Miles away, in a sleepy little town, there lived a beauty rivaling that of the enchantress. Lush, dark-brown locks. Clear, chocolate-brown eyes. A heart-shaped face. A thin body with the slightest hint of curves. And the name of this beauty was:

"Belle, my sweet! It is by the angels' mercy that this pitiful servant has the opportunity to gaze upon your heavenly visage!"

"Don't know where you got that idea, you weirdo, but my name is Luffy; comes from Rufus, my father's name." The pixie-like boy glares at Gaston, the most ridiculously popular man in the town.

"Sounds like a date! I'll take you to the Baratie, the finest restaurant in this backwater little village. What time, my lovely Belle?"

"You're taking me to eat? Awesome! How about after I feed the chickens MY NAME IS LUFFY AND I'M A GUY DAMMIT!"

"Mellorine~" Gaston sails into the air with the force of Luffy's punt, his horde of fangirls fluttering after him.

The beauty was known in the village to be an odd one, his nose constantly buried in a book. He lived with his eccentric inventor of a father on the outskirts of the town.

"Gramps, I'm back!"

"Luffy!" Garp lifts up his oil-stained goggles. "You're back! And don't call me that. I'm your father."

"But you told me my dad was a drunk sailor."

"When did I ever tell you that?"

"Last night."

"Oh right." The old man vaguely remembers mentioning that while he was distracted by his automatic wood-chopping machine. "Bwahaha! Just forget I said that, ok?"

"But you're too old to be my father."

"Oh really?" The old man blows on his giant, muscular fist. "Then it seems you need some convincing, brat."

Luffy gulps. "You know, Father, you're looking very dashing all of a sudden."

"Of course. I always look dashing, bwahahahaha!"

The inventor packed up his machine to take to the science fair in the next town, leaving the child at home.

"But whyyy can't I go with you?"

Damn puppy eyes, Garp thinks. Must take after his mother. Whoever she is.

"Luffy…" The old man solemnly places his hands on those thin shoulders. "If you behave, I'll bring back cotton candy."

Luffy lights up. "And hot dogs."

"And turkey legs."

"Deal."

The old man tried to take a shortcut through the woods, but lost his horse and was chased after by the beasts of the forest.

"Thank god that foolish boy didn't come with me. Don't think I forgot the last science fair we went to. Surrounding that adorable child with thirty-year-old geeks who probably haven't held a girl's hand their entire life? It's like tossing a lamb into a pack of wolves."

"Speaking of wolves…" He surveys the starving animals that have formed a loose circle around him, picking up a stray branch from the ground. "You know the saying, speak softly and carry a big stick?"

He charges at the alpha wolf, brandishing the stick over his head. "WELL I NEVER SPEAK SOFTLY, YA BASTARDS!"

(one thorough beatdown later)

"Whew. Almost got me there. Guess my old muscles aren't used to this kind of exercise, what with all my inventin'. Now just how do I get into this depressing castle?"