Shin Seiki Evangelion - Seasons
Natsu – Dear
Neon Genesis Evangelion created by, registered, and copyrighted to GAINAX Project EVA, Movic, and any other company and/or division associated with the creation and/or production of Neon Genesis Evangelion. A.D.Vision holds the copyrights to the English version of Neon Genesis Evangelion. This work of fiction is not intended for any commercial purposes but was created for the entertainment of the Author and Fans of Neon Genesis Evangelion.
No copyright infringement was in any way intended.
Seasons written by Jino Turtlegod
M Rating. For mature readers only. Some scenes, themes, language, and situations are not suitable for younger readers. Reader discretion is advised.
Ver 1 – 05 MAY 08
Natsu – Dear
Dear
The woman paused, her pen's tentative scratching once more at a halt. She had been at this for an hour. Several pages from the notebook, brand new and still smelling of the paper mill, were scrunched into balls on the cafe table. She tapped the end of her pen against lips. With a sigh, she puts down the pen and sips from her mug of chocolate. She would kill for a latte, but it wouldn't be good for... with a flash of inspiration, she puts down the mug and picks up the pen.
Dear Little One,
The woman smiles and congratulates herself.
I'm sure that one day, you will be told of this little episode in the life of your mother. I would rather that you would read it from here rather than hear it from someone else, most especially - God forbid – a me who has forgotten this day.
Thus I'm writing this diary, for you and to remind me of how I am right now. In the future, if you ever need to talk to me regarding the contents of this diary, do not forget to bring this. I fear I may need to slap myself with it.
I'm not a good person. Most people would tell you that. Even
The woman paused, deliberating on the next few words.
Even your father would tell you that. Whatever his feelings for me, I don't believe that he will cover up that part of me. Your father is a good man. He may be weak, indecisive, and underhanded at times, but he is a good man. He is the first person other than my mother who loved me unconditionally. I wish I could love him back the way that he deserves. But I find that I cannot. There is a part of me that I do not want to share with him.
It is the dark, rotten, corruption that lives in my heart.
For some time now, I have thought of your father as the light, and I'm the dark. And I'm so afraid that he would become dirty like me if he finds out about that side of me. Several years before, your father and I were involved in something. Don't let anyone tell you that we were heroes, those who do are idiots. Those who tell you that we were villains, they too are idiots. We were just kids doing what we were supposed to. And in the course of that, we found out things about ourselves. Things that we do not want to be found.
You see, even though I love your father. There is a part of me that hates him.
"Asuka."
The woman looked up from her writing. "Madeleine, is it time?" Asuka said in German, a language that she had grown up with but had rare opportunity to practice over the last few years.
"Yes, our appointment is in fifteen minutes," Madeleine replied as she checked her watch. The other woman was younger than Asuka and had black hair, but she shared eyes the color of the free sky. She watched Asuka finish her chocolate and then stow her notebook into her purse.
000
Today I had a visit with a doctor. I do so hate them, but I think I like this one, she reminds me so much of a woman whom I consider as my second mother. No, not your Grandma Liesel. I don't really consider her my mother. For years, I had always thought of her as the woman who stole Mama's husband (I have long since stopped thinking of that bastard as my father, and your Aunt Madeleine agrees). Someday, if you ever meet Misato, give her a kiss from me. Then call her Grandma. Do not forget to take a picture of her face right after you say that.
Doctor Bertha told me all of the joys of motherhood that awaits me for the next eight and half months or so. I so do not look forward to them. I'm thankful that I have your Aunt Madeleine and Grandma Liesel's support on this. Ever since she got divorced, I've started to like your Grandma, I think after this, I'll consider her my third mother.
Anyway, I really feel weird about this whole motherhood stuff. When I was younger, I never planned on having children, but the moment I found out I was going to have you, I had this sudden feeling of despair. I went home and bought one of those home pregnancy kits. I used up all five tests in the box, each time hoping that the previous test was wrong. It's not that I do not want you. It's just like how I feel about your father: I'm not sure I deserve you. They say babies are little bundles of joy. I don't think I really deserve you.
I will give birth to you but if I send you to your father, I pray that you will not think badly of me.
Asuka stops and her hand moves to her face to remove her glasses so that she can wipe away her tears on the sleeves of her usual oversized sweater. She is a bit surprised to find that she was no longer wearing her shades. The young redhead remembers when she last wore them and smiles.
She didn't want him to follow her.
So why did she leave a trail?
Tsu Zu Ku
A.N.
Shinji was supposed to have been next but I couldn't get the ball rolling, the words just won't come out right. Hopefully, the next one won't take too long and won't be drabble length.