Defenses Down

Kitty Invictus

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Chapter two: Arguments and Apologies.

I couldn't get it out of my head. One of those things had put two rounds in my father's chest. Yeah we weren't close, but he was my father, my commander. How could President Roslin just keep it in a cell? It should have been put out the airlock the second it came on board.

Damn this religious quest the President was on. It frakked everything up. It sent Kara away. It made me put a gun to Tigh's head. It had even made us keep this thing around when it should have been killed hours ago.

Well I was going to have to fix that. Get rid of it before it tried to kill someone else I care for. Maybe it would go after Kara next, or the President. It could turn at any second and try to kill us all.

After a few hours of seething with anger, I had eventually made my way to the cell where they were keeping the toaster. Of course there were cells all over the place. This was a prisoner transfer ship. No wonder Roslin had been cautious about telling me where it was.

I thought she knew what I had planned. But maybe she didn't.

I made my way around the cage. "I know how you feel" it said, "I get it." She claimed she didn't shoot him. It wasn't her. Yeah right it wasn't her.

I gave her an incredulous look "Your all the same." I told her.

She said that I didn't know what I was talking about. Good, I was tired of talking. I brought out the gun I was going to shoot her with. But Starbuck stopped me.

"I think there's been enough of that today." She said to me. I grabbed her arm and dragged her aside. What was wrong with her? The Starbuck I knew would have handed me her gun to make sure I hit the damn thing. Hell, she would have killed it the second she saw it. At that point, I couldn't tell if I was talking to Starbuck or Kara.

I pushed her up against another cell. I thought for a second I saw her gasp in pain. Questions flashed through my head. Had she been hurt on Caprica. No. I kept those thought from my head. I was mad at her.

"Your the last one who should be telling me what to do." I said. She looked down and I continued on my tirade. "After the stunt you pulled, Stealing the Cylon Raider and then tearing ass back to Caprica?" She looked at me. I thought for a split second that she was going to deck me.

"Yeah, I guess you're clearly the poster boy for military discipline, huh?" The look on her face was scary. Half way between determination and pain. "You know what, you have no idea what happened to me on Caprica." She was right I didn't know.

It was her turn now for a tirade. "So while you're standing here polishing off our halo, consider for a second that you may not have any damned idea what the hell you're talking about..." She paused for a second. "Captain" she finished off with my designation and pushed me away before she stormed off.

Damn it. Why did she have to be so right? I knew that I had hurt her again. How did I always manage to hurt her? When she was gone I swung my arm against the cell. I was so angry with myself.

"You love her don't you?" I heard it ask. I turned to glare at her. "You love her but all you do is hurt her. I get it believe me. She just needs to talk on her terms Lee." She continued.

"Don't call me that. It's Captain Adama to you." I snapped. But it was right. I had to get Kara to open up on her terms. I had to let her know that I was there for her.

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Frak him. Why did he have to be so... him? I had gone to get my pyramid ball, and ended up in some room trowing it against the wall. I had feelings for him. I had loved Lee before. I wasn't sure what I felt at that point. So much had happened, Anders had come into my life. But Lee had already been in my life. We were both so stubborn. Every time we talked it seemed to turn into a shouting match. Who could hurt the other more?

Then there was Anders. I loved him. I knew that. I had opened up to him so completely that it scared me. But I had left him on that Gods forsaken planet. It was a death sentence. I knew it. He knew it.

Then Lee had to go and kiss me. He frakked everything up. He could turn me around so quickly. I still couldn't believe what I had just said to him. I guess we were both the same. When we're hurting, the best way to deal with it is to hurt those we care about.

Most of the time though, I hurt people physically before tearing them down. When I started my rant, I was sure he thought I was going to hit him. The old Starbuck would have. Hell, the old Starbuck would have been the one pointing the gun at the toaster.

It wasn't just Anders that had screwed me up. That farm. I didn't even want to delve into how much that place a frakked with my head.

So I stared blankly at the wall as I bounced my ball. One shot went high and as I leaned back to catch it, there he was. He bounced the ball on my forehead. How had he snuck up on me? I must have been deep in thought. He was saying something. but it didn't register.

He had my ball and I asked for it back. But he laid down on the bench anyway and kept throwing it in the air. He can be such a child sometimes. I told myself right there that I wouldn't let him get to me.

He was going to try to make me laugh. This was another thing he did. When he screwed up, he acted like a child and always made me laugh. It was his way of saying sorry. I asked for my ball back again, this time adding a please, but keeping any amusement out of my voice.

Then it happened. He asked me where I got it. It brought up every sad thought about Anders. I left him there to die. Damn it Lee. He had no idea what that ball meant to me. All I wanted was to tell him everything, but I couldn't let him off that easy.

"Caprica." I said simply.

He looked over at me. And I wanted him to see the hurt in my face. I think he did, because he looked away again. He held it up to his nose and sniffed it. I guessed he was missing home more than I thought.

I stood up and walked over. "Can I have my ball back Lee?" I thought maybe using his name would work. I should have called him Captain Adama instead. Maybe then he would have known I was serious.

Instead, he kept it away from me and tossed it around. He had the audacity to smile at me and chuckle. Why couldn't he get it through his head. I wasn't in the mood for his antics.

"Keep it." I told him coldly and walked away.

He pleaded then, "Hey come on, Kara. For frak's sake, I'm just kidding around. When he saw that I was ignoring him, he came over to the other side of the fence I was sitting against and dropped it in my lap.

"All right, here, it's all yours. You can take your ball and go home now." At that comment, I gave him a fake laugh. I don't think he realized that to me, Caprica wasn't home, Galactica was.

"The whole thing's stupid anyway." How could I tell him about Anders? How could I tell him about the farm? I started bouncing the ball again. Maybe he would get the idea and leave.

Instead, he sat down on the other side of the fence, I could feel his back against mine. "What's up with you, Kara? Anything you want to talk about?" I had stopped bouncing the ball.

"Nope." I told him. I wanted to tell him. I really did. I just couldn't figure out how to start. I wasn't sure if I could explain things to him without breaking down. I bounced the ball again to punctuate my point.

"Must have been hard being back on Caprica, being home." He said. He had no idea. It had been hard being on Caprica. But it had made me realize something. Galactica was home, not Caprica. I could easily go back to Galactica. But then they'd stick me in the brig. Adama would let me out when he recovered from being shot. But it still wouldn't be home without Lee and Apollo. That wasn't something I had decided lightly.

I loved Anders, but Galactica was home, so was Lee. I was just going to have to bring Anders to Galactica and Lee.

"Probably saw some tough things back there." He continued. I had forgotten that no one up here knew what Caprica was like. He probably thought I had seen dead bodies everywhere. He didn't know that the main difference on Caprica was the lack of people. That was it. It had looked like Caprica, only there were no people.

The tough things I had seen had nothing to do with whatever images he had in his head. He continued saying something about things ending tomorrow. I guessed he was right. "We find the tomb or we don't, We find a way to earth or we don't."

He continued. "I just want you to know, Kara, that I'm your friend. I love you." That part caught me by surprise.

"If there's anything you want to talk about, anything you wanna get off your chest, then I'm here for you." He was saying all the right things. I almost let myself smile, just a bit, but he didn't see, I still had my back to him. He had no idea what he could do to me with just words. I bounced the ball again. He sighed and started to get up. "Anyway," He continued with his one sided heart to heart. As he got up, I slumped backwards. The fence gave a bit more without him behind me.

"Whenever you wanna talk just let me know." As he left, I started bouncing the ball again.

"What was that middle part again?" I wasn't gonna let him leave without giving him some indication that his apology was accepted. I just wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"Hmm. What do you mean?" He asked. I smiled and stood up and leaned on the fence with my forearms. I could see he had stopped leaving and faced me putting one hand on the end of one of the other fences.

"Did you say you love me?" I wasn't gonna let him live down what he had said. I didn't think he had meant to say it.

He laughed and smiled widely. We were back on friendly terms for sure then. I loved his smile. It was so sincere.

"Well um.-" He responded and looked down almost embarrassed.

"Lee Adama loves me." I cut him off and smiled at his expense.

"No. All I meant was--" He stammered trying to explain. I cut him off again.

"No, seriously, very sweet. I reached up to my chest for a second indicating that it was heartfelt.

He looked back up to me and smiled. He knew that I had forgiven him. He laughed and turned away.

"No, you love me." I wouldn't let him go not just yet. He turned back to give me a skeptical look but continued walking. "You can't take it back. There's no take-backs.." I told him childishly.

"You're dreaming it, Kara" He said with a happy tone. He was still walking away. I was okay with that. I knew and he knew that things would be okay between us.

"You love me." I said as he left the room.

"You're dreaming it." He said now out of visual range but not vocal range.

"You love me." I said, hoping to get the last word.

"Dreamer." He had different ideas.

"Mmm, Hmm" I wasn't sure if he heard me or not. I craned my neck in his direction, listening incase there was another last word. "Okay" I rolled my eyes. That had gone well. I had managed to let him apologize without spilling everything about my trip to Caprica.