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Chapter 1

So here I was, Stephanie Plum, Bombshell, whatever you want to call me, on my way to my on- off, soon to be ex- boyfriend. I was kind of worried about his reaction but I knew I had to do this for myself. I couldn't be happy with the life he wanted me to live. I would slowly go down and break.

When I pulled up to his house I saw his truck standing in the driveway. He was home, so far so good. I walked up to the door, but before I could knock he already had the door open and tried to pull me into a kiss. No 'Hi, how are you? Are you okay?' Nice. Exactly what I had expected. Not that it had ever been different.

"Stop it!" Oops louder than I realized. Now he was angry. I could already see it in his eyes.

"What is wrong with you? I haven't seen you for over a week. I want to kiss my girlfriend hello! The cops are already talking about us. Do you have any idea what this constant on- off does for my career?"

"About this. I think we need to talk." I think he saw something in my eyes or in my posture, because he just dragged me into the kitchen. "Joe, I think we should be honest with ourselves. Our so called relationship isn't working. We come to each other when we need sex, but there isn't much else to our relationship. You tell me that the boys miss me and then we have a few nights of sex, before we fight again. We don't even make love, Joe. It's just sex. We don't go out together. You consider Pino's take out and a Rangers game a date. When was the last time we went out in public, went to the movie theater or to a fancy restaurant? And I don't want to be second in a relationship. Your work goes over everything. I can't live like you want me to. I need to be free." By now he was angry, his lips were a thin line and his jaw clenched tight and I could see the vein on his neck pulsing. Oh boy.

"This is about Ranger, isn't it? What has he offered you now? A new job, a car? Hell. He uses you, don't you see it?" Joe was almost screaming.

"Stop it Joe!" By now I had gone back to my Italian ancestors and was using a lot of their gestures, but Joe wasn't better. "I haven't seen him since last Thursday, the last time I saw you too. Since then I have been in my apartment. Alone!" I didn't think telling him about Ella would do him any good, so I didn't mention her. "I used this time to think about me and us. About what I want and what I need in my life. Joe I think we should break up for good. We are no good for each other. We haven't seen each other for a week and all we are doing now is arguing. We bring each other down. We should end this!"

"You want to end us? After 3 years you walk in and want to tell me there is no more us? Why?"

"See, there is no 'us'. I'm not sure there has ever been, Joe. And then this thing with Dickie was the last straw. You let me believe I was still a suspect under murder investigations. You didn't tell me that I didn't have to worry, that I was clear. You let me believe that some guys from the PD could show up at any given time to haul me in for questioning or could even arrest me. This isn't a good base for a loving and trusting relationship. We don't trust each other. And after this stunt I'm not sure if I can ever trust you again." My voice was steadily raising with the anger that surged through me.

"But,..."

"Please let me finish. I can't go on like this, wondering if the police or Ranger and his Merry Men will get to me fast enough to safe me, but I want to keep my job. So I will get training. But I can't be what you want me to be. I can't be a stay- at- home mom. I would go nuts. I can't be the perfect Burg wife. Joe this isn't me, but this is what you want. We are too different to make it work. I can't be this person. I was never the right one for this position. I hope that you find a nice burg girl for you, but it won't be me."

I had seen Joe gradually calm down. I think he realized that I was right. We were comfortable in our relationship. That's why we needed so long to admit it, but we couldn't give what the other needed.

"Cupcake, I think you are right. It's hard to admit, but it is true. But tell me, is this because of Ranger?"

"NO. I thought about this whole love triangle, but this isn't the main reason. I think my main reason was the trust issue. We don't trust each other. You withhold information from me, but usually this makes it more dangerous for me. I don't trust you at the moment." To tell him or tell him not? Do I tell him that I always wondered about him and Terry? "And I never knew for sure what was between you and Terry. In a healthy relationship you shouldn't need to wonder about stuff like this. And I know for sure that you always wondered about me and Ranger. We shouldn't do this to each other, but more importantly to ourselves."

"You are right Cupcake. I can still call you Cupcake, can't I?" After my nod he went on. "We hurt each other and bring each other down. It is right to end this, but I hope we can stay friends."

Damn, these puppy eyes. Never knew Morelli could do them, but he has betrayed my trust. "I don't know Joe. I hope that in the end we can be friends again, but at the moment I need some distance. I hope you can understand this. But now I need to go. Bye."

With this I went out the way I came, never looking back. I drove away, but soon realized that I was too shaken to drive safely, so I pulled over at the next 7-11 to get me a sugar fix to calm my nerves. I knew that I would need it. I was surprised that Morelli had let me go this easily. But what did this say about our relationship? Was he cheating on me? I didn't know, and when I'm honest with myself I didn't want to know. Morelli was the past. Maybe we could be friends in the future, but as a couple we were a failure. I was also surprised that I didn't hurt about the fact, that I would never be with Morelli again. Sure, I was sad, but not because we weren't a couple anymore, I was hurt because he didn't trust me and had so endangered me different times. I was actually pretty relieved. I could start new. I could start better. With this thought I drove to the Haywood offices, hoping that Ranger was there.

Merry Christmas everyone.