I love the Hotch/Garcia relationship so I hope I did this chapter justice. The quote at the beginning of this chapter was also said by Garcia, and I thought it fit nicely with the story.

I don't own Criminal Minds

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."

-George Iles

Garcia pushed through the doors of the hospital frantically searching for her team. Her babies were hurt and she had heard everything. She heard Hotch negotiating with the un-subs, the seemingly endless gunfire, Reid's panicked voice as he tried to stabilize the Unit Chief, and JJ's desperate pleas for an ambulance. Garcia had heard it all while she sat behind her desk at Quantico and there was nothing she could do to help them. Now she was rushing through a hospital holding onto the hope that they would be okay.

Cruz had allowed Morgan to send Garcia the jet so that she could be in New York with the rest of them. She was confident Hotch would pull through, he had to. What would their team be without their fearless leader? Through Garcia's time at the FBI the only constant she'd ever had in her job was complete faith in Aaron Hotchner. This time was no exception. She was confident he would pull through.

"Hey babygirl," Morgan said. He appeared out of nowhere to her.

"How are they?"

Morgan sighed, "Uh Reid is finishing getting checked out by the doctors. JJ might have to stay here overnight. And Hotch is, well, still in surgery."

"That's a good thing right?" she asked. "It means that they're gonna save him."

Morgan nodded, "It means they're going to try." He led her over to a small waiting room outside of the OR that mostly contained members of the team. Rossi was pacing back and forth with his head hung low. Reid was staring at a wall while he nervously moved his leg up and down. While Blake shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Hey pretty boy, what did the doctors say?" Morgan asked Reid.

Reid frowned, "They said I have a minor concussion as fractured wrist, but other than that I'm alright." He went back to his staring at the wall and his leg could tell he was thinking of the worst scenarios in his head and she just wanted to go over to him and hug and tell him it was all going to be okay. It had to be.

It was then that JJ made her way into the waiting room. Garica gasped when she saw just how bad of shape her friend was in. Her arm was in a sling and her face was tear-stainbed and filled with cuts. "Woah woah woah," Morgan said as he blocked her path. "You're supposed to be in your room resting."

"I can't rest without knowing," JJ said blankly.

"JJ you were shot," Morgan reasoned. "You have a severe concussion."

"I'm not leaving!" JJ said firmly. She looked over to Garcia for support.

"We need to be here like a family right now," Garcia said. "JJ should stay."

Morgan sighed and let JJ through to the waiting room. She quickly sat down next to Reid and stayed there, absolutely still, until the doctor came out.

Garcia wasn't sure how long they waited there. It felt like days. Every doctor she saw she prayed that they were the ones who were going to tell the team that Hotch was okay and that he would be awake in a few hours. But each time they walked right past the waiting agents either to go see another family or converse with their co-workers.

Finally one doctor emerged from the OR. "Hotchner?" he asked. Rossi and JJ sprung forward while Blake and Reid snapped out of their respective dazes. "I'm so sorry," he said. "We tried everything we could, but Agent Hotchner passed away at approximately 3:32 this morning."

"No," Garcia breathed out. The room was suddenly closing in on her. She felt Blake's supporting shoulders guide her over to a chair, and then Garcia let the tears flow. It wasn't fair. Hotch had been through enough, the world had been so cruel to him and he had to die in such a tragic way. He would never get to run the FBI, he would never get to be truly happy again, he would never get to see his son grow up.

The thought of the little Hotchner sent her into another round of sobs. She had grown closer to the young boy over the last couple years and now she would have to see him grieve to loss of another parent, only this time he would be old enough to understand. Hotch had always told her that he aprricated her uniqueness and her ability to see the good in even the worst of situations, and she vowed that was just what she would do for his son.

It was a few days later that Garcia stood in her layer looking at all of the darkened screens. She thought about all of the sad moments she'd had in this office. She tried to surround herself with happy things to make her smile, but now all they did was make her a little sadder. In the pictures of the team all she saw was Hotch flashing one of his rare, but genuine smiles. In her little trinkets she saw all of the people that her keyboard powers couldn't save.

It was hard to believe, but Hotch was actually the coolest boss ever. He never told Garcia that she couldn't do her flirtatious thing with the team. He told them to take time off when he could see their jobs weighing on them. Whenever Strauss or any of the other higher-ups questioned her or the team, he would be the one to put his job on the line defending them. He understood that she could sometimes be upset by the horrors that filled her screen. Her mind flashed to when JJ had left the team and she had tried to be the communications liaison. Hotch had been so understanding and the memory brought on a whole new wave of tears.

"But I let you down," Garcia said.

"In no way what so ever," Hotch responded.

"I-I kind of lost my marbles out there," she said.

"Garcia, when you applied for this job you gave me your resume on homemade pink stationary. I realized ten that you were unique. And I wouldn't want you to change that. Goodnight."

"Night," Garcia said after he had already turned and walked away.

It was his job to be intimidating and kind of scary at times, but that night was when Garcia truly realised her cared about her and the rest of the team more than she thought.

She had her grief assessment with Cruz in five minutes and truthfully she didn't feel like going. When Emily had "died" Hotch had been the one to comfort his team through their grief. It made her feel less anxious about talking about her thought to be deceased friend. It was one of the things that made her respect the former Unit Chief so much more.

But Garcia didn't want to talk about Hotch to Cruz. She understood that Morgan had a lot on his mind, but she wished she were talking to him instead of Cruz. She sighed and made her way to Cruz's office. She took the hallway that had the pictures of fallen agents hanging in it. She stopped briefly at the picture of him hanging two over from Strauss's.

His eyes looked out over the bullpen, like he was still watching his agents in death. Making sure that they were okay without them. The thought comforted Garcia slightly as she continued on her way to her grief counseling.

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and
we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know
them when they are gone
-George Elliot