I had exactly 10 minutes remaining of my lunch, I shoved the remainder of my cheese and onion pasty in mouth in a hurry to finish so I could call the nursery and check in on Matthew. Ste had been packing a lunch for me. I didn't mind him doing this as recently this was the only evidence I had he actually cared for me, and it did allow me time to stay on top of my work which allowed me more time in the evenings. However, today I wanted something other than the spinach salad and apple slices he had packed for me. The pasty was fantastic, but I now had less time to check in on Matthew. Normally, I had more time to check in on him as I typically ate my lunch at school. Ste liked to tease me about that saying I hovered just a bit too much. As I shoved the last bit of the pasty into my mouth I had the strange feeling I was being watched, and I was right I looked up to see Mark walking towards me. As he approached I automatically covered my mouth with my hand. How had he spotted me? I had become extremely self conscious out eating in front of others, and I wanted to decrease the likelihood I'd run into a chatty villager,so I had been sure to find a space away from the lunch crowd.

"I haven't seen you in weeks mate! I thought you moved away." Mark said as he arrived at my table."

"I've been busy. Haven't had much time to myself of late."

"Busy is it? Here I was thinking you were avoiding me."

There was a slight look of horror on my face. The truth was I had been avoiding him. Yes I was busy, but not so busy that I couldn't have found time to pop into the shop had I wanted . There was something about the way Mark had looked into my eyes as I was leaving his shop that unnerved me. It isn't that I didn't trust him. I didn't trust myself. I don't mean that I would be unfaithful, but a friendship with Mark would be difficult. Then there was Ste who could be described best as unpredictable. I both loved and hated that about him. He was spontaneous and acted on pure emotion which was at times fantastic and led to the creation of wonderful memories, and other times...well...I'd rather forget those times. I never knew the Ste I was going to get, for example, the last time I was at Mark's shop and Ste had ignored me the entire day, and I went home terrified expecting him to lash out, but he hadn't in fact that evening with him had been one of the most pleasant ones in recent memory. Since that day things with Ste had been wonderful. He hadn't shouted at or gotten physical with me in weeks, he was even kinder in the way he addressed me. He still avoided touching me, and in the last 3 days had probably spoken a total of 15 words to me, but we weren't fighting, and he was home more. Things were okay, and though he hadn't forbidden it I felt a friendship with Mark and trips to his shop were things he did not approve of. I had gotten off easy last time, and I wasn't willing to play the odds. Marriage is sacrifice after all. At least that's what I've been told.

Mark was waving his hand in my face. "Hello in there. I was only teasing you. I know you are busy I always see you scurrying around town like mad." He was laughing now as he mimicked my walk. His teasing didn't upset me ,but I didn't want to let down my guard with him.

"I've got a lot on my plate, kids, work, husband. We can't all spend our days fixing clocks," As soon as I said the words I regretted them.

"I didn't mean-"

He waved me off " What's good to eat here?"

"Anything really."

Pointing to my mouth he said" Whatever you had looks good. What was it?"

Self conscious again I wiped at my mouth and tried not to turn red.

" Onion." I said.

"That's an odd lunch, but if you like it I love it."

"Cheese and onion pasties." I completed my thought.

"Great. How many do you think the two of us can down?"

"I've got to go." I said awkwardly grabbing up my bag.

"Busy?"

"Yea."

" It's fine we'll chat another time then. If I can catch you."

"Yea." I said even quieter this time. Knowing I had no intention of doing anything but avoiding him, as much as I wanted to chat with him.

Mark lowered his tone and made sure to meet my gaze before saying "It was nice seeing you. I'm glad to know you're well."

"I've got to go." Lifting my bag to my shoulder I walked out, After walking a few paces I stopped to phone Matthew's nursery, and as always he was doing well. As I made my way back to work I felt I was being watched, but when I looked behind me I spotted no one.

My workday drew to a close, and as I made my way from the building I stopped to chat with a few of the staff and students that remained.

" Have a lovely weekend!" Siobhan the new assistant called out to me.

"You as well ! Enjoy the lake!" I called back with a wave.

"Who is she?" A familiar voice asked. I looked up from my phone .

"Ste! What are you doing here?" I asked confused.

" I can't walk my husband home?"

"Of course you can. I just wasn't expecting you."

" Well if you checked your phone you might have known."

I looked through my messages again and sure enough there was one from Ste.

" Sorry I must have missed it this phone-

" You kept me waiting you know."

"I'm sorry I got asked to cover detention last minute. If I had known you were coming I wouldn't have agreed to it."

"You still haven't told me your friend's name."

"My friend? Oh Siobhan you mean. She's the new assistant. Nice girl .She's going to spend the weekend at the lake with her husband . The same spot we had our holiday last year, and I told her all about it and suggested some spots they might like."

" Have you met this husband?"

Sensing the tension I shook my head "no" and paused before saying" She talks about him all the time I know he's a travel writer. I think he's done a few articles for an international cuisine mag . They seem very happy together, and they also married last Christmas,and they both love to travel they've been to California, Antarctica, Brazil, Namibia , Kenya, Japan,Thailand, so many places... I was actually thinking of them having over some time sort of a couples thingy."

I scanned Ste's face to see if I could read his thoughts on the dinner party idea. He wasn't giving anything away. " It doesn't just have to be them we could invite-"

" I think all these late hours at school have made you a bit loopy." He said and gave me a quick peck on the lips.

The kiss stunned me it had been some time since he had initiated any contact with me.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting. "

"It's okay I didn't mind . I'd wait an eternity for you." He paused kissed me again a little longer this time. " I just don't want them taking advantage of your good nature and getting you burnt out."

"I'm ok." I told him.

"I know. I just worry. I'm your husband it's my job. Part of the vows." He joked.

"I can turn them down next time they ask. Would you rather I did that?"

" I'd rather you stay home."

"Stay home? Quit my job you mean?"

"Why not?"

"Because I love what I do and what would I do all day at home?"

"I don't know stay home and take care of the babies?"

"Matthew is at nursery all day."

"I meant our babies. Yours and mine. I've been thinking about the possibility lately."

"Babies! I don't think I'm the loopy one. Hannah's not even a year and Matthew still gets up 3 out of 7 nights during the week and you're thinking of babies!" I was incredulous and Ste smiled at my dose of reality.

"Well, you could work on that great British novel you've been planning." He took my hand as we crossed the street. Ste's sudden desire to be affectionate towards me was throwing me off, but was a welcome change from his usual indifference. I didn't bother to look and see if anyone was watching us he usually only cared for PDA in front of our friends and family. Truthfully I didn't care, it was something I wanted badly, and since he didn't care for me to initiate contact with him I was happy to receive it in any manner it came.

I intertwined my fingers with his and rested my head on his shoulder before hypothetically agreeing with him to quit my job as an English teacher to write a novel.

"And, I could meet you and Mark for lunch." He continued.

I quickly looked up. He knew. He had seen me with Mark. This is why he was being so kind.

"It wasn't-it just happened- I just went for a pasty-I was tired of salad-and he-" I went pale and stumbled over my words attempting to explain.

He stopped me with a finger to my lips. "John Paul. I don't mind. I'm not upset. You can have as many pasties and as many friends as you like, as long as I'm the only one kissing you," He said before kissing me again " And maybe if you can find time in your busy schedule to have lunch with me a few times a week I can do without more babies too" He smiled at me. That lovely impish smile of his with his blue eyes sparkling. He wasn't angry and I relaxed again.

"I didn't mean that babies are off the table forever, just not now, and I may even be willing to play stay at home daddy in the future."

" That's good because you make gorgeous babies and it would be a pity for you to stop at one. "

"Of course I'd have to find the right husband first, and travel the world a bit" I said mischievously.

He chuckled and smiled "Get here." He murmured softly before pulling me closer to him and kissing me once more as we crossed into the yard of Matthew's nursery.

Sunday I awoke to the smell of eggs, pancakes and sausage, and the sounds of laughter and music playing. I noticed the time, it was half past 9 I was late waking so I hurried through my routine and went to join everyone downstairs.

Ste was racing about the kitchen simultaneously preparing food, feeding, and serving children and singing and dancing along to One Direction Leah's favorite. The scene was complete chaos. But beautiful. This was family. This is what I had dreamed of for myself and for Matthew.

"You should have got me up to give you a hand."

"Why I've got it. Besides you deserve a lie in after last night."he said kissing me.

Saturday had been absolute madness. Amy had dropped Leah and Lucas off early in the day, and we had lunch with the other McQueens before taking all the kids on a brief boat tour. When we returned Sinead dropped Hannah off for the evening we made homemade pizza and after played with the kids, the favorite activities of the evening were: a dance battle with Leah winning, a pillow fight of kids against dads which ended with Lucas flying from sofa to table top in an impressive impression of Superman, Leah painting everyone's nails, Lucas teaching Matthew how to belch, and everyone doing their best to get Hannah to laugh the loudest , and chasing each other. Hannah and Matthew started to tire so we gathered the kids up onto the sofa and told them a story. Leah asked that I tell her one " from my mouth" so I made one up along with Leah with some input from Lucas ,Matthew, and Ste about dragons, knights, princesses, monkeys, alligators, and a talking cabbage from the planet Guk ( credit to Hannah) the kids loved it and by the time the story was finished Hannah was asleep in my arms. Leah and Lucas had crawled into the tent we had set up for them, and Ste had bent to scoop up Matthew who we thought was asleep to carry him to bed. However as soon as he touched him his little eyes popped open his squeaky voice saying " No. Daddy sing." Ste sat down and Matthew curled against him eyes closed again and yawning. " Sing summer." His sleepily commanded. Lucas and Leah peered out of the tent. Slightly embarrassed I sang "Summer" which is what Matthew called Kodaline's The One. It's a strange lullaby but it worked.

"J. P. I didn't know you could sing!" Ste exclaimed

I shrugged " He's always liked a song before bed ."

"Well , you were amazing." He said kissing my cheek. Leah and Lucas had clapped. Leah saying "Thumbs up Daddy J" followed closely by "Can we watch our movie now?"so we started the film for them, and both kids fell asleep within 15 minutes of it being turned on.

So Ste and I had sat in the dark for a time watching sleeping kids. We were silent for along period before, Ste spoke

"You're a great dad." He said

"You're a great dad too-"

"I'm an okay dad you are a fantastic one."

He then shifted Matthew to his other arm and reached for my hand folding mine in his,

Thank you." He said.

"For?"

"For this. For everything. This last year or so I couldn't have made it without you. For this right here. Yours , mine, ours it's what I've always dreamed of. You are everything I've always dreamed of, and I know I'm not always great at letting you know, and I'm sorry for that but I'm so lucky to have you in my life and I know I haven't been the greatest husband to you. I'm so happy you took me back, and I should tell you that every day , and I'm sorry that I haven't

" Ste - it's okay I don't expect you to-"

" And I promise to make this work whatever it takes because, you and these 4 rugrats are the most important things in my life. You all are my world- - and I love you so very much John Paul McQueen."

"I love you too Mr. McQueen."

He leaned carefully over and kissed me, Kissed me in a way he hadn't in a long time.

"What do you say we get these babies into bed then."

This is why I had stayed with him even when things were tough. I knew he wanted the same things I did. A home and a family. I wanted Matthew to grow up with the family I never had. I love my mum, nana, and sisters. I swear that I do and I have great memories of them, but it wasn't easy growing up with a string of different "daddies" who never stayed around for long, my own father had left me and never looked back. I had often wondered why I wasn't good enough for him to stay or to at least visit me. Ste understood that probably more than anyone else I had been with and I know how much he wanted to be a great dad for his kids. He had his faults, but he was working on them, and things had improved.

I was startled from my memories of last night with eggs thrown by Hannah hitting my cheek and the rest of the kids roaring in laughter.

Ste handed me a napkin and said " I was thinking we get this lot cleaned up and head to the park before it's time for moms to pick up."

I nodded in agreement "Sounds like a plan."

The walk to the park was a nice, the weather warm and sunny, and the kids happy. As we walked I took Ste's hand in my own. Given his recent behavior I didn't think he would mind me initiating the contact, and he didn't he responded by folding my hand in his and squeezing back lightly in an affectionate manner. The children ran about for a bit, and tried various equipment, before joining another family at the pond to play with wind up boats.

We sat on a bench across from the pond watching the children, Hannah was sitting at our feet looking intently at a bird and rolling a ball.

"I say 6 months." Ste proclaimed.

"Hmm?"

" 6 months and we start in on baby McQueen."

"Oh that again."

"Yes that again. I want a baby with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." He said leaning over to kiss my cheek. "One with your eyes, nose, and mouth." He said kissing each part as he named it.

"Stephen!" I said slightly embarrassed.

"What you're gorgeous, and a mini you or 2 would be adorable."

"So it's 2 now?"

"I figure why not make it an even 6."

I laughed while stopping Hannah from eating a caterpillar and Matthew started crying , and Leah and Lucas pointed at each other each saying " It wasn't me."

" And you want to add to this?"

"The more the merrier!"

That evening was much quieter with 3 fewer children running about. after getting Matthew to bed, Ste and I headed to our bedroom.

We talked for awhile about the kids, and plans for the future which led to kissing, which led to Ste's hands wandering down my frame, and tracing his way upwards kissing as he went. This was the first time in a long time in , months actually, that Ste had wanted to get close to me.

" You are so hot." He murmured against my mouth." And before I could respond Matthew let out a cry.

"Right on cue." Ste grumbled as he rolled to his side. "Sorry." I mouthed as I reached for my robe.

"Not as sorry as I am."

"I'll be quick."

Matthew was getting better, but he had a harder time with nights after his siblings visits. He was still too young to understand why he couldn't have his brother and sisters every night and I think the change in routine upset him He normally settled pretty easily, but the normal 10 minutes took 30.

When I returned to our bedroom Ste was playing a game. "Took a bit longer than expected."

" No matter." He said tossing aside the game " Come here."He pushed aside my robe and pulled me down and towards him in a deep kiss, and as he did Matthew woke again. I was gone an hour this time, and this time when I came back Ste was sleeping. I got up with Matthew twice more that night before finally bringing him in to sleep in our bed which he did soundly snoring against my chest. I was able to carry him back to his room where he stayed the rest of the night.

Ste woke me up early kissing me. I was exhausted and not entirely in the mood, and would rather get more sleep in before having to start my day, but I felt badly about us being interrupted the night before, and felt I owed to Ste to finish what we had started so I opened my eyes and turned into him, and just as I did Matthew was up and screaming. Ste didn't budge he kept on kissing me.

"Ste." I said softly. No response.

"Matthew." I tried again and started to sit up. Ste stopped kissing me, but he didn't move in fact he was pinning me against our bed saying not a single word. He didn't appear angry. In fact , I almost could detect a faint smile as he squeezed my arms tighter.

"Ste ." I said again as Matthew screamed louder and he finally let me up, and I went to my son.

An hour later, Ste came down the stairs to find Matthew and I on the sofa

"Shouldn't you two be dressed by now. You're going to be late."

" I'm calling in."

" Is he ill?"

"No. I think he just misses the kids-"

"I would think being around the kids at nursery would help with that." He interrupted

"And - he was up All night. He had me up all night as well. We're exhausted-"

"That he did." Ste said under his breath.

"We could both use a sickie." I finished.

"Okay then . Enjoy your day. He kissed us both and tousling Matthew's hair he said "Feel better little mate."

To me he said " I'll check in on you two later. Make sure. You have your phone with you."

I nodded and said " I love you."

He raised his eyebrows in a manner I could not interpret and left.

After breakfast, Matthew spent most of the morning catching up on the rest he missed the night before I marked papers before following his lead and napping myself.. When he woke around noon I decided we would go out to lunch and surprise Ste.

I couldn't tell if Ste was happy to see us or not, but he ate with us and was pleasant enough even got Matthew to laugh. He only complained once when I allowed Matthew to sit in my lap, and that was only to say that I was spoiling him.

As I left , he pulled me in for a kiss, and as he did I winced a little bit as my arms were still sore from when he had pinned me this morning. I had wanted to confront him about that, but decided against it figuring it was a one off and knowing Ste , he had probably meant it as a joke, he had a weird sense of humor at times.

After leaving we walked down to the pond so Matthew could watch the ducks for a bit, and on our way home he stopped in front of the display window of Odds and Ends where there were boats similar to the ones he had played with at the park the previous Sunday. He pointed to them in glee and turned to me and said" Let's go daddy." "Want to see boats"

"We haven't got time Matty."

"Boats!" He looked up at me with big eyes and added" Please."

"Just a few minutes."

So in we went , and I was happy to see Mark wasn't around only his assistant Adele was in the shop.

We left after a few minutes,after I had purchased 2 small boats and a kite. We made our way home, and played out in the garden , and it was hours before I realized my phone was missing, and I knew exactly where it was. I remembered last checking it before purchasing the boats.

"Matthew how would you like to go look at the boats again with daddy?" His face lit up "Yes! Yes!" He cheered happily. I grabbed our coats hoping to be there and back home quickly, hoping not to run into Mark, and hoping Ste had not tried to contact me.

I opened the door and was face to face with Ste.

He brushed by me into our home visibly angry slamming the door closed behind him. He waved my phone in my face.

"Missing something?" He hissed.

"I was just going to look for that. I must have dropped it on our way back from lunch and the pond." I said.

"Oh yea , you did drop it. Right at the counter of Mark's store."He told me to tell you hello by the way."

Ste's eyes were blazing now. " How stupid can you be? You must think I'm a total moron." His voice was getting louder

"We went to feed the ducks after lunch, Matty saw the boats on the way back and he wanted to see them-." My words left my mouth quickly hoping to calm him.

"And you were more than happy to oblige him I'm sure." He said slamming my phone down on the table top.

"Take a sickie you said." He spat the words out between clenched teeth and started towards me.

"Ste , Matthew's -" My voice quivered and I could feel a knot forming in my chest.