Chapter 2: They Felt
It was that feeling. That feeling you get that makes your stomach turn into knots. That feeling that burns the back of your eyes, makes your chest hurt and makes you weak in the knees. It's that common feeling that everybody seems to get yet no one really talks about. It's that feeling that gets pushed behind you because everything else you have to do, has to be done so it doesn't matter how long this feeling has been inside you or how long you've pushed it away. It's there. It's just always there.
Her subconscious motto was to always avoid. Even when she didn't know what she was doing it, she avoided. She avoided pain and heartache. Lately, she seemed to be avoiding her own happiness even more then everything else. So on this typical rainy November day, she did what she knew best. She pushed the feeling to the side and moved forward. After eating some cold leftovers for breakfast, she sighed and went out into the wet cold rain ready to start her day. She avoided.
Her ride into work wasn't very eventful. She randomly searched through her stereo presets, determining that current music just plain out sucked. After a few moments of frustration she just turned it off and tried to drive silently to work. She pulled her car into the parking lot and sighed. 'Another day' she thought. Sighing, she got out of her truck and slowly walked into the hospital. The double doors opened automatically as she walked in. She stood for a second, took a deep breath and walked to the elevators. She listened to the hustle and bustle of the people around her, waiting impatiently.
The ding of the elevator woke her from her reverie. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes and took a step forward. She stood straight and turned quickly to face the elevator doors. She went to push the button for the floor she needed. The button was already lit up.
"Hello." She heard from behind her. She froze. That voice. It was the voice she couldn't get out of her mind. The one she had heard throughout her week off. The one that was there, standing behind her. Surprisingly, he didn't scare her; it was like she knew he was going to be there. Instantly he was up behind her.
His voice was quiet. If there had been anyone else in the elevator, they wouldn't have heard him. To her though, his voice was loud. It rang in her ears. He breathed in her smell. Praying this wasn't a dream. He had spent the week trying to prep his new house. He spent the week determining if what he was doing was right. Some of his family agreed with him. Some others didn't. But he had done what he felt he needed to do. He certainly never expected to see her on his fourth day of work. He never expected to see her standing in front of him on the elevator. When he left the morning after, when he had said goodbye, he silently hoped it wouldn't be forever. But she hadn't called him. With what he had going on, he didn't know if he should be grateful or not.
He never touched her, never brushed his hand against her. He just looked at her, took her in as if it were their last time meeting. It was as if they were stuck in a trance if only for a moment. She opened her mouth to say something just as the elevator dinged. 'Should have taken the stairs.' She thought. She turned and looked at him gently. Smiling, they stepped off the elevators. She walked towards the locker rooms and he walked towards his office.
She slowed and just before she entered the locker room, she took a deep breath. The feeling sitting in the bottom of her stomach, burning the back of her eyes, making her chest hurt and her legs weak was strong. She avoided it for so long, moved forward and never stopped. She avoided for so long that she was torn. Now that feeling had overtaken her. 'Did that just happen' she thought. It took all her strength to move forward, not once stopping to realize that the feeling inside her was telling her she was lonely.