Blair ran as fast as she could she had to get away from Chuck and the party; she needed to get out into the fresh air to clear her head. She snuck back into the catering area and pushed the fire exit door open and flung herself into the night. Why did she have to say that? She felt so foolish, so angry at herself. Why did he have to turn up? The only thing holding her together through all this was the fact she knew Chuck wasn't coming, she knew she wouldn't have to see him. That was Chuck Bass though full of surprises; she half smiled at the memory of him. They way he used to be, they way they used to be. Thoughts of Chuck filled her mind, flashes of his smile…his kiss. She knew it was wrong to be with him but she couldn't stop, he was her weakness, her drug. It was so cliché the boyfriend's best friend but Blair didn't care, she loved him. They had to keep their relationship a secret, Blair said it was to protect Nate and Chuck's friendship and when the time was right they would go public. But Chuck wanted the world to know about them and as time went on he grew impatient. He knew he knew the real reason Blair kept their affair a secret; shame. Blair Waldorf was the epitome of perfection and Chuck had more than a reputation for scandal, she couldn't risk it. She had been such a fool.
Flashback…
It was a typical New York summer day; the city was practically a ghost town as the majority of the Upper East Siders had made their annual summer pilgrimage to the Hampton's. But Blair had declined Serena's offer to go with the Van der Woodsen's for the weekend as she had far more important things to do.
Blair lay in bed the crimson sheets falling loosely around her body, she gazed at the empty space beside her and sighed. Chuck had a habit of sneaking off in the mornings lately, he had been acting very strange and secretive he was definitely up to something. She got out of bed and put on the shirt Chuck had worn the day before and breathed in the scent of him, it always comforted her. She heard the door swing open,
"Well good morning sunshine." Chuck said with his usual snigger. "Nice look."
"This old thing?" she said twirling, "It's a rag." She giggled as Chuck threw the New York Times at her.
"A rag for a hag my dear." He said going behind the bar and pouring them both fresh juices.
"Where did you go to?" Bair asked settling back on the bed with the paper.
"Never you mind, here have some juice." He said still grinning broadly.
"I know that look…you're up to something Chuck, tell me what it is."
"You'll find out soon enough, patience." He said flopping down beside her.
"You know I don't do patience! Come on tell me." She pleaded.
"Okay, okay. I was going to give it to you tonight at dinner but if it will put an end to your whining then its worth it…" he said hopping back over to the bar and returning with a thick wadded envelope. "Here."
Blair smiled as she opened it intrigued by the surprise. She pulled out what appeared to be legal documents and real estate stuff there was a picture of a beautiful penthouse, her excitement turned to confusion.
"I don't understand…what is this?"
"Look at the name on the deed." Chuck said pointing down.
Blair scanned the page, Legal Owner: Mr Charles Bass.
"You brought an apartment?" Blair asked still confused.
"Yes, now look at the address…"
Blair read further, Downtown New Haven, Connecticut.
"Chuck…you brought a place in New Haven? Why?"
Chuck was smiling, "Look at the next letter." He said excitedly.
Blair scanned it muttering to herself, "Dear Mr. Bass…we are pleased to welcome you to Yale University…" Blair looked up at Chuck who was beaming at her, she was utterly speechless. "You're going to Yale?"
"Isn't this great? Now we can be together."
"But I…I thought you wanted to go to Dartmouth with Nate?" Blair said still staring at the papers.
"I was but Yale is just as good as Dartmouth and now we can be together in our own apartment."
"Our apartment?"
"Yeah I brought it for us…" Chuck said his smiling beginning to fade. "Don't you like it?"
"No it's amazing, it's a dream place but I'm just a little shocked is all."
There was a long awkward silence.
"Don't you think this will raise a lot of questions Chuck? I mean people don't even know we're seeing each other and if we suddenly run off to college and move in together don't you think that it will seem a bit odd?"
Chuck stood up and huffed, "Look I don't care what anyone else thinks Blair its time people know about us! I'm sick and tired of skulking in corners and sneaking out before morning. School is over now its time to grow up."
"What about Nate?"
"I don't care." He said stubbornly.
"Yes you do."
"Well he'll get over it, you two have been broken up for like a year. A year Blair! A year I have had to pretend not to love you and I'm sick of it!" Chuck was almost shouting now. It was strange he and Blair never argued, they teased each other and bitched constantly but they never fought.
"Calm down okay?" Blair said getting off the bed. "It's just a really big step."
Chuck was breathing heavily, "Ok, maybe you right I'm sorry about the apartment…but not about the rest of it. I meant what I said Blair I've had enough of hiding."
"I just don't think it's the right time yet…" Blair said softly as she placed her arms around him in reassurance but Chuck just pushed her away.
"When will be the right time? When are you going to get over your obsession with everyone else and just do what you want for a change?" Chuck was definitely shouting now.
"I have to think about other people Chuck, not all of us can be selfish like you and don't care!" Blair yelled back.
"I'm selfish? That's rich coming from you, out of the two of us I'm the one who could loose my best friend, I'm the one people will blame…it will be 'Oh poor little Blair Waldorf was seduced by that evil Chuck Bass'!" Chuck was getting redder and redder. "But I don't care about any of that Blair, all I care about is you…I want the world to know..."
"Why does the world have to know? Why isn't it enough for just you to know?" Blair pleaded.
"Because its not!"
"Why?"
"Because I want the world to know you're mine!"
"What? Of course I'm yours who else's would I be?" but as soon as Blair asked she already knew. "This is about Nate?"
Chuck was seething, he could barely look at her now; "You should hear the way he talks about you. about how you've never had another boyfriend since him, about how you obviously cant get over him and how he was your first…it makes me sick to have to sit there and listen to him go on and on about you like you belong to him, in everyone's eyes you belong to him."
Blair felt a massive rush of sympathy for Chuck but at the same time intense anger.
"I don't belong to Nate…I don't belong to anyone! I'm not a possession and I will not let you publicly ruin me just so you can burst Nate's bubble about taking my virginity!" Blair said shoving Chuck in the chest. "Wouldn't it be easier for you two just to measure them and be done with it? This endless competition is driving me crazy."
"Its not about ego or whatever, it's about you Blair." Chuck said harshly. "When you were with Nate you were so proud to be his girlfriend, your whole world revolved around him. I want you to feel that way about me."
There was another long silence Chuck was breathing heavily, his anger still raw.
"But you don't do you?"
"Chuck…"
"I'm never going to take Nate's place. Your whole life was about him; for god's sake you planned your wedding when you were like six!"
"I'm not going to apologise for loving Nate, he was my first boyfriend and yeah I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together but it didn't happen okay? I'm with you Chuck, I love you…" Blair said stroking his cheek softly.
"Just not enough I guess." He said brushing her away.
"Chuck please…"
"No Blair if you loved me I wouldn't have to beg and force you to tell people I'm your guy. I'm not asking for much Blair, I don't expect you to fly a plane over central park or make an announcement on the big screen at Madison Square Garden but just acknowledge that I'm a part of your life…to your mum, or Serena or anyone…"
"Look Chuck when we go to Yale we can start over, no one will know us there…" Blair cried, her eyes welling up.
"What and when we come home for weekends and holidays its back to secrets and lies? No Blair it's not enough, I want all of you…if I can't have that…"
"What? What Chuck? If I don't tell my mum you're my boyfriend you're going to break up with me?" Blair said angrily, "You're being so stupid!"
"I have spent a year waiting for you Blair and I can't wait anymore…" Chuck couldn't believe what he was saying, but he knew he had to do it. He made his way to the door.
"Fine!" Blair called after him. "You know what Chuck you say all this stuff about how I'm the one who wont tell anyone about us but you've had a year, you could've let it slip if you really cared about it that much!"
"Yeah I could've…but you asked me not to and I loved you…" he said his voice shaking slightly.
"Loved?" Blair mumbled.
"You can stay and have some breakfast." Chuck said simply. "I wont be back today." And with that he left.
"Fine! Walk away!" Blair screamed as she threw her drink at the door.
As the glass shattered across the room Blair fell onto the bed and sobbed, she cried for hours and hours. She was furious, not at Chuck but at herself. Why couldn't she just tell him how much she loved him? That Nate was nothing in comparison to Chuck? Why did she have to be so afraid? She waited for hours; she had to tell Chuck how she felt and make this right. But he still hadn't come back by nightfall she called his cell but he didn't pick up. Eventually she got dressed and went to his father's suite.
She knocked on the door and waited nervously.
"Ahh Blair hello." Bart Bass said with his usual nod.
"Mr. Bass hi I hope I didn't disturb you." Blair said, always so polite.
"No I was just going through some paperwork I want to try and make it out to the Hampton's to see Lily this weekend." He said. "Is there anything I can do you for?"
"Well yes actually I was looking for Chuck, there's something I really need to talk to him about and he wasn't in his suite so I thought maybe he was here." Blair said peeking her head round the door.
"Well he was here this morning but only to pick up his passport."
"Passport?" Blair almost choked.
"Yeah he had a sudden urge to go to London, I didn't ask why with Charles I find its best not to pry." Bart laughed as Blair tried to force a smile. "But don't worry I'm sure he'll be back by next week for my bachelor party."
"Thanks Mr. Bass." Blair said. She made her way towards the elevator.
Typical Chuck, runaway when things get bad. He never changed. She'd have to wait and week to talk to him now, least it would give her time to figure out what she wanted to say. But Chuck didn't come back after a week, or a month, or a year. He never came back at all.
End Flashback
Blair had become teary eyed as she thought about that day. She never thought that would be the last time they'd be together, and she never thought the next time would be at her wedding to another man. Blair fell against the wall and shut her eyes tight. She wanted the whole world to fade away so she could go back to that moment and do it all over again. Then maybe this really would be her wedding to the man of her dreams. Blair was shook out of her day dream by the loud banging of the fire exit she had just come through.
"We need to talk." Chuck said.
Blair stood upright, she needed to find the courage to finally tell him the truth.