Ten minutes later, Haruhi slammed open the door, clad in bunny ears and leotard.

"Alright everybody! Come on in," she said. "I think I really outdid myself this time."

Kyon and Madoka walked back into the room. Tomoko's hair had set, and the bags under her eyes were gone. She held her arms and legs close together in embarrassment. Kyon and Madoka stared at her in awe. Tomoko turned her head to avoid their looks, but her bouncing bunny ears just drew more attention. Madoka clasped her hands and squealed.

"Bunnies!" she said. "Bunnies everywhere!"

She ran up to Tomoko and hugged her. She blushed.

"You're so cute, Miss Kuroki!" said Madoka. "You'd fit right in with the rest of my stuffed animals."

"I'd love to be your stuffed animal," thought Tomoko. A curl popped out on the top of her head.

"Ugh, not again," said Haruhi. She walked up to Tomoko and pet it straight.

"How did you get her hair to settle without any hairspray, anyway?" asked Kyon.

"It was a real pain, trust me," said Haruhi. "But all I had to do was set my mind to it. You know, like I do with everything."

"That doesn't answer the question at all," thought Kyon. "But I think I know the answer, anyway."

"So what do we do now?" asked Madoka.

"Hmm, good question," said Haruhi. "Last time we just handed out flyers, but we didn't get any people that way. I think we should come up with a new battle plan."

"With all these bunny girls, why don't we just open up a restaurant?" thought Kyon.

"Master Haruhi, I have an idea!" said Konata.

"Let's hear it!" said Haruhi.

"Why don't we open up a kissing booth?" asked Konata.

"A… kissing booth?" said Madoka.

"You have got me kidding me," thought Kyon. "That's totally inappropriate. Not that I wouldn't be the first in line. Especially if it had been Miss Asahina in that bunny girl outfit."

"No way, that would never work," said Haruhi. "Besides, I'm already taken. I can't go around kissing strangers. Right, Kyon?"

"R-Right," he said.

"I can't kiss anybody either. I have a girlfriend too," said Madoka.

"A girlfriend?" said Haruhi.

"I mean, I am a girlfriend," said Madoka, blushing.

"Girl love confirmed," thought Tomoko.

"Don't worry, it wouldn't be for us," said Konata. "I'm taken too. We would have Mokocchi do it."

"W-What?" stuttered Tomoko. "Konata… are you crazy?"

"Yeah, that could work," said Haruhi. "But what would the rest of us do?"

"You and me could put on a musical performance!" said Konata. "Kyon and Madoka could pass out flyers."

Haruhi nodded. "Well then! It's all settled! Except for one thing. What song should we play?"

"Hare Hare Yukai!" said Konata. "I know all the moves."

"That's perfect!" said Haruhi. "So do I!"

"M-me t…" muttered Tomoko. "Let me j…"

"Hmm? Did you say something, Miss Kuroki?" asked Madoka.

"Let me join—blrr!"

Konata put her hand over Tomoko's mouth.

"Hahaha, she just needs some help with setting up the booth!" said Konata. "See you in a bit, Master Haruhi!"

Konata dragged her off.

"Weird," thought Kyon. "I think I've just met people stranger than Haruhi."

Tomoko and Konata had set up a booth outside in the university's quad. They had put up a sign that said "Free kisses! Join the SOS Brigade."

"What have you gotten me into?" asked Tomoko. "I'm scared, Konata."

"Don't worry, don't worry!" said Konata. "You said you wanted a boyfriend, right? This way you'll be noticed for sure!"

"But I'm scared of talking to people," said Tomoko. "And what if some really creepy guy shows up and wants to kiss me?"

"Then just kiss him on the cheek," said Konata. "Besides, this is college. There aren't any creepy guys here. They're all grown up."

"All grown up?" said Tomoko.

"Yeah!" said Konata. "Before they were all weird, like Son Goku when he was a kid. Now they're all suave and handsome, like Light Yagami!"

"Light Yagami?" thought Tomoko.

She imagined him walking up to the booth and sweeping back his long bangs, giving her a seductive smirk. "Hey there, you piece of shit," he'd say. "Are you willing to die for me?"

"A total lady-Kira," said Tomoko.

"Now you're getting it," said Konata. "Just think of it this way. You're like a famous idol making her fans' dreams come true!"

"You're right!" said Tomoko. Her eyes glistened. "I can do this!"

Konata gave her a thumbs-up. "See you later, Mokocchi!"

She left.

"Wait a second," thought Tomoko. "Wasn't Light totally insane? Also, if I'm the idol, why is she the one who gets to sing?"

Then she noticed two boys walking towards her. One had red hair and was wearing a black blazer, and the other had long black hair and green eyes. They stopped to talk to each other.

"What's this? Are they coming for me?" thought Tomoko. "Two? At once!? I don't know if I could handle it! It would tear me apart!"

They began to argue. Tomoko couldn't make out what they were saying.

"Oh no, they're fighting because of me, aren't they?" she thought. "They must be arguing over which one of them can take me out! I knew it. I'm too beautiful now. What have I done to the world? The tears of my rejected will flood the Seven Seas!"

And then the two boys walked away.

"Huh? Where are they going?" thought Tomoko.

And then an overweight boy and glasses showed up.

"So fast!" thought Tomoko. "Oh my God, he reeks."

"What's the SOS Brigade?" he asked.

"It's, umm… It's a," said Tomoko. "It's a club, and…"

"Are you giving out free kisses?" he asked.

"Well, umm, I…" said Tomoko.

She mentally screamed. "What's wrong with this guy? He's such a fatass! Does he just sit around playing games and watching anime all day?"

"It's been a long time since anybody kissed me," said the boy. "I hope I can remember to hold back my saliva."

He leaned in to kiss her.

"AHHH!" Tomoko screamed.

She fell backwards and blacked out.

"Not again," said the boy. "I guess I should call a nurse."

He walked away and a girl showed up to put Tomoko on a wheelchair. She wheeled her away to the nurse's office. Once she was gone, the two boys from earlier showed up again.

"Damn it, man," said the red-haired boy. "I told you, you're supposed to just go for it. Now you've missed your chance."

"I must've scared her off," said the black-haired boy. "Oh well. Let's go."

When Tomoko woke up, Madoka was sitting by her bedside.

"M-Madoka?" said Tomoko. She sat up. "What happened?"

"The nurse told me that you fainted," she said. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"I, err…" Tomoko muttered. "A gross boy tried to kiss me."

"I knew it!" said Madoka. "I knew I should've put my foot down when they came up with that awful plan."

"It's not your fault," said Tomoko. "I should've said something."

Madoka shook her head. "You're shy. They should've known better. You shouldn't have to speak up to be treated like a human being."

"That's true," thought Tomoko. "Madoka really gets me."

And then Madoka started crying. She hugged her.

"The next time they try to make you do something like that, I'll say something," said Madoka. "I'll protect you next time, Miss Kuroki. I promise."

Tomoko was shocked. Then she smiled. "You can call me Tomoko," she said.

Madoka wiped away her tears and smiled. "Don't worry, Tomoko. I'll protect you."

Tomoko nodded. Then she sighed.

"What's wrong?" asked Madoka.

"I just thought my first kiss would be better," said Tomoko.

"And that's what makes me really upset," said Madoka. "Your kisses should only be given to those you love."

"What was your first kiss like?" asked Tomoko.

"Oh," said Madoka.

"If you don't mind me asking," said Tomoko.

"I don't mind," said Madoka. She giggled. "I just never really thought about it… I guess you could say it was kind of dry."

"Dry?" asked Tomoko.

"Yeah," said Madoka. "Because of something he ate."

"What kind of food makes your mouth dry?" asked Tomoko.

"I guess you could say it was sort of like a vegetable," said Madoka, laughing.

"What did he look like?" asked Tomoko.

"He had long dark hair and this beautiful icy stare," said Madoka. "His eyes were purple."

"A bishonen," said Tomoko.

Madoka smiled.

"Umm… is something wrong?" asked Tomoko.

Madoka shook her head. "I just thought you'd never warm up to me, that's all."

"She's right!" thought Tomoko. "We're having a conversation!"

"We're going over to Miss Suzumiya's tonight," said Madoka. "I'll give you my number, just in case."

They swapped phone numbers.

"Bye!" said Madoka. She left.

Then Konata showed up.

"Mokocchi, are you alright!?" asked Konata. "The nurse told me that you fainted!"

"An otaku tried to kiss me," said Tomoko.

Konata laughed. "Is that all?"

Tomoko was annoyed. "He was disgusting."

"Right, I'm sorry," said Konata. "We'll come up with a better plan next time."

"I don't think I want to be in the plan next time," said Tomoko.

"What!?" said Konata. "But don't you want to be popular?"

"I do, but…" said Tomoko.

"Then this is your chance!" said Konata. "We're hanging out with Haruhi now! Isn't that the dream?"

"Yeah," said Tomoko.

"And Haruhi's the most popular girl of all time!" said Konata. "If you stick with her, you're bound to get popular."

Tomoko nodded.

"I'm sorry about what happened," said Konata. "But it'll be better next time. I'll get Haruhi to do the Caramelldansen. You'll want to be a part of that, right?"

Tomoko smiled. "Yeah!"

"Great," said Konata. "I'll ask her tomorrow. But for tonight…" her eye shone. "We'll be smoking weed."

That's it for Chapter 2! Sorry it took so long. I got lost on the road of life, and my proofreaders bailed out on me. Hopefully I'm still able to entertain you! The wait between now and the next chapter won't be as long, I promise. Don't be afraid to give me any feedback!