"I never in my life thought I'd say this, but I need a little time from Edward." I whispered to Alice.
We were in her new yellow Porsche, probably going over 180mph. But I didn't care. I needed to get away from myself for a while, so I asked Alice to take me shopping.
"No problem." Alice smiled at me. Apparently she knew what I was going through. Even though she has never been married before, she knows marriage can really mess you up sometimes.
In less than a half hour we arrived in Port Angeles. Alice pulled into the closest park near a clothing store with one quick turn of the wheel. She was defiantly enjoying her present very much.
"Ready to go shopping!" It wasn't a question. Her hands pumped fists into the air.
"More than ready. Woo!" I mimicked her movement.
"Bella we are going to have so much fun, I'm going to pick you out the best outfits!" she clapped overly excited. "I'm so glad you came with me." She gave me a tight squeeze from behind.
I laughed as we got out of her Porsche and into the store. Usually, I would never be this excited to go on a shopping trip with Alice, but I was missing some girl bonding in my life. And besides, I was getting "changed" sooner than you can imagine, and I want to spend as much time having fun for the remainder of my human life. I was supposed to get changed right after the wedding, but some things came up.
I heard Alice gasp and she ran over to something I couldn't see.
"Bella!" she waved me over. "I can defiantly see you in this!"
No way, heck no. "Alice I can't wear this… this thing!"
Hanging in front of me was a long black holster top, a nice silvery design in the middle connecting the dress together. A slit ran from thigh high all the way down to the bottom.
"Oh, come on. I even got you the heels to top everything off."
Heels? Heels? Defiantly no way. "Alice. This is gorgeous, but maybe on someone else." I laughed at myself. The heels were bad enough, but I couldn't even see myself in a dress like that. In any dress for that matter.
"Please? For me?" she batted her eyelashes and stuck out her bottom lip. As if she was pouting.
"No I ---,"
"Please? Please!"
Whoa, whoa, whoa wait a minute. "Are you using my own trick against me?"
She acted innocent. "Maybe, maybe not. But please just try it on!"
I sighed and gave in. "Fine. If you're so desperate…," I didn't finish. Grabbing the dress I headed for the dressing room.
"Wait! Don't forget the heels." She hissed at me. Dang it. I snatched them from her and put on a full-on glare, playfully. We laughed in spite ourselves.
In the changing room I examined the dress more. It felt so silky and soft between my fingers. As I put it on I liked the way it felt on my skin, the way it clung to me, showing off some of my womanly curves. The heels were also black, the soles a shimmering silver which matched the design on the dress.
"You alright in there?" Alice startled me.
"I'm not coming out in this." My voice was full of doubt. I eyed myself in the mirror, pinning the slit together with my fingers. It had shown more than I intended it to. I'd never seen myself so bare before, when clearly I was dressed. And I liked it. I liked it a lot! But I could never tell Alice that. She'd want to take me shopping everywhere. "Do people actually wear this thing?"
She sighed. "First, that was a dumb question. Second, you are coming out!"
A low moan escaped my lips as I prepared to come out. Okay Isabella, you can do this, just stay calm.
Bursting out of the small room I made a pose leaning against the doors spine. "How do I look?"
Alice raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips. She'd never seen me act this way before. I fought back a smile as she shrugged and told me to do more poses.
"Fabulous! Work it!"
I kept posing with Alice's encouraging words. She took out a camera, but I didn't care. I was having too much fun. I had defiantly missed out on a lot when I was younger.
A few guys --- probably one or two years older than me --- came over to watch me. One whistled, and another one clapped. Alice looked annoyed. She came strolling my way and went behind me to pick up my ring finger, flashing all the guys. "Back off, she's married."
I could feel my cheeks getting hot. I'd never been that exposed before. They all held out their hands, palms up and backed away. The movements were so exact, like they timed their selves to do it at the same time. My mind flashed to Jacob. Jacob and his friends; his "pack". How they were all doing things in unison, but couldn't help it. I wonder how he's doing. I wanted to say my last goodbye to him at my wedding, but he never came. I could understand though. I wouldn't go to my best friends wedding if he was stolen by some other girl. It would just make things worse.
On the way home, Alice and I were laughing and hollering out the windows, all of them were down. The wind felt so good blowing freely through my hair. It was a good thing, though, that I had a bunch of bags in my lap. I would've done much, much more.
Speaking of bags, Alice bought me more than just the holster top. She bought me a pale red strapless tank and a tan-ish khaki skirt --- from my waist down to my thighs --- with sandals. A forest green sun dress. A sleeveless button up magenta shirt and short shorts (ugh). A shirt with straps that tie around the back of my neck. And so much more.
It's funny though, I don't know why she bought me so many summer clothes. Even though it was summer, the temperature usually didn't go over sixty. We'll be lucky even if it hits the seventies.
"You're probably wondering why I bought you all of these summer clothes." Alice guessed, reading aloud my thoughts.
I didn't want to be too obvious, so answered with a simple, "Kind of."
She smiled as if she knew something I didn't --- which she probably did.
"Well," she started off. "Your mom and Phil had a discussion, and Phil is going to be touring with one of his old friends from college. Your mom didn't want to be a burden, so she's taking a break from touring, and she wanted to know if you'd like to go to Florida to see her. She pretty anxious."
The engine cut off abruptly and I noticed we were in her drive way.
"No problem." I answered. "I've been anxious too. Ever since I've wanted to take a break from Edward…," I trailed off. Edward. I missed him a lot, but my break from him was not over yet. I stared down at my ring, toying with it, remembering the last time we were in the meadow. He held me in his arms while we lay and, staring into my eyes, put the ring on my finger. I never took it off since then.
My thoughts suddenly flashed back to our wedding. I remember that exact day. We'd had our wedding in their big beautiful backyard. I remembered every little thing… every little thing as if had happened just yesterday.
FLASBACK
It's been only days since I was getting ready for my --- I didn't want to think it --- wedding. I cringed at the thought of marriage; especially after high school. It was early, I felt too young.
As I've explained before, I'm just not that girl. I've never been that girl and I never will be. But there were other opportunities that lay ahead that I've been waiting for ever since I met Edward. To become a vampire. To be part of the Cullen family and take my place beside Edward. And now it was August 13th. I eyed the calendar across the room and saw the date marked with a heart; staring me right in the eyes. I felt Today came too fast. My life as a human was coming to an end.
Behind me I could hear Alice babbling about a loose string along the back of my dress. Almost stumbling as she yanked the string off, I heard her sigh with relief.
"There! No harm done." She glanced in my direction, a broad smile on her face. "Aren't you excited Bella? This is just so exciting! Your wedding is going to be more than perfect, it will be… beyond compare!" She struggled with the last few words trying to find the right one.
"I guess." I muttered, "More nervous than excited."
She laughed and went back to examining the dress, finding more loose strings along the way. I sighed and stared out of the window, not sure of what to think. I couldn't --- wouldn't believe this was really happening. But in the end, it was all going to be worth it.
Thinking about that made me relax a little, and I smiled as I was thinking.
Smiled at finally becoming a vampire.
Smiled at becoming one of the Cullen's.
Smiled at being able to do more with Edward.
Smiled at the faint reflection I saw in the window; my reflection.
"Is everyone ready?" a soft voice came from behind, interrupting my thoughts. I turned my face to find a smiling Esme.
She glanced between me and Alice a few times, but then came to rest on my face.
"Almost." Alice protested, sounding distracted. And then I felt her smooth out the dress, her smile growing even wider. I was sure her face was about to pop off.
"You look so beautiful Bella," Esme rested her head on the door edge, "Absolutely stunning. Don't worry everything will be just fine." It was as if she knew I was having a hard time with this. As if she'd went through the same thing. With Carlisle.
I smiled and nodded as she closed the door behind her.
"Alright. All done. Do you want to see?" she didn't wait for me to answer. I jumped when I saw her reappear at my side, a small mirror in her hands. I sighed and ignored her.
"Alice, can I ask you something?"
Her expression suddenly become serious, eyebrows furrowing with concern. "Sure, anything. What's wrong?" she pat the top of my head, handing me the mirror.
I hesitated. What if she gave me the answer everyone else had? Right now, I wanted encouragement… not advice. And I was sure Alice could give that to me. I took a deep breath and looked at myself without notice. My hair was pinned back at the sides and curled, a small, light tiara finishing off the look. I tried to convince her to do without the tiara, but it didn't work.
And the make-up, I could hardly tell there was any on my face. Though I looked less pale and my cheeks looked permanently blushed. She didn't do a half bad job.
"I'm very young. And I'm getting married." I shuddered on the last word.
She nodded waiting for me to finish.
"It's just not me. I'm worried; do you know what people will think? I mean, people in this century don't just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not mature people! They'll think I'm nuts!"
In that instant, I saw a smile played across her face. "Don't be silly, Bella. You know who you are already. Don't worry about what other people will think. They won't matter, they're just jealous. And if they think you're nuts, then they're nuts." Her smile widened as I closed my eyes, "You're smart, beautiful, and I don't know what you are if not mature. That's what makes you, you. That's why Edward loves you."
She stopped for a brief moment, and I waited for her to continue. That wasn't what I was looking for exactly, but it made since, and I was glad she mentioned it.
"And you're getting married today, whether you like it or not. You're not letting my plans go to waste! After all of this effort I put into getting you the dress and setting everything up, you can't back out now!"
Bingo.
There was my Alice. I opened my eyes suddenly and turned around to meet her gaze. She was still smiling and I smiled back in encouragement. She walked over to me and gave me a reassuring hug. We held like that, seeming to forget about everything.
"Hey Bella!" Emmett peeked his head in the doorway, a mischievous grin on his face. Alice let go of me and glared his way.
"You could have at least knocked first." Her eyes narrowed. "Bella could have been undressed." she crossed her arms tightly across her chest. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. What if I had been undressed? I tried not to think of that possibility, closing my mouth with a sudden click of my teeth.
Emmett ignored her and turned his attention me, his mischievous grin still in place. What was he planning? "Bella, your wedding is going to be so great. Everyone's attention on you. It's a good thing you're not scared or anything, because if I were you, I would vomit everywhere, seeing all of those people staring at me."
My eyebrows flew up as a look of worry crossed my face. What was Emmett talking about? What did he mean 'All of those people"?
"Out, out! You're not even supposed to be here, get out now!" Alice shooed him with the back of her hands moving closer to the door. Emmett gave me a wink and was gone as soon as he came.
"Alice?" my voice cracked. I wasn't sure if I should believe Emmett or not. When Alice didn't turn around to look at me I took a hint. There were, I realized just then, a lot of people. Alice lied to me.
"Bella, Hon, close your mouth." She murmured without looking back. Or at least I didn't see her look back.
"Alice?" I said; my voice more urgent this time. "Is it true?"she sighed and glanced at me from the corner of her eye.
"Don't worry about him Bella, he's just being a jerk." She assured me. My eyes never left her as I waited for her to turn around.
"No, no, no, no, no." I moaned and dragged myself to her couch. How could she do this to me? I should've listened to Edward. Maybe I shouldn't have put Alice in charge of my wedding. Maybe I should've did it my way; she's making this harder on me by inviting all of those people. How many people to be exact?
Before I could say anything more, Alice made her way by my side and pulled me up, catching me as I almost staggered forward. "Not on your dress Bella! Don't sit on your dress!"
"I don't care about the dress!" I murmured through my teeth. She put one finger in my face and ran to her closet. I shifted my weight onto my left foot, and gazed out of the window again. My worries were back. And I had no confidence what-so-ever. Trying to make myself happy now was going to be very, very hard.
"Here," she was back now, holding long skinny heels in my face. "Put these on."
"Alice, I can't wear those!" I protested, looking at the long skinny heels. Those had danger written all over it.
"Oops, sorry, these are mine." She ran back to her closet. "These!" she was back in an instant. A low gasp escaped from my lips.
They were beautiful. On the soles of the heels were silver. The heel was silver, and they were also low and skinny. But I could manage. And the part that covered the back of my heel, along my foot to my toes were clear. There was an opening at the front where my toes could have room to show. And along the clear part in the front were two silver stripes, seven diamonds making a line in between them. It matched my dress perfectly.
"So, you like them?" Alice was biting her lower lip. I couldn't hear her though. I could only stare at the heels.
"Bella?" she asked getting a little impatient. "You don't like them." She sighed and dropped the heels at her sides.
I snapped out of confusion and took a long steady breath. "No, no, they're so… mesmerizing." I tilted my head to each side, now gazing at them from my mind.
Alice gave a low laugh and lifted me up to put them on my feet.
"W-wow." I steadied myself as she put me down. She laughed again, this time with a little more volume.
"You're so breakable Bella." She eyed me, smiling.
"Well, that will all change soon." I reminded her. Returning her smile, I glanced down at my feet.
Still mesmerized, Alice and I headed our way to the door. This was it. This was my last chance to change my mind. But I just couldn't force the words out.
It wasn't until then that I truly realized what was happening. My emotions took the better of me as I lingered near the door a little longer, savoring the moment of still being a child, a kid.
Alice tugged on my arm getting twitchy. Time was up. I was getting married.
Alice carried me down the stairs --- just in case I tripped I guessed --- and took me to the back door. I blushed realizing that.
"Prepare… to be amazed." And with one swift movement, the backdoor was opened.
I stepped out onto pink and white rose pedals, and was greeted by large but edged bushes that curved left… then right. It was as if I were going through a labyrinth. So long. So tiring. I just wanted to get this over with and be done with the whole marriage crap. But I couldn't tell Alice that, no, no. All of this hard work she put into preparing my wedding. I had to give her at least a little credit.
"We're almost there." Alice whispered in my ear, her cool breath startling me. I peeked over a light curve, but only came to another one. I sighed, not being able to control whether or not my shoulders slouched. One more curve… just one more curve, I repeated, coming to another one, and another one. And then, finally, the hedges started evening out a little more.
Then it became clearer. I could see the opening more as I walked closer and closer to it. I tried to stop, and stumbled lightly over a pedal. But Alice kept me moving, kept pushing me forward. I wasn't ready to face everyone yet, but there was no stopping now. All my time to get myself together has come to an end --- thanks to Emmett for the final blow --- I had no more time left.
As soon as we were at the end, I saw everything. I gasped as I looked around. Lights. Lights everywhere. They draped along the trees in such a delicate way. It was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. Beyond compare, I took Alice's words.
Then I looked down and my jaw dropped, never seeming to end… past the ground, past it all. There was absolutely no one there. No one except Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Renee', Phil and Charlie. And of course, Edward. My Edward. He smiled as I came to meet his gaze, and I couldn't resist returning that smile. He looked too perfect. I'd never seen him wear black before, but now that I had, it was too perfect around his pale skin.
"Alice… I thought ---,"
"I told you Emmett was just being a jerk." She cut me off. Her smile widening across her face. That was exactly like Emmett. I should've known, but since Alice played along, it was kind of hard to tell. I was frustrated over nothing.
She let go of my shoulders and went to stand at the altar with everyone else. Charlie came over as soon as that. He looked at me like it pained him to see me in a wedding dress.
"So many years Bella." He said. "So many years… and now you're getting married."
He had taken it quite well when Edward and I told him just a few days ago. Maybe it was because Edward was there, but I doubt it. It was like he knew this was coming. Like he'd prepared for this.
"You look very beautiful Bella. A very beautiful woman." I heard him whimper the last word, as though he knew I'd grown up. As if I'd grown up way too fast.
"If I could go back in time, I would, and I would savor those moments. Though I know you can take care of yourself now… and you have a very responsible civilized husband," he choked out the words, "You come back to me if you need me, you hear? I will always be here for you."
"I know, Dad, and I'll always be looking for you." I stared at the ground.
Charlie put his arms around me in a tight hug, not wanting to let go when I finally pulled away.
"But, Dad, just remember. I'll always be your little girl. Always. And its just time to let go. Just let me go." I whispered the words. He understood and I could see him blinking back tears as he nodded.
My dad has never been emotional around me --- I, for one, picked up that trait --- but today, he seeing me all grown-up, must have taken its toll.
Taking my arm in his, we started walking down the red carpet that lay ahead of us, my heart beating faster as we came closer to the altar. I looked ahead of me, and saw something very special to me. Something very important that I wanted part of my life so much. My family. Standing right before my eyes. And I was about to become part of them. I smiled at the thought, and something pushed me forward. Adrenaline? My dignity? Whatever is was made me very excited. I was ready more than ever now.
I sighed as I was finally where I needed to be, facing towards Edward. His topaz eyes searched mine for a long moment holding my gaze, and then he smiled his crooked smile I loved most. I stole a glance towards Renee' and Paul. Renee' had her eyes filling with tears already. She smiled and winked at me, and I smiled back. She was not helping me trying to keep a strait face.
In that moment Carlisle began to speak. I could not hear what he was saying; it was drown out by Edwards smile. We held each others eyes, my hands in his cool smooth hands.
Then Edward whispered something, "I do." He said, still looking into my eyes as he slipped the ring on my finger.
"And do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take thee, Edward Anthony Cullen, to be your lawful wedded husband? Through sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, 'til death due you part?" I hesitated for a moment. More like, 'til death due you more together'. Only so little time left. I could still back out now, but I craved this more than anything right now. I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
"I do."
"Then by the power vested in me, you," he said pointing to Edward, "Are now Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen. And you," he pointed to me next. "Are now Mrs. Isabella Marie Cullen. … You may now kiss the bride."
And that was it.
END FLASHBACK
"Bella?" I could see thin fingers about an inch from touching my face.
"Mmm?" I didn't wait for her to finish. What were we talking about last. What was it… oh yeah. "Renee' called you?" I was shocked.
"Um, not exactly. She called you, just not yet. I took you early as an advantage. And today seemed so perfect sense… well, you know."
I smiled at her. "Thanks."
A moment of silence passed between the both of us.
"I know my car is comfortable and everything, but we should head in the house now." She laughed. I began to open the door but was stopped by my phone --- a wed present from Alice --- it was my mom.
Giving Alice the one second finger I mouthed 'I'll be right out' and answered my phone. "Hey Mom."
"Hey sweetie." She answered after a long pause. It took a little time for my cell to receive the message sense I was on the other side of North America. I kept quiet, waiting for her to go on.
"Phil and I have been traveling an awful lot lately, and we've talked it over. He's going to be traveling with his old friends for a while… would you like to come down? It's going to get pretty lonely down here." She laughed nervously.
"Mom, I would be happy to come down. You know," I paused. "It was a coincidence, Alice and I just went shopping today and bought a ton of summer clothes, and you know the sun never comes out here."
"Oh," she sounded surprised. "Well then that's great! Will you be ready in a week?"
"Yes mom, don't worry about me." I glanced at the front door. Edward was standing there, leaning against it. He looked too much like a supermodel standing like that. I shook my head a few times trying to clear my thoughts. "Look mom, I have to go, ill see you in a couple of days. Bye."
"Bye. Can't wait."
I looked back to the door and saw that crooked smile of mine make it's away across his lips. Okay, break's over. I thought helplessly as I yanked the handle, almost disconnecting it from the door. I'll just cheat once.
I ran to greet him at the door, but he met me half way and picked me up by my waist swinging me in a circle. "I've missed you." He didn't stop swinging me.
I couldn't help but laugh, this was fun. "I've missed you too, Edward, but please put me down."
He chuckled under his breath before putting me down. When he did I wrapped my hands around his neck and pressed my lips against the base of his throat. He wrapped his arms securely around my waist, putting his chin on the top of my head.
"I really did miss you though." He whispered near my ear, his cold breath tickling it. Something wet hit the back of my neck and I winced. I looked up, examining the sky; it was covered in a thick layer of clouds.
It's raining. Another rain drop hit my forehead.
Without thinking I reached up on my toes and kissed Edward. He picked me up by my legs and wrapped them around his waist; that made it much easier. I kissed him again as he carried me to the house.
Everyone was cooped up in the living room, sitting by the fire. Carlisle with Esme, Emmett with Rosalie, and Jasper with Alice. It never occurred to me that everyone was paired off except for Edward. Imagine how he had to live with that for all of these years. I didn't deserve him the way he deserved me. It didn't seem fair.
Edward set me down on my feet again, hand in hand as we walked towards them.
"How was your evening Bella?" Esme asked me. Though I know she probably already heard what happened from Alice, I told her anyways.
"It was great, Mom." I smiled when I called her that. Unlike other people, I actually loved calling Esme, my step-mom, my "Mom". "Alice bought me a holster top. Then, apparently, used me as a weapon to back off some of the men that were crowding me."
Oops. That wasn't supposed to slip out. I glanced up at Edward, his face was serene, no sign of any emotion. But I looked at him a second too late, I might have missed something.
"That's nice. Glad you had some fun." Esme returned, starring back into the fire.
Edward led me over to the white couch --- surprisingly still available --- and sat down, having me sit in his lap. I rested the back of my head on his shoulder, my hands coming to rest on his, wrapped tightly around my waist.
Everything was quiet. It was relaxing. Staring out of the window, I watched the rain continue to drop, slowly falling into rhythm.
How in the world did I end up with such a family as this? How did I get so lucky? According to my "Near Death Experiences", luck was not a factor of my life. Never on my side.
I don't deserve them either. They've gone through so much trouble for me. How could they possibly take me back, welcome me with open arms? I sighed.
Deep in thought my eyelids began to slip over my eyes. And while wondering, I helplessly fell asleep in Edward's arms.