Chapter Two: The Way Things Seem

BPOV

"Jake, you better get out of here before you are left behind and have to run to Hoquiam to catch up with the guys." I swear the boy has not left me alone for one second. It definitely comes in handy keeping away the loneliness but I was starting to get a little suffocated. Guiltily, I was somewhat relieved when he told me that Embry wanted him and Quil to meet him in Hoquiam where he had been visiting his new girlfriend Christy so they could have a "guy's night". Whatever that means. It's not like they could go to a casino or strip club since they were all underage. However they could easily pass for mid twenties. Surprisingly, I only felt a small amount of jealousy at the thought of them actually doing that. They would probably just go see that action movie he had been bugging me to go see for awhile now. I think it was called Face Punch or something. Granted I would only see action flicks these days to keep away from any unnecessary reminders, but even I couldn't stomach something as cheesy as that movie. I can only take so much of "I'm gonna blow your freakin head off…"

"If I didn't know any better I would say you are trying to get rid of me Miss Swan." Busted.

"Caught me." I said as I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders. This momentarily wiped off that smirk he seemed to have plastered on his face for the past week. His face fell but when I laughed he seemed to perk back up.

"Nah. I have literature that I have seriously been neglecting for the past week." Jacob was in some respects still just a 16 year-old boy and had no patience for leisurely reading and got bored quickly. Every time I tried reading when he was hanging out, he would find some way to annoy me enough that I would put my book down and pay attention to him.

"I'm SO disappointed to be missing out on that fun." Jacob said sarcastically.

"Yea. Yea. Just go get your two hour fill of testosterone driven blood and carnage."

"You wound me." He raised his hand to his heart in mock disappointment.

"Yes. Well, the guys will actually do the wounding if you don't show. They are probably betting each other on whether or not you will be able to leave for a night. I think they miss their friend." My selfishness seems to have no end. Instead of Jake pulling me out, I am pulling him down with me. But my selfishness will not let me voice this. I couldn't force him to move on with his life in order to spare him my misery like I should, but I could try to persuade him to have more balance.

"Kay….guess I'll head out." There was a mischievous glint in his eye and I knew exactly what was coming. In order to get over his embarrassment of the incident in the truck last week, he had taken to the habit of tickling (a.k.a torturing) me until I begged for mercy every time he left for the evening. Knowing it was futile, for some reason I decided to make a run for it and jumped off the couch and headed straight for the stairs. He let me think I was just barely staying out of his reach as his arms extended out. I think it was more for my protection then him trying to catch me.

"No Jake! Don't you dare!...Ah Stop!" It didn't come across as threateningly as I would have liked thanks to my giggles. I ran to my bedroom and shut the door only to realize that he had ghosted in behind me in his uncanny ability to be stealthy. His fingers were relentless and I was quickly out of breath. He had pinned me down on the bed. I also noticed that he had angled himself so that there would not be a repeat incident.

Not being able to take it anymore, I finally gave up. "Fine! ….You win. Enjoy your movie. Hurry back."

He placed a quick kiss to my forehead and released me saying "Okay sweetie." He then left my room and I barely heard the door close downstairs.

I didn't try to stop him from using such terms of endearment anymore. It actually didn't feel so strange anymore. I continued to feel guilty knowing that I had him completely and he had me in pieces. But that is just a hard reality that will hopefully not break him. I really did feel like I was pulling him under or holding him back, but I just couldn't lose him. The dreams of nothingness came back every now and then and the only thing to get me through them seemed to be Jake. I really don't know what I would do without him, annoying 16 year old behavior and all. And I really didn't want to find out what I would have to do without him.

EPOV

Acting human is annoying at best. But right now I don't know how I am possibly coming across as anything other than a crazed lunatic who moves inhumanly fast. I guess people really are that oblivious. Also being able to feel multiple emotions with equal intensity has gotten old very quick. It is almost like I am relieved to be so close to her and I anticipate seeing her with every step I take towards the rental car. And I equally am feeling more and more nervous about what I might find when I finally get there.

I pulled into our drive at the house in Forks. The vegetation had grown over the driveway but I didn't let that inhibit my speed. The faster I could drop off the car, the faster I would be able to be running and hopefully shake off some of this excess anxiety. I stopped by the house because I had a feeling Alice would be waiting on me. Although I have been completely detached from my family for the past 6 months that I also wouldn't be surprised if she didn't show up out of principle.

I pulled up to the house and could tell that Alice was here in Forks since the house was opened, but she wasn't at the house now. I didn't have time to worry about where she was right now. It was time to face my fate head on, so I took off towards the woods at full sprint.

The running helped with my anxiety minimally. I was now standing in the same tree line that I had over a year ago when I watched her read outside. Her heartbeat was pure and strong and was my anchor to reality. If that heartbeat were to stop, I would no longer exist. There was quite an unpleasant dog smell that took me a moment to realize what it was. I locked down all my senses when I realized that I was smelling werewolf. I realized that it was concentrated around the house. That is when I heard Jacob Black's voice. So he had made the change. Complete and utter unease settled within me. He was a young werewolf currently in close proximity to the reason for my existence. It turns out that danger solely centered on her and me leaving didn't change that fact. The guilt compounded within my being. They were bantering back and forth about Jacob leaving. I could see through Jacob's mind that Bella had lost a significant amount of weight and looked incredibly weak and sallow. The dark circles under her eyes looked like a permanent feature and she was complete skin and bones. She would constantly hold herself almost as if she were trying to hold herself to keep from coming undone. She put up a brave front and tried to appear present and strong, but she was not succeeding in her façade. Jacob mentioned that he should be heading out and that was my cue to leave but then I heard commotion and instantly worried that something had happened.

I realized that Bella had not been harmed, but what I saw and heard answered my questions for me. I heard a joyous giggle and her begging Jacob to stop. She then told him to have a good time but hurry back to her. And then hearing the incessant mongrel's inner chant of "Don't get a boner again, don't get a boner again….." Was the confirmation I had been looking for. She had moved on. But with a werewolf? Really? At this point I wish I had eaten some human food just so that I could actually choke something back up because I actually felt nauseous. Well idiot, this is what you wanted to happen. She has moved on and forgotten you. She's seems comfortable enough in the presence of a werewolf. Yea. Real comfortable. But in truth, she will be protected by the pack. She can have a life now. She can have a family. She will age. She will die. And she will do it all without you. There really is no point in going through this pain anymore. You are only hurting yourself and your family by being this miserable. Just end the pain. I then heard Jacob kiss her and saw him turning to leave. If I could smell his stench I am certain he would be able to smell mine. It would probably be best that he not see or smell me right now. I darted as fast as I could back towards our house. The faster I can drive to the airport and drop off the car and get to Italy, the better. This pain had to end.