IF YOU DON'T LIKE TONS OF BANTER BETWEEN CHARACTERS, THIS MIGHT NOT BE THE STORY FOR YOU. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
"So, Valkyrie. Skulduggery mentioned something about showing me some magic. Exactly what do you plan on doing?" The Doctor asked, excited. The girl sighed.
"What are you, 5? Be patient," she replied. The Doctor straightened his bowtie a few times in anticipation as the two walked to the TARDIS. They found it there, standing proudly and patiently.
"Isn't she a beauty?" The Doctor sighed dreamily. Valkyrie grinned.
"You're like Skulduggery with his Bentley."
"Bentley. Like the car?"
"Yeah, he drives one. He loves it. He even talks to it sometimes," she said.
"I talk to the TARDIS all the time. She just makes wheezing noises, of course, but I get the general idea of what she's saying," the Doctor replied.
"So you're saying she talks back?"
"Oh, yes. I doubt she'd like you, though."
"Why not? I'm loads of fun. Oodles, even."
"Well, she doesn't like things that...ah, don't register. To her, you're impossible. To her, magic is impossible. That might be why she shut down...or is it? Wait, I think I know. I think I know! And what's more, I know how to get her up and running again!" Valkyrie was startled by his sudden outburst.
"Tell me quickly, because I need to hide this thing."
"The TARDIS is a she," the Doctor said, sounding annoyed.
"Yes, but get back to the part where you said you know how to get her running again."
"Well, you see, the TARDIS has a lot of energy and a lot of different power sources. Right now, all the energy she gets from these sources is being mixed in with the magic energy that this world has. And it must have a lot of magic energy to deactivate her! I suppose that TARDIS energy and magic energy don't really play well together. You know how riptides pull people out to sea?" The Doctor asked. Valkyrie nodded.
"Well, it's absolutely nothing like that. Now, if you were to use some very powerful magic on the TARDIS, the TARDIS energy that was mixed with the magic energy would go back to where it belongs and she'd be working again! Very simple, right? Wrong. We need some very, very powerful people to do this. Skulduggery and that China lady seem strong enough. People around their level should do the trick. Thirty...something of them. Do you know thirty people as strong as Skulduggery?"
"No...but Skulduggery himself might. And how do you know how strong they are?"
"I'm good at guessing. Now, Valkyrie, while I think of a way to have thirty people get the TARDIS functioning, you do your magic...thing. I'd love to see what you can do," the Doctor said. Valkyrie smiled.
"Prepare to be amazed," she said with confidence. She moved her hand up, and then the TARDIS shot into the air.
"What have you done to her?!" The Doctor wailed. He looked up in the sky and then held his sonic screwdriver up.
"It's falling rather fast. If you don't catch her, I'll be very, very cross. I might not even let you see what she looks like on the inside." Valkyrie looked stunned.
"I can't do that. I'm not good enough. There's no way I should be able to do that! Not even Skulduggery could do that!"
"Worry about that later and catch my TARDIS!" The Doctor scolded. She groaned and lifted her arms up again just as a blue glint appeared in the sky. Air wafted up to the TARDIS and it began to slow down. In fact, within a second, it wasn't moving at all. Valkyrie let her hands drop a little, and the TARDIS fell at an alarmingly fast rate. In a panic, she spread her arms out, and the TARDIS stopped again, this time only inches from the ground. She let her arms fall and the blue box landed on the street with a thump. The Doctor hurried to his beloved time machine and cradled it.
"Did she do anything to hurt you? Are your systems alright? Oh, you can't even answer. Valkyrie, come with me. As a reward for not letting her create a crater in the street, you get to see the marvel that is the TARDIS!"
"I can't wait. Whatever she is, she owes me big for this."
"I'll be sure to tell her to thank you when I get her working again," the Doctor promised. He then ran to the door and opened it, beckoning Valkyrie in. She wasn't sure she'd fit, but was pleasantly surprised to find she could. Well, pleasantly surprised was an understatement. She was absolutely shocked.
"It's bigger on the inside."
"No, she's bigger on the inside. She's also got a pool." Valkyrie's jaw dropped, and her knees grew weak.
"A pool? How big is she?!"
"Very, very big. Us Time Lords really got the hang of bigger on the inside technology. It's quite useful!"
"How big is very, very big?"
"Bigger than Skulduggery's ego."
"That's huge."
"It is indeed. Now, I'm going to check if she's hurt. If she is, I'll hold you personally responsible, seeing as how you are personally responsible."
"That made no sense."
"It will. If it doesn't, that's your punishment."
Skulduggery held the book and walked up to China.
"How did this book get here?" He asked. She smiled coyly.
"I thought you wanted information on the case."
"I've got all the information I need. I just wanted Valkyrie and the Doctor out of here."
"Why?"
"Because I need to know I can trust the Doctor, and Valkyrie is good at keeping tabs on people." China laughed. It was a pretty laugh that most men would crumble to. However, Skulduggery wasn't most men. Also, he was dead.
"Of course. You don't even trust the people who can relate to you. Typical Skulduggery. Valkyrie thinks you've changed since the war, you know. How naive she is."
"Relate to me?"
"I saw the look on his face. He's got the tired look of an old man who's seen terrible things, and done even worse. He's got your look."
"What, the look of a handsome and witty skeleton detective? Because the last time I checked, he's neither a handsome skeleton, nor a detective."
"He looks hollow," China said, Skulduggery was lucky he had no facial muscles, because he knew China had hit the spot, and he didn't like it.
"Answer my question about the book," he said. China sighed.
"It was just there yesterday. Maybe I didn't see it earlier, maybe someone left it there. I don't know. Whatever it is, I like it." Skulduggery looked at her. She wasn't very helpful.
"Just keep tabs on him, will you?" He said irritably.
"And what will I get in return?"
"The chance to have one of the greatest adventures of your life." China looked doubtful.
"I work for tangible pay, Skulduggery."
"The Doctor probably has something of value, if you're going to be difficult." With that, Skulduggery left to meet Valkyrie and the Doctor. China was left alone.
"He'd better," she muttered.
Skulduggery found Valkyrie looking very uncomfortable as the Doctor pointed a strange green light at her.
"What are you doing to my assistant?"
"I'm not your assistant."
"I keep her around for laughs."
"I will punch you."
"See? Isn't she a riot?" Skulduggery said calmly, all while walking menacingly towards the Doctor.
"I was scanning her for signs of magic. She's got lots. More than you or I know," he said. Skulduggery stopped walking towards him.
"Now, how about I scan you?" The Doctor said, pointing the device with the green light at the reluctant detective.
"I've never been big on scans. Or having things pointed at me when I don't know what they are. Or even when I do know what they are, really. Basically, I don't like anything being pointed at me, regardless of whether I know what it is or not," Skulduggery said. However, the Doctor wasn't listening.
"This is...you're pure magic. You're absolutely, 100 percent magic. You have nothing else. Nothing," he said in shock.
"I told you I came back from the dead, didn't I? Did you expect to find any sort of...readings indicating my humanity?"
"Well...no. But I didn't expect you to be solely magic-based."
"Yes. I'm fascinating, aren't I? I actually put myself back together. My bones were separated, and I put them back together. Then, I went to have many heroic exploits and do many dangerous things. Once, I tried on a white suit. It really didn't work. Completely ruined the whole mysterious detective vibe I had going on. Still do. I also played fetch using my own arm once. It would have been nice, had I not been playing fetch with a man who thought he was a dog. It was really embarrassing. And I also once managed to get myself shipped to a Halloween decoration store in America. It took quite a while to get back-"
"Skulduggery."
"Yes, Valkyrie?"
"He's not listening," she replied. The Doctor was walking around Skulduggery, doing a full-body examination.
"Why don't people seem to appreciate my lesser-known tales?"
"Probably because they're boring."
"But the last time I tried telling someone about my battle exploits, they vomited and then fainted. If they didn't get all of their sick on my shoes, it would have been very entertaining."
"Maybe you should stop telling stories altogether."
"Nonsense! Besides, they're not stories, they're part of my biography."
"Biography?"
"I was thinking of having Gordon write it, but it would probably revolve too much around him, so I dropped the idea. Perhaps I could get the many criminals I jailed to all pitch in and write it. They could get 10 percent of the cut, and it would be interesting to read all of the death threats I've earned. Or I could write it. After all, only I could do myself justice. I'm quite amazing, you know."
"Sometimes, I wish I had other friends."
"You don't mean that."
"Tanith doesn't talk about herself all the time."
"She's also not stunningly handsome and witty."
"You just proved my point."
"No I didn't. Did I? It's rather hard to concentrate while the Doctor is sniffing me like a dog."
"Hello! Just preforming some gendankenexperiments. Ah, how I love that word!"
"Can we just get going on this mystery thing, or do I have to set something on fire?" Valkyrie said. Skulduggery coughed.
"Yes, good idea. Doctor, come with us. I know a man who can give us information we might find useful."