Author's Note: The dialogue at the beginning doesn't belong to me; it's taken from the season four finale "The Roommate Transmogrification.

Chapter One: I've Been A Bad, Bad Girl

And I need to be redeemed to the one I've sinned against/Because he's all I ever knew of love

- "Criminal" - by Fiona Apple

"Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yeah."

"I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy, never should have broken up with him."

"Well to paraphrase Shakespeare it's better to have loved and lost, then stay home alone downloading increasingly shameful pornography."

"Oh, you poor baby."

"What's wrong with me Penny?"

"Nothing. Nothing. You know if we weren't friends and if you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story, I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy."

It wasn't just bits and pieces of her conversation with Raj from two nights ago that haunted Penny, it was the whole thing.

He was the last person – okay, maybe not the last, Sheldon was the last person she wanted to end up in bed with, but life – as she knew all too well – rarely worked out how you wanted it to. If life worked out the way she wanted, she wouldn't be slaving away at The Cheesecake Factory, she'd be a mega-famous movie star like she had intended when she came to Los Angeles in the first place.

Sighing heavily, she ran her fingers through her hair, she wondered what the hell had possessed her to tell Raj she wanted him in geek speak. It's not like they had that much wine? Cause she could hold her liquor. She was from Nebraska! Drinking's like an Olympic sport there!

Biting down on her lip, she tried to think of how she was going to fix this big ol' mess she had gotten herself into.

Because the reality was, even though Leonard was with Priya, she was being completely truthful when she told Raj that she screwed up by breaking up with Leonard. He was the best boyfriend she ever had, and the only guy she ever really, truly loved.

Sure, she had told other guys she loved them, but she didn't mean it or understand what it meant until Leonard, and she wasn't going to give something like that up without a fight.

At least not now she wasn't. Priya was going back to India, and that meant she had an opening and an opening – however small – was all she needed.

The wheels in her head began to turn, playing out every scenario she had seen in every chick flick ever made, and slowly a plan began to formulate. Thank God, she was back in her own apartment because if she was still over at Amy's, Amy would have told her all the flaws based on, like, the Scientific Method of the 100 ways this plan could go wrong, and she so didn't need that. Or worse, she would have actually calculated the probability of her success.

Making sure to select the perfect outfit, she also made sure not to just brush her hair the normal 100 times, but 200 so it would be extra shiny. Pivoting back and forth, she scrutinized her reflection in the mirror over and over, before deciding, screw it; no bra was definitely the way to go.

Grabbing her keys off the coffee table, she left her apartment and headed across town.

Taking a deep breath, she was about to knock on the door, when something – this like nagging feeling – inside of her stopped her. The longer she stood there, her hand suspended in mid-air, the worse her "perfect" plan seemed to get. Realizing her conscious or whatever that nagging feeling was, was ultimately right, her hand fell limply at her side and just as she turned around, the person she had come to see, rounded the corner.

Instant panic washed across Raj's full, but still angular features, his charcoal eyes looking like they were about to bug out of his head, and she wasn't sure if it was just his usual reaction or that he noticed she wasn't wearing a bra.

Sighing, she closed the gap between them, her feet stomping in frustration along the way. "Really?" She all but screeched. "You've seen me naked and unless you're half-way drunk, you still can't talk to me? That really creams my corn, you know!"

His bottom lip trembled slightly and with his eyes still stretched wide, he resembled a fearful puppy, which had her frustrated stance softening. "Oh, sweetie." She gushed, pulling him into a tight hug. "I'm sorry. I know how hard this is for you. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

Her hands moved up and down his back in a soothing motion until she felt him relax, then she broke the hug and gave him a soft smile. "I should go. You've probably got stars to look at and planets and whatever, and I wouldn't want to keep you from that. Sorry that I just showed up here."

Turning on her heel, she didn't get the chance to take another step because his hand was curled around her wrist. Looking at him over her shoulder, she asked, "Yeah, Sweetie?"

Jerking his head in the direction of his closed apartment door, he pointed at himself and then at her, which made her perfectly tweezed brows furrow and her button nose scrunch in confusion. "Do you want me to come inside with you?"

Nodding vigorously, she took that as a yeas and followed him inside his apartment. Watching him take out a bottle of wine, she instantly regretted asking if he wanted her to come inside. She was no physicist, but she knew wine plus them equaled a bad combination, and she definitely didn't want to repeat the night at Sheldon's.

He offered her a glass and she shook her head. "No thanks. I'm driving."

The laughter she gave was forced and he gave her a subdued nod as he sipped from the glass in his hand before quickly pouring himself another and another. After five glasses, he swallowed thickly and in a soft tone – almost a whisper, really – said, "Hello, Penny."

Just as he was about to down another glass, she reached out and put her hand over his. Smiling gently, she suggested, "Why don't you put that down, Sweetie? I think you've had enough to carry on a conversation, don't you?"

"Not with a woman as beautiful as you." He answered, ducking his head shyly.

"Awwww." She mused, giving him her usual bright smile.

"Just to, you know, be on the safe side." He murmured, pouring a sixth glass. Clearing his throat, he raised the glass and his charcoal eyes stared into her brown as he said, "To your beauty."

The flush of her tan cheeks made his heart race and his stomach tumble. Or maybe that was the six consecutive glasses of wine that did it; either way, his body was going haywire and his mind was already swimming with ways of how to pay her more compliments and be witty and funny, so he would be treated to the melodic sounds of her laughter.

"So I think it's safe to say, finding a beautiful woman on my doorstep – despite what you might think – does not happen to me every day. Did we not say everything we had to say to each other the other night?"

The look on his face was half hopeful and half afraid of what she was going to say. Moving a little closer, she put her hand on his knee and gave it an affectionate squeeze. "Honey, we said everything we had to say. You don't want to know why I came here, trust me."

His lips curved upwards slyly as he waggled his eyebrows. "Did you decide that our one and only encounter just wasn't enough for you, and you wanted to experience everything a ride on the Rajesh Koothrapali has to offer?"

Her beautiful features turned sour and she moved all the way to the other end of the couch. "Um, no!"

"Oh." His face fell, but she wasn't falling for it this time.

"Don't give me that sad puppy look, Mister." She scolded, wagging her finger. "We both agreed to being friends without sprinkles, remember?"

"I know."

There was something in his tone, an almost defeated edge that made her stomach clench, but she couldn't worry about that right now. Right now, she needed to make sure they were both on the same page once and for all.

"I meant what I said about being on you like light squared and all that if we weren't friends." Her voice was warm and coaxing, which only made him sadder, though he tried not to show it. "I really did mean it. It's just that I still love Leonard and starting something with you, wouldn't be the right thing to do. The last thing I would want is to lose you as a friend, Raj."

"I understand." He said stiffly. "I know you said that I wouldn't want to know why you came to see me, but I would like to know. It can't be possibly be as bad as you made it sound."

"Um, it is that bad. But don't worry about it, okay? Figuring out how to get Leonard back is my problem, not yours. And it's kind of a girl thing, anyway, you know? So when I see Bernadette and Amy, I'll talk to them about it."

"I could help you, if you wanted." He blurted out. "I've seen all six seasons of Sex and The City at least twice, and I've seen both movies."

Trying to stifle her laughter, she shook her head. "Really, Sweetie, you don't have to help. My plan was ridiculous, anyway, and there's no way it was ever going to work."

"If you don't mind me asking," He swallowed briefly before continuing. "What was your plan?"

"To use you to make Leonard jealous." She winced as she got out the words in a rush.

"So that's why you're not wearing a bra." He mused thoughtfully.

"But it doesn't really matter now." She dismissed with a wave of her hand. "Cause I'm not going through with it. That wouldn't be fair to you, you know, using you like that. I don't know why I even went there. I should've known better, I'm not a teenager anymore. I'm a grown up now. Or at least I think I am. ANYWAY...You're not, um, mad about what I was going to do, are you? Cause that would really suck if you were. You being mad at me would be like a puppy being mad, it's just, like, not right."

It was his turn to wince, since the girl of his dreams compared him to a puppy, but that didn't stop him from doing what he did next. "I'm not mad Penny."

"Oh, good!" She clapped her hands as she jumped up and down, making him smile just a little.

"And I know you said it doesn't matter now, but I'm still willing to help you win back Leonard. You deserve to be happy, and I know he still cares about you. He was mad at me because he thought we had sex, and if he didn't still care about you, he wouldn't have been. I may not have your extensive acting training, I thought you were wonderful in the hemorrhoids commercial by the way, but I can try."

"Raj, honey..." She started to say, her tone wary, but he quickly cut her off. "Just once, I'd like to know how it feels to get the girl, even if it's not for real."

She should say no, she should tell him this is a bad idea, that it will crash and burn, friendships will be ruined, lives will be ruined too, but for some reason she can't. Maybe it's the look on his face, dejected, utterly sad, defeated, resigned and the tone of his voice is just as awful, so she tells herself that's why she said yes.