I could feel myself sinking into the chair. Natsume scoffed at me, and I quickly opened my eyes and tried to sit back up. He stood up and motioned for me to follow him.

I watched him crawl onto his bed, and flip one side of the wall up, opening into another room, on another bed. Weird. "You can sleep there. Knock if you need anything." I nodded in thanks and crawled onto the other bed, on the other side of the wall. Feeling awkward, I slept on the other side of the bed, not in the way of the wall opening in case he opened it again.

I slipped into a fitful sleep. I don't know what I dreamed about, but it was awful. I felt the blackness closing in on me, suffocating me, making me claustrophobic. I tried to scream, but I had no air to breathe, and no sound would escape my lips. How could anyone possibly hear me?

I woke up, to a rough shaking. "Oi, wake the fuck up!" I opened my damp eyes to find Natsume peering in through the wall, with his hand on my shoulder. His expression was so different from normal… I don't know if it was because I woke him, or… what.

My throat was raw; I guess sound had actually come out from my dream. "I… I'm sorry." He withdrew his hand. "You were screaming…" He hesitated before continuing. "Come." I followed him back through the wall without question. I sat with him on his bed, feeling awkward. I can't believe I was screaming in my sleep at a stranger's house. What great company I am.

"It's not enough… is it?" I met his eyes, and felt them pierce through me. It felt as though he was digging through my soul with just his eyes. "What… are you talking about?" Afraid, I looked away from him. He took my hand in his and ran his finger gently over the fresh scab on my wrist. "This… is not enough for you…" His touch sent a warm shiver up my arm, and moistened my eyes. "No… I don't know what is…" I barely whispered the words, but he still heard me clearly in the darkness.

Instead of replying, his grip on my wrist grew hard. He pulled me down to the bed, and held both my wrists above my head. His grip burst the scab on my wrist, and I could feel blood slowly flow over our skin. I cried out at the pain, but I wasn't angry. It hurt… but it was like when I cut myself, the pain inside of me seemed to flow out with the blood that slickened my wrists and his hand. He stared into my eyes, and I stared back, no longer afraid. He leaned closer to me, and I saw indecision flicker in his eyes.

I wanted this, whatever it was. I didn't struggle, but I tried to lean forward, pulling my wrist in his grip, hurting myself more as he kept me pinned and I brought myself closer to him. His face was still inches from mine, and I could feel his hot breath brush against my skin. With his free hand, he pushed me back down to the bed. He smirked as he leaned down and whispered, "So eager…"

His lips brushed against mine and my mind went blank. Natsume's lips were soft and gentle, moving with mine in a mind numbing rhythm. I couldn't focus on anything except him. His mouth opened and his tongue slipped through my lips. My tongue met his and relished his bittersweet taste, a mixture of smoke and his own unique flavor. I don't care what this is… It's too wonderful to matter…

It seemed we kissed for hours, both of us enjoying the pure pleasure of the simple intimacy. He moved first… as if I could. His lips pulled at the tender spot of my ear, and his tongue brushed down my neck. I'm sure I moaned, but I doubt he noticed because he began to nibble the gentle areas of my neck. My body became hot, burning from desire and the closeness of his body to mine. Curious, I wanted to know if he was as worked up as I was. I casually lifted my knee, bringing my thigh up between his legs, gently rubbing against his erection. Glad to know I'm not the only one completely turned on. I let my thigh drag gently across his erection, hoping to work him up even more. I swear I felt him shiver before he released my wrists.

I watched in awe as he pulled his black shirt over his head. Even in the dark, I could see how my blood stained his hand, and soaked into his shirt as he pulled it off. I noticed how sculpted his upper body was. He was an average build, with lean muscles hidden under his shirt. Just my type… if I had a type.

Instead of tossing away the shirt, he kept it in his hands, straightening it out. He leaned back down, and drew my forgotten, bleeding wrist towards him. I couldn't see my wrist, but I could feel that it was slathered in blood, and there was probably blood on his bed too. Natsume kissed my palm before drawing his tongue over the slit in my wrist. In this sensitive area, his tongue was rough, bringing me pain and pleasure at the same time. My fingers curled as he licked my wrist clean before wrapping it tightly in his shirt. "Can't have you losing too much blood…" He said it casually, as if he had been talking about the weather.

He left my wrists free and returned to kiss me. He tasted coppery from my blood, but I didn't mind. With my hands now free, I was able to hold him, to feel his skin under my fingertips. I felt his hands slip under my shirt, gently lifting it up. He pulled it to the base of my bra, and kissed the tender skin there. A sigh escaped my lips and I found my fingers entwined in his silky hair. Natsume pushed my shirt up to my neck and slid his hands under me to fumble my bra open. I giggled when he cursed before he finally got it unclasped. He pushed the bra out of the way and gazed upon my bared breasts. I felt myself blush under his intense scrutiny. Will you stop staring already?

As if hearing my demand, his hands moved to cup the outsides of my breasts. His hot tongue created a damp path between them before he moved to licking and kissing each breast. It tickled mostly, and I tried to stop myself from giggling, but after a while I was gasping at each new sensation.

When he started to kiss down to my belly, I took the opportunity to completely remove my shirt and bra. His tongue delved into my belly button, sending a tingle all the way to my toes. "Ah!" He chuckled as I squirmed for a moment before settling back down. His fingers nimbly undid my pants, and he slipped them down my thighs, his hands caressing the skin it passed over. I kicked the pants off completely, and realized I was only wearing my panties in front a guy I barely knew. I sat up, embarrassed to be practically naked. He seemed to know I needed a moment, because he didn't try to do anything.

We sat looking at each other, neither of us speaking. I think both of us knew… this was the first time. I don't know why I had never been with a guy before, I just wasn't that interested. As for him… he was good looking enough, but he didn't socialize much. Maybe he just didn't care that much either. I gazed down at my wrist that was tightly wrapped with his shirt. I hadn't asked him to bandage it… I hadn't even been paying attention, but he had been enough to care. His fingers cautiously touched the fingers of the hand I was looking at. He was asking me to proceed! Not with words of course… but it was asking permission just the same. I hesitated a moment before curling my fingers with his.

Taking initiative, I leaned towards him on the bed and took his lips with mine. I pushed him until he was leaning back on his elbows so I could remove his pants more easily. Once removed, his erection showed easily, cloaked only in his boxers. Getting anxious, I freed him from those too. He lay bare before me, and I could see he was a bit uncomfortable, but tried not to be shy about it. He lay on his back, allowing himself to be fully naked in my view. His erection was thick and long, but I wouldn't know if it was average or larger. I splayed my hands along the inside of his thighs, and gently ran them over his skin, feeling the subtle differences of textures in the area. On the inside of one thigh, only inches from his testicles, I felt odd ridges. "What the…" Moving his leg, I looked at the area closely, only to find familiar scars crossing the inside of his thigh. "You cut…" I didn't finish before he interrupted me, looking away so he wouldn't meet my eyes. "Not anymore… I told you it is better." So he knew. That's why he didn't question. That's why he was so… understanding. He knows how I feel.

Without thinking, I kissed his scars… His beautiful scars. Almost too quiet, I heard him moan under his breath. I felt his hips move ever so slightly under my touch, as if begging for more. I cupped his balls and stroked my tongue under the base of his erection. He jerked upwards, gasping. Licking up his length, I took him into my mouth slowly, licking him all around. This time he moaned loudly, and I knew he liked it. Coming back up, I let my teeth scrape him ever so lightly; knowing the mixture of pain and pleasure it would bring him. Sure enough, his fists clenched tightly and he seethed through his teeth. I moved back slowly, letting him know I was finished.

Natsume regained his composure before pushing me down on the bed with a fiery kiss. His hands ran down my thighs roughly, taking my panties with them. He spread my legs wide and lay himself between them. My breath caught in my throat when he pulled back from the kiss to look me in the eyes. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't find any words to speak. Panicking, I was almost ready to bolt from under him. That's when he smiled. It was only a slight smile, but it was so unusual for him, it was all it took. Lost in his eyes, I didn't realize he had even moved his hand until it slid through the folds between my thighs. "Ah!"

His fingers easily found my clit and rubbed it until I couldn't bear but to close my eyes in pleasure. His fingers slipped down and tenderly slid into my opening. I gasped and threw my head back onto the pillow. Neck exposed, he kissed it tenderly as he slipped a second finger inside me. It was uncomfortable, but it didn't hurt. Natsume moved his fingers in and out in a slow rhythm for a few minutes. When he stopped, he held my folds open and I could feel him guiding himself to me. I'm really doing this? I became nervous, and my heart beat hard inside my chest. Not sure what else to do, I wrapped my arms around him and grasped at his back, my eyes tightly clenched in terror of what might come.

I felt the tip of him brush against me, so close to where he would soon enter me. I tried to take deep, even breaths. But he didn't continue. Instead, his hand caressed my face, and I felt him softly kiss my tightly closed eyes. I felt his nose brush against mine and he kissed me once more. He didn't move at all while we kissed, slow and passionate, and I felt my anxiety melt away. I pulled him closer to me, clutching him in passion, no longer in fear. That was when he moved.

His tip slid into position and gently entered my body a small bit. After adjusting a bit, he broke our kiss and moved to my ear, nibbling and licking, driving me crazy. He thrust himself into me hard, tearing my insides. I cried out in pain before biting his shoulder, the closest thing to my mouth. He hissed and stopped moving. My teeth remained clenched in his shoulder, and I could even taste his blood beginning to bead into my mouth. When the pain dulled, I released him, licking and kissing the awful bite mark I had made. "Sorry…" I whispered, feeling extremely guilty. His only reply was a gentle nibble below my ear, making me moan.

Natsume slowly pulled back until he was almost entirely out of me, before thrusting himself back inside. I cried out again, but refrained from biting him since the pain wasn't nearly as bad as before. He started a slow, gentle rhythm, and he bent his head to lightly kiss my breasts, flicking his tongue over my nipples. When he was done with them, he met my lips again. Lost in the rhythm, my fingers found their way back into his head, holding his mouth to mine, my hips joining his in time.

Sweat slickened his skin, and I could feel his repressed shivers of pleasure. His pace became more fervent, and I took everything he gave, feeling my insides beginning to coil. I could tell he was holding himself back; he had even broken from our kiss to bite my neck. He didn't draw blood, but the pain spiraled into the pleasure building inside me. His pants turned into moans and I knew he could barely hold it anymore. Either I needed to cum or this would be over before I had the chance. I thrust my hips against him harder and in a slightly different angle so I could receive better contact. As my insides uncoiled, I cried out in relief, twisting Natsume's hair hard between my fingers. He followed suit as soon as he let himself go, releasing a passionate moan of his own. It wasn't until after we were both spent that I realized I had called out his name as I came. How embarrassing. He sure as hell didn't introduce himself, and he probably doesn't even know my name.