On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare
I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
The next two weeks were pretty busy for Lexie. She was getting used to having a structured life again. For the most part she avoided Shane. They didn't speak much due to Rick's ever watchful gaze.
What Lexie did notice was Shane kept a close watch on her. When she went outside he wasn't far away watching. She wasn't for sure if he did this to be annoying or he was wanting to keep her safe.
As the temperature began to drop Lexie and everyone else was moved into the house. To Rick and Lori's horror Lexie was paired up with Shane. When Lori began to throw a fit Lexie intervened.
"Lori it's ok. I promise! You don't need to worry yourself! Nothing will happen."
Lord looked at her sister in law that she almost considered a daughter and nodded reluctantly. Rick too didn't look pleased as he shot Shane a dark glare. Shane meanwhile appeared to be taking none of this seriously. He looked nonchalantly at Lexie.
"You can have the bed. I'll take the floor."
He turned walking up the stairs without another word. Lexie looked at Rick with a grin before turning and walking up the stairs too.
When she walked into the room Shane didn't look up.
"Well this room is cute."
She said sarcastically looking at all the pink bedding. Shane rolled his eyes.
"It looks like Barbie's dream house threw up."
Lexie couldn't help laughing at that. She had forgotten how much her and Shane's sense of humor was alike.
"My thoughts exactly. You sure you're good with the floor? Hardwood doesn't look to cozy."
Shane's brown eyes rolled up to her.
"It's fine."
He tried not to look at her too long even though she looked beautiful in her skinny jeans and loose neck sweater. Her long brown hair curled around her cute round face. No matter how hard he denied it he loved her.
The two went back to what they were doing for a moment before Shane looked up.
"Can ya tell me somethin?"
Lexie looked up.
"Yea?"
She said nervously. Shane sighed sitting down on the bed.
"Why did you take off? I wanted to fix us. I knew and still know I fucked up. I thought we were somethin special...you and I."
Lexie pressed her lips together
"We did have something special and you ruined it by not keeping your cock in your pants."
Shane stood.
"Than let me fix this. We don't know how much longer we've got. I want you so bad and I know deep down you are still in love with me. I see it in your eyes when you look at me. Come on darlin. Remember how great everything was for us? Remember how great it felt us together. It was heaven."
Lexie looked down with sad eyes.
"Obviously it wasn't good enough to keep you faithful and ultimately led to me having a miscarriage."
Shane's mouth dropped. He hadn't been told of this.
"What? What the hell you talking about? You were pregnant and didn't tell me?"
Lexis looked up meeting Shane furious eyes.
"You obviously didn't care about me enough to be faithful so why would you care about our child?"
Shane ran a hand through his hair
"The fuck kinda question is that?! I loved you regardless of my misdoings and I woulda loved our baby. When did you miscarry?"
Lexie began to twirl a piece of hair on her finger.
"About a month after I left. The doctor said it was due to stress and my lady parts not being suited for having children. There ya happy? Now you know why I am so angry at you."
Shane threw the handgun he was hold before going after Lexie making her jump back.
"This ain't my fault! If you would have opened your damn mouth, which normally you are good at I coulda done something! This is on you! You were being a selfish brat like alway. Nothing I did was good enough! You're just like Lori!"
Lexie reached our smacking Shane as hard as she could before walking out.
"Fuck you Shane."
She hissed angrily. Shane meanwhile sat down on the bed holding his head in his hands.
"You would like that wouldn't you darlin?"
He groaned thinking about everything that was said. Maybe he was too harsh. As usual he acted on his temper. He didn't take time to consider Lexie's point of view. For the moment he didn't give a rats ass but now he wished he would have talked to her. Told her that he was sorry and offered to do whatever he could. Blaming her wasn't fixing jack shit.
There was also the fact that he could have been a father. He could have had a child of his own right now. Both he and lexie could have been happy and in love with their little one but no it was ruined. Everything was ruined and now he didn't think it could be fixed.
Lexie meanwhile, stormed outside. She was thankful no one saw her. If Rick or Lori had seen this she would have to tell them what happened and she really didn't want to do that. That was the last thing she wanted.
Walking outside she walked to the pasture where Hershel kept several horses. She watched as they ran and played with each other. Lexie couldn't help but envy their innocence. They didn't have worries. Mostly it was just what blade of grass to eat next; that seemed to be the life for her.
"My wife was pregnant once."
She looked up frightened when she heard the voice. Lexie spun to see Dale who had just walked up.
"She miscarried and we never tried again."
Lexie looked at him sadly.
"I'm sorry. I know how that feels. Wait did you hear Shane and I?"
Dale nodded.
"Yea. I was in my room. Let me tell you sweetheart your feelings are justified and so is his. It's a painful experience for both parties. I remember being so angry when it happened to my wife. She had a hard time. Didn't get out of bed for days. I did what I could to be there for her. I couldn't imagine how it was for you being alone."
Lexie felt warm tears begin to fall.
"It was awful. I still feel the pain. I feel like I'm suffocating Dale. Am I selfish for not telling Shane?"
Dale reached out taking Lexie's hand in his.
"I don't think so. You had your reasons for not doing so. There is nothing wrong with protecting your heart but you can't keep it closed forever. I'm not telling you to run to Shane and tell him your forgive him. Not in the slightest. There are days I would like it to beat him over the head. I know he's difficult but he loves you. I can see that and I believe you love him too."
Lexie nodded sniffing.
"I want to beat the shit out of him and make him suffer like I did. Let him feel my pain. But then I don't want him to go through what I did. I don't want him to have that misery on him. Am I crazy?"
Dale laughed shaking his head.
"Far from it my dear. It shows how big of a heart you have. You're a lot like your brother. You're kind. I think you put a lot of your sarcasm out to keep yourself safe."
Lexie looked surprised. How did this guy know all of this? No one else could seem to pin point her more perfectly.
"Are you a shrink?"
Dale laughed.
"Not in the slightest. I'm just a man whose been where you are. If you need to talk you know where to find me."
Lexie nodded thanking Dake before walking back to the house.
As night fell Lexie walked back to her and Shane's room expecting more fighting. When she walked in he lay on his pallet on the floor looking at the ceiling. He barley looked up when she walked in.
"Where you been?"
Lexie sighed sitting on the bed taking off her boots.
"Looking at the horses."
Shane didn't say anything in response. Lexie sighed.
"You want to come up here off that floor? I don't want you to catch cold."
Shane scoffed.
"Why the fuck you want me in bed with you? I'm not about to knock you up again."
Lexie sighed.
"Shane if you're going to be an ass fine but I'm going somewhere else."
Shane sat up.
"Where the hell ya going? All the rooms are taken now and Dixon is in the living room. He won't want to share sleeping space with you."
Lexie raised an eye brow.
"I'll just go sleep outside."
Shane shook his head.
"I don't think so. It's freaking 25 degrees outside if not colder. You aren't going out there."
Shane stood throwing the blanket he was lying on at the foot of the bed before laying down beside Lexie. Both said nothing for a while. For the most part neither thought that would share a bed again.
"Shane?"
"Yea?"
"Do you still snore?"
Shane was quiet for a moment before looking over at Lexie who was snuggled under the down comforter up to her nose. He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms to keep her warm. These cold winter nights would only get worse. Especially with this being the coldest winter he could remember.
"I don't snore."
He said coldly. Lexie shrugged off her attempt at a conversation before turning on her side. She lay quietly for a while before dozing off.
In the early morning hours Lexie awoke from a har dream. She jumped slightly causing Shane to move too.
"Why ya movin?"
Lexie sat up looking around for her watch to see what the time it was.
"Bad dream"
After a moment Shane's arm went around her waist securing Lexie's body to his.
"Calm down I'm not gonna do anything. It's cold and this always calmed your dreams down."
Lexie looked at Shane's arm feeling her heart begin to break again. This was their sleeping position. Either this or her face crammed his his chest.
When Lexie's eyes opened again, Shane was already up and gone. Sitting up in the bed Lexie shivered as cold air went across her shoulders. This winter was going to be a rough one!
As she stood and got dressed Lexie let herself think about the previous night and sleeping with Shane. Deep down she knew it would probably be a matter of time before she would really be sleeping with him.
Walking downstairs Lexie smiled seeing Rick looking out the window. She eagerly walked over grabbing his arm making Rick jump.
"Whoa it's just me!"
Rick laughed hugging his sister.
"You are too sneaky. Look it's snowing."
Lexie snarled looking at white snow flakes that were falling like crazy.
"I wasn't ready for this part of winter."
Rick looked at his sister carefully.
"How did it go last night? Did he bother you?"
Lexie shook her head wrapping her arms around herself.
"He minded his manners."
Rick smiled.
"Good"
Lexie turned walking into the front room looking out at the falling snow. She was so lost in everything that she didn't notice Shane walk up behind her until something was draped around her shoulders. Lexie frowned looking back at Shane who had put a navy blue pea coat around her shoulders.
"What's this?"
He shrugged.
"It's cold and you runnin around in a thin sweater isn't good. I got you these too."
Lexie looked down to see Shane holding out a pair of warm boots.
"Why?"
Shane sighed.
"You aren't keeping warm in those boots and ballet flats you have."
Lexie smiled slipping the coat on.
"Thanks."
Shane nodded looking at her closely.
"Lex please. I can't do this...this arguing or whatever it is. I was afraid you dead. I thought I would see you as one of them. Now that I know you were pregnant and what happened I feel worse."
He didn't give her a moment to respond before stepping forward and pulling her into a kiss.