Sakura twisted and turned, finally waking up from a long sleep. She didn't really understand where she was. A heavy warmth was behind her and in her muddled state, she thought she was at home with Neji's arms wrapped around her. Turning, she was about to give him a kiss when she realized it was Gaara.
This realization hit her like a brick wall and she woke right up, her surprise freezing her and rendering her speechless. In all of her life, she'd never expected to wake up beside Gaara Sabaku, no less with his arms around her and body pressed to hers. His eyes flickered open and she felt a red hot blush creep up her neck and she subconsciously gripped his shirt in her hands, a reflex. She opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out.
"You had a nightmare and wouldn't wake up." Gaara didn't know why he went straight to the explanation when she hadn't even said anything yet. It seemed like he'd said exactly what was on her mind, though. She closed her mouth, but was still frozen to the spot, unable to move. He didn't know what to do now, his lack of social and intimacy skills holding him up in this area. He looked down at her, noticing now how her eyes seemed somewhat sunken from lack of sleep and lack of nutrition. Her cheekbones were too prominent and he didn't like it. Why would Tsunade send him a sick girl.
"Why are you so sick?"
"I—what?" she stared at him, stunned. Her voice hadn't been mean or harsh and he accredited it to the fact that she had just woken. He still stared at her, not knowing that perhaps this wasn't the best place to ask, especially when his arms were still wrapped around her and when they were so close he could see the patterns in her eyes.
"Look," he reached to her wrist and held it to her face. Just as her cheekbones, the bones were too prominent, sticking out from her skin. He took a cursory glance up her body and noticed that she had no muscle tone at all, no fat, no anything. Something stirred within him. There was something deeply wrong with this girl. He didn't like being the one to have to fix it.
She snatched her hand away from him and pulled the blanket over her shoulders, turning away from him. He was confused. He'd asked her a simple question and she wasn't even answering him. He'd thought she would have a little bit more respect for him, at least.
"You aren't leaving my house until you look better," Gaara said, staring up at the ceiling. He felt a small jump and a soft intake of breath. He wasn't in the mood for his attitude being spit right back at him, but she didn't seem to say anything. Maybe she didn't even want to leave the house, he figured. Maybe she just wanted to stay in his house, away from prying eyes and away from the whispers.
"How do you figure to do that?" her soft voice, not warm, but not cold either, rose from his side. He didn't know how to answer her at first. He didn't know really what to say. What could he say? He closed his eyes. Sakura shifted beside him, but she didn't move away. He wondered why. Maybe she missed laying next to someone. He didn't know why she was being so comfortable with him, especially with that fiance of hers.
"I have a bit of time off." If he had to sit at his home and babysit her, then he would. He didn't want to deal with Tsunade's wrath and her sadness if Sakura starved herself to death. He didn't want to face the consequences of Sakura's bad choices and malnutrition if she were to die. He also didn't like that he'd have to deal with Naruto as well, perhaps his only friend and the mutual one between he and Sakura.
"How does that fix anything? I'm better left alone, Gaara," her voice was sad, not shards of ice. His eyes were still closed and he wondered what her words could mean. Could she mean that she would rather just run the forests and the sand as a rogue nin until she inevitable died either because of starvation or of other rogue nins taking advantage of how weak she was? Or could she mean that he should just leave her be in his house and ignore her until she, yet again, inevitably died from malnutrition? He didn't know how to read into her words or figure out how she meant what she said. He wished he was a little better at dealing with people. He could simply shove her off into the hands of the psychiatric wing of the hospital, but he couldn't let her condition become public.
"If I leave you alone, you will die. If you die under my protection, Tsunade will break our alliance. The world is wider than what just happens to you," he said calmly, finally, after several long minutes of thinking over his thoughts. Sakura didn't say anything. She stared at the window across from his bed, her mind blank and eyes concealed from him. His words sounded harsh to her and it pierced her chest.
"Oh, if that's all it is," her words were needles now, intending to pierce him. It was if she was daring him to admit that he only cared about the alliance. It was true that he didn't care much about the girl, other than that she was one of Naruto's best friends. Would he save her from an attack? Yes. Would he try to make sure she was safe while on a mission with her? Of course. Did he care much that she was slowly killing herself? Somewhat, but he would rather shove her off on someone else.
"It doesn't matter," he said flatly. "If I allow your reputation to be trashed, I'll have Tsunade to answer to." He wasn't particularly afraid of Tsunade, but like the rest of the worlds' population, he didn't want to get on her bad side. Woe be to him if he lost the safety of reliable reinforcements. Sakura seemed to relax a bit.
"Fine." She didn't sound happy at all. He figured she didn't have to sound happy. She simply had to comply with what he said. As the silence continued, he realized that he hadn't eaten for hours, perhaps the day before, and he was quite hungry. He didn't know whether to get up or not, but realized that if he was going to eat, then he should have her eat as well. Preferably in front of him, so that he could be sure she didn't just throw it away. He thought of the ramen he'd brought back for her, but thought better of it. It was probably cold mush at this point.
"Stay here," he said, carefully detaching himself. He thought he felt her hand catch on his for a moment, as though she didn't want him to pull away just yet. "I'll be back," he said shortly, allowing his sand to envelope him. He figured there wouldn't be a restaurant open this early in the morning, but the market was always open by this time. It was almost like they never went home in the evening.
"Kazekage-sama!" one of his favorite vendors called him. Gaara looked up, catching the man's eye, and nodded. He approached the stall and eyed the man's various food items. This particular man vended fruit and he always seemed to find the best fruits here. "I just got a fresh shipment in today," he said, pulling up a basket from behind the counter. Gaara nodded and he weighed out some apples and oranges. Gaara took the bag from him, giving him a nod of thanks. He handed him payment, adding a little more than he was supposed to. When he went out, he liked to help his villagers, especially because their taxes gave him his paycheck.
"Oh, here," the man gave him a small watermelon as well. "You're always so charitable, Kazekage-sama, you could use an extra watermelon every now and then," the man gave him a wide smile, which Gaara attempted to return, although it was only slight. Gaara walked away from him, looking for the vendor that usually sold him eggs and bread.
"Looking for me?" he turned and realized that the man had moved his stall. At the questioning look on Gaara's face he said, "I make more up here. So what do you need today, Kazekage-sama?" Gaara finally stepped forwards to look over his bread and looked up at him, wrinkling his nose.
"I'm catering to a kunoichi from Konoha. Anything fresh?" He though he'd use the foreign affairs approach, though usually he'd just give the man a look and he'd bring something out from under the counter. The man smiled at him and pulled out a few fresh loaves of bread and the morning's eggs that had been collected. "Thank you," he gave him a few bills. The man smiled and gave him a couple extra eggs.
Gaara arrived back at his house in a whirlwind of sand. He saw Sakura on the bed still, though she wasn't asleep. She seemed to almost perk up when she saw him. Her eyes flickered over to him in a millisecond, from the book she'd been reading. Gaara watched her, waiting for her to make the first move, and that only ended up in a staring contest between the two.
"Um, hi." She didn't seem to know how to talk to him, either. At least they had that in common. Gaara nodded to her and went to sit on the edge of the bed. From one of the bags, he pulled out an apple and handed it to her. Sakura looked at it, almost like she didn't know what it was. He fixed her with a stare, waiting for her to eat it, put it to her mouth at least. She made no move. Finally after several moments of his eyes simply staring holes through her, she lifted it to her mouth and took a shallow bite. She chewed slowly and finally swallowed it.
This went on for several minutes. She would take a bite and then stare at it for a few minutes before taking another bite. Gaara simply stared at her, waiting for her to finish. It seemed like hours until she finally finished it. Now, she looked at him, almost like she didn't know what to do now that she'd finished. He gestured to a garbage can near the bed and she tossed it in.
"Here," he pulled out an orange now, making sure it was ripe before handing it to her. "I'm going to make some eggs. That better be eaten when I get back," he said, standing up to go down to the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway. "At least half," he passed a glance over her, enough to see that she had blushed and was nodding.
When he came back, he saw that she had, indeed, managed to eat half of the fruit and was still working on it. That made him feel a little better. Sakura shied away from him when he sat on the bed, but took the plate he offered to her. He didn't have to fix her with a stare this time, she began eating on her own. She ate slowly, chewing the food thoroughly and he supposed he should start on things like these. Especially if she hadn't eaten in a while or little at all, her stomach probably couldn't deal with tougher foods.
"I have to go to the office," he said after he finished, moving to stand. Sakura only nodded. "I put the rest of the fruit in the fridge, along with the eggs if you're hungry." She nodded again, still not saying anything. It was weird for him, making all the conversation. She didn't seem much of the social type either, though; at least not at the current moment.
"When will you be back?" she asked finally, softly.
"Couple hours." He moved towards her and wrapped his hand around her right wrist. She stared at him, slightly afraid, as he let a band of sand form around her thin limb. "Don't leave, I'll know if you do." Sakura stared up at him with wide eyes. "It won't hurt you," he assured her. She nodded, though slightly still afraid. He only turned away and then he was gone. Sakura only stared at the place he'd been.
Gaara looked up at the clock, now reading that it was half past noon. He sighed, looking at the pile of paperwork he'd completed. One more sheet and he was done for the day, having skimmed and rushed through most of it. Though he'd rushed through it, he was thorough and knew that he didn't make any mistakes. If there were any, he was sure his secretary would find them. She read all of his paperwork over before submitting it.
"Hey Gaara, we need you to—"
"No." Gaara flicked his eyes up to his sister, who stood in the doorway, her mouth still open. She flushed slightly while he stood.
"Um, what? You didn't even let me finish!" She was flushing in anger now, angry that her little brother had interrupted now. "We need you to approve something for the gala." Gaara glared, a headache starting at the moment. That damned showroom of his village was in another month and a half, he didn't see why he had to deal with the details right at this moment.
"It can wait for tomorrow. I've finished for the day." He really needed to get back to Sakura, to make sure she wasn't tossing and turning in his bed again and make sure she ate something for lunch. He could feel the sand he'd left with her, a kind of psychic connection, and he knew she'd gone outside. If he locked onto it, he could transport right to her.
"Can't you just approve this little thing?"
"What? What could it possibly be that you couldn't deal with, Temari. It's just a Gala for God's sake." He really didn't want to deal with the entire ordeal. He just wanted to show up in a month and a half, get through the night, and go home. He would find someone to escort, though he couldn't possibly think of who at the moment, not with how agitated that sand was getting.
"Just approve it." Temari slammed the folder down on his desk. Gaara glared and opened the folder, signing on all the lines. He caught a few of the words and it literally was just how the tables were going to be arranged. He was quite upset about it. Why couldn't his sister just approve this stuff? He glared at the folder as he handed it back to his sister.
"There. I have to go now," he whirled away in a swirl of sand, trying to locate Sakura.
She was outside, all right. On his balcony, staring at the world below her. He let a soft sigh, a relieved breath he didn't even know he was holding. He knew it was because no one could see her up here, no one would talk and no one would spread rumors about her that could make their way back to the Hokage at that damned Gala.
"Gaara?" She turned towards him when he let the sigh out and he flinched. He didn't know how heightened her senses were, but that was to be expected. She had been trained as a ninja for most of her life after all.
"I should have made sure a perimeter was in check," he said. He hadn't thought of making sure she could go on his balcony. It wasn't as though people could actually see her up here. He sighed. She only looked at him, her eyes confined and guarded. She stood from her seat and faltered in a step towards him. He watched her, mildly curious. "Have you eaten lunch?" he said, trying to break the awkward silence. She stood straight and stared at him for a long moment until she shook her head.
He stepped forward and reached for her arm, but stopped before he touched her. He didn't know how to do this. Being a nice person and all to someone other than his own sister and brother. It was new and slightly terrifying that he was actually instigating touch with another person. He finally lurched forwards and grasped her wrist, pulling her slightly to make her follow him back into the house.
"I would have followed, you know," she said softly. It felt good to hear that little piece of her old self show through. He let a small smile grace his lips. They made it to the kitchen and he sat her down in one of the bar stools around the island there. The island was his favorite part of the entire kitchen. Bar stools on one side, opening to the living room, and the kitchen on the other. She sat ramrod straight, her body tense. He noticed, but didn't say anything.
"What do you want?"
"I don't want to eat anything," her voice was a murmur, but his sensitive ears picked it up. He shot her a glance and she nodded. "I know. I just don't feel like it." She knew that he was going to give her something to eat no matter what she said, but she could still be truthful and let him know that he really didn't know what to eat or what she wanted.
"Since you haven't been eating enough, it has to be something gentle on your stomach," he said. Sakura was slightly surprised that he would know that. She didn't think he knew about anything medical, not what should be fed to someone who hadn't been eating. At the hospital, she often had to approve dietary plans for several patients that hadn't been able to eat, or those that simply had eating disorders.
"Eggs. Maybe pasta and sauce. Some of the more common vegetables. Most fruit." She didn't really go into the different vegetables and fruits. She wouldn't eat them if they were to upset her stomach. Gaara turned around and pulled a box from a cabinet behind him. He pulled out a small pot and filled it with water, setting it on the stove. He left it to boil before turning back to Sakura.
"Want to do something while we wait?" he didn't know what else to do. She was simply staring at the ground, her eyes soft and vacant. He didn't know why she was just staring at the ground like that, but he didn't say anything to break her out of her stupor. She shook her head slightly before looking up at him.
"Sorry, what?" she hadn't been listening. Today was a bad day. She'd been getting worse over the past couple of weeks leading up to her flee from Naruto and the others who simply looked at her in pity and she wondered what they were doing now. Everything was reserved. Did Hinata decide to simply have a party or a memorial so they wouldn't waste the money? Sakura knew this was the prime reason she'd run. She didn't want to be in her home on this day.
"Let's go watch a movie," he finally said, ignoring the fact that she hadn't been listening. Sakura only nodded and slowly got up, drifting to the couch as though she was in a daze. She wasn't even acting like the cold Sakura she had been acting like the day before. There was no fight anywhere in her today. Nothing. She was just being and he finally noticed. He didn't know how to ask what was wrong, though, and stayed silent.
Sakura sat down on the couch, still rigid and straight. He thought she'd want to get comfortable or something at some point, but she just sat as though at a meeting with the elders. He only shook his head and put a random movie in. He didn't really care what it was, only that he could find something other than Sakura to focus on. Taking care of an emotionally damaged person was driving him mad. He wasn't very astute to doing this.
"What kind of movie?" she finally asked, trying to make herself seem a little more normal. She didn't like this. Gaara leaned back into the couch and turned to her. He seemed comfortable while she just seemed tense. She only stared at the screen, not even meeting his eyes.
"What's wrong?" he hated that he was asking this. He hated that he was trying to delve into her personal life and he hated that she probably wouldn't answer and he would have to fight for it. He hated these situations and he rather wished that he could just disappear and leave her be, let her kill herself if she so wished. He wished that he didn't have to care about this disabled, sad girl, but he had to else he faced a wrath he didn't want to face. They said Gaara wasn't scared of anything, but he was scared of an angry Tsunade on a rampage.
"Huh? Oh, nothing," she said softly, still staring blankly at something. She hadn't even noticed that he hadn't answered her question, like she was more focused on something else. He didn't know what was going on in her mind right now, but it was driving him particularly crazy. He only sighed. Sakura looked over at him. "What?"
"I'd like it if you could just tell me. Obviously there's something wrong. Nightmares and you haven't eaten in who knows how long before I fed you this morning," he said. It was slightly surprising to Sakura. Since when did he care this much? Since when did he say more than the average person as well? Gaara only sighed and got up to check the water. When he got back, he noticed she'd shifted, sitting further back on the couch and had drawn her legs beneath her. "Ready to say something?"
"I haven't needed to tell anyone. Everyone knew," she said softly. It was true. When Neji hadn't come back from their mission, everyone instantaneously knew. It spread like wildfire around the village and most blamed her, especially the Hyuuga clan. Hinata was supportive of her and tried to make her feel better, but her father was another story. He shouted and raged at her, yelling that he had asked for Sakura especially because she could keep the heir alive. Sakura had only cried because it was all true. It was her fault he was dead.
Gaara tried to weigh the long silence. He didn't know whether she was going to tell him or not. She was too quiet, staring blankly at the television screen. He finally reached forward and timidly touched her hand. Her head flew up and her eyes found his. There was a faint blush on her cheeks, but she didn't pull away. He tried to give her this small comfort, tried to help her in some way that he didn't know.
"U-um, well, you know I am—I was engaged." Her voice was a whisper and Gaara questioned why she would say that she was engaged. She still had the engagement ring. He'd seen it around her neck at one point before she'd tucked it out of sight. "We went on a mission and, um, well, he didn't come back with me," her voice was hoarse and she was crying now, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped furiously at them, embarrassed that she was crying in front of him.
"He died?" Gaara needed to clarify that fact. Neji could have simply gone off on his own, to track someone down. People have been known to do that and sometimes it took years. Sakura only nodded. She'd taken her hand away from his to clamp it over her mouth, attempting to stem the hiccups and sounds she was making. She didn't like talking about. Many people had tried to ask her, and she just couldn't convey what had happened.
"I brought his body back so he wouldn't go on the MIA memorial," she said softly. Gaara only nodded. It was much more dignified that someone be brought back if they could. He was sure his family was happy about that, at least. She wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged them tightly to her chest, trying to give herself comfort. Gaara stared at her, thinking that she looked so vulnerable, like she was trying to hold herself together. He felt like she'd already fallen apart.
"Do they blame you?"
"A lot of them do," she said. "They said that I've always been weak and that it wasn't a surprise that I failed to save him." They'd said a lot more on top of that, but that was the nicest thing they'd said. She hugged herself tighter, feeling hollow inside. She heard Gaara get up and heard him pour the pasta into the pot. The water must be boiling by now, she figured. Then he was back. He stared down at her, his eyes guarded as he did.
Gaara was warring with himself. She looked hurt, vulnerable, and worn. He wanted to try and do something, but he wasn't quite sure what. He knew that when his sister tried to comfort him, she would wrap her arm around him and just hold him. Granted, he would usually push her off and glare at her, which made her angry as well. He didn't know how Sakura would act if he did it to her, though. He could deal with her pushing him away, though, so he figured he should just do it.
Finally, he sat down, much closer than before. He pushed his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against him. The girl squeaked as she hit his side. She stayed where she was, though. Gaara didn't spare a glance at her, didn't do anything but sit with his arm against her, the girl against his side. Sakura quickly became uncomfortable, though. She was pressed against him and he was rigid as anything. Slowly, she moved closer, pushing her body slightly against his so he would lean back on his seat.
Gaara relaxed his muscles, albeit against his will, and found that he was more comfortable. She rested her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes. All she wanted to do was sleep. Though she'd gotten a lot of sleep the night before, she was still so tired. She'd tried napping earlier, but the nightmares came back and she woke up to find she'd made a mess of the bed again.
Gaara was surprised to find that she'd fallen asleep against him. He accredited it to her tears. They did take up a lot of effort and made people tired. He wondered how this whole thing came about. He was openly touching her, pulling her against his side, and allowing her to sleep against him. He would probably die if his sister and his brother walked in on him right at this moment.
He heard a knock on the door.
Of course his siblings would come bother him right now. Looking down at the girl, knowing something would make it around the village if they saw her, he scooped her up into his arms and quickly transported to his room to place her into his bed. He hoped she would be okay. He shoved things aside in the closet and found a small stuffed cat his brother had given him one christmas. He'd shoved it into his closet and never thought about it. He put it on Sakura's chest and went back to the door, the bell being rung a million times a minute now.
"What." he opened the door to see his siblings' faces, his brother's finger still raised to ring the bell again. Temari was laughing at her brother's antics and shoved past Gaara, flopping down on his couch. Gaara felt the need to rub his temples, but decided against it. His siblings knew how much of a headache they gave him, but they usually did more stupid things if they knew it was already coming on.
"What's up Gaara?" Temari finally asked. She pulled one of the drawers on an end table open and pulled out the chocolate he usually kept there for her. He didn't agree with bribing her, but she usually shut up if she had something in her mouth. She quite liked chocolates as well, so it worked to his advantage.
"Making lunch," he said flatly, moving to his kitchen. The pasta had finished cooking by now and he strained it out before dumping almost an entire jar of spaghetti sauce into it. He set the oven at the right temperature and poured the pasta into a casserole dish, adding a very generous amount of cheese on the top.
He went back to the living room, standing by the side of the couch with his arms crossed. He wasn't one to relax with his siblings around. Temari was thoroughly engrossed with the movie, about a quarter of the way through. Gaara thought it was quite astounding that she could gather her attention into a show the moment she saw it no matter where it was in the program.
"So, where's Sakura? Temari said that she came in yesterday." Kankorou had come to like the pink-haired woman after she saved him from the fatal poisoning he'd gotten when he'd battled Sasori. He liked the fiery woman and kind of missed her. It had been a good year since their paths had crossed and he wanted to mess with her again.
"She's sleeping. Don't wake her up." Gaara wanted to go and check on her, make sure she was okay, but didn't want to tip off his siblings.
"Gaara, she came here to sleep yesterday and I haven't even gotten to see her since," Temari was beginning to get off the couch. "If I have to go up there and search every room to find her, I will," Temari warned. She tried to intimidate her younger brother. Earlier in his life it wouldn't have worked, but now he was too worried about Sakura's condition making it's way around the village. He didn't want his own villagers saying that the girl was too weak to save any one and always was. He sighed.
"I'll go try and wake her," he said finally. He shot a glare at Temari, who sat back down, a smug smile on her face. He only shook his head and went upstairs and into his room. He knew he had to hide the fact that Sakura looked like a skeleton. The lights were dim and his siblings didn't spend too much time scrutinizing everything like he did, so he figured if he could find something for her that covered her arms and legs, she'd be okay.
Before waking her up, he went back to his closet and searched through it, looking for something that would fit her. He pulled out a long-sleeved shirt that was a size too small for him and some pajama pants. He turned back to Sakura and found that she hadn't made a mess of his bed. She was on her side, hugging the little stuffed cat to her chest, murmuring softly.
Gaara laid a hand on her shoulder and she slowly opened her eyes, staring up at him with a cloudy gaze. He wanted to smile at her. She looked down and smiled at the stuffed animal in her arms. She liked the little cat. She figured Gaara gave it to her. The nightmare wasn't so bad this time. She slowly sat up, cradling the little stuffed animal.
"My siblings are here," a stab of fear ripped into her body. She didn't want people to see her like this. Having Gaara around her, so careful of making sure no one saw her. It bled into her and she felt terror of anyone seeing her look like a walking skeleton now.
"I-I don't really want to..." she was scared and nervous and she didn't know if she could be okay to them. She'd been so cold to everyone for so long. So withdrawn and caught up in her daydreams. She blinked and looked up at him again. Gaara handed her the clothes. She held them up briefly and saw that he'd given her his clothes, big enough to hide her bony frame.
"Come down when you're ready," he said simply. He walked out of the door. Sakura immediately started changing, knowing that if she kept him waiting, he wouldn't be happy that he would have to come back up and get her. She looked in the full-length mirror and tried to hold back a grimace. Usually her training gear hid it, but she couldn't wear that just relaxing around the house. The clothes seemed to hang off of her and no matter how she arranged it, it didn't look any better.
Sighing, she decided that it wasn't going to get any better no matter how she arranged it or how she tried to make it look okay. She finally opened the door and ascended the stairs, her footsteps light and silent. Gaara was taking their lunch out of the oven and she felt a little sad that they weren't eating alone. There was no way he would try his awkward kind of comfort around his siblings. She never knew that telling someone who wouldn't judge her would feel so good. He still looked at her the same way and didn't tell her that she was weak and that she should have been able to save him.
"Sakura!" Temari popped up off the couch the moment she caught a flash of pink. She ran over to her and gave her a hug. Sakura stood there, unwilling to move. She didn't like this. The girl was squeezing her too hard and she felt like she was going to lose all her breath. "How's Shikamaru? And Hinata? And Naruto?" Temari was talking a mile a minute. "I haven't seen them in forever and I didn't have time to ask you yesterday. "Are they doing okay?" she added in a whisper, knowing about the entire situation that had sent Sakura running to Suna in the first place. Sakura only stared at her, slightly dazed and trying to keep up with the rate she talked.
"They're fine," she finally said. It came out harder than she intended. It always came out harder than she intended. She didn't like that it was so hard to talk normally to people anymore. Agitated with herself, she pushed past Temari and sat at the island, watching Gaara. Temari shot a look at her brother, as if asking what was wrong with the girl. Kankorou only shrugged and shook his head, confused. Gaara knew the girl was agitated. The sand he'd left with her was reacting to her emotions, the low-level psychic field it had reacted better to him, but he could feel that it was agitated, meaning she was about tenfold.
"Food's ready," he called to the other two. He turned to Sakura, "Will it be okay?" she only nodded. The food would be easy for her to take. She didn't know how much of it she would eat in front of his siblings. She didn't feel remotely hungry, either. She'd been eating so little for so long it was affecting her appetite.
"Here," he gave her a plate and sat next to her, waiting for the other two to serve themselves. They grabbed a couple more stools hiding in the corners of the kitchen and sat on the opposite side. The stools were supposed to be there, but Gaara had found them too bothersome and simply shoved them off into corners where they wouldn't get in his way.
He watched Sakura out of the corner of his eye as they ate silently. She was taking small bites slowly, though at least she was working on it. He'd given her a smaller portion than his sister would have. His siblings finished off the pan within minutes. He was glad he'd gotten enough for him and Sakura. She was still working on it while his siblings went back to the couch. Temari put another movie in and sat back to watch it. Though Gaara had long since finished his portion, he stayed beside Sakura for a few more minutes as she finished hers. He took her plate and placed it into the sink.
"What do you want to do?" he asked, watching her profile.
"I want to go outside," she said, looking to the patio outside. Because Gaara lived in the desert, there wasn't much else to his backyard. Simply a sprawling patio, covered by an overhang that lead off of the house. Gaara knew that it was cooler than most of the other places in his village. Gaara nodded and got up, letting her whatever she'd like.
Sakura got up and went outside, sitting in one of the numerous chairs it was equipped with. She hadn't been there for very long when Gaara joined her, his features showing he was somewhat irate. She turned to him and was about to ask what was wrong when he lurched forwards and wrapped his fingers around her wrist.
"Huh?!" She tried to pull away from him, but he was a little too strong for how weak she was at the moment. She flushed and realized he wasn't trying to take her anywhere. "Um, what are you doing..." it came out harder than she intended, again, but she knew he wasn't offended like his siblings. He seemed unnaturally good at this.
"I made it so that it would get agitated if you went outside. I have to fix it." He sighed and simply pulled the sand back to him and let more creep onto her wrist. He couldn't communicate with it when it was connected to her like that, being affected by her emotions. This time, it wasn't agitated that she was outside around his house. He nodded and turned to go back inside.
"Wait," Sakura said, a small, tiny bit of terror in her voice. She didn't like that he was leaving. He turned back to her and set his gaze on her. "Stay out here," she said. She didn't ask or anything, just said it. She knew that he could say no. She knew that he could simply turn around and leave, go back into his house and sit with his siblings, which he might like a lot more than being around her.
Gaara only nodded and sat beside her, staring out at the walls with her. There wasn't anything remotely interested around here, but the silence was comfortable and the company without the animate talking of his sister was a nice change. People didn't usually visit him, though.
"Do you think I'm weak?" she asked after a few long minutes. Gaara didn't start or anything, he merely thought it over. She was weak at the moment. She had malnourished herself and, until she had arrived here, overworked herself. She probably couldn't put up her dukes against a good chuunin.
"Right now? Yes." She flushed and looked down. "You're not taking care of yourself. That's mostly why people will talk. That's why I don't want anyone to notice. It'll get back to the Hokage eventually. How angry will she be that her prized student is being talked about in two villages?"
"Very," she said softly, leaning back in her chair.
"She'll be angrier at me if I don't stop it."
"I suppose." She wasn't used to hearing Gaara's soft baritone so much. She supposed that, because she wasn't up to talking so much anymore, he had to find something to say to break the silence. She was grateful for it. At least he wasn't judging her, just like everyone else who happened to see her bony figure, the scars and gashes on her wrists.
"As a whole, no." He didn't give out praise lightly, he hoped she knew that. "You saved my brother from something no one else could. You have the best chakra control of anyone I know. You are a superb ninja. Just because you couldn't save one person doesn't mean you're weak." He was speaking the truth. He knew that she was mostly looking for consolation, that everyone wasn't true. "They're looking for someone to blame."
"They should blame the rogue nin that killed him," she said softly. "There were just so many. They killed the entire squad."
"How did you make it out alive?" Gaara asked. He was curious. If the rogues had managed to take out an entire anbu team, how was she still around to talk about it? She looked down at her hands. She flushed.
"I was the cleanup crew," she said softly. "He told me to wait until they took out most of them and then make an earthquake to get rid of the rest. I didn't mean to wait so long," she said softly. Her timing had been a few seconds off. She hadn't seen what happened the moment before, but after all her teammates had fatal wounds that she couldn't heal.
"You couldn't heal any of them?" he asked. She must have had some chakra, at least enough that they could have made it back to the hospital. Before he knew it, she was crying. He heard soft sniffles and he looked over to see that tears were snaking down her cheeks in rapid succession. He knew this was probably hard to talk about. He knew that she hadn't relayed it to any other person, because they all already thought that she was weak.
"It was some kind of chakra-canceling jutsu. Whatever I put into them simply evaporated. The only good thing is that the guy that put it on them was killed by it too. I checked." At least that menace wasn't out and about simply killing off other people. "It killed all of them, actually. The guy just committed suicide to kill the rest of his teammates and all of mine."
"Some people just want to take everyone with them when they go as well," Gaara said simply. He would know. He was the same way. Though he'd never been particularly scared for his life, the time he'd had the tanuki pulled out of him didn't count, him being unconscious, if someone ever did, he usually went to take them out with him. If he had to die, then he could at least take out the man so they didn't go about killing others.
"But why did they have to take him? Why did they have to leave me alive?" So that was it. She'd been basically killing herself because she felt she didn't deserve to be alive. Gaara only sighed.
"Things happen, Sakura. You were lucky. He wasn't so much. Simply don't waste the luck." She blinked, though she was still crying. She had stopped sniffling a while ago. The tears had slowed somewhat, and he reached over to pat her hand. She grasped his and squeezed. He allowed her to hold it, hoping his siblings wouldn't burst from his home and see it.
"Are you nervous around your siblings?" she asked, not looking at him. She was finding his wall that fenced the property very interesting. He was shocked by her question. "You don't offer me comfort when they're around."
She'd noticed that he'd put her to bed and then his siblings were there. She had a feeling that he hadn't wanted to wake her, but that his siblings seeing him holding her were a completely different story. Gaara kept silent for long moments, his hand like a stone in hers. She didn't dare try to get closer to him, knowing he would automatically draw back.
"I don't touch people," he said. "You need it." She was breaking down his boundaries, making it hard to not comfort her and hard to stay silent and stay in an uncomfortable silence. She felt nice that he offered her comfort, the first one to do it since Naruto, who thought comfort was bringing her to lunch at a ramen place and forcing her to eat as much as he did. He'd done it once and she'd ended up throwing up.
"So you don't want your siblings to see," she said blankly, her eyes soft. She could understand it. She could understand that he didn't want his siblings to see him act so differently than what he usually did.
"If my siblings see, the rumor that you and I are going to marry will be in the village by nightfall." So yes, that as more of a let's not and say we did type of thing. Sakura blinked and nodded, knowing that would be the worst thing ever. "Anyways, the Hokage and some of the clan heads and heirs will be here in a month and a half."
"Oh?"
"The invitations are going to be sent in another week, but Suna is having a gala."
"Uh, those aren't actually that fun," she said, a small glint of amusement in her eyes. Gaara felt another pang of happiness that she let a little of her old self show through. It was nice that she was trying so hard to make sure her words weren't hard and cold. He knew from experience that it was difficult. Most of the time the old habit showed through.
"I know. I still have to find someone to escort." He didn't like the thought. Plenty of the girls in Suna were always all after him, trying to get him to go on a date with them or just straight offering children and marriage right off the bat. He didn't like any of them and he couldn't possibly think of some girl in the village that he would be able to deal with for an entire night.
"Why not me." she was being blatant, he knew. He knew it was a question though it came out flat and unpersonalized. He was the same way. He supposed that reason was why it was so easy to read into her words and find the questions there.
"I suppose so. You would have been on the list."
"Would do well for the alliance." She didn't sound very happy. It was true, though. If Gaara escorted her and showed Tsunade that he could make nice and have a personal friendship with one of Konoha's ninjas, it would be good brownie points for him. He only nodded. He simply hoped that the elders wouldn't read too deeply into it. They were already pushing for him to get married and have a child that could keep running the village.
"I'll escort you then," he said simply. She nodded. They heard someone approaching the door and instantly let go of each others hands, both looking towards the door. Temari popped her head out, looking as if she'd just found them having sex on the lounge chairs. Her face fell when she saw they weren't doing anything.
"Yes." Gaara wasn't in the mood to have his conversation interrupted. He actually liked Sakura's company. He felt like he wouldn't have liked her as much if she came all bouncy and bubbly like she used to be. He felt like it was easier talking to her and getting to know her, even though he had to make most of the conversation.
"We were wondering why you were out here," Temari said. Gaara thought it was obvious that they'd thought he and Sakura were getting it on outside. He wanted to point out that he would never try to have sex in public, even if it was on his private patio. Sakura blinked.
"I just wanted to be outside. Gaara joined me," she said blankly, her eyes far away. He still wondered why she was so lost in her daydreams. He didn't understand. Maybe she just wanted Neji to be alive again. Maybe she was just so lost because she could pretend he was Neji.
"Well, why don't you come back in? The movie's almost done. Maybe we could do some shopping. I still need a dress for that stupid gala." Sakura instantly recoiled from the two. She drew her knees up to her chest and stared at the ground. "Uh, Sakura?" she didn't answer. Gaara glared. He finally manages to get Sakura to come out of her shell and show her old self a little bit, but one word from Temari about facing other people and she draws back into herself. Gaara sighed.
"Come here," he pulled himself up and shoved past his siblings into the house. Sakura only stared at the ground, still drawn into herself. Gaara stood in the kitchen, his arms crossed and his face pinched in annoyance. Temari looked like she was about to shit her pants. She knew an angry Gaara was not a Gaara she wanted to deal with.
"Why would you say that?" he said. He didn't have time to think about his words or the volume of them. He simply couldn't believe that his sister was so insensitive.
"What do you mean, Gaara? It's Sakura. She loves going out and shopping. I didn't know she'd react like that!" Gaara stopped. He didn't let it show, but he'd forgotten that his siblings didn't know. They didn't know that she looked like a skeleton and had terrible nightmares. They didn't know that she was so weak, she couldn't even pull her wrist out of his grip. They didn't know because he thought that was best. He took a moment to find an excuse.
"She's still upset about Neji."
Temari slapped her forehead. "Fuck! It's her wedding day. No wonder she's so upset!" Temari still had the invitation at home. She had been going to drag Gaara along because it was an important event and such. She had forgotten about it since Neji had died and the entire thing was off anyways. She hadn't known Neji well, it had been easy to forget about his death.
"Seriously, how could you forget that, Temari? And how could you not tell us?!" Kankorou hadn't even known that Sakura was engaged. He was just getting completely walloped all in the same day. Sakura's engaged, her fiance is dead, and her wedding day just had to be today. He'd think that would be something important that Temari would point out.
Gaara only sighed. "I think you should leave."
"We're going to come back."
"Then bring dinner," he said flatly. Still a little annoyed with the two of them. Temari just nodded and quietly left, their brother in tow. Gaara sighed and turned towards the door.
"What are you doing?" the surprise in his voice stemmed the annoyance at his siblings, but that simply made way for agitation. Sakura had a kunai in her hand and he could smell the blood. He knew that she did this, but he couldn't believe that he had actually caught her in the act. Sakura didn't seem to care, though. She blinked. She turned back to her marred skin and bit into it again.
"Sakura, stop," Gaara grabbed her wrist. Sakura cried out and tried to pull her arm away. His hold didn't falter, and he pulled the sharp object from her hand. He threw it across the patio. It landed with a clang, but neither of them flinched. He sighed and looked down at her bleeding wrists. Several somewhat deep cuts were slowly bleeding, turning a good portion of her forearm a ghastly red.
"Leave me alone." Gaara only glared and pulled her up. She didn't go very easily and he only glared again before bending to scoop her up in his arms. He carried her into the house and up the stairs into his bathroom. He placed her on the toilet and got his first aid kit out of the cabinet. She only watched him in a daze, probably because she didn't even realize what she'd been doing or what he was doing now.
"This'll hurt," he said, pulling out an alcohol wipe to clean it. He gently brushed it over her wrist. She only stared at him, not even flinching or giving any sign that it discomforted her. He finished cleaning her wounds and pulled out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages. He spread the ointment over her skin, willing himself not to wince at the feel of open wounds. He supposed that he could have had a healer just patch her up, but they weren't very good and he didn't want her to get infected. Not to mention she probably wouldn't do it herself judging from all the other scars. She only stared at him as he finished bandaging her.
"Why." he stood to glare at her, trying to intimidate her into telling him why she just had to do it. Why she had to do it while his siblings were in the house and could walk out and see her. They would have flipped and he wasn't so sure she could have handled it. Sakura only stared at him, tears forming at the corner of her eyes. She looked so hurt and so sad and he didn't know how to make it all better. Sighing, he pulled the shirt sleeve down and pulled her up.
"Come on," he sighed and led her back to his bed. She crawled into it of her own accord. She curled up in the center and stared at the ceiling, her mind still painfully blank. He wondered what could have possibly been going through her mind to make self harm okay, but he figured maybe it stopped her from crying. Maybe it was just that one thing that made the pain bearable. Letting physical pain take over the emotional pain and let her just be.
"I don't know how to fix you."
"What?" she finally looked over at him, her eyes still glazed over. Gaara sat on the edge of the bed, not willing to meet his gaze. He didn't like this. He didn't like being frustrated over her and he didn't like trying to make her feel better. It confused him. He knew he was only doing this so she wouldn't die and Tsunade's wrath wouldn't reach him. He wondered why he just had to do this.
"You're broken," he said, his frustration showing through. "I can't fix you." Sakura blinked. She didn't know what to say.
"I'm not broken."
"You're hurting yourself. You're not eating. You're so weak you can't even pull your arm away from me. You have terrible nightmares. You're broken," he was getting more and more frustrated. He thought this whole confrontation about hurting herself wouldn't come for a while, after she got a little bit more meat on her body.
"I'm not broken!" she shouted. For once, she was showing something. Something other than ice and cold and emotionless facade. She was angry, he knew, but maybe it worked. "I'm just—just..." she trailed off.
"Stop," he said. He leaned back in his pillows and reached his arm out towards her. Sakura's anger seemed to have gone the moment it'd come. She stared at him for long moments before she finally moved towards him. She settled herself in the crook of his arm and laid her head on his shoulder. He sighed. "I'm going to take that time off. Obviously you need more help than just at mealtimes," he said. He didn't like this burden. Now the elders would have full reign over his village and he didn't like that.
"But I don't, I'm completely fine."
"You are not. Stop fighting me," he said flatly, leaving no room for her arguments. Sakura's mouth closed and she stared at him again. "You need to get better and stop running from all of this." He didn't know what he was doing in the form of helping her get better, but he seemed to be doing just fine as of late. He sighed and pulled the stuffed cat he'd left with her earlier from under the pillow. "Here."
Sakura took it and hugged it to her chest. Hugged being the operative word. She completely crushed it to her chest. It felt good to her, having something small in her arms that she could just squeeze. Gaara watched her, thinking she looked like a little kid. It didn't really bother him.
"Thank you," she finally said, pushing herself a little closer to him. Gaara didn't answer. He pulled a book from his nightstand, intending to read while she slept. She seemed to be nudging off already. He could understand it. She seemed emotionally exhausted. Perhaps if he could find the right way to help her, this would all blow over soon and she would be okay. All he wanted was for her to be okay and no longer terrified that she would be talked about.
"Sorry I'm so tired today," she said. This entire day was so tiring to her.
"It's okay. Just sleep," he said, already reading. Sakura only nodded, her movements slow. Gaara found she was asleep in moments and he was fine with it. Hopefully rest would help her with her emotional turmoil and make her a little more happy. He didn't like that she wasn't herself. He let her be for now and returned to his book.