I was surprised on how easy it was to act as if nothing was happening. Not because I'm a great actor or something like that, but because Kuroo has been so engrossed with Rin that he doesn't notice my mood swings. I never thought that I would thank god that he is too lovestruck. I mean, I hate it. I would prefer him to like me. But I know that's not happening any time soon. I'm sure I heard somewhere that there can't be two glories together. Sadly, this time my only glory was the fact that he had no idea of how I felt about him. After my little breakdown that morning, around two weeks ago, everything was surprisingly normal. Ok, not really. Now Kuroo spends half of his day texting this girl and talks A LOT about her. However, I've learned to act as if I'm listening even though I'm not. I prefer not to.
I have a feeling that Yaku has noticed what's going on with me. He has thrown my way a couple of sympathetic glances, but hasn't commented about it. I'm thankful for that. As for everyone else in the team, they seem clueless. I hope it stays that way.
We were at the gym, about to start practice. Kai, Yamamoto and Fukunaga were discussing something I couldn't distinguish. Yaku and Kuroo were giving Lev some pointers on how to receive and the rest for the team were starting to warm up. I was observing from afar with the intention of joining Kuro and Yaku, so I could avoid warming up for a little longer. When Lev suddenly stopped paying attention to what his senpais where telling him. A teasing smirk plastered on his face, he stood at his full height as he turned at Kuroo.
"Senpai~ You have a visitor!" Lev exclaimed teasing, loud and clear so everyone at the gym could hear, while pointing at the entrance.
I followed his finger with my eyes. Quickly recognizing Kuroo's visitor. I frowned, but quickly composed myself into a blank face. The gym suddenly went quiet. Until Yamamoto started complaining on how unfair it was, and everyone started teasing Kuroo. It wasn't until Nekomata coach made everyone shut up and go on with their lives that Kuroo made his way to Rin.
What is she doing here? I thought to myself. I couldn't help feeling a little invaded. Volleyball practice is the only time I get break of her. This was my sacred time. The only time where Kuroo wasn't thinking about her. Nekomata coach scolded me for not warming up with everyone else. I started to warm up but I couldn't tear my gaze from them. I was dying of curiosity. When Kuroo came back, everyone taunted him. Making him groan and beg for everyone to shut up. They didn't stop of course. But Kuroo maintained his mouth shut, not reveling what they talked about.
It wasn't until practice was over that I found out why she came. As I said goodbye to everybody I waited for Kuroo to close the gym. So we could walk back home together. As we had done for the last 4-5 years.
"Kenma…" I tore my gaze from my phone, to look at him. His back was facing me as he struggled to close the rusty lock. I hummed to let him know I was paying attention, while turning back my eyes to my phone's screen "You think you could walk by yourself today?"
I blinked twice. It took me a second to process what he said. I looked at him. He had already finished locking the door but he stayed still without turning to face me. "What?" I asked hoping with all my might that I heard wrong.
Kuroo seemed to know that I heard. Because instead of repeating himself, he explained. "Rin wants me to take her home. Maybe stop for dinner together." He turned around and looked at me waiting for an answer, not getting any, he continued. "She waited for me even though she had no club activities."
"No, I don't want to" I said accidentally out loud. Immediately regretting it. Kuroo looked at me clearly bewildered. I'm sure he didn't expect that, neither did I. Normally I'm careful with my words. Getting my shit together, I laughed a little and smirked teasingly "You should've seen the look in your face! Why are you even asking me? I'm not your mom." He kept looking at me confused, so I smiled slightly and nudged him to go.
After a second his face broke into the brightest grin. Shattering my heart into little pieces. "You got me stupid! For a second I thought you were serious. See ya tomorrow" With no further ado he left.
I walked behind him in a slower pace cursing myself. That was a close one. From afar I could see when they met. Kuroo gave her a peck on the cheek and hand in hand, talking animatedly, they left together.
At first I didn't know how to feel. I knew I was hurting but along that feeling there was something else. While walking home almost like a zombie. I started replaying everything that had happened the last few weeks. Anger started to flow through my veins. Why is Kuroo like that!? Why can't he realize how much I like him!? Why is he so clueless!?
Realizing the how unfair my thoughts were becoming, I took a deep breath. I reminded myself that all of this was my fault. It was me who decided to hide these feelings from him. It was me who decided to support him no matter what. It was me who started to like him. It was always me. He had nothing to do with it. I couldn't blame him for my own stupidity. I started getting frustrated at myself. Why couldn't I be born normal? Why am I like this? Why can't I say what I feel? Why do I depend so much on him?
Without realizing it, I was already home taking my shoes off. As always, my mother wasn't home yet. I went to the kitchen, and grabbed a plate. I had the intention eating something to distract. However, when I looked at it, I lost my appetite. I started to get frustrated at myself. Why couldn't I control my feelings? Why couldn't I forget it. This frustration soon developed in anger and before I knew it, I threw the plate into the floor with all my might. Shattering it into pieces. After I realized what I did I cursed loudly, over and over again.
After some time of cursing I could calm down a little, but my head was still in a turmoil. Ignoring the mess, I had just made. I went into my room. I didn't understand what was going on. I had never felt so out of control. Taking my clothes off to shower, I cursed again after I realized that I wasn't careful enough. I had cut my left foot with a piece of glass. Leaving a trail blood behind me. Funny how I didn't even notice. I was too tired to care though. So I ignored it and I took a cold shower. It did help a little, but I was far from ok. Exhausted I covered the cut in my foot with a bandage and went to sleep.
"Hey! Hey! Kenma wake up for fuck's sake!" I struggled. I could hear someone talking to me and I felt like everything was moving. "Kenma what the fuck happened!? Kenma wake up?" When I registered what was going on, I opened my eyes. Startled to find Kuroo right in front of my face way too close for my comfort I sat up, and groggily rubbed my eyes.
"What's going on?" I asked noticing that everything was dark, being the moonlight the only thing that illuminated Kuroo's face. My gaze darted to the clock on my nightstand 11:45 p.m. I frowned "Why are you here so late at night?"
He seemed displeased at my question. "What happened?" I looked at him confused.
"What are you talking about?" He looked at me as if I knew what was going on but didn't want to tell him. Noticing that I really had no idea He let out a sight, and stood up at his full height, with his fists on his waist.
"I found a bloody mess downstairs and I worried. What happened?" After registering what he said I felt fully awake.
I avoided his eyes, but then I noticed he would eventually figure it out If I did that. I looked at him in the eye. "I dropped the plate, and when I tried to clean it, I accidentally cut my foot. Since it hurt I decided to tend my foot first and then the plate. But I kinda forgot about the mess?"
He seemed more relaxed after hearing my explanation but kept on looking at me accusingly "You are not telling me the whole truth."
I gulped at that and avoided his eyes "Maybe I didn't forget about the mess, but I got lazy so I went directly to bed."
His gaze softened. He patted my head and left his hand hanging there while he inquired. "Are you ok? Can you walk?"
Brushing his hand off, it was starting to make me nervous in a good way, I nodded. I showed him my foot. "It wasn't too bad. Just a bloody mess."
He chuckled a little "I'm glad It was nothing serious." He sat beside me on the bed.
We sat in silence for a while. Just enjoying each other's company. It's kind of funny how two hours ago, I was hating myself and him, feeling confused and desperate. However, now that he is here I feel calm. I feel home. More than when I'm in the house. I've heard that sometimes home is not a place, but a person. I used to think of that as cheesy, but right now I'm starting to think that maybe Kuroo is my home.
After some time, I got bored of looking at nothing so I turned to look at Kuroo. To my surprise He was looking right back at me. We didn't say anything. Just looked at each other. When I felt him gently passing his hand right behind my ear. Slowly, his finger traced to my earlobe and then to my neck. Giving me Chills. I couldn't read the look in his eyes. I felt like he was trying to figure me out. Slowly like magic our bodies gravitated towards the another. We both stopped a couple of inches away, as if we were insecure of what we were doing. At least I was. I could feel the smell of his shampoo, and the coolness of his hand right at my neck. But as soon as it started, it ended. Kuroo took his hand back, looked away, clearing his throat. Taking the hint, moved away from him.
"You never told me why you came"
Standing up, he looked at the door and then back at me. "When I came home my mother told me she heard something. She asked me to check out what was going on. I ringed the bell a dozen times but you never came. I got a little worried so I went to check the kitchen window, you left the light on by the way, when I saw the mess and the blood. I freaked out, so I used my emergency key. Do you know how worried sick I was!?" He suddenly looked upset at me.
"I'm sorry. I didn't meant to worry you."
He rolled his eyes and turned "Whatever, Now that I know you are alive I'll go back home." Before leaving he turned one last time "Don't make me worry again" with that he left.