What was the last thing I said to him? Good night? I love you? No.. I think it was 'don't forget in the morning we are meeting with the tour manager'. How inconsequential, could I really have not just said 'good night, I love you'? I had said it to him but I had said it like an hour before I actually went to bed and I saw he was still awake reading. I kissed his shiny bald forehead and he just smiled back and said 'sleep well'. That's it. That was the last time I would ever hear his voice, it was the last time I would ever see him smile at me, and I wasted it on 'don't forget in the morning we are meeting with the tour manager'. I stared up into the dark of the room. A knock in the dark disrupted my thoughts.

"Paul, it's Nicole. I'm gonna come in, okay?" I heared the door open behind me and I just stared forward into the black void. "Paul?" The weight of the bed shifted, and I felt Nicole sit down and rest a hand on my back. I had stopped crying just a few minutes before but I didn't trust my voice to speak. My eyes hurt. My body hurt. My heart hurt the most over all and I felt like the world wasn't allowed to have anything other then black. Nicole pulled on my shoulder and rested me back on her lap. I was now looking up at her concerned face, the dim light of a streetlight that was bearly peaking through a window that seemed far off.

Her hand gently rubbed against my cheek pushing off any tears that may have been resting there. I didn't smile, I didn't thank her. I couldn't. "Paul, everything is gonna be okay. Even though it doesn't seem like it, everything will be okay in the end."

"He died. His life ended. Is everything okay since he ended?" I was angry that she would say that we were gonna be okay and the few cracks of sorrow that hid in my sentences were replaced with a deeper darker sound. It was my voice, but...it wasn't. She opened her lips to talk but nothing came out. "Because it looks like when George's life ended we all started crying." I didn't feel a scowl cross my face, but I sure as hell wasn't smiling either. Another low knock on the door followed by the sound of a hinge squeaking this time it was Ryan's voice.

"Paul, Nicole." Nicole turned to look, I didn't. "Come get food, ye' both need te' eat." I got off of Nicole's lap and she got off the bed quickly walking out of the room I pulled myself to my feet and Ryan just stood at the door waiting for me.

"I'm not hungry." I turned to look at him. His arms were crossed and his face looked solemn.

"Paul, ye' need te' eat." He stepped toward me. The scent of food was around us yet I couldn't smell it. Behind Ryan I saw Neil peek into the room before walking away from the door. "Paul." He used a tone that sounded commanding. It was a tone he learned from George. George always said that if he left he would leave Ryan in charge. A bolt of adrenaline ran through my body and I gripped the front of his shirt in my hands, and with the strength I had I pulled him into the air. We exchanged a look. His cold steel eyes of blue stared at mine, he wasn't scared, distraught maybe, but not scared. I set him back down and I felt my knees go weak. I started to fall but Ryan supported me. I was gripping to his shirt in anger now, I was gripping it in desperation. I need someone to support me, to hold me. I needed George. He hugged me close before he started pulling me. He lead me out into the livingroom and everyone just continued eating. Ryan let go of me and handed me a plate with pizza.

Keith and Damian were sitting near each other, as Laura, Sharon, David, and Neil were all gathered around the table with a single empty chair. Ryan sat next to Neil and gave him a quick reasuring smile. I sat on the couch across from Damian, and I noticed that Colm and Emmet were missing.

"Where did Celtic Comet go?" I tried to pull together a good attitude as I looked around the room. Ryan gave me a small refirming smile.

"They left a little bit ago. Colm's still with Emmet." Damian looked up from his plate and his typically sparkling blue eyes seemed darker, almost...cold. George had been like a father to him, and now he was gone. I wasn't the only one to be affected. Keith looked up at his boyfriend and took his hand into his own. They were always cute together, Keith was always so helpful, was it weird that Keith was also seven years older than Damian? George would say 'no It's romantic', and then he would just laugh at me. I chewed on my food but I couldn't taste it. Another bite, no flavor. Silence fell again. Laura and Nicole talked quietly. Sharon looked over at me, suddenly my phone rang. Loud and shrill, I pulled it out of my pocket. I didn't matter who it was, unless the name that came up was George I didn't want to answer it. Miranda's name along with a picture of her smiling on the beach, it was a vacation we had taken together in Japan right before I got the call about Damian's head injury.

"Yes?"

"I just heard, I'm so sorry Paul." Her voice was sincere, cold, and something sounded wrong. Wrong? In my mind I chuckled darkly, 'a lot was wrong right now' I thought to myself as I waited for her to continue.

"Who told ye'?"

"Nicole told Laura who told Hayley who told Rachel who told me." Her voice was empty, hollow, and was devoid of any sympathy. Was she angry at me?

"What's wrong?" I asked the question with the irony, in its mocking darkness, ringing in my ears. No response. We both breathe in an uncomfortable synchronicity. I pulled the phone back to stare at it a moment and just look at it. "Are ye' mad at me?"

"No." Her voice didn't sound convincing. "Are ye' alone?"

"No, we're all at Ryan and Neil's if you want te' join us."

"Umm.. It's okay. I'm really sorry for whats happened Paul, I will see you later." She hung up before I could respond and I stared after the phone in silence.

"Is she mad at you?" Damo asked as if he was waiting in suspense.

"I don't think so..." I shrugged my phone back into my pocket and finished eating. We all talked comfortably, and quietly. Nobody brought him up and I knew they wanted me to say something before they started.

"Has anyone managed te' get ahold off his ex-wife." I asked coldly standing in the kitchen pouring myself another drink.

Everyone waited a second and I could feel sorrow tugging at my tear ducts.

"Yeah, I let her know." Sharon's voice was strong and independent, She didn't sound sad but did sound dishearted.

"We should probably start planning for..." I didn't finished the sentecne, I couldn't. My knees felt weak. I felt like I was about to fall. I managed to pull myself into a chair and I think everyone there knew exactly what I was feeling.

"Paul, for now let us greive. We can do all of that later." Sharon was now sitting next to me, and she rest a hand on my shoulder. Laura whispered something to Nicole and she just nodded.

"Hey guys Laura and I are gonna get going. It's getting pretty late. We will call and check on you guys tommorow" She gave us all a light smile and they gave out their farewell hugs. David, Sharon, Damian, and Keith all left a little while later leaving me with Ryan and Neil.

"I guess I'm gonna ge-"

"No." Neil interuptted me instantly. "You're gonna stay here tonight, the guest room is all yours." Neil looked over to Ryan for agreement and of course the dark haired irishman just gave me a half smile with a nodd. I also nodded back before stepping foreward hugging both Ryan and Neil in one grasp.

"Thank you. Both of you." They hugged me back wordless but I knew they were smiling.

When I was allow I cried a little bit more, but found that my heart hurt but I didn't have any tears left. Luckilly sleep found me quickly actually it found me the moment my head hit the pillow. My head must have kicked into overdrive and I felt like I was falling. I was already dreaming and I noticed that it seemed the space around me was getting brighter and brighter with each second I fell farther down. Landing with a thud I reallized I was laying on a cobblestone roadway. Getting up I noticed the building were old and mostly brightly color. People were all walking by seeming not to notice me at all, talking in language I didn't know. I was in Paris. I had been here a couple times before but never as much as I wanted too. I pulled myself off the ground and started walking with the flow of people.

I didn't pass anything that looked famillar, but I did notice that the crowd was dispersing the more I walked with it. Soon I came to a bridge with nothing mroe then an old couple and a school girl by my side. I gazed over the eleborate bridge and smiled in appreciation. It was quite beautiful and the air was nice and warm as the breeze just flowed lightly around everything. About halfway over the bridge I realized a man was standing on the opposite side gazing down at the water, what made me realize this man was that he wasn't moving, unlike everyone else around him. I stopped watched him inquizitively before I walked over to him. I leaned next to him on the railing looking down at the water which seemed busy with fish and birds, before I looked over at his face.

"George?"

"Ye' haven't forgotten me yet have ye'?" A wide grin spread across his face and I just stared in wonder. "I wanted te' see ye' one last time." He turned his eyes back to the water, tossing in a handful of crumbs.

"This is a dream right?" I reached out to touch his shoulder. His t-shirt was soft and wrinkled as I have it a light tug.

"Kinda."

"Is this about te' be a nightmare?" He gave me another smiled and his eyes twinkled with a glint of humor.

"You know something cool, when an angel is actually in your dreams you can't have nightmares." He turned te' face me grabbing my hand. "I was given this one last time with you because I know what might happen if I don't get the chance te' say this." I just stared at him waiting for him to unveil what he meant. He gently put his arms around my waist and pulled my arms up around his neck. " I love ye' Paul." He looked deep into my eyes and I stared back into his. I felt the tears start falling down my face. I was being granted my wish, I was allowed to tell him I love him one last time but then he would be gone for good.

"I won't say it, I won't let ye' go." I tighten my grip on his shirt. He held me on the bridge in the summer air. This is what I wanted. I wanted te' be with him in Paris the city of love, I didn't want te' have te' plan his funeral.

"Paul. This is okay, this is whats right. It was me' time te' go." He still was smiling down at me which made the pain seem to hurt worse.

"Why!?" I screamed out.

"Because ye' needed a guardian angel." He leaned down and kiss my forehead and I turned my face upward to kiss his lips. One last time, I told myself. "I love ye' George more then anything else!"

He was there, then he was gone.