Death's x A x Joke

by RamenStarr

"Careful," I said, voice still calm, but I'm sure my eyes gave away my promise of wrath. "You shouldn't gamble with your life so carelessly. You only get one after all..." I said, smiling with mirth at my own little joke. Ajin!OC, Guren Freecss.

2. Chapter 2

Here we go, quickly proofread so sorry for mistakes. I've gotten a surprising amount of dm's asking for murderclown x ajin smut and a lot positive feedback on this story so far, so thanks! Nothing terribly sexual between Hisoka and Guren yet, but I'll post a one-shot au of this chapter later that'll have what you want.

Thanks for the faves, follows and dms! Here's the second phase.

XXX

Gon and I were in our element.

We followed our noses and tracked the unique scent of a boar through the dense woods, our three friends a couple of steps behind us. After hearing about how accurate we were with finding Leorio earlier, they had faith in our ability to track a measly hog. Leorio and Kurapika especially, since they already knew we hunted game for dinner all the time back home.

My brother was inspecting some wrecked foliage that looked like the work of wild boars if they were the size of bears. I sniffed and bent down to get a closer look at what was in front of me. It looked right but at the same time… "Uh, Gon? Check this out…"

"What's up?" He asked curiously, squatting down next to me.

I pointed to what I found. "That doesn't quite look right, does it?" By the look on his face, he understood why I was confused.

"Hey, what are you guys looking at-" Killua joined me on my other side and immediately cut himself off when he saw what had our attention. "Ugh! Why are you guys playing with shit?!"

"What?!" The other two exclaimed, now standing behind us to look over our heads.

I rolled my eyes. "Of course we're not playing with it, you moron! This is pig scat...well, it should be…" I trailed off, uncertain.

"What? There's no way a pig did that! It's huge!" Killua said, looking at me like he couldn't believe I'd survived in the mountains for so long. Well, he's half right.

"No, sis is right about it being pig scat. It's the size that's throwing us off." My wonderful brother inputted.

Killua turned blue eyes to him. "Yeah, that's my point, Gon!"

"He means that boar crap looks a certain way, and that is definitely boar crap. What has us concerned is that the boar that did it is obviously bigger than the average one." I stated, eyes moving back to the rutted area around us. Were we really hunting pigs the size of bears?

I bit my lip and kept a sharp eye after that. I could only have Sandy out for a half hour at a time at the longest, so the second I smelled any pigs nearby, I was bringing him out.

"I have to say, cooking sure sounds a lot easier than what we did for the first phase," Leorio commented as we followed the path of destruction.

"Hopefully…" Kurapika muttered, eyeing the ravaged ground. Thankfully, he took our worries seriously, unlike some people. I shot Killua another annoyed look, to which he just stuck out his tongue.

Gon suddenly hopped down the steep hillside and slid down, Killua quickly joining in with a grin. The older boys were only two seconds behind them, but I decided to tread slowly, not wanting to get grass stains on my clothes. I may have an extra shirt packed, but not shorts!

Halfway down the hill, the scent hit me full on, and I knew why Gon headed down. Without any further ado, the sand-like matter that was black as obsidian started to pour out of my body. It fell like a thick waterfall and a few seconds later took solid form in front of me.

I looked up at the blank face of my invisible friend. "Hey, Sandy! Wanna hunt some pigs with me?"

Sandy tilted his head, and I felt his bemused emotions flood through our bond. "...Hunt...piggies…?" My deeper, distorted voice said from within his bandaged body. Man, I wish he could have his own voice because mine just sounded weird like that.

I nodded, moving around him to trek down the hill again. "Yup, but you gotta be stealthy like ninjas, okay? I don't want anybody to know about you yet."

I felt some excitement from him and glanced back to see him holding a clawed digit up to his face as if he were shushing me. I grinned up at the adorable sight.

By the time we made it down, the boys were at a pile at the end of the hill. "Hey, what happen-"

All four quickly shushed me, pointing to something in the field. I followed their gaze and blinked dumbly at the sight.

God, they were huge! I then caught sight of a few of them chewing on bones with their sharp teeth. Oh no…

As one, the carnivorous boars turned towards us as one, eyes glaring hungrily. Then the one closest to use bellowed out an almighty shriek.

Oh...no...

"Shit!"

"Woah!"

"Yikes, run!"

"Crap!"

"Oh my god, oh my god, I don't want to die! What the hell are these pigs?!"

We bolted, the angry herd right behind us. Sandy and I took up the rear of the group, the pigs hot on our heels. More contestants were ahead of us with looks of befuddlement, which quickly bled away to horror when they saw the size of the pigs. They didn't even have time to run before they were thrown away by the force of their large snouts.

I whispered to Sandy to take us away from the others. He nodded, picked me up and sped away with his long strides. We were gone before the others even noticed, with two pigs not far behind.

I peered over Sandy's bulky shoulder at the pigs and tried to find weaknesses. To me, the most dangerous was the snout. Especially when it can hit a human like a truck, I thought. "Sandy, stop in front of that tree to over there," I commanded, pointing to a thick tree a couple of yards to our left.

"...roger…!" He quickly veered left, fast enough that the pigs couldn't follow as quickly. They bellowed angrily when they tripped over their stubby feet, crashing into each other.

"Okay, now just stay here until they get close," I said, shifting so that I was seated more comfortably in Sandy's hold. I couldn't help but be reminded of another set of arms that held me just over an hour ago. Well, at least Sandy isn't holding me hostage. Although Hisoka definitely wins in the smell department, I thought, smelling nothing but sulfur and death.

The pigs thundered towards us, and once they were almost upon us, I shouted, "Now!" Sandy leaped straight up, high enough to grab hold of a thick branch with his free hand.

We both watched as the pig slammed snout first into the tree, but the tree held strong. For a moment I thought that maybe it had knocked itself out when it didn't move, but then it just shook its head and looked around for us, relatively unharmed. The other pig just slowly circled the small clearing, snorting angrily.

Alright, this might be easier if we just split up took the pigs one on one…"Sandy, you kill the pig over there, I'll take care of this one. Just don't get hit by its snout, okay?"

"...bacon...sounds good…"

I nodded. Yes, it sure did.

Sandy dropped me and I let gravity power my incoming kick to the pigs head and made sure to hit him right between the eyes for a quick knockout. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. My feet slammed into its skull and it dropped without a fight. I blinked down at it, honestly surprised that it was that easy. Really, a hit to the head was all it took?

Loud squealing had me turn to see how Sandy was doing, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for the boar. Sandy had taken a more vicious approach and had clawed nearly every square inch of its hide. After suffering from too many gaping slash wounds, it finally dropped. Sandy gave a war cry and stabbed his hand straight through the side of its head, killing it instantly.

I winced, knowing that I couldn't take this pig back. I eyed its underbelly and saw that it was mostly intact. Huh, or maybe I could. I didn't need to really cook the whole pig, I just needed to make a dish, and there was plenty of undamaged meat there. Although...I shook my head and dismissed the idea. No, I didn't want the whole group of contestants to see how strong I really was, so I'll have to leave Sandy's game here.

I reached for the large pig's neck, ready to break its neck for a quick kill, but jumped back when a black hand was suddenly buried up to the the knuckles in its forehead. Well, that works too I guess.

"Thanks for the help, Sandy," I said, only to blink when he was already fading away. I frowned at the dissipating cloud of black matter. He's been doing that a lot recently. In the beginning, he would come out without any prompting from me from time to time, but now he was acting a lot more independent. It's not like I've done anything too different with him...well, aside from training, I suppose. He was great practicing taking on larger opponents, which was nearly everyone to me.

Although, even when he was out, he would act differently as well. He repeated random phrases without prompting, sometimes he would lash out at trees or wildlife with deadly force. He never attacked me with ill intent, so I know it's not something I did, but it was still disconcerting.

Just two weeks before Gon and I left Whale Island, I was having a particularly off day while sparring. I knew that the day where my brother left to try to catch the lake king was closing in, and I wasn't really feeling up to doing anything but sulk. Sandy caught on to my feelings through our link and acted out.

xX very quick flashback Xx

Just when I was going to throw a half-hearted punch at his ribcage, he simply dodged and started to walk away.

"Sandy?" I called after confused. He ignored me, only walked away to stand in front of a tree. I approached him slowly, trying to decipher the fleeting emotions through our bond. Just when I was an arms' length away, he suddenly started to scale up the tree, not stopping until he was near the top. After a couple of minutes, he just went away on his own, not even acknowledging me.

I figured I had annoyed him somehow, and when I willed him out for the second time that day, he just repeated a random sentence and walked away again, only this time he stopped a few feet away and crouched down. When I followed him to see what he was doing, he just sat there, bouncing on the balls of his feet and drawing a fish creature in the dirt.

I still didn't figure out what caused the change, and when I called him out for a third time later that day, he was completely normal.

xX present Xx

I shook my head and stopped wondering about my ghostly friend for now, and lifted the pig onto my back, feet up. It was heavy, I definitely couldn't run with it. I trudged back to where I heard the sounds of fighting. About five minutes later, I joined back up with the others and held in a snort of laughter at the clumsy finishing blow Leorio dealt his pig.

"Hey, guys! I'm back." I announced, trudging over with my catch still half dragging on the ground.

Gon gave me a bright smile and waved, while the others just gave me welcoming nods. Even Killua, although he was still acting like Mr. Cool over there with his hands in his pockets and that nonchalant expression.

On our way back to the courtyard, Leorio suddenly started bragging about how easily he took out his killer pig. "You know, I could have taken my pig out if I had just hit a few more times…"

Kurapika gave Leorio a look of disbelief. "A few more times? How about one time?"

"What?! I got at least two or three hits in, you little brat." Leorio said, looking disgruntled.

"Oh please, you didn't hit anything but trees." I snarked, giving him a smirk. He looked down at me incredulously. "How the hell would you know? You had already run away before the fighting began!"

I scowled at the sudden snickers that came from my right. "I was leading some away from you guys, alright? I needed some distance to fight it effectively!" With Sandy.

Killua shot me a sly grin, looking like a cat who caught the canary. "Oh yeah? Where were you planning to fight it, the freaking moon? Any farther, and you'd have left the Reserve!"

I rolled my eyes up to the heavens and begged for patience. I heard Gon giggling, and could practically feel Kurapika shaking in laughter too. "You know what? Maybe I just fight better alone, you ever think of that you little shit?"

Gon scolded me for my bad language while Killua gaped at me. "Hah? I'm taller than you, you idiot!"

I heard Leorio let out a guwaff and just sped up, making sure to jostled both Leorio and Killua when I passed them and hearing them curse at me made me smile just a bit.

XXX

All this cooking was making me starved.

I went with my plan of making bacon and used my pig's generous belly to make enough for an army. I, of course, wasn't a complete animal, so I had skinned and gutted the pig before cutting off the meat needed, unlike everybody else. Well, except Gon, he knew how to skin and gut animals too, but he just stuck the pig on the spit and was roasting it just like the rest of them!

Seriously, did not a single person here know how to cook?!

Even Hisoka was cooking his pig on the spit and didn't look like he really cared that he had already burnt the underside a bit too much. I could see the charred hide from here.

I shook my head and went back to frying my strips of bacon. A plate was already done, but that was just for me to eat while I cooked, since I was so hungry. I, however, frowned when I noticed how bland the bacon was. I wasn't really a picky eater, but I knew I needed to do better when the arrogant wrestler who antagonized Menchi before was failed. I knew instinctively that she wouldn't be happy with my mediocre bacon.

Luckily I had rooted through the cabinets of the cooking station earlier and found just enough ingredients to make some of Auntie's homemade barbecue sauce. But I had to figure out how to cook ribs first. So with that in mind, I dumped the last batch of bacon onto the large mound beside me and got to work.

I cut up the ribs and started up the grill. I grabbed the two onions that were given to us, some molasses, a little bottle of mustard, and vinegar for the sauce. I idly watched more contestants show their roasted pork to the proctors while I diced the onions, and felt even more nervous when every single one failed.

It was Leorio's turn to try when I put everything together into my bacon pan, and I let out a giggle when I saw his 'presentation'. All he did was stick a flag in it's back! Is he that stupid? I rolled my eyes and mixed my barbecue sauce. I did a double take when I saw Gon's pig.

Oh, brother, she's not going to like that any better than Leorio's...but it's super cute!

I stirred my sauce and giggled at his downtrodden look when Menchi failed him. I honestly wasn't expecting to pass either, so he won't be alone. Menchi's expectations were way too high, I don't think anyone here would be able to impress her.

After making sure the sauce was thick enough, I spread the sauce onto the ribs and let them cook for a couple of minutes. With how hot the grill was, they shouldn't take too long. A dejected Gon and Leorio headed over to join me, their glum expression quickly morphing to hungry ones when they caught a whiff of my cooking.

"Damn, Guren! This smells amazing!" Leorio exclaimed, practically shoving his face over the grill. I pushed him away before he could drool all over my dish.

"Knock it off! If you're hungry, there's a plate of bacon on the counter over there. There's plenty still, but make sure you two don't eat it all, I want Kurapika and Killua to have some too."

"You're the best, sis!" Gon exclaimed, hugging me tightly before heading over to the bacon where Leorio was already stuffing his face. I gave him a smile.

I checked the ribs and saw that I only had a couple of minutes left before they were done, and saw Kurapika up at the judging table with something that wasn't a whole pig. I smiled, ashamed that I had ever doubted the teen. I should have known that at least he would put some thought into his dish.

My smile widened when Menchi actually took a bite, tasting somebody's dish for the first time so far. Nice job, Kurapika!

Then not even two seconds later Menchi spat out the food into the trash next to her and tossed the dish aside much like the rest, Buhara happily catching the flying pork. Oh no, what happened?

"It tastes disgusting! Presentation is important, but it needs to taste good, too. You're just as bad as #403!"

I winced at that. Ouch.

"Ha! What a shame." Leorio laughed, giving Kurapika a grin as he walked over. The blonde didn't even look his way, too depressed by the comparison. I couldn't blame him.

I put my ribs on the plate and wished I had something else to go with it, but shrugged, not really invested in the test anymore. Gon failed, and I wasn't about to become a hunter without him. Even if I wanted to, I knew Menchi was going to hate it anyway.

I walked up to the table and saw that Buhara was looking quite full, and Menchi was at her limit of patience. Well, let's get this over with.

"Here you go, some pork ribs with my auntie's homemade barbecue sauce. I hope you like it." I said garnet eyes looking between the two.

Buhara's eyes lit up when he took in my dish, and immediately picked up two of the four ribs and dug in. Menchi was eyeing my plate with a skeptical gaze, probably remembering Kurapika's nice looking dish that tasted like crap. "Mm!" Buhara moaned, and I saw that both ribs were gone already. "That was pretty good! You pass!"

I gave him a grateful smile and turned towards the real challenge. The woman picked up a rib and took a bite, eyes closed as she chewed. I waited impatiently, already prepared for the outcome, and just rocked back and forth on my heels.

To my relief, she didn't spit it out. She didn't eat any more either, though. "Hmph, the meat's overcooked. And the presentation is pretty bland with just ribs on the plate."

I nodded, bored. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a chef or a gourmet hunter. I get it already.

"Not to mention the sauce, ugh, could it be any sweeter? Gross." Menchi huffed, and let Buhara take the rest of the ribs.

I froze. "Excuse me?"

"I said, it's too sweet. It doesn't taste good with the pork. Fail."

I glowered at the woman and felt the air around me get cooler. "So not only are you an old hag with impossibly high standards but a hypocrite, too?"

Menchi's face quickly burned red and she slowly got to her feet to glare down at me. "What was that?"

"What, are you going deaf from age?" I said, sounding like it wasn't really a surprise. "I said you're acting like a hypocrite. No better than that shitty wrestler earlier when he looked down on you for being a gourmet hunter."

Menchi had fire in her eyes and she suddenly had a butcher knife in her hand. "You better respect your elders, you little brat." She hissed, looking like she was seconds from vaulting over the table at me. "If I say you fail, then you fail. I'm the expert, not you."

I gave her an unimpressed look. "I don't care that you failed me. I came up here knowing you would. But that doesn't give you the right to say that Aunt Mito's homemade barbecue sauce is gross. That was uncalled for." I said, not letting my anger show. I turned towards Buhara and gave him my Gon smile. If anything it made him grimace a bit, like I had unsettled him.

"Thank you for judging us fairly, sir." Without sparing Menchi another glance, I hopped down to the ground and walked back towards my group, ignoring the many gazes drilling into me.

I heard a clunk behind me, sounding like a knife stabbing into the table. "No one passed the test, so we're done here!" Menchi called out, still sounding pissed.

That made two of us. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at her as various contestants starting complaining, the wrestler being the loudest.

I almost hoped that Hisoka would seek me out after we got out of here, now. I could take my anger and frustration out on him during our fight. I sighed and reached for another piece of bacon to munch on. No, I didn't really want that. A fight with him isn't something to hope for, and I really needed to calm down before my anger took control of me.

I glanced at Gon. Man, since when did I get so easily riled up? I'm usually calm and level headed, but I've been acting like my bratty younger self today. Getting pissed at Hisoka was one thing; I had thought he'd hurt my sweet brother, but to snap at a stronger opponent just for shit talking? That's the stupid stuff I thought I'd gotten over by now.

My musings were interrupted when something fell from the sky and crashed into the courtyard like a ton of bricks, kicking up a thick cloud of dust. I stared in shock as an old man walked calmly out of the cloud towards Menchi. What the hell, did that grandpa have bones of steel?!

"Who's that old man?" Somebody asked, and it was Menchi who answered, looking serious. "He's the head of the selection committee, and the person in charge of the exams, chairman Netero."

I blinked, comprehension dawning. Huh, no wonder the long fall didn't phase him. The old man was probably stronger than he looked.

XXX

Netero reasoned with Menchi to get us a new task to do for the second phase, but it honestly sounded easier than the first. Until I saw which eggs we would be cooking.

I couldn't take my eyes off the webby nest down below, and I felt excitement bubble up as I watched Menchi go about getting her spider eagle egg. That looked like so much fun! I wanted to jump down and swing around too! And that free fall...and then she flew right back up from the updraft!

So...cool!

I quickly slipped my boots off so that I was barefoot, and backed up a couple of steps from the edge.

"That's...that's crazy! Nobody sane would jump from so high up-"

I cut the wrestler off with a whoop of joy as I jumped into the chasm, heart pounding from the rush of adrenaline. I wasn't scared of falling to my death of course, but I had never jumped from so high up that I couldn't see the ground beneath me, and the unknown was exhilarating.

Unlike Menchi, I didn't aim for the threads hands first. Instead, I landed feet first, staying put until the thread stopping wobbling. I heard Gon let out whoop similar to mine, and I grinned. I looked up to see him, Killua, Kurapika and Leorio only seconds behind me, all landing on a thread a the front.

I stayed put as more people jumped down, not wanting to get unbalanced if people landed on my thread. Everyone else hung by their hands, and as the last few men to jump joined me on my thread, I stood up and starting walking the thread like a tightrope, making my way to where one of the clusters of eggs hung.

"Hey, little girl, where'd you learn to do that? The circus?." One of the men jeered from below. His neighbor laughed, sounding just as intelligent as the former. "Guess there are two clowns trying to be Hunters this year." He said, obviously referring to Hisoka.

Hey, I look nothing like a clown!

I rolled my eyes hopped over their hands with a little more force than necessary. They let out frightened yelps when the thread bounced erratically, making me smirk. Not so tough now, huh?

I fell forward once I was over the eggs, hooking my feet around the thread so I wouldn't fall. I reached for the closest egg, straining my arms to stretch as far as they could when I felt my fingertips touch the shell. I heard some people let go prematurely, falling to their deaths. I knew it wasn't time yet, but it would be before long.

I absently felt the thread wobble and adjusted my feet to grip it more securely. I glanced at the thick thread that was holding the cluster up and reached out to grab it, hoping to carefully pull it up so they were closer. Just as my fingers closed around the webbing, something struck me hard on the side of my face.

I yelped in pain, the sound drowned out by the terrified screams of those who jumped early. I abandoned the cluster and brought my arms up to block the next hit, and saw that my attacker was the jerk from earlier. He was giving me a nasty grin, malice lighting up his eyes.

Blood ran into my hair as I glared at the bastard. He went to kick me again, and I quickly grabbed his leg. Meeting his eyes, I gave him a shark's grin and pulled.

His eyes rounded with terror as he lost hold of the thread, unprepared for my strength. He let out a terrified scream as he plummeted to his death.

"Serves you right…" I muttered and shot a look at his buddy who had frozen a couple of paces away, daring him to try anything. He quickly shuffled away in fright.

I allowed myself a small, satisfied smirk before quickly tossing a look in Gon's direction. Luckily, he and the others didn't witness my cold-hearted action. I continued what I was doing and tried to grab an egg. Suddenly I froze, sniffing the air. It was time.

My feet unhooked from the thread and I grabbed an egg as I fell, a carefree grin on my face. I laughed, loving the feeling of the wind on my face. Then the updraft was there, and I was flying back up. I rolled through the air so I was face up, egg tucked safely against my chest. I wanted to remember this feeling for the rest of my life...this, freedom…

XXX

"Allow me to introduce myself to the remaining forty-three remaining applicants. I am Netero, chairman of this year's Hunter's Exam selection committee."

The little bean person who handed out tags spoke up next. "I am his secretary Beans."

I smiled when I heard that his name was actually Beans. How cute.

Netero and Beans explained that we could do as we pleased while the blimp took us to the next phase's location, including getting rest and grabbing a bite to eat. Once we were dismissed, Killua turned to Gon and me.

"Hey Gon, Guren, let's go check out the ship," Killua said, looking excited to explore. Gon nodded, looking just as eager. I shook my head, rubbing my stomach. "Nah, I'm hungry again. I wanna go find something to eat and take a shower-"

Killua took hold of one of my hands, Gon quickly copying him. "Oh come on! We're going to get food too, so let's go!"

"H-hey!"

They ignored my protests and pulled me out of the room, I shot a scowl at the two chuckling males behind me that didn't do a thing to help. Hmph, see if I make food for them again.

XXX

"Really, you want to raid the kitchen?" I whispered incredulously, leaning against the wall by the door leading to the kitchen. There were chefs and waiters busying about, with trays and carts that were being taken to the proctors and applicants. The smells wafting from the room were quickly dwindling down my indignation to steal.

"Hey, you said you wanted to eat." Killua pointed out in a whisper.

I gave him a look. "Yeah, with everyone else like we were told," I muttered back.

Killua rolled his blue eyes. "Oh come on, don't be such a baby."

I turned to Gon who was next to me. "Gon, you know this isn't a good idea, right?"

He looked uncomfortable to be brought into our bickering and averted his eyes. "Um, well, Killua says we won't get caught…?"

I gaped. Where had my sweet innocent brother gone? I glared at the smug silvette on the other side of the door frame. This kid's corrupted my brother! "The best stuffs probably already gone, but I bet we can find some good stuff they got stashed!" Killua said while leaning up to take a quick peek through the doors small window.

"Good stuff? Like cake?" Gon whispered excitedly, making me pause. Cake?

Killua was sporting his feline smirk, knowing he had us hook, line and sinker. "I bet they even have ice cream."

My eyes widened and without anymore deliberating I called out Sandy. If they had cake or ice cream, it would be worth it.

"I'll cause the distraction while you two go in and grab us food, got it?" I said, looking up at my hulking soul sibling.

"I knew you'd see it my way." Killua boasted.

I rolled my eyes again and tried to find patience. "Okay, so you guys wait here, and I'm going to go in there and make sure they're facing away from the door so you can sneak in. The signal to come in will be 'ghost'." I said, giving Gon a wink, causing him to light up in understanding. "Gon, I'll need you to let me know when you make it out so I can escape." I looked at the three crouched around me. "Sound good?"

The boys nodded and Sandy gave me a thumbs up, unbeknownst to Gon and Killua. I stood up and got ready for some acting, and relayed as best as I could through our bond what I wanted Sandy to go. I walked into the room looking like a lost child, gaining the attention of all of its occupants.

"Hey, you can't be in here!" One of the chefs berated, storming over to me.

I hunched my shoulders to make myself look smaller. "I-I'm sorry, um, I was just trying to find…" I cut myself off and stared at the far side of the kitchen with wide eyes. "Um...wh-what is that?" I stuttered, pointing over there shoulders.

As one, they all turned and stared dumbly at the tray of empty plates just floating in mid-air. "It's...it's a ghost!" I cried out in faux fear, and on cue, Sandy suddenly tossed the tray into the wall next to him, causing every adult in the room to jump out of shock and fearfully dashed out the door behind me.

Once they were all gone, I gave Sandy a smirk. "Good job Sandy!"

He gave me another thumbs up. "...no problem…"

I looked around the kitchens. There looked to by only one pantry and one freezer; Gon was already deep into the pantry, while Killua headed towards the freezer. I turned back to Sandy only to see that he as gone. Oh, he must have faded away already.

I shrugged and quickly headed towards the open freezer. Killua was already in there, arms full of sweets ranging from cupcakes, cake pops, and chocolate strawberries.

Jeez, I should have recognized a fellow sweet tooth by the glint in his eye before we even entered the kitchen!

I wasn't even surprised to see his face already stuffed, crumbs covering his cheeks. "Hey, stop hogging the goods to yourself and go make sure Gon doesn't need help, I'll grab us some ice cream."

He tried to say something back, but only sprayed crumbs at me. I gave him a look of disgust, stealing a cake pop when he passed by. I idly munched on the cake pop while I rooted through the shelves, specifically for ice cream. Then, I finally found what I was looking for.

"Yes!" I cheered, pulling out a tub of what looked like chocolate ice cream. To my elation, there was dipped ice cream cones behind that. Score!

I finished off my stolen cake pop and piled as many as I could on the tub, after ripping apart the wrapper to a strawberry dipped cone. I walked out of the freezer with a skip in my step, happily munching on my pink cone; man, even the cone was strawberry flavored!

"Mission successful! Let's get out of here before somebody comes back." Killua smirked. Gon's arms were full of sausages and various other meats, some of which he already had stuffed in his mouth. "By the way, where did your shoes go, Guren?"

I paused mid-bite and looked down at my bare feet. "Huh."

Gon giggled. "Sis has a bad habit of kicking off her shoes and then forgetting."

Killua gave me a look. "What are you, an idiot?"

I gave him a scowl. "No! I just don't like shoes!" Where did I take them off though? I honestly don't remember…

"Why didn't you just wear sandals here then?" Killua asked, giving my brother a 'is she serious' look.

Gon answered before I could give a cutting remark. "Aunt Mito bought us matching outfits, and the boots go with the set. Also, the boots are better suited for running."

We had just turned down the corridor away from the kitchen when we heard a shout. "Someone's raided the pantry!"

Another voice cried, "The freezer too!"

Gon, Killua and I looked at each other for a second, before Gon suddenly said, "Scatter!"

We bolted off into different directions; Gon and Killua in one, and I ran the opposite. I heard footsteps clamoring in the hall where we just were, and quickly scanned the hallways for somewhere to hide. I could easily outrun any pursuers, but I had to run a bit slower so I didn't drop any of the cones.

After all that work, I was not giving up my reward!

There was a door slightly ajar a couple of steps ahead, and I quickly slipped into it, slamming my back against it. I pressed my ear against the door and listened, growing tense when footsteps got closer. I slowly kneeled down and set the tub down so my hands were free, and prepared for the worse when angry voices got closer to the door.

"It was that little girl from before, I just know it! She must have tricked us with that floating trick just so she could get to our food!" A man said, sounding like the chef from before.

A younger man's voice answered him. "Are you sure, sir? There was a lot of food missing, and she was just a young-"

"These are the Hunter Exams, boy." The chef cut in sternly. "Don't underestimate any of them. We have to find that brat...she almost all of the ice cream and pastries…"

The voices came to a stop right by the door, and I took a step back. I took the cone out of my mouth and ignored the stickiness coating my lips, trying to think of a plan if they investigated the room. It was dark, and a quick glance showed that it was empty. There was a pile of something on the bed, but I couldn't make out what it was from here.

I took in a silent breath when my pursuers spoke again. "She was just in front of us, I think she slipped into this room here…"

"Sir, I think we should just let it be...I mean, this could just be one of the other applicant's rooms-"

"Be quiet! She has to be in here. When I get my hands on that little shit, I'm gonna dice up her fingers and make her eat them! Nobody steals from me!"

The doorknob started to turn and I was frozen with indecision. I need to go hide under the bed or something, but if I left my stolen goodies by the door, they'll know for sure I was in here anyway.

My gaze bounced between the bed and the ice cream, the door clicked open-

I let out an involuntary scream of terror when I was suddenly grabbed, lifting me right off the ground; except they must have expected that because a large hand was over my mouth before I made a sound. I dropped my half-eaten cone and thrashed instinctually, causing my much bigger attacker to squeeze their arm around my middle hard enough that I thought my lungs would collapse.

Light filtered into the room when the door was opened a crack, but I was held so that I was hidden in shadows, and I felt my heart jump into my throat when I heard, "Is there a reason why you're barging into my room~?"

His voice had the same sing-song quality it usually did, but it now held a dangerous edge to it. Oh god. Oh shit, I sneaked into Hisoka's room-

"W-we're really s-sorry, sir! We w-were looking f-for a young girl. She s-stole from the k-kitchen and-"

"I don't care." The evil magician cut the stuttering man off, and suddenly released a dampened version of his killing intent. I shook in his hold at the close exposure.

The men on the other side of the door got the hidden message, which was leave or die. "S-sorry to disturb y-you," I heard them dash away and Hisoka kicked the door shut with a slam, the air once again clear of killing intent.

I swallowed, my throat dry when I realized that I had jumped out of the frying pan and straight into the fire. I would rather risk getting my fingers cut off than be in a dark room alone with Hisoka.

The first thing I did when he uncovered my mouth was say, "Sorry about that. I thought the room was empty." I wasn't about to be rude and risk my arms getting cut off like the guy who bumped into him before the exams started.

"You need to work on your situational awareness, little Guren~" He drawled, and set me back on my feet.

I quickly turned so I was facing him, and flinched at how eerie his eyes looked in the darkness. This must be how a panther looks when it's stalking you in the night. "R-right. Well, I'll leave you be now. Sorry again." I reached down to pick up my ice cream, only to be shoved against the door none-too-gently by his index finger. I looked up at him startled and tried not to flinch again when he towered over me.

"What's the hurry? You just got here~" He purred, golden eyes dancing across my face.

I cleared my suddenly dry throat. "Um, I have to meet up with my brother and Killua…"

His hand drifted up from my chest to wipe away something under my bottom lip. "Hm, but I'm bored. Won't you stay and entertain me for a bit~?" His voice got a bit lower, and for some reason that on top of his fingers so close to my mouth made my cheeks get hot.

"Oh...um...but what would we even do…?" I asked, brows furrowed with uncertainty.

Oh, I really didn't like the way his eyes flashed…

"There's no way we can fight right now," I said immediately, knowing that he probably wanted that. "I don't think we're allowed to fight each other right now if we did we'd be disqualified…"

He didn't say anything, only brought his thumb up to his mouth and licked something off of it, not breaking eye contact. My eyes drifted away from his, unable to take the intensity anymore. My eyes landed on the perfect distraction. "Oh no!" I exclaimed, staring in dismay at my fallen cone.

"Hm?" Hisoka followed my gaze. "Ah...I suppose that was what brought the miffed cooks to my door~?"

I picked the cone up and threw it into the trash bin by the door with great regret. "Yeah..but it's ice cream, so it was worth it," I said, not needing to say anything else. It was ice cream, what more reason was there?

"I see~" Hisoka hummed, picking up the tub and holding it up high. "This is a lot of ice cream for such a tiny thing like you~"

"So?" I reached out for it and he only held it up higher, smirk widening. Seeing as my head just barely came up to his waist, I'd have to jump just to get it; and knowing him, he'd be able to keep it away from me effortlessly anyway. "Come on," I whined, trying to jump up and get it. The redhead only held it above his head.

I glowered. "I risked getting my fingers cut off for that, give it back!" I would be tempted to just climb him like a tree to get it, but he might take that as a declaration to fight.

"You're so silly, Guren~" Hisoka reached out and pinched my cheek. "As if I'd let someone else try to harm my newest fruit~"

I rubbed my smarting cheek and gave him a glare. "Who are you calling a fruit?" I groused. Seriously, could he be any weirder? "Look, if you want some of my ice cream, I'm willing to share some, alright?" I begrudgingly offered.

Hisoka just let out a short chuckle and walked over to the bed. He set down the ice cream on the bedside table and gathered up the pile of what I now saw were his cards. He shuffled them into a cleanly stacked deck in like two seconds and pocketed them. He sat on the edge of the bed and patted the space next to him, giving me an inviting smile.

I hesitantly walked towards him and grabbed another strawberry flavored cone before I hopped onto the bed, sitting cross-legged a decent distance away. Just because he was being civil, didn't mean I felt comfortable being that close to him.

I unwrapped my cone and took a small bite into it, breaking through the hard coating and into the soft scoop. I studied the blanket as my thoughts drifted. Why did being around Hisoka make me feel so confused? One second I was wary and on edge with him, for good reason. The next I was at ease, like I'd known him my whole life and knew he wouldn't do anything.

My brows furrowed and I took a bigger bite, smearing pink around my lips. No, that wasn't right. Nothing about Hisoka gave off the impression that he was harmless. I did know that he could do anything to me, and I wouldn't be able to stop him. I knew he was much stronger than me; he knew it too.

That was the core of my confusion. I knew I wasn't safe, but I didn't care. I...I think I liked being around the magician.

I licked up more ice cream and frowned in consternation. Why did I feel so comfortable with him? It just didn't make sense. It wasn't just my inability to die, I knew that for sure. I wasn't scared of him, per se, but I was unnerved. I was curious; every little thing he did was intriguing to me. Was my curiosity really an excuse to be around him so much, though? Alone, unprotected…

Vulnerable.

A shiver raced down my spine and I glanced up to see him staring at me with a blank face.

I swallowed my mouthful of strawberry goodness and felt uneasy by the serious expression. But I wasn't afraid. I licked my lips nervously. His eyes tracked the movement.

He didn't say anything, but he looked like he was fighting with himself. I saw it in his predatory eyes and when he bit his bottom lip. I became even warier when his arm started spazzing, and he brought his other hand to clamp over the bicep as if holding it in place.

...What was his problem? I saw that he didn't bother to eat with me, instead, he watched me eat with unnerving fascination. I continued to watch him suspiciously and started eating again, licking up the last bit of ice cream that rested on top of the cone. My brows jumped up in befuddlement when Hisoka suddenly let out a groan.

I had to say something. "Um...are you okay?" I jumped when a clawed hand was suddenly reaching for my face, and brought my ice cream cone up like a shield. Hisoka blinked at the waffle cone that was obstructing his path. He gave me an odd look; like he couldn't decide on being amused that I thought a cone could stop him or irritated that I even tried.

"You startled me," I said, justifying myself. I leaned back and took another bite of my cone, inwardly apologizing to it. I can't believe I almost sacrificed it to Hisoka! It didn't deserve a fate similar to it's fallen comrade.

"Did I~?" Hisoka asked, bringing his hand back down to rest on his knee. "You have some ice cream on your face~"

Probably. I hummed in agreement and wiped off my cheek with the back of my hand. "I didn't wake you up when I came in here, did I?" I asked, referring to the dark room. The blankets didn't look ruffled, but it didn't make sense to just sit in the darkness doing nothing.

Now that I thought about it, why was the light still off?

He shook his head and repositioned himself so that he was sitting against the headboard with his legs stretched out behind me. "I've been daydreaming mostly~," He sighed, a faraway look in his eyes. His smile returned to his face as he thought about something that pleased him. The chill running down my spine was a sure sign that I didn't want to know.

"Okay…" I ate the rest of my cone and tried to think of a topic to talk about. I really didn't want him to elaborate about whatever fantasies he's been having, they were probably disturbing. I quickly swallowed the rest of my treat. "So is there anyone else?"

The magician raised a brow. "Hm~?"

"You know...anybody else here that you want to fight…?" I elaborated, not sure what I wanted him to say. It would be good if there was, then I could put off our fight for longer. If I was the only one…

My heart pounded at the thought of him only thinking about me. I bit my lip, annoyed at myself. I was being dangerously irrational around this man. I seriously didn't understand what my deal was.

"Ah~ There's a few unripened fruits that have caught my eye~" Hisoka drawled, smile widening a bit.

I raised a brow at the fruit reference again. "I wonder what you're favorite food is?" I mumbled sarcastically and went to grab another cone. I kneeled uncomfortably close to the redhead as I perused the ice cream wrappers, looking for something that wasn't strawberry.

Hmm, maybe chocolate? Ooh, white chocolate! I grinned and instantly ripped it open.

"Who's to say~? But I'm sure I could guess yours~" Hisoka said, and I was confused before I remembered. Ah, guess he wasn't fluent in sarcasm. Or maybe he just didn't care.

I gave him a side glance. By the look of that smirk, it was the latter. I rolled my eyes and took a generous bite of my ice cream, making sure not to get any cookie crumbs on his bed. "So what? Ice creams the best food in the world!" I declared, taking an over exaggerated bite to prove my claim.

"I'm partial to strawberry shortcake, myself~" Hisoka drawled, taking out his deck of cards and started to shuffle them.

"Yeah, but what's better than that?"

Hisoka opened his mouth but I cut him off before any words had a chance to form. "Strawberry shortcake ice cream," I smirked, knowing I won. Won what? Who knows, but I did!

Hisoka merely smiled and kept shuffling his cards. Oops, maybe I offended him? He seemed awfully unruffled though…

Suddenly my ice cream was gone. When I looked down I was holding a jack of hearts instead, and Hisoka was happily licking away at my half-eaten treat. My jaw dropped at the sight.

How the hell did he do that?! There was literally a poof of pink smoke and my treat was stolen.

Oh hell no.

I lunged at the smug asshole and tried to swipe my ice cream back, but he disappeared. I blinked at where he used to be and turned around when I heard him hum. He was standing a little bit away from the bed, happily licking away at my ice cream.

I stood up on the bed and stared him down. From this height, I was practically eye level with him. I tried to throw his card back at him the way he threw them at the ape, but unsurprisingly, it only fluttered to the ground between us. Hisoka's lips curled up higher in amusement while I just stood there with my arm out dramatically, feeling like a fool.

"Give it back." I demanded, trying not to blush.

"Don't be like that, little Guren. You did say you would share~" He chided, eating some more.

"Yeah, but not mine! You don't even like ice cream!" I said, trying not to sound like a toddler throwing a fit. I'm not, damn it! I'm acting more grown-up than Hisoka right now!

"Of course I do. Who doesn't like ice cream~?" Hisoka asked, giving me a look that said I was weird for even asking. His eyes were laughing at me though. Bastard!

With a sound that sounded similar to that of a strangled cat, I leaped at him again. Forget not fighting, I'm kicking this clown's ass!

I aimed a kick at his stupid face but he only bent backward to avoid it, all the while eating my damn ice cream. Jesus, how flexible was he? He nearly bent himself in half doing that. I landed and barely brought my hands up in time to avoid face planting into the wall. I grit my teeth and attacked again.

Hisoka calmly planted his free hand onto the floor and flipped so that I sailed harmlessly under him. I was expecting him to dodge though, so quickly slammed my hands onto the floor and pushed so I could reverse kick him in the knees.

My feet connected with smoke.

Damn that magician! I felt a whisper in the air and rolled just before Hisoka landed where I was a moment ago with a heavy thud. I scrambled up to my feet, fearing another counter-attack. Hisoka only smiled, like he hadn't just tried to break my back with that stomp. Well, maybe he didn't, but his fat ass probably would have if he landed on top of me!

I glared murderously when I saw that he had eaten the entire scoop of ice cream by now, and only had the cone left. I wailed internally at the loss.

My glare melted away into a blank expression. Hisoka raised a brow at the change. "What's the matter? Giving up~?" He mocked, eating nearly half the cone with his big dumb mouth with one bite. That crunch echoed throughout my mind, and I idly compared it to my dwindling composure.

No! Stay strong, do what auntie does to me… "You can have it. I'm just gonna go meet up with the boys and find a shower." I said, feigning indifference. I walked over to the rest of my ice cream on the nightstand and gathered them up in my arms.

He hummed, watching me slowly walk towards the door. I grabbed the doorknob and paused, throwing him a look over my shoulder that said, 'are you done being difficult now?'.

His answer was, "You're so cute, Guren~" before he tossed the rest of my snack into his mouth.

My collected mask fell away and I glowered at him. His eyes gleamed in response. I growled and ripped the door open, making sure to close it politely and calmly behind me. I hope he felt it.

I stomped down the hallway, his chuckle following me.

XXX

I was still seething at the nerve of that jackass clown when I found the shower room. I set my ice cream down on a bench outside the showers and stripped aggressively, unable to get his stupid smug face out of my head. How dare he?!

I jumped into the warm spray and washed up, ranting in my head the whole time. I felt outsmarted and annoyed, just like in Swindler's Swamp. I felt foolish for even thinking that I could pull that reverse tactic my aunt did.

I let out a sigh and just stood underneath the stream, letting the water wash away my frustration. Honestly, all I wanted to do now was eat my ice cream and go to sleep. Gon and Killua were probably off having their own adventure somewhere on board, and lately, I've felt like a bit of a third wheel around them.

It made me feel a little...sad.

I was happy Gon found a friend his age that he got along with, don't get me wrong. He never really hung out with any other kids besides me, and we were okay with that. Gon actually preferred it that way, really. He loved spending time with me, and being the protective big brother that he was, felt like I was safest with him.

Which is why I felt so...strange without my sibling shadowing me everywhere I went. I didn't dislike the independence, but it still hurt a little to be so easily forgotten once he found a boy to play with. I shook my head and redressed. No, I needed to get over it. It wasn't that big of a deal. It's not like Gon would choose Killua over me anyway. New friends or not, we were twins. Family came first.

He wasn't Ging.

I'll make sure to stick by him in the next phase tomorrow. If I happened to avoid Hisoka all day as a result, well, then I guess it's true what they say about silver linings.

XXX

Let me know what you think y'all, thanks.