Author Note:

Hey guys, I just wanted to take a couple of lines to say thank you all so much for your response to this story. Since I posted it, I've had over 200 email notifications and I can't tell you how much I appreciate every single one. So yeah, thank you all for reviewing, alerting and adding this to your favourites.

As I was writing the second chapter, my mind ran away with me on ideas for a couple more chapters, so I'm not entirely sure how long it's going to be now. I hope you all continue to enjoy it. Here's chapter two! I promise it does get happier soon!

Please review (:

-Leigh xo

PS: Apologising for the few day wait between chapters. I've tried to rewrite this twice, and I like the content of the first attempt better so we're running with that, and hopefully the next chapter I'll be able to fully take on board the constructive criticism I've received. I'm still not sure what I think of this, but I think I'm as happy as I'm going to get.

Disclaimer:Well last time I checked, I was still a young twenty something female fangirl, so you can safely assume I don't own anything you recognise. All credit goes to Andrew Marlowe and the team at ABC.

Hit and Miss

Chapter Two

Castle could feel her eyeing him, almost warily it seemed; the coffee had quickly succeeded in sobering him up and he was made easily aware of her discomfort by the way she played unconsciously with her hands, and how even as she surveyed him, she couldn't fully allow herself to meet his gaze.

Her insides churned slightly, and Kate had the feeling she was on the verge of learning the reason behind his strange behaviour of late. Though recently it was all she'd been wanting for him to tell her what she'd done to make things so awkward between them, a part of her wasn't sure she was ready for his answer. What if she'd done something so bad it couldn't be fixed? But then surely if it was that bad she'd have remembered? If it was that bad, why hadn't he left her by now? Her panicked thoughts chased themselves through the chambers of her brain, and feeling him watching her intently, Kate realised he was still waiting for an answer. "Are you sure you want to do this now?" She asked him tentatively, pausing before she elaborated, "I mean it's late, your emotions are running high-"

"And I'm thinking clearer than I have been in a while," Castle interrupted not breaking eye contact and the look he gave her, told Kate he knew exactly what was running through her head, "It's why it's the perfect time."

She couldn't quite trust herself to speak for a second, nerves causing her stomach to turn over again, "You're right," She answered finally, the words sounding foreign to her as they rolled off her lips. "We do need to talk, and we will- but first I'm gonna go and make us some more coffee."

She stalled for time, struggling to stand up from the comfort of her couch – something which Castle used to his advantage, reaching for her as she stumbled, gently gripping her around the wrist. Kate found herself being propelled back down into a sitting position and as her legs made contact with the sofa again, she was looking anywhere but at him. "You can't run away from this anymore Kate," He said into the silence, his fingers still laced around her as if he thought she'd make a break for it if he let go.

Kate looked down at his fingers around her wrist; preventing her from bolting. Hearing Castle's words made her bear resemblance to a deer trapped in the headlights, but slowly the look vanished being replaced by one of resignation, "I know," She responded finally, looking up and finding his eyes. "Believe me I've tried," She attempted a wry smile but to him it came out as more of a pained grimace. "I've spent twelve years hiding behind my Mom's case, and running from things I can't control, from anything that means change- and I can't do it to myself anymore Castle. I'm so tired." She fell silent, pulling her hand out of his grip – almost expecting some form of resistance on his part but being met with none – twisting them in her lap, and looking up at him expectantly. "What did you- want to talk about?" Her voice cracked, betraying the unease she felt but Kate didn't even bother to disguise it. Over the last few weeks she'd realized; she had nothing to hide from him anymore. Castle had seen her at her best and her worst, been there for the highs and the lows without asking for anything in return, and now Kate was ready to give him something back. Her heart. She inwardly drew breath and placed her hand back over his, giving it a soft squeeze.

Castle allowed himself to relish in the feel of the skin to skin contact and felt the lump resurface in his throat as he realized that this would be the last time they shared that kind of moment. They couldn't keep carrying on the way they were; he'd known it was only of matter of time when he found out the truth but his conversation with Alexis had forced him to acknowledge that there was nothing adult about the way he was behaving. For the longest time he just looked at her, her features becoming hazy as his eyes became damp, "I think you know what," He managed finally. "You don't have to pretend anymore Kate; I know you lied to me about the shooting."

He watched the colour drain out of her face at the implication of his words, saw her biting down furiously on her bottom lip and he was surprised she didn't draw blood. "How did you – how long – you've known since the bombing haven't you?" Kate's voice was barely audible and Castle found himself leaning forwards to catch what she said.

"I heard you interrogating Bobby," He answered back equally quietly, forcing himself to keep looking at her, tracing every line of her face with his eyes even though it hurt to do. "You told him that-"

"I remembered everything." Her words were flat, and he could see the pain in her eyes as she spoke. Any anger he'd been feeling towards her dissipated in an instant because the way Kate was looking at him now told him more than a verbal explanation ever could. She'd never have deliberately made him out to be a fool, although it certainly made him feel like one to realise how stupid he'd been in thinking otherwise. "I'm so sorry Castle.. I didn't do it to hurt you."

"I don't blame you for it," Castle told her seriously, trying to assuage both her guilt and his own, but unintentionally increasing it tenfold, "Don't get me wrong, I did- I was furious when I found out, but now I'm just sorry you didn't feel you could be honest with me." He couldn't prevent the bitterness that slipped out with his next words, and though it stung, she knew it was justified.

"Believe me Rick, that's not a reflection on you, not in the slightest," Kate said, struggling to remain composed as she brought her knees up and wrapped her arms around herself. "It's a reflection on me – on the person that I hadn't quite managed to let go of seven months ago. I wanted to tell you I remembered, that it was your words that got me through my recovery, and that it was the second time you–" She hesitated for a second, before throwing caution to the wind and continuing, "The second time you'd saved my life."

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Castle asked, the end of her sentence only registering with him as the first question left his lips. His jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened, but he quickly schooled his features into a neutral expression, "When was the first time?"

Kate contemplated for a second which of his questions to answer first, uncurled her body and stood up from the couch, "I'll be back in a second," She told him, before disappearing into her room and retrieving a book from her bedside drawer. He was still sat in the same position when she returned and handed it to him- glancing down at the cover, he realised he was holding a hardback copy of 'In a Hail of Bullets.' He shot Kate a questioning glance, and she gave him a casual shrug of the shoulders, leaning across him and opening it to the title page. The first thing he noticed was that in the top left-hand corner, 'Johanna Beckett's Library' was printed in fading ink. As his eyes scanned the page, they landed on his own penmanship;

'For Kate, because sometimes we all need an escape from reality.'

It was followed by his autograph and as Castle traced over the letters on the page, he wished he could have remembered writing it- although at the time he knew she would have had some kind of impact on him, because he'd written more than the usual hastily scrawled signature.

"You had a big fan in my mom," Kate began to speak softly, the corners of her lips turning up into a sad smile before she haltingly continued to explain, "About a month after- after she died, I was sorting out her things; most of them went into storage in the loft, but I kept some of her books, including yours. She was halfway through re-reading this-" She gestured to the book which lay open in his lap, her eyes watering as she tried not to cry, "That night I took it into my room and stayed up to read it. It- it made me feel closer to her somehow, like part of her was still there. After that I started reading the rest of your work," Her eyes fluttered shut for a second, a tear creeping from beneath closed lids. "She always said she was going to have you sign this, and when she didn't get the chance, I did it for her. You've no idea what your words meant to me- you became my escape, Rick."

Castle's arms automatically came up to wrap around her slender frame, pulling her against his body; whatever else they hadn't talked about yet, Kate looked like she was teetering on the brink of an emotional breakdown and he wasn't exactly faring much better. He figured they could both use the comfort, and judging by the way Kate clung to him she agreed. With her face buried in his shirt, she couldn't help but to inhale his scent, feeling a painful jolt beneath her ribcage and hot tears beginning to slide uncontrollably down her cheeks. Castle's arms tightened as she trembled, and he muttered something she couldn't distinguish into her hair. Kate wasn't sure how long they sat there like that, but she inwardly protested when his grip on her loosened, and he broke the almost therapeutic silence, "Why didn't you tell me you remembered?"

She lifted her head off his chest and pulled herself back into a sitting position, "I know I should have told you before," She started, ducking her head and wiping her eyes. "I don't want to make excuses for that-"

"Then don't," Castle interrupted quietly, "I know you Kate, and I know you don't do anything without thinking it through first- what was it that stopped you from telling me?"

Kate drew a shaky breath before answering, "I was waiting until I was in a position to be able to say it back," Her eyes never left his this time, because she hoped he could see a sincerity reflected there that couldn't be put into words.

This time Castle couldn't prevent the surprise from showing and the ghost of a smile flitted across Kate's face as she reached across and gently closed his mouth. He just blinked twice trying to process her last admission, and his mind raced considering and dismissing every potential meaning behind her words, until he came to a conclusion he couldn't ignore. He'd got it wrong. He didn't know how, but it was the only explanation."You love me?" He asked finally, needing her to confirm it because he didn't feel in any position to trust his own interpretation.

Castle saw the shy smile cross her lips and felt her fingers start caressing the back of his hand, "I do," Kate breathed the words and if he hadn't been listening intently he wouldn't have heard her. "Rick I –"

"But I – I thought – It's the only thing that seemed to make sense," Castle struggled to find the words to explain why he'd been so distant with her over the last few weeks.

"You thought I didn't feel the same," Kate supplied gently, helping him out, and grateful he didn't have to explain, Castle could tell the pieces had finally shifted into place in her mind. "I wanted to give us a chance; we've spent so long on the brink of something- I – I don't think I could have lived with myself if I'd jumped into this, and lost you because I wasn't ready to accept your love."

"That wouldn't have happened," Castle told her, feeling increasingly guilty as Kate's words gradually unravelled the conclusions he'd drawn from her lie.

"You can't say that...I know what I'm like Rick – what I was like," She quickly corrected herself, her grip tightening on his hand. "When I can't handle something, I self-destruct. I hurt the people I'm close to – it's why I pushed you away over the summer" Kate paused, "But it's not like that anymore. I've been in therapy since I came back. I've worked through a lot, and I'm in a better place now. I'm ready to handle it now."

"When you say it-" Castle started slowly; he didn't want to pressure her into saying the things he wanted to hear but at the same needed to make sure they were finally reading from the same page.

He felt her let go of his hands, smiling slightly as she used them to aid her explanation, at the same time angling herself closer to him on the couch, "This- us- you know I'm not good at this Rick, but I need you more than I've ever needed anyone before and it scares the hell out of me." There was no mistaking the vulnerability in her voice, or the way her eyes misted over, but she continued on the same track, "And sometimes it might just mean I need you to give me a little push in the right direction, but I'm ready for that." Kate's hands came up and gripped his shirt collar and she leaned in closer still, whispering her next words against his ear, "I love you, and I'm ready to let you love me back." Taking the initiative, she pressed her lips against the top of his jaw, trailing languid kisses along it before coming into contact with his mouth. Her tongue flicked against his bottom lip; it seemed to ignite something within them both and suddenly Castle was kissing her back, his hands snaking around her body and then tangling in her hair. Kate's mouth fell open slightly as his teeth grazed her lip, giving him the opportunity to explore with his tongue

and she let out a low groan at the sensation of that combined with feeling his fingers starting to massage her scalp. They continued in the same vein for several minutes, neither battling for dominance nor submitting to the attentions of the other. Their breathing was already ragged and when they finally pulled apart – despite the looks of matching desire etched on both faces – Kate collapsed against his chest, letting out a shaky breath and contenting herself with listening to his erratic heartbeat as it steadily returned to normal.

"Kate," It took everything Rick had to break the hushed silence that seemed to have settled upon them, broken only by their shallow breathing, and he was sure the sound of his heart pounding beneath his ribcage.

"Mhmm," Her eyes were closed as she gave a non-committal murmur in response, but there was no mistaking how she was feeling. Her lips were curved up into the most satisfied smile he'd ever seen grace her features, and he silently promised himself that whatever happened when he told her, it wouldn't be the last time he caused her to grin like that.

"Can you just sit up for a second?" Castle asked seriously, knowing there was no way he could have this conversation with Kate while she lay pressed against him so familiarly. "There's something we need to talk about."

Kate frowned; something in his voice was making her feel on-edge again and she quickly sat up, her hands releasing the material of his shirt that had been gripped between her fingers. "What is it?" Her eyes searched his face questioningly, and she felt her heart miss a beat when she finally looked into his worried eyes. "Rick?"

"I've got a confession to make," Castle told her quietly, seemingly fighting an internal battle with himself but eventually pulling her back into his arms because he missed the comforting feel of her weight against him. "But first I need you to come with me- there's something you need to see."