Warnings: Squick all over the place. I'm not warning for anything specific, though, so read at your own risk. Not a happy fic.
There was a bit of a panic about the lack of internet here last night, but I searched our hotel room and found an ethernet connection this morning. So yay, a chapter! I don't know if I'll be able to post again next week, but I'll see what I can manage.
XXX
Sephiroth woke with a start what felt like only a few minutes later, but the sun was glaring brightly, and he could hear his alarm clock going off in his room. Zack was snoring on the couch, drooling on a throw pillow. Cracking his back painfully, Sephiroth pushed himself out of the chair and went to shut off the alarm. A quick peek into the guest room showed that the noise hadn't woken Cloud, a small mercy that Sephiroth was grateful for. Maybe he'd have time for a cup of coffee before he'd need to help Cloud face being awake again.
The smell of coffee brewing had Zack stumbling into the kitchen, groping around blearily for a mug until Sephiroth took pity on him. "Tell me we got wasted last night and I just had a really fucked up dream," Zack mumbled as he sipped his coffee.
"Wish I could, but your fucked up dream is still sleeping," Sephiroth said, rummaging through his cupboards for cereal. He kept a box of the sugary kind Zack liked for mornings when he came over early before a mission. Maybe Cloud would like it too. Or maybe he'd prefer real food for breakfast.
"Damn."
"Did it take him long to calm down last night?" Sephiroth asked.
"Nah, he was all right. He conked out pretty quickly." Zack grabbed two bowls out of the cupboard and poured out some cereal, handing the other one to Sephiroth. "He was more embarrassed that he needed help more than anything, I think. But...I think he knew that he couldn't have done it without the help either, and that was what was hardest for him."
"I understand." Sephiroth nodded solemnly as he poured his own cereal. "He's an adult—or fairly near to one—you told him that I didn't mind, right?"
"Of course I did, Seph! What kind of asshole do you take me for?"
"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure that he knows."
"So, I was thinking about what we should do for today," Zack started. "Cloud's gonna need someone to stay with him for a while until he can handle stuff like that on his own. So I was thinking that I could tell Lazard that you're puking your guts up after being treated like a lab rat or something and you can't come in today. I'll still go in and see if I can get a few people to help me out with keeping an eye on the other cadets. And I'll also see what I can find out about what's going on in the lab."
Sephiroth nodded. "I'm fine with that. Make sure you're careful about the lab though. I don't want you to draw attention to yourself."
"Yup, no problem. I'm an ace at covert ops."
Sephiroth snorted derisively but didn't say anything more about it. "Do you mind if I take a shower before you go? I'd rather not have Cloud wake up alone."
"Go for it," Zack said, getting up to get another cup of coffee. "Just be quick. I'll probably be late as it is, though I guess I can just say I was sticking thermometres up your butt or something."
Sephiroth shot a glare at Zack and got a cheeky smile and a blown kiss in return. His shower was quick, but refreshing, and it felt wonderful to get out of his uniform. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually slept in it and had forgotten how gross and uncomfortable it was. He changed into more comfortable jeans and a t-shirt and saw Zack off, half-heartedly yelling at him for stealing his coffee mug.
After Zack had gone, Sephiroth milled around for a while, wondering when Cloud would wake up. He supposed that Cloud probably would have slept in late even if he hadn't been experimented on and traumatized. The life of a Shin-Ra cadet wasn't easy, and if no one woke them, they tended to sleep for as long as they possibly could. The second bathroom still needed to be cleaned, and Sephiroth decided it would be an appropriate way to kill time.
He had cleaned the bathroom, read the paper, and watched half of some drama show that he didn't really understand by the time he finally heard movement from the spare bedroom. And it was a long while after that before Cloud poked his head into the living room.
"Good morning, Cloud," Sephiroth said casually as he stood up and shut off the TV. "Are you cold?"
Cloud adjusted the blanket that was wrapped around his shoulders and shook his head. "No, sir, I'm just..."
Hiding his body. "Don't worry about it. How are you feeling today?"
"Like a girl," Cloud said, staring resolutely at the floor.
"Right." Sephiroth stuffed his hands in his pockets and shuffled awkwardly. Why the hell had he let Zack leave? "Do you need to use the bathroom? Or are you hungry?"
Cloud shook his head and took a few steps back towards the bedroom. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir. I should—I don't know...sorry."
"Cadet Strife, get back out here," Sephiroth ordered.
Cloud froze in his tracks but didn't come back, so Sephiroth went after him. "Cloud, you can't hide from this," he said in a far gentler tone, and he set a hand on Cloud's shoulder. "I know you're scared and upset, but I need you to try. Please?"
Cloud turned to face him again; there were a few tears trickling out of the corners of his eyes and Sephiroth pulled him into a hug. "It's just—" Cloud choked out, "It's real, sir. It's really real and—and—I can't do this. I can't be a girl."
"Shh, I'm not asking you to be a girl. I'm not asking you anything like that. You're male no matter what your body looks like. But I just need you to try to cope with this as best you can until we can fix it. You need to survive until then, that's all I'm asking."
Cloud spent several minutes crying—Sephiroth had a feeling they'd be doing a lot of this—before he sniffed loudly and wiped at his eyes.
"Feeling better?" Sephiroth asked.
"Yeah, a little. I don't know why I'm crying so much. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It's stress and hormones."
"Hormones?" Cloud asked.
"You're used to processing male hormones; female hormones are different and it would have been a task getting used to them even if you weren't so stressed. Your body will get used to it, and you'll be able to cope a bit better soon enough." Sephiroth was mildly amused that one of the biology books he had been forced to read as a part of his education had actually come in handy. "So don't worry about it. You can't help it right now, okay?"
"Okay." Cloud looked up and gave him a weak smile.
Sephiroth pulled the blanket back around Cloud's shoulders a bit better and gave him another hug before letting go. "So, do you want some breakfast?"
"I—yes please, but..." Cloud blushed again and went back to looking at the floor, but Sephiroth saw his eyes dart to the bathroom entrance.
"Toilet?" Sephiroth asked, and Cloud nodded shyly. "Let's go." He made Cloud drop the blanket outside the door, as it would have just made things more difficult. He figured Cloud would tell him when he no longer needed help with this, so he wouldn't put him through the embarrassment of having to say it each time. It did go a lot better this time; Sephiroth tried to be encouraging without the patronization. While he wasn't sure if he was successful in that regard, Cloud didn't end up in tears again, so it was at least a step in the right direction.
Sephiroth picked up the discarded blanket and offered it to Cloud. "Would you prefer a sweater or something? That would be easier, I'd think."
"I'm okay with this." Cloud gave him another small smile and wrapped the blanket around himself.
"All right, let's get some food into you then. It's been a long time since you last ate."
Cloud was happy with the sugary cereal, but turned down coffee in favour of juice. He kept glancing around nervously as he ate, trying to sneak peeks at his surroundings and his host without being noticed. He seemed to be too shy to say anything though.
"How about I show you around the place after you're done eating?" Sephiroth asked.
"Um, okay." Cloud nodded and started shovelling cereal into his mouth.
"When you're finished, Cloud. Don't make yourself sick; there's no rush." Sephiroth poured himself another cup of coffee and sat down in the hopes that Cloud would relax a little.
"Where—where's Zack?" Cloud eventually asked.
"He went in to work today; he's going to see if he can find out what's going on in the science department. But don't get your hopes up just yet."
"Don't worry, I get it. I'm stuck like this for a while." Cloud sighed as he finished up the last of his cereal.
"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you that we'll be able to fix it quickly, but...Do you want more?" Sephiroth pointed to the empty bowl.
"No, thank you, sir. I'm fine."
Sephiroth took the bowl from Cloud. "Let's go for a tour, then. This is the kitchen. Help yourself to whatever you want. There's a list on the fridge; if we run out of something or there's anything in particular you want, write it there." Sephiroth stuck the bowl in the dishwasher and looked around. "It's pretty self–explanatory," he said, shrugging.
Cloud nodded and took a shy glance around. "It's pretty fancy."
"Yeah, it came this way," Sephiroth explained. "Shin-Ra hired some famous designer to furnish and decorate the place. It's nice enough, I guess. Come on." Sephiroth led Cloud back towards the bedrooms and opened the first door. "This is my study. I'll set up an account for you on the computer, and feel free to take a look through any of the books in here. There's nothing classified on the shelves, so don't worry about that."
"You read a lot, don't you, sir?" Cloud asked, taking in the shelves stacked high with books.
"Mmm, yes, I enjoy it. If what I've got isn't to your tastes, let me know and I can pick up anything you'd like. Do you read much?"
"Yeah, there's never any time in the program, though. I guess now I'll have plenty of time to catch up."
"Well, that chair is a fantastic reading chair," Sephiroth said, pointing at a well–worn chair in the far corner of the study. "I highly recommend it."
Cloud smiled a bit at that. "Thank you, sir."
"You don't have to call me 'sir', Cloud."
"Guess I'm not in the army anymore."
Sephiroth reached out and touched Cloud's shoulder. "I didn't mean it like that, I want just you to be comfortable around me."
Cloud nodded. "I understand, sorry, I..."
Sephiroth took Cloud's hand and gave it a squeeze, leading him out of the study. "There're just the bedrooms down there. I'll get yours cleaned up after the tour." Sephiroth gestured towards the far end of the hallway and then tugged Cloud out past the dining area again and into the living room. "TV, all the amenities—my movie selection isn't very good, I'm afraid, but again, anything you want, just ask me. Zack probably has some DVDs you can borrow as well. And I've got the full cable package." Sephiroth was worried about how Cloud would stave off boredom; he wouldn't be able to easily leave the apartment, so he hoped that Cloud would feel comfortable asking him for what he wanted.
"Okay." Cloud pointed to a small door. "What's in there?"
"It's an exercise room," Sephiroth said, leading Cloud over and unlocking the door. There was a treadmill and stationary bike, as well as a few weight machines and some dumbbells. "I share it with Tseng, but neither of us ever use it. It's too small compared to what's available in headquarters. But I think you could get good use of it."
"Yeah." Cloud smiled. "That would be good. Who's Tseng?"
"He's the leader of the Turks. His apartment is next to this one. He's...a bit unpredictable, so I'd like you to avoid him until I can figure out where he stands."
"What do you mean, unpredictable?"
"Tseng takes his job very seriously and if he thought it was in the company's best interest, he'd turn you over to Hojo in a heartbeat. However, he's also been known to side with me over things like Hojo, so it's hard to tell what his reaction to you would be. Until I figure it out, I'll give you his schedule, and I'd like you to only use this room when he's working. I don't want to risk him walking in on you."
Cloud gulped and nodded. He had probably heard stories about the Turks and how you never wanted to cross them.
"Don't worry about it. Just keep the door locked when you're not using it and if he causes problems, I'll protect you. You have my word."
Cloud blushed and suddenly became fascinated by the floor; she really looked adorable with the blanket wrapped around he—his shoulders.
"And over here, we have the balcony," Sephiroth continued casually. He didn't want to think about how cute Cloud had looked. That was way too much to deal with right now. He opened the balcony door and showed Cloud the spacious area. There was a barbeque out there and a small table with some chairs. He had been skeptical about the barbeque when he first moved in, but it had swiftly turned into his favourite way to cook.
"Wow, you've got a great view, sir," Cloud said, forgetting to hang onto the blanket while he looked over the railing.
"It's best in the evenings," Sephiroth said as he leaned over to pick up the blanket. "We're facing west, and the smog from the mako reactors makes for some brilliant sunsets. We can barbeque something for dinner tonight, and you can see for yourself."
"That would be nice." Cloud turned away from the railing. He seemed to realize that he had dropped the blanket, and his arms suddenly flew up to his chest, covering it.
"It's okay, Cloud." Sephiroth shook the blanket out and wrapped it around him again, giving him a hug at the same time. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. And your shirt is baggy, so it's hardly noticeable."
"I notice," Cloud said in a quavering voice with his face pressed into Sephiroth's shoulder.
"I know. I understand." He led Cloud back inside and made him a cup of tea. He made a note to get more tea; that seemed to be his go-to beverage of choice for calming down. "How about you take a look at the books and see if there's anything that interests you while I get an account made for you on the computer?"
"O—okay," Cloud said shakily.
Cloud perused the shelves while Sephiroth sat down at his desk. He didn't set up an account just yet, opting to go online for a bit of research first. There had to be things out there to help transgender people with their daily lives. Cloud needed something to wrap around his chest to hide his breasts. Sephiroth had thought of tensor bandages, but those were narrow and would probably be uncomfortable. Cloud also wouldn't be able to put them on by himself, which might be a problem.
He found a support site for people in the Midgar area that recommended a store that stocked some binding choices for trans men. He made a note of the name and address, and then went about making the account for Cloud. Maybe tomorrow, if he got Zack to stay with Cloud, he could go and see what they had. He wanted to get that done as soon as possible, but he supposed it depended on whether or not Cloud was able to go to the bathroom on his own by then, or if Zack would be willing to help him if he wasn't.
Sephiroth cast a glance at Cloud; he was curled up on the chair with a book and looked almost happy. Feeling fairly certain that he'd be fine there for a while, Sephiroth turned back to the computer and accessed his files. He didn't quite dare to go into the Shin-Ra database to look up Cloud's full file so soon after the escape, but he had an offline copy of all the army personnel's basic information. Cloud's was pretty average; he was from a town on the Western Continent called Nibelheim, sixteen years old; he joined the ranks the previous fall, just after his sixteenth birthday. Sephiroth let out a soft chuckle; it was all stuff he could have just asked Cloud. It might have even made for an interesting conversation.
"Did you say something, sir?" Cloud asked.
"No," Sephiroth said, quickly closing the file. "But here, your account is just about set up if you want to set the password for it."
Cloud set his book down and came over. Sephiroth let him sit and they finished setting it up.
"I know you just had breakfast, but do you want some lunch?"
"Oh, um, okay."
Sephiroth nodded and headed for the door. When Cloud started to follow him, he waved him back. "Stay here and read your book. I'll give you a shout when it's ready. Are sandwiches okay?"
The hurt look on Cloud's face made Sephiroth feel a bit bad for brushing him off like that, but he needed a break. Having someone else in his apartment was bad enough, but someone on the verge of tears all the time was even worse. It wasn't Cloud's fault, he knew that, and it was certainly even more tiring for him, but still...Sephiroth sighed as he started piling sandwich fixings on the counter; he had volunteered to do this, and he would see it through to the end.
They ate their meal in uncomfortable silence. As they were finishing up the last of the sandwiches, Sephiroth finally spoke. "Will you help me clean out your room when we're done eating?" Much as he loathed the idea of having someone else going through his things, it was something that they could do together that wouldn't be upsetting for Cloud.
Cloud looked up eagerly. "Yes, sir, of course I can." He polished off his sandwich and brought his plate into the kitchen, stumbling a bit in his haste.
Sephiroth dumped both their plates in the dishwasher and found some empty boxes in the front closet from when he had moved in. He set Cloud up with some packing tape and told him to put them together while he looked at what needed to be done in the room. Now that he was looking at it during the day, it really wasn't that bad. Most of the clothes—as long as they couldn't be identified as his—could be donated, and the rest seemed to be random books and knickknacks that he had acquired over the years. They could just box everything up and find somewhere else to stash it.
They worked out a system where Sephiroth sorted and Cloud packed the boxes. It worked well, and Sephiroth found himself comfortable enough to attempt to start a conversation.
"Where are you from, Cloud?" he asked. "Zack said you're a country boy."
"Yeah," Cloud laughed as he folded a shirt, "I'm from a little town called Nibelheim. Have you heard of it?"
"I've heard the name before, but I don't know anything about it."
"There's not much to know. The most interesting thing in it is the water tower. There's a reactor not far from it, and Shin-Ra's got a mansion just outside of the town. It's so boring; I couldn't wait until I was old enough to enlist just so I could have an excuse to get out of there."
"Do you like it in the army?" Sephiroth could have kicked himself as soon as he asked that question. Why the hell did a simple conversation have to be so hard?
"It's hard," Cloud said, "But yeah, I like it. It's...I dunno, it's what I always wanted to do. I know I wasn't the best, but Zack kept telling me that I'd improve...I guess it doesn't really matter now, huh."
"After this is sorted out, we can see about getting you reenlisted, if that's what you want."
Cloud let out a bitter laugh. "Somehow, I can't see myself wanting to work for the company that did this to me."
"Right. I understand." Sephiroth fished around in his mind for something else to talk about. "What book were you reading?"
"The Face in the Frost. It looked interesting; you don't have a whole lot of fantasy books."
"You like fantasies?" Sephiroth had never really seen the point.
"Yeah, it's fun to escape into a story where impossible things happen...to someone other than me. What's your favourite type of story?"
"If I'm reading fiction, I like mysteries. I think that's why I got that one, actually. It's sort of a mystery, too, isn't it?"
"I dunno, so far it's just funny and a little scary."
"Well, I'm glad you found something that you like. I can get some more if you want."
"Thanks, sir, but you don't have to."
Sephiroth sighed; that was exactly what he didn't want Cloud to say. "Cloud, you're going to be stuck here for a while and I don't want you going stir crazy. Since you won't be able to easily go down to the store and pick something up, you're going to have to tell me when you want something. That includes entertainment, random snacks you crave, and your preferred brand of toothpaste; it's not frivolous and I won't mind."
Cloud began obsessively smoothing out the wrinkles in a shirt he had just folded and answered quietly. "Yes, sir."
They fell silent again after that and worked quickly until everything had been packed up and neatly labelled.
"We'll put the boxes that are going to goodwill by the door and the others in the study for now," Sephiroth said as he picked up one of the boxes. Cloud followed suit, or tried to, but lost his balance and dropped the heavy box as he stumbled.
"Dammit! Sorry, sir, it was heavier than I expected." Cloud tried picking it up again and succeeded, but he was definitely having trouble as he staggered to the door with it. His arms didn't quite reach all the way around and he could barely see where he was going.
Sephiroth followed Cloud out and set his own box down next to the other. "Maybe you should stick with the smaller, lighter boxes. I can carry the heavy ones."
Cloud nodded, but Sephiroth saw tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. "I weight train all the time, sir. I can carry that much."
Sephiroth could only think to pat Cloud's shoulder in consolation. People overestimated their abilities all the time, especially in front of him. Unfortunately, there weren't very many light boxes, and Cloud had them all moved fairly quickly, leaving only the heavy ones. When he stumbled again trying to carry one, he burst into tears.
"Fuck!" he shouted, kicking the box in frustration. "It's just a stupid box! Why the hell can't I carry it?"
"It's not a big deal, Cloud," Sephiroth said. "I can move the rest, why don't you go take a break."
"I can do it!" Cloud shouted. "I know I can carry this much! I want to help you!"
"Well, you're not helping!" Sephiroth found himself shouting back. "You can't carry it, and you're going to hurt yourself if you keep trying. Go read your book."
Cloud looked at him with wide, hurt-filled eyes before he turned and ran from the room. Sephiroth heard a door slam somewhere in the apartment a few moments later and he slammed his fist into his thigh. "Stupid! You stupid idiot!" he hissed. How could he have lost his temper like that? As soon as he actually thought about it, it made sense that Cloud couldn't carry as much as he thought he could. Women's upper body strength was completely different from men's. And considering the physical attributes listed on Cloud's file, he was at least a few inches shorter than he had been. No small wonder it was hard for him.
Sephiroth moved the remaining boxes as quickly as he could while constantly berating himself. He should have made sense of the clumsiness sooner too; Cloud's centre of gravity was in a completely different place than what he was used to. Throw a heavy box or running into the equation and he was going to be tripping all over the place. Sephiroth wasn't sure if he should be leaving Cloud alone right now, but figured he should get this done so they wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. At least he knew that Cloud was still in the apartment; the alarm on the front door hadn't beeped.
After a brief search of the apartment, Sephiroth found Cloud huddled in a corner on the balcony, crying quietly. He grabbed the blanket Cloud had been using earlier and draped it over his shoulders. He wasn't sure if it was still too cold out for an unenhanced person wearing only a light shirt, but thought the blanket might be comforting, even if it wasn't necessary.
"I'm sorry, Cloud," he said, crouching down next to him. "I shouldn't have yelled. I understand now why you were having trouble, and I shouldn't have just assumed that you were trying to impress me. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"I—I don't know wh—why I'm crying again. I'm angry, not sad," Cloud choked out.
"I'm sorry, you have every right to be angry with me. Do you want me to call Zack and get him to come back?"
"I'm not mad at you." Cloud curled his hands into fists around the blanket. "I'm mad at myself. I should have been able to carry that! Instead I look like a fucking tool, tripping and falling all over the place, dropping your things..."
"No, Cloud, no. It's not your fault." Sephiroth sat down next to Cloud and pulled him into a hug. "Your body is completely different than what you're used to. You've got two arms and two legs, but they're the wrong size. Your balance is fucked up because women have different centres of gravity. Your muscles just aren't the same anymore and you need time to adjust to that."
"It's not mine...I'm not me..." Cloud pressed his face into Sephiroth's arm and cried. "I—I feel like—like I'm in someone else's body, and it doesn't do what I say unless that person feels like it. I can make suggestions, and that's about it."
Sephiroth, once again, couldn't think of anything comforting to say, so he opted to just hold Cloud while he cried it out. He focused on the pattern of cracks in the cement on the balcony wall and ran his fingers through Cloud's hair. He couldn't believe how tired he was; he was used to sleeping in far worse conditions than he had last night.
"You two having a party out here?" A voice startled Sephiroth out of his daze and he reached for his weapon instinctively.
"Shit, Zack." Sephiroth stopped frantically searching for Masamune and resumed stroking Cloud's head to assure him that nothing was wrong. "How'd you get in here?"
"Nabbed your keycard this morning; figured you wouldn't be needing it." Zack held out the keycard and waved it in front of Sephiroth's face. "And here's your mug back, too."
Sephiroth snatched them both away and glared at Zack, accidentally jostling Cloud in the process. Cloud got up and wrapped the blanket tightly around himself, hiding his face, and pushed his way past Zack into the apartment.
"You okay, Spiky? What's wrong?"
"I'm fine," Cloud said, heading towards the bedrooms.
"What happened, Seph?" Zack looked worried as he sat down in one of the chairs.
"I...I made him cry," Sephiroth admitted. "I got frustrated with him and yelled. We boxed up everything that was in that room, so he was trying to carry them and was upset that he couldn't. I didn't even consider why he couldn't; I just got mad at him and told him to get out." Sephiroth stared up at the sky; it was beginning to darken, but he supposed there would be other nights for Cloud to see the sunset.
"Did you apologize?"
"Yeah, and honestly, I don't think he's mad at me at all. He's mad at himself for not being able to do it, and for getting so upset. I still felt like shit, though."
"As you should have."
Sephiroth's head jerked up, and he looked at Zack in surprise. That was the last thing he expected to hear from Zack. He tended to be more understanding about Sephiroth's social inadequacies.
"You lost your temper when you should have been thinking about why he was having trouble; that was a shitty thing to do. You should feel bad about it. But you've apologized, and now you just have to try and make it up to him."
Sephiroth nodded his understanding.
"Look." Zack propped his feet up on the railing. "Neither of us can truly understand what Cloud's going through. We can try, but in the end, we just don't know what it's like. So we have to be as patient as possible. It's going to be frustrating, we're going to want to lose our tempers and yell that he should just get over it. But we can't. We can't do that because he needs us, and we're all he's got. If we alienate him, who knows what's going to happen? So just remember, as hard and as frustrating it is for you, it's probably a hundred times harder for Cloud. Next time, if you find yourself getting angry, count to ten and try to see things from his point of view."
"I'll do that. I swear I didn't mean to get mad, it just happened."
"It's understandable; everyone's nerves are frayed. You're tired, worried, and stressed beyond belief. But you need to try harder." Zack thumped him on the shoulder and shot a grin at him. "Go talk to him again while I order pizza. Bring him a peace offering. Has he been hauling that blanket around all day?"
"Not all day..."
Zack sighed exaggeratedly. "Give him one of your sweaters; that should be baggy enough to hide things."
"I offered him a sweater," Sephiroth protested. "He said he was fine."
"Of course he did! He's a cadet, and you're as high up the food chain as a person can get. Just give it to him and don't take 'no' for an answer."
"All right, all right. He's going to have to learn to ask for stuff, though. I can't read minds." Sephiroth pushed himself up off the ground and headed in.
"It's a peace offering, not rocket science. Now go, and don't you dare make him cry again before the pizza gets here."
"I've got it." Sephiroth slammed the door shut behind him. It wasn't like he had tried to upset Cloud. He had gotten Cloud to help with cleaning the room specifically because he thought that it wouldn't!
"Go!" Zack shouted from outside. He pointed angrily towards the bedrooms when Sephiroth turned around to glare.
Sephiroth didn't have very many sweaters, as he didn't wear them often, but he rummaged through his drawers until he found a one that had been given to him several years ago. It was the one he wore most often, actually, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted to give it away. But it would cover Cloud's chest well; it was also made out of a soft wool and was really comfortable. Sephiroth nodded to himself; it would do.
The door to Cloud's room was shut, so Sephiroth knocked softly. "Cloud? It's me. Can I come in?"
There was a long moment's silence before Cloud replied, "Yeah."
Cloud was curled up on his bed, sniffling quietly with a pile of tissues beside him. Sephiroth came in and sat down beside him, fiddling with the sweater on his lap. "I really am sorry, Cloud. I should have been more patient."
Cloud shook his head. "Not your fault."
"It is my fault, Cloud. Everything's different for you and I need to help you adjust, not get angry at you over things you can't help." Sephiroth grabbed a fresh tissue and wiped a few tears off Cloud's face. "Please don't be angry with yourself; none of this is your fault, and it will get easier."
"Did Zack learn anything?" Cloud asked so quietly that Sephiroth could barely hear him.
"He didn't say, but...if he had, he probably would have said so right away. Sorry."
Cloud didn't say anything more, and Sephiroth was at a loss, yet again.
"I—Zack's ordering pizza for dinner; maybe we can barbeque another night when you're feeling more up to it. But, um, here." Sephiroth held out the sweater. "It'll be easier than dragging that blanket around everywhere, and you won't have to worry about it slipping off. I'm pretty sure it'll keep you covered. I'll see what I can find later so you can hide them properly." Sephiroth could have beaten his head against the wall. How awkward had that sounded? Although coming right out and talking about Cloud's breasts was probably a very bad idea, it still sounded stupid the way he phrased it.
Cloud sat up and cautiously took the sweater from Sephiroth. "For me? But...I've seen you wearing it sometimes. In pictures and stuff. I can't..."
"It's really comfortable. Here, try it on." Sephiroth took the sweater back and pulled it over Cloud's head without giving him time to protest. Cloud put his arms through the sleeves on his own, and Sephiroth helped tug it down. "It looks good on you."
"Th—thank you."
"More comfortable than the blanket?"
"Yeah."
"Good, that's the important thing. How about we go see what Zack's ordered and see if he got anything done today?" Sephiroth held out his hand to Cloud, who took it and gave him a tentative smile.
"Okay."