A/N - Thanks for all review everyone :)
Once again all comments and feedback is welcome.
Warning self harm triggers in this chapter.
Chapter 2
Stef
I wake up to the sound of the alarm. I roll over and turn it off before it wakes up Lena. I lay here just looking at the ceiling for a moment and I realise I can smell coffee. Seeing as though Lena is still asleep next to me and none of the other kids drink coffee it must only be Callie. I get out of bed and get dressed and head downstairs. I peek around the corner and see Callie sitting at the kitchen window holding a cup of coffee staring out of the window towards the back yard. At this moment she thinks she is all alone and her eyes show the width of her emotions. She looks like a young girl, sad, angry and confused. I can help but feel my heart break for this girl.
I make some noise at the stairs before I walk into the kitchen. I know she would be uncomfortable with showing this side of her so I give her a few moments to compose herself.
"Good morning sweets" I say to her as she turns around to me.
"MM morning Stef" She greets me and I can see that her eyes are blank once again and it scares me how good she is at masking them. I can't help but wonder what makes a child so good at something such as this.
"Have you been up for long?" I ask.
"No only a few minutes before you" Callie tells me but the look of the bags under her eyes she has been up for a while if she got any sleep at all.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and put two pieces of bread in the toaster. We stand in silence for a few minutes waiting for the toaster to put. As it does I'm sure I see Callie flinch slightly but I can't be 100 percent certain. I sit down on the stool next to collie and take a bite of my toast.
"Are you doing anything this afternoon after group?" I ask Callie.
"Well I was going to go around to Wyatt's later in the afternoon." She looks at me a second and then blurts "If that's alright with you and Lena I mean" She looks worried that she didn't ask permission first.
"That sounds great sweets. It's good to get out the house sometimes" I smile at her letting her know that it was okay.
"Yea I guess so"
We sit for a couple of minutes before Lena comes down the stairs.
"MM I knew I could smell coffee. Morning Cal" Lena comes over to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Morning sweetheart" She whispers quietly to me.
"Good morning. I was trying to let you sleep in a bit" I say.
"I could tell you where not in bed my love and then I smelt this wonderful coffee." Lena smiles at me.
"Smooth talker you." I say into her neck as I hug her.
"What the plan for today?" Lena askes us.
"Well I am taking Callie to group at 1pm. We should be back by 2:30pm. After that Callie might be headed out and I will be spending time with my lady." I relay all this information to Lena.
"Sounds like a plan" Lena replies.
All of a sudden we heard a thud come from upstairs and we all look to the ceiling. By the time I have worked out it would have been from Jesus and Jude's room Callie has taken off up the stairs.
I run after here and pause at the door. I see Jude sitting on the floor tangled in his bed sheet with a confused, half asleep look on his face and Callie is kneeled in front of him.
"Are you okay baby?" she asked him.
"Uh yea." Jude replies still half asleep. "I got tangled in my sheets and fell out of bed which woke me up"
"Does anything hurt?" Callie asked him while checking him over. She acts more like a mother to that boy than a sister I think to myself and shake my head.
"Yea I'm okay now" Jude says standing up.
"Okay guys come down stairs from breakfast. We can cook some pancakes" I smile to the pair and now Jesus who puts his head around the corner to check on Jude while still half asleep.
"At least pancakes you can cook without burning" Lena teases me lightly from right behind me.
"You alright Jude?" Lena asked and as Jude heard her voice he lit up.
"Morning Mamma. Stef can I help with the pancakes?" Jude askes me with the hope shimmering in his eyes.
"Absolutely" I say excited as I turn and take Lena's hand and kiss it. "Want to help me as well babes?"
"Absolutely" She copies me.
We head down the stairs and I start getting ingredients out of the cupboard. It's only a few seconds before Jude joins me in the kitchen.
"Get out the frying pan and turn it on Bud" I tell him. Lena grabs the milk out of the fridge and places it on the bench in front of me. "Thanks Love" I tell him.
I have noticed that Callie did not come back down stairs with Lena. I wonder where she got to. I hear the shower turn on and I figure that's her. I look back to the pancake batter I have made and tell Jude it's ready.
"Blue berries or chocolate chip?" I ask Jude and he thinks for minute.
"Blueberries." He decides.
"Good choice my boy" I tell him as Lena get them out of the fridge for us.
Jesus sits down in front of us and pours a cup of orange juice and drinks half the drink in one go. He goes to refill his glass.
"Save some for everyone please. That's the last bottle, I will pick some more up at the store once I have dropped Callie at group".
"Can I go to Emma's tonight?" Jesus askes.
"As long as it's okay with Mamma." I say and Jesus looks to Lena.
"Of course. Curfew is at 11pm remember."
"Awesome thanks" Jesus high fives the air. I slide a couple of pancakes on a plate and slide them over to him. I put the next few pancakes cooked on a plate for Lena and slice up some banana and put them on top.
"We make a great pancake making team don't we Jude" I laugh to him.
"That's because Jude is cooking them. They won't be burnt. Morning Mom" Mariana says entering the room.
"Good morning Miss thing. Also I only burnt pancakes once. I was side-tracked if I remember correctly by someone having a crisis because she couldn't find a top" I say to Marianna.
"Morning Mamma" She says giving Lena a hug.
"Where is Callie? She wasn't in bed. Figured she must have been down here but she isn't."
"I think she is in the bathroom" Lena tells her.
"No that's B. He beat me to the bathroom and wouldn't budge. Said something about having to leave early." Mariana moans.
I shoot Lena a look and she nods and heads off to look for Callie. Group day is always a hard day for Callie and we usually get attitude.
"Sorry Miss thing but its early bird gets the worm or in this case the bathroom" I laugh. "Have some pancakes instead" I pass her a plate.
"Jude come and eat and I will take over cooking." I said and then "NO I won't burn them" I say to the room and everyone laughs.
Callie
I am sitting on the roof. I know if Stef or Lena were to catch me here that would be the end of my secret spot. I love sitting out here, I can see the whole neighbourhood but I am safely hidden behind a raise in the roof of the window. It calming out here. There is nothing and no one out here but me.
I look at my phone and I have been out here for over half an hour. I better head inside before someone catches me.
I have just gotten through the window when someone knocks on the door.
"Come in" I say and watch to see Lena enter the room.
"Sorry I came to find you. Mari said you weren't in the room and it was B in the shower"
"Oh ah… I was just in Jude's room. She must have just left the room as I came back in" I blurt out. Well rather stumble it out.
"Well breakfast is ready. Jude cooked the pancakes so they are good "Lena smiles to me. Her smile reminds me of my mom. I push the thought away because it would be too easy to let them in and I just cannot risk that.
I smile back to her and walk out of the room and down to the kitchen.
Everyone is sitting on the table and the only two seats left for Lena and I are on either side of Stef.
I side down with Stef on one side and Jude on the other. I put my head down and listen to the banter going on around the table.
Stef grabs my hand lightly and rests her hand on my leg. I instantly stiffen but don't release her hand. I see Stef smile softly and I relax a bit. Her hand feels warm on mine. It makes me feel safe and loved. No I cannot feel this. I pull my hand away and wipe it on my pants to try and get rid of the warm feeling Stef had given me.
I finish the pancake and fruit that Stef had put on my plate. I am thankful she hadn't given me much and it registers that she has been paying attention to how much I have been eating.
"I am going to go for a shower and do some studying before group today" I say standing up. I don't ask for permission this time and all but run up the stairs before anyone has the chance to say something.
I grab my towel and some clean clothes and go into the bathroom making sure to lock both doors. I lean against the back of the door and breathe deeply. I turn the shower on and lean under sink and retrieve a little box that I have hidden behind a broken tile.
Opening the box I look at the shiny razor sitting in the middle of the box. I pick it up and stare at it. It funny that something so small can be so beautiful. I sit on the toilet and place the razor to my thigh and slide it across my skin. In that second it feels amazing and nothing else matters and the next second it is gone. I can fell Stef's hand in mine again and I get angry and make a few more cuts.
After I stop the bleeding I clean everything up and replace my box into its hiding spot. I turn the shower on and get in. Letting the water flow of me I feel amazing. I can feel the ache in my thigh and I focus on that. Not on the fact that I will have to see Liam later today.
I finish up and give the room another glance to make sure I have left everything the same as before. As I open the door I see Jude waiting for me outside.
"What's up Jude?"
"Nothing."
"Jude?"
"Are you okay Cal?"
"I'm fine."
"Callie I know something is wrong. Please tell me"
"Jude I'm fine I promise. Nothing is wrong. Are you still going to Connors today?" I ask hoping to get his mind off of me.
"Yea Mamma is dropping me off later"
"Mamma?" I balk.
"Oh Lena."
"Right" I mumble. He is calling Lena Mamma now. He will hate me even more now when we get kicked out of this home. I just sigh. Trying to put it out of my mind I sit down at the desk and try and focus on writing this English paper.
All I can focus on is the dull ache in my thigh. I smile to myself. It's my own little secret. It's better than a friend. It makes me feel better when no one else can.
"Sweets you ready for group?" Stef says as she stands in the door way. I am pulled out my thoughts. I have been sitting here few a few hours. I look down the page and see one word 'Family'. I get angry and through my notebook at the wall.
"Yes I'll be at the car." I say and roughly push past her but Stef grabs my hand first.
"What was that sweets?" She asks me looking into my eyes.
"Nothing. Now. Let. Me. Go" I say to her. It comes out as anger but it is the only way to get her to let go. As soon as she releases her grip I run down the car. I can't let her see my tears over something so stupid as this.
I Get into the front seat and roughly wipe away my tears as I see Stef give Lena a kiss goodbye and walk to the car.
I am thankful when she doesn't say anything just turns the car on and we head down the street. After a few minutes she grabs my hand again and looks at me and smiles. This time I let myself feel the warmth of her hand and I gaze out the window. I am so scared of seeing him and I want to feel safe. Stef does that.
After twenty minutes we arrive and I let go of Stef's hand and open the door.
"See you in an hour" I say to her.
"Okay sweets I will be in the back carpark when you're done." Stef says.
I take a deep breath and walk into the building.
I didn't share today again. I don't want to talk to these people. I get up and hang around for a minute and watch Sarah leave and then wait a few minutes that way if Liam picked her up they should have left already.
I walk out and head down the small corridor towards the back carpark. I exhale as I think I am good and Liam is no longer here. I was wrong. He steps out of another doorway and in the corridor. I glance around and can't see the car from here which mean Stef cannot see me either.
"I thought I told you to stay away Callie" Liam sneers at me.
"I have but I have to go to group. It's part of my probation conditions" I say with more confidence than I have. Inside I am terrified.
He roughly pushed me up again the wall one hand on my hip.
"Don't say anything to anyone you little whore or I will make your life a living hell" He whispers.
I just nod to him. I am too scared to do anything else. He lets me go and I slump to the ground. Within seconds he is gone. I take a couple of minutes to compose myself before I go to the car. I lift my shirt and see finger prints on my hips. They are already starting to bruise.
I walk out to Stef and get in the car.
"How did you go love?" Stef askes I and I burst out crying. I couldn't help it and as soon as I started I tried so hard to stop. I look out the window and put the hoodie up over my head to try and tell Stef to not saying.
She takes my hand and starts the car. i focus on the warmth from her hand.
Stef is my safe place.
Stef
I picked Callie up and asked how her group was and she burst out crying. She seemed to get angry with herself almost instant and tried to force herself to stop. She pulled up her hoodie and looked out the window. I knew she was embarrassed.
I take her hand to let her know I am right here and drive home.
Once we get home I turn the engine off and look to Callie. She still hasn't let my hand go but her crying has stopped. She looks as if n nothing has happened.
"Do you want to talk about it sweets?" I ask her and she just shakes her head and lets go of my hand and walks inside.
I follow her inside and see her turn the TV on in the lounge room. I tell her I am head upstairs to find Lena and she just nods. I sigh and walk up the stairs to find my woman.
"You should have seen it Lena all I did was ask her how group went and she lost it."
"I wish she would talk to us" Lena sighed.
"I know me too love"
Just then there was a knock at the door and Callie popped her head into the room.
"Is it still okay if head over to Wyatt's house?" She asks us.
"Of course it is. Are you sure you are okay to go?" Lena askes.
"Yea I'm good. I promise." She says.
"Do you need one of us to drive you?" I ask her getting up.
"Nah Wyatt said he will come pick me up. I will go wait outside for me. Thanks"
"Well if you need to be picked up just call us. Yes? Curfew at 11pm please" I tell her.
"Got it" Callie called out from the hallway.
I listen and hear the front door close and after a few minutes I hear a car pull up and then leave after a min.
"Well it seems we are all alone in this big house. What could we possible do with each other?' I seductively ask Lena.
"I can think of a few things" Lena smiles as I lean over and kiss her.
It had just gone 11 and all the kids where home bar Callie.
We try her phone a few times and it just rings out. After another hour I grab my phone to call Callie again but before I can it rings and I answer.
"Callie?" I answer
"Stef…" I instantly get a horrible feeling. It sounds like she is drunk.
"Callie what's wrong?" As I say this Lena sits up in her chair and gets a worried look on her face.
"I … I can't…Could you…"
"What was that sweetheart? I can't hear you." I say.
"Can you come get me please?" She asks so quietly I can barely make out the words.
"Of course I am getting in the car now. Where are you?"
"I don't know. On the beach somewhere."
"Okay love just stay put and I will come and get you. We love you."
I hang up the phone and stand up.
"Lena can you load up the track my phone app please." I stop for a minute. "I think she is drunk"
"Already doing it" Lena replies. "I will wait here and make some food for her. She hasn't had dinner yet"
"Okay Love I am going now. I shouldn't be too long" I kiss Lena on my way out. "Maybe keep the other kids upstairs when we get home" I say as an afterthought.
"Good idea. Now go get out Baby and bring her home" Lean tells me.
I drive for about 10 minutes and pull into a parking lot on the beach. I can see a fire down on the beach and a group of teenagers hanging around. I see a movement and I turn and see Callie sitting on the ground. Her knees are pulled up and she has one arm wrapped around then and one finger is rubbing the top of her nose.
I walk over to her and kneel in front of her.
"Come on. Let's get you home baby"
"Why?"
"Because it's after midnight and we need to get you to bed" I say to her thinking it an odd question.
"No… Why do you care? About me?"
"Because I love you. You are amazing baby. You are so kind and generous. You care so much about your brother. I cannot imagine not caring about you. You are also a kid. My kid and I love you very much."
"You shouldn't. I'm bad."
"You're not bad sweets I promise. I can't say I'm too happy about this drinking but you're bad. Not at all"
"Can we go home now?" Callie askes her head still down.
"Of course" I say standing up. I reach down to help Callie up off the ground. I have to basically walk her to the car whilst holding her up.
I get her into the back seat .
"I love you" I tell her as I a buckle the seat belt.
By the time we get home she is passed out on the back seat. Lena opens the front door and turns the outside light on.
I walk around the car and open the back door. I unbuckle the seat belt and pick Callie up carefully and I can't help but notice how light she is.
"Take her into our room Stef. That way we can keep an eye on her in case she gets sick and also the other kids won't see her like this." Lena say quietly as I get inside.
"Sounds like a plan" I say as I walk up the stairs.
I place Callie in the middle of the bed as I lean away I realise she has a hold of my shirt and won't let go so I lay down next to her and take her in my arms. She curls into me and takes me hand. Her other hand lets go of my shit and she reaches up with her other hand and rubs the bridge of her nose.
Lena comes into the room and turns off the light and lays down on the other side of Callie.
After a few minutes I speak into the darkness telling Lena all about what Callie said in the park.
After a few minutes Lena leans over and kissed Callie on the forehead.
"Our sweet Callie girl."
I close my eyes and allow sleep to overtake me.