/ I know I said this was supposed to be a one-shot but I just couldn't resist, there's probably one more chapter to this that will include Santana's NYADA audition. /
/ ENJOY! /
/ M /
"Anything to forget Brittany."
"So..."
"So."
"So..." I say slowly. This is stupid, the three of us have been staring at each other for what feels to have been the last 76 days although it's probably been about 30 seconds. Rachel and Quinn have been super quiet since we arrived which is a first for the little hobbit, I was kind of worried we might be in the wrong apartment and this here Rachel Berry in front of us is some kind of clone.
"Hey Santana?" Berry finally spoke, typical of her to be the one to break the silence but I appreciated it anyway. the silence was damn near crushing me,
"What?" I said, urging her on
"I heard about... um..." she trailed off and I felt a little irritated. I already knew what she was gonna say anyway, I was weirdly used to it by now since basically the whole school knows about Sam and - I couldn't even bring myself to say her name again.
"I already know what you're gonna say so spit it out ." I say harshly but this time she doesn't flinch or frown or even answer back; she just gives me this sad knowing smile as she leaned forward to hold my hand.
"I know it sucks but you have to know that you couldn't have done anything. Whatever happened, happened for a reason and it's nobody's fault, not yours and not hers..." she starts
"It doesn't look like it now but things will get better." she says reassuringly, she doesn't smile like it's fake, she just looks at our hands and shakes it gently.
I wanted to tell her to fuck off, to not stick her schnozz into my business, to tell her she has no right to tell me that it will be okay. Nobody knew what I was feeling; I was the one who broke up with her, I left her in Lima, I let this happen. Heartbreak is one thing but regret is another, neither her not Quinn knew how much I regretted that decision. Nobody knew what I would give to turn back time and stop myself from making that mistake. Nobody knew and she has the nerve to tell me that it isn't my fault? I wanted to slap her then maybe hug her and cry into her shoulder.
"You're still probably recovering from the news and as you may know I've also recently broken up with Finn..." I hear Rachel talking again but I've pretty much blocked her out as she kept going.
I couldn't take talking about it again, I didn't want to hear people consoling me and telling me it was okay because I knew it wasn't, I just wanted to be left alone; just the way it should have been in the first place. Nobody understands, nobody cares, that much was simple.
Before she came, I was happy being alone, I didn't have to give a shit about anybody and nobody gave a shit about me.
Even if I was miserable at least I was miserable alone and I didn't drag anybody down with me; I didn't let anyone else make me miserable. That is until one day I meet this cheerful blonde who changed everything; First she made me care about her, then Quinn and before I knew it I cared about the whole damn glee club.
This thought train made me think of how it used to be and I couldn't have that, I knew that if I think about her any more than I already am then i'll end up a mess on the floor. The point of the whole trip was to forget her, not to cry over her in another state. I had to distract myself, I had Rachel who just kept talking about Kurt getting into NYADA, Kurt and Blaine breaking up, Quinn finally coming over, herself, herselfand herself.
I looked over to Quinn who was staring at Rachel like a blind man seeing porn for the first time and I knew I was alone, Quinn's lady crush is just too strong that I couldn't pull her out from the dark side of the force. I cleared my throat to interrupt Rachel's little monologue
"What's your point, hobbit?" I asked her, crossing my arms
"My point is, this is a new beginning for you. I knew you weren't meant to be just some cheerleader in Kentucky and maybe it took you and Brittany breaking up and her to be with Sam to push you in the right direction?"
I took in a sharp breath at the mention of her name, "I hope so because right now the "right direction" seems to lead me right off a cliff." I tell them, anger and bitterness seeping into my voice. I had to pull my arms closer to my body because I felt myself slowly falling apart,
"Santana..." Quinn whispers as she reaches over to rub circles on my back; it only made the tears worse and I could feel the cracks giving way, not wanting to breakdown in front of them I shrugged off her arm and stood up quickly.
"I'm going for a walk." I say quickly, walking over to the other couch and grabbing my scarf and jacket. I patted my back pocket to make sure my wallet was there before heading for the door.
"Santana. Wait." I hear Rachel say from somewhere behind me. I turned around as she approached me, pulling out a pen from her pocket, "This is my new mobile number and I'm sure you have Quinn's, call us if you need us to pick you up or anything." she says quietly as she wrote down the number on my arm.
"You couldn't have written it down on paper like normal people do?"
"I could but I know you'd throw it away as soon as you stepped out of the door."
"I would." I admit to her as I slide on my leather jacket
"I know." She says sadly before stepping back and sliding the huge door open, "If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do then I suggest you go to Goodbye Blue Monday it's at 1087 Broadway." she adds as Quinn walks up behind her, giving me a small smile
"Whatever." I deadpan, turning around to step out.
"Goodbye Blues has the cheapest and best tequilas in the whole of Bushwick"
"Well your a genius because if I know Santana, and I think I do, she doesn't want to get drunk."
"What do you mean?"
"Brittany brings out a different side of Santana, a side that she never lets us see."
"How do you know?"
"Brad."
"The piano player?
"Yeah."
At this point I wanted to strangle that white haired imp, how could he tell Quinn?
"she needs to let out her feelings and she can only do that when she doesn't have anybody with her, or at least, no one she knows." I hear Quinn say sadly.
"What is she going to do?"
"She's going to sing." Quinn says before I hear the door closing.
I snorted before heading out.
I was walking around aimlessly trying to avoid thinking of her. I don't know how long it took me but I suddenly found myself in front of 1087 Broadway. "Well shit..." I mumbled to myself, taking a deep breath and walking inside. there weren't many people in the bar since it was a weekday. Just a group of people near the back, A guy decent looking guy sitting alone and a couple sitting beside the door, aside from them the place was practically empty "Just great..." I whispered to myself as I took my seat beside decent-looking guy.
I've been sitting at this bar for the past I-don't-know hours not really thinking about anything and simply staring at the old books attached to the walls, I thought about drinking but I really wasn't in the mood to do anything but sulk so I settled for drawing random thing on a napkin.
Being alone sucked, it meant nothing was here to distract me. I was already about to leave when the guy sitting at the table beside me stood up and sat right across the table from me. He was a tall and had blue eyes which made me look away from him, he was clean cut, brown hair and looked 99 flavors of hot but I didn't care as I gave him my best death glare.
"Hey." He says and I could smell the alcohol from his breathe it was so strong you could probably put a lighter to his mouth and he'd breathe fire.
"No."
"I came over to-"
"No." I cut him off
"ask you-" he continued again, ignoring my interruption
"Hell no." I cut him off again, emphasizing the first word
"to-"
"Don't even finish that sentence." it was astonishing how persistent this guy could be
"just listen okay?" he says loudly, breathing deep and looking at me. I picked up that he had a slight Australian accent.
"Why should I?" even though he was being a total creep I liked that he was distracting me from thinking
"Because I'm not hitting on you, I just want you to sing with me."
"I don't sing." I deadpanned. Unable to look at him directly
"You've been singing to yourself for the past ten minutes." he smiles at me, "and you're voice is beautiful."
"Do you just randomly come up to strangers and ask them to sing with you? because that is REALLY creepy."
"No, but I know a broken heart when I see one."
I couldn't breathe, the ache in my heart came back crashing and my lungs were failing to work. "What-" I asked but was cut off by my own throat getting tighter.
"It takes one to know one." he said sadly, "this is the song that I wanna sing." He says, as he pulls out his phone and shows me the screen. I swear I felt my heart crack just a little bit more when I saw the song and I was probably in shock when I started nodding my head.
"this place is amazing, the walls are lined with garbage and things that someone threw away, they put it here and make it beautiful and useful again." he smiled and pulled me to the stage. I didn't know why but I just went along with him, desperate for something to free my mind from thinking about her.
"I'd like to think that someday I'd be like one of the books on that wall, battered and damaged but the someone will come along and picks me up off the street and makes me important again." His words sent a now-familiar jolt through my chest and I watch him as he sets up the mic and tells the band the song. I couldn't help but think that maybe someday someone will come along for me too, whether it's Bri- her or not, and they'll see me and still love me despite the cracks.
My heart felt like it was trying to tear itself into pieces as the guys places a stool behind me, I felt like I was in autopilot; Smiling at him and sitting down as the band started the song.
After a second I was enveloped in the world I've grown accustomed to, the numbing effect of music was a blessing as I forced myself to think of the words, I looked to the guy and he was smiling at me, "Don't think; Sing." he whispered as his blue eyes stabbed into my soul, they were almost as blue as hers, almost as blue as Brittany's.
I took a deep breath before starting the song.
This is our last goodbye
I hate to feel the love between us die
But it's over
Just hear this and then I'll go
You gave me more to live for
More than you'll ever know
This is our last embrace
Must I dream and always see your face?
Why can't we overcome this wall?
Baby, maybe its just because you didn't know you at all
The flood gates opened and I let myself get drowned in it. I closed my eyes not really caring about anyone else and I could see the moment I told her I wanted to take a break, she was crying and her bright eyes were tainted with red. I remember the way she didn't want to let go, whispering to me.
Kiss me, please kiss me
But kiss me out of desire, babe, not consolation
Oh, you know it makes me so angry
'Cause I know that in time, I'll only make you cry
This is our last goodbye
Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me"
Did you rush to the phone to call
Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind
Saying maybe you didn't know him at all
You didn't know him at all, oh oh, ya didn't know
Ooo didn't know
'I love you too' I could almost her her cry. I couldn't take it, I opened my eyes and the tears just started falling. They man beside me took over but held my hand and urged me on, this complete stranger was making me open myself up to this pain and I didn't care. It wasn't like me to be like this, to act crazy around a stranger but I just couldn't hold it in anymore, I couldn't pretend to be okay anymore.
Well, the bells out in the church tower chime
Burning clues into this heart of mine
Thinking so hard on her soft eyes
And the memories, offer signs that it's over
Over
I forced out every last word as I thought about Brittany. The music ended and I couldn't help but feel a little lighter. The tears were still streaming down my face and my heart was still a shattered pile of mess in my chest but something changed inside me; a realization.
Before I could get down, I heard clapping coming from the far right corner of the bar and as I looked over I saw Quinn, Rachel and Kurt all smiling at me. Before heading to them I looked the guy beside me, he was smiling and waving back at Rachel.
"Do you two know each other?" I asked him and he looked at me and gave me a shy smile
"Like I said, I don't walk around asking people to sing with me." he admitted before pulling me over to the table
"Which one was it?"
"Rachel called me but it was the other one, I think her name is Quinn, she was the one who asked me to look out for you."
"They asked you to follow me?" I asked disbelievingly, I couldn't believe they'd have me followed
"No, I was already here and they just told me that I should watch out for you."
He walked ahead of me and whispered, "They didn't ask me to talk to you or anything, that was my choice, I just- Santana, I- I saw you and you were so down, I just wanted to help. By the way, the name's Brody."
I felt warmth creep up my chest at the sweet gesture that they all did for me, It didn't cancel out the pain but it made it just a tiny bit more bearable when I know I have friends like Quinn looking out for me.
"Hey..." Quinn greeted carefully, looking at me and holding out her hand.
"Hey." I tell her as I take her hand and wrap it around my shoulder
"How's Mercedes?"
"I talked to her after you left, she was able ti cry it out, she'll be fine." Kurt answered for her.
"What about you?" Rachel asks, holding on the the Brody's arm, I looked at them before wiping the tears away and giving them a small smile.
"It'll get better."
/ R&R /
/ M /