When Eleanor woke up, she first didn't know where she was. She panicked for a slight moment but her stirring caused her bed mate to pull her even closer and as soon as Eleanor recognized the strong arm that was Riannon's she relaxed. She turned around in Riannon's embraced and smiled at having her lover so close finally. It had been too long.

She traced Riannon's soft lips with her fingers. I love you she thought, by Atuan I love you so much. She wished she had never married Geoffrey, she wished the seasons hadn't passed on without her and Riannon being together. She wished she hadn't been so scared before. She promised herself to be brave from now on. She and Riannon would have to be brave should they live this life together.

Riannon started to stir, making Eleanor smile. That's when she realised that she was stark naked. She started panicking silently, wanting to cover up. She didn't want Riannon to see her like this, she didn't want to see herself. Riannon's eyes opened and saw the distress on Eleanor's face.

"What is it, lady?" She asked, and stroked a few strands of hair out of Eleanor's face. Eleanor started sobbing at the gentle gesture. Her face hurt so much.

"Please," she begged, "can I have some clothes?"

Riannon didn't question it but got up and went to one of the big trunks that had been brought to the room the other night. Very aware of the fact that Eleanor's body was still hurting she brought a simple chemise, shirt, stockings, underthings and skirt but no bodice or corsette, when the lady in her bed looked up at her questioningly, Riannon said:

"I don't want it to hurt you." Riannon placed the clothes next to Eleanor on the bed. The lady made an attempt to stand up but then looked pleadingly at Riannon.

"Will you look away, please?"

Riannon simply nodded and turned away, she wanted to give Eleanor all the space she needed even if it hurt her.

Eleanor didn't want to look at herself either, even putting on stockings was painful. She was glad that Riannon was still honouring her wish and looking the other way. She didn't want her knight to see her in such a state.

"I'm done," she said when she was fully dressed, "perhaps some breakfast could be procured?"

"Anything you fancy," Riannon said and turned around slowly, "let me just get dressed as well."

…

Eleanor didn't have much appetite despite her stomach being empty. She barely bit into the bread or fruits that Riannon had placed in front of her. She felt sick, like her insides were filled with soot. In that moment Eleanor was sure that she would never feel good again.

"Nell?" Riannon's voice brought her back to reality, "I wish to help. If you let me." She gently grasped Eleanor's hand and brought it to her lips, kissed her fingers gently. It was the same words that she had said before. Eleanor sighed, tried to gather her thoughts but it was difficult when she kept trembling. She didn't know what to do with herself. Riannon stood up from her chair and went to sit next to Eleanor instead. She pulled the women into her arms.

"If I could take it all away, I would," she whispered with her lips against Eleanor's hair.

Eleanor straightened up again, wiped her face quickly and as gracefully as she could with a napkin.

"Since I am to live here," she said, "I should probably spend the day learning my way around."

Riannon nodded.

"I think," she said, "it would also be good for you to see a healer."

"I'll heal," Eleanor said. She would nothing more than magickally be free of the pain but she didn't think she deserved it. She squirmed as she was sitting. She was still in so much pain.

"Please," Riannon asked in a voice that Eleanor didn't recognize, "please let me fetch a healer."

Eleanor looked into the face of her lover. She had seen that face before. It was the face that Riannon had sported the night that Eleanor had gotten married. Eleanor knew that Riannon knew pain. And she knew shame. She knew what it was like to hate herself, to feel ashamed of what and who she was.

"Okay," Eleanor said, "send for the healers. I can hardly contain my longing for being on horseback again."

"Gast can be beautiful," Riannon said, "and I can't wait to show it to you."

...

Eleanor spent the rest of the day confined to the bedroom Riannon had chosen for her. She didn't want to face the sunlight with Ralph's marks still on her body. Riannon came and went, she had matters to settle and letters to sent. She came with a healer eventually and Eleanor finally accepted the help.

…

By nightfall Eleanor was feeling better and she let Riannon take her down to the hall to eat supper. Her appetite was still weak but the cup of wine Riannon gave her made her feel better. After sitting by the table for a long time, Eleanor finally put a fork of food to her lips.

"It tastes good," she said with a weak smile, "what is it?"

"It's elc," Riannon said, "very common in these parts this time of year."

"I like it," Eleanor said, "but I hope this isn't the last new taste you show me."

"Not at all," Riannon said, "oh lady, when spring comes I'll have even more to show you when we travel west."

"When you go back to fighting." Eleanor suddenly had a bad taste in her mouth. She had never wanted to be the wife of a warrior yet here she was.

"When I go back to fighting," Riannon agreed, "but I know what I'm doing, Nell. I am… I… they call me the Vahldomne after all. And the troubadours will have more songs to sing of me yet, I assure you."

"It better be that way," Eleanor said. She looked at the windows, she hadn't been out all day and the sun was almost fully down.

"We could go for a stroll if you like," Riannon offered, seeing the longing in Eleanor's eyes.

Eleanor smiled, grabbed her shawl and they went outside.

Summer was ending and it was getting cold but Eleanor found she appreciated the cold air on her face and neck. She entwined her arm with Riannon's as they walked over the grass together. Riannon of Gast, Eleanor thought silently, maybe as her wife I'll be Eleanor of Gast. Eleanor wanted time to speed up again. She wanted a new day to come, a new day when she was no longer bound by marriage to another man. She wanted to be kissed and loved by Riannon. And she wanted to forget Ralph's stench upon her face.

"I no longer feel as cold," she said softly as they watched the moon rise on the sky.

"I'm glad, love," Riannon replied. Eleanor looked up at her, their eyes locking. The night was beautiful but nowhere near as beautiful as the love that shone out of Riannon's eyes. Eleanor felt her heart clench at the sight, how she had been able to refuse Riannon's proposal all those years ago seemed laughable now. Nothing in the world could be as important and staying in touch with the one you love.

They went to bed shortly after, exhausted and still overwhelmed. Eleanor's only comfort was Riannon's warm body next to hers. She never wanted to sleep alone again.