He decided dwelling on those feelings would only make him resent Lily, and he didn't want that. He wasn't some pathetic, unrequited lover who was about to drown himself in the Great Lake out of anger and desperation. Padfoot would disagree, he thought hopelessly.
Snap out of it, James!
Then he realized he didn't have a quill. He quickly rifled through the pile of Lily's stuff he'd cleared away to find one.
A piece of parchment fluttered out between the pages of her transfiguration notes. And in Lily's loopy, messy hand, he saw the words FUCK JAMES POTTER.
Looking back, James knew he only looked at that for about 4 seconds before snatching the parchment up, but it felt like an eternity. The blood rushed to his head. Surely she couldn't hate him? She told him he was a great big stupid idiot at least 3 times a day, but was he completely deluded in thinking that they were friends? That maybe, in the last 2 and a half sodding months of school, he might possibly get a date or a kiss or even just a peck on the cheek? Should he wake up Remus? Remus would know how to sort it all out. Maybe all of his friends were just sick of him moaning about how Lily would never fancy him, and had given up on getting him to see the truth? When was the last time he'd done something so terrible to Lily that she would have a reason to write those words?
James answered that one immediately. Defense OWL. Snape. Mud blood. Lily Evans sobbing in a broom closet.

Go the fuck away Potter! I never want to see your sodding face again!
Lily — please — let me expl—
I DON'T CARE. Just fuck you, Potter. FUCK YOU.

James had been so depressed the following week and a half that the whole school had felt it — the lack of pranks even had McGonagall asking James if he felt alright.
Sirius had had to captain the end of the year prank, and the Greenhouse 2 and Bertram Aubery were never the same again.
But then Lily had reached out to James over the summer, because her mum had been murdered by Death Eaters, just like his Dad. Her sister blamed Lily. Marlene had been in an all-girls, no outside communication summer camp for young witches. (Her parents were worried that she thought about boys too much). And she'd lost her childhood best friend.
James had been overjoyed to receive her letter, but nearly wept when he read what was written in it.

...You were right about Severus...
...I swear to God, I just want to kill Voldemort with my bare hands...
...I'm really sorry I yelled at you...
...my mum was murdered...
...I still have nightmares...
...James Potter if you tell anyone about this letter I will slap you...

James couldn't take it anymore. He had to know. He pulled out the parchment, which had charms notes on the back of it, and read the frantic, crazy, and absolutely ridiculous conversation dated four days prior.

Mar. I know is is a terrible time and way to tell you, but James Potter is staring at me again and I don't think I can sit thought the rest of this class

Lily. Explain yourself. Now. (!)

Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time?

You LOVE James Potter?!

I do NOT.
I don't know! I knew you'd react that way. Shouldn't have said anything. Fuck.

Lily you CANNOT drop a bombshell like that and expect me to be ok with 'I don't know.'

Fuck it Mar. He bloody UNHINGES me. I have no clue what in the name of Merlin has gotten into me! I'm supposed to hate him! At the very best, be friends with him!

FUCK JAMES POTTER.

Lily, you've clearly been in denial all of 7th year. We've all been waiting for you to admit you fancy him. You and him are the only ones who don't know it. But love?! I don't think anyone bet on that. And fucking him is your job, not mine.

Marlene McKinnon. Shut up or you will not be a bridesmaid at my wedding. And I do not fancy him! Why did I bring this up? Forget everything. (And betting?!)

Your wedding to James Potter! And you do, you definitely do. We just need to figure out the best way for him to find out. (Yup I have 10 galleons riding on the location of your first kiss)

You are a shit best mate. I do NOT love James Potter. You really suck. I might, *might* fancy him but you are NOT to tell anyone or I'll tell everyone who you really lost your virginity to.

You would not.

Yes, I would. I need time Mar. Lily Evans does not rush anything.

Obviously. You've only got 2 and a half months left before we leave this castle.

Fuck.

Get a move on!

I've no idea how!

Just shove him into a broom closet and snog him.

Is that what you bet on for our first kiss?!

No, you'd never be that daring, darling. It was just a suggestion to see how you'd react. And points to me, I was right.

Marlene. Why am I even friends with you.

Shit, Flitwick is coming. By the way, Potter has been staring at you this whole time. Doesn't that turn you on? He has no clue what you're writing! Ha!

I don't even have the energy left to be disgusted with you.

Love you too!

It took quite a while for James Potter to process what he'd read. And then he concluded several things.
1) He had done nothing wrong (yet), except stare at Lily in charms (again).
2) He was wrong about number 1, according to Lily.
3) Lily was confused about her feelings for him.
4) Lily was angry at him for making her confused about her feelings for him.
5) He was going to be in a shitload of trouble if/when Lily had found out he'd read that conversation.
6) He was never, ever going to give up on Lily Evans.

James took several calming, deep breaths. He slipped the parchment back into Lily's notes.

And then he silently whooped and cheered and fist pumped and nearly kissed Lily before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to see that piece of parchment. (And she was sleeping)

For the first time in his life, James had absolutely no idea what to do. He didn't know if he should keep it a secret, or tell Lily what he'd seen. He could never keep a secret from her long, plus her wrath would be magnificent to behold. Perhaps someday when they were happily dating.

And James Potter had a funny feeling that 'someday' would be pretty damn soon.

Ok next alternate ending will be up soonish, (I suck at estimates [and endings and titles] don't ask me when, please, it will only make me feel worse), but review please!
Thanks so much for reading too!

Also I KNOW that canonically, James' parents died naturally, but this is fanfiction and I'm a free bitch who does that she wants.

Love you all! Thanks to all my followers!