Part 2

The day is getting closer and he still hasn't professed his love for me. It was a huge risk I know this now but I had to do something to see if he would finally tell me what I wanted to hear. I had thought when he saw that I was dating it would jolt him from the fog he had been walking around in and finally say what was in his heart. He knew what we meant to each other and that my love for him would never fade.

But the longer I kept Pete around the more distant he became. He started to make excuse for not being around me and would plan things with the guys and wouldn't include me to any of these gatherings.

I had to do something to get a reaction. I showed him the ring and he used his humor to mask his pain. This had been my gamble but I was willing to put all my cards on the table if he would finally show me that what I felt for him would be returned.

I asked him if things had been different and held my breath afraid of what he would say afraid that I had finally pushed him so far away from me that he would never come back.

His response surprised me he said he wouldn't be here. Jack was a maze and every time you had it figured out another wall came up to block your path to his love.

He had been my rock for so long but now I don't know. He has tried to mask his feelings only breaking down to show me how he felt when life and death situation are upon us.

Too much history has been left unfinished between us and this is what I'm feeling. I should never have dated another man. He never should have started dating another woman. Watching him talk to her and smile the smile that was once mine kills me inside and I die a little each time. My plans backfired and I am to blame. It would have been so easy if I had just given into what was in my heart than in my mind. The mind makes you think too much and makes you weigh the consequences of your choices.

Three things always came up to mind at these times. Rules and Regulations, our careers, or commitment those were the barriers keeping us apart or were they just his way of staying away from me?

I sit here alone in my backyard having sent Pete and my brother away asking to be left alone. I look up at the sky and wish for a sign. I have let this go too far and I need to act.

I grab a pen and paper and start to write.

I tell him of my mistakes and my gambles. That I was doing this to get a reaction from him; I write I have lost my dignity and only want what I know both of us cannot deny any longer our love is stronger then any tie any bond our love is pure and worth fighting for.

I told him I would call all of this off if he would just please tell me that he loved me and that he still wanted me.

I wrote this all and sealed it with a kiss. I knew he would not be home and went over and slipped it under his door.

I was tempted to wait but didn't. I went home and sat knowing what ever he decided I would honor his decision. The night passed in a blur and Pete and Mark came back home drunk. I put both of them to bed and slept on the couch. I awoke to the phone ringing and my heart stopped. I ran to answer and hoped it was him.

It turned out to be the wedding planner with reminders of things I needed to do before the big day. I was thinking to myself there might not be a big day. The guys got up and I waited on pins and needles. I called the SGC and found out he had left that morning and would be off the rest of the day.

My heart shattered. He was home he must have gotten my note and his not responding was my answer. I gave the guys an excuse that I needed to run errands and jumped on my bike. I needed to get away.

I cried. I knew I had lost the only man I could ever love, the only one that would ever complete me. I had gambled when I wrote that note and lost.