In a world where nations are personified as a bunch of gay idiots, cat-girls and the aforementioned gay idiots have the ability to fly while wearing tight clothes, and meteors with strange powers fall out of the sky at convenient intervals, heroes are made, loyalties are tested, and the world may be shrouded in ectoplasmic goo.
This isn't madness. This isn't England's cooking. This isn't even gayness.
This is…
HETALIA: The Power of Mew
Well, maybe it's just a little gay.
"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" A man with slicked-back hair and quite a taste for wurst slammed his fist on the table for emphasis.
The room fell silent.
"I swear, these world meetings are absolutely pointless! You morons can't get anything done but argue all day!"
After several silent moments, a former pirate with hilariously bushy eyebrows stood up and spoke. "I agree with Germany. World Peace will happen before we actually accomplish anything at these meetings besides pointless fighting." Several other nations around the table chuckled. "World Peace" was a common joke between nations when comparing something that would never, ever happen.
"But if there is no fighting," a large man with a taste for Vodka who concealed sinister and frightening thoughts behind a wan smile interjected, "then what is the point of being here?"
"I believe we are here to solve the world's issues," a short, timid old man who in his senile thoughts believed he could sense the moon, spoke. The nations' reactions ranged from sharp barks of laughter to bitter chuckles to bewildered expressions to disappointed pouts. Chaos broke loose again quickly.
"I just show up to pound the crap outta Spain!"
"Yeah, I just show up to watch the live porn!"
"I was hoping someone would undress – but if not, of course big brother France will help you with your clothes! Hon hon hon…"
"The Awesome Prussia is here so that you all will bask in my glory!"
"YAY! Beautiful yaoi… beautiful…!"
"Can't we all just get along?"
"As soon as I get my dearest Russia to–!"
"EVERYBODY QUIET!" When the man was satisfied with the silence that followed, he asked, "Now, does anybody have suggestions as to how we can get something accomplished in these meetings?"
"MAYBE WE SHOULD ALL JUST FUCKING SPLIT UP!" All eyes immediately jumped to the tomboyish and usually amiable female nation, Belgium. "THE ONLY PEACE I'LL EVER GET IS FAR AWAY FROM YOU PEOPLE!" Her glare rested on some of the more, ah, vulgar and obnoxious nations. That is to say, the males.
"But if we were to split up, how would we solve issues with other nations?" another female nation reasoned aloud, her slightly French-accented voice punctuating the building tension.
"If that were the case, the best thing to do would be to divide into groups," a calm and professional South American nation stated with a businesslike air. "Perhaps female nations verses male nations?"
The countries muttered quietly amongst themselves, thinking over the idea.
"Has this ever happened before…?"
"Could work but I'm not sure…"
"HAHAHA! Girl nations are weak compared to the Awesome Prussia!"
And it was this outburst that caused all hell to break loose. Again.
In the midst of the following chaos, the wurst-loving nation slammed his fist down on the table again and announced with finality, "It is decided! Female nations will hold their own meetings, and the rest will remain here continuing to work out their issues in the World Conference Room. PROBLEMS?"
No-one had a problem with that, and so the twelve assorted female nations promptly began to exit, complaining amongst themselves about the general testosterone that usually plagued the meetings and the relief that that was ending. Save for one.
"NO! I MUST STAY HERE WITH MY DEAREST RUSSIA!"
"Stay away from me! Belarus! Belarus, stay away! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
As the rabid nation was dragged out behind the other female nations, a single cry rang out across the world, coming from a man with a curly cowlick who never fully opened his eyes. Waving to the girls as they disappeared, he called out and was heard even as the door was being shut.
"PASTA~~~!"
"SHUT UP, ITALY," the nations chorused.
Sadly, while the moronic nations were being, well, morons, Tony the Alien was left alone. Well, it usually wasn't all that sad, as he had America's huge flatscreen all to himself, but that was beside the point. The point was, on some days he liked to go outdoors, travel the world and such, when he noticed a streaming meteorite streak across the sky.
He could feel it in his extra terrestrial bones. This was no ordinary hunk of metal. It had come from a planet far off, a planet he had just barely escaped from that one time… but that was another story. He tracked its progress with huge green eyes, all across the sky as it grew larger and larger and eventually landed right at his tiny greenish-silvery feet.
Things were going to get very interesting on Planet Earth.
"A shooting star! Oh Germany, Germany look!" Oh make a wish Germany~!"
Germany ignored him, instead turning to his left and watching his old friend, Japan, as he watched the sky. "What's wrong, Japan? You look concerned, like maybe your underpants are not fitting quite right," he said seriously.
The shorter man just leaned on the rails of the balcony, feeling the waves and energy of the great sky as it was channeled through the moon and reflected from the disc of sun and danced on by tiny invisible ponies who were firm believers in the magic of friendship and all that was good and right and just and gay in the world. "I am not quite sure, but I sense something is terribly wrong."
But what Japan didn't realize, was that one of the magic sky ponies actually had indigestion.
"This is gonna be great!" Kenya fist-pumped, her large dark brown eyes wild with excitement. "HA! No more men just us girls… just watch us solve a bunch of problems on our own and totally rub it in their faces later!"
"I think the separation might be good, too…" Ukraine spoke up, her boobs bouncing thoughtfully as she walked.
"I only showed up for the fighting," Hungary said, and several other nations immediately agreed, nodding their heads. Others shook their heads sadly. "And the yaoi…" she added as an afterthought, to which most of the nations groaned.
"Well I'm happy to be away from France, at least," Vietnam muttered.
"RUSSIA! MY RUSSIA – MMRRRPPPHHH!" Belarus shouted wildly before the nations who were still restraining her readjusted the gag over her mouth. Hungary promptly shut her up with a kick to the head, effectively knocking the crazed nation unconscious.
"So what should we do next?" Taiwan asked the group.
"Hmmmm. We should probably find a place to make our new HQ," Seychelles mused.
"HQ? Isn't that like a test you take to see how smart you are?" Liechtenstein wondered.
"My HQ is seven million!" Taiwan announced proudly.
"Yeah, minus seven million," Monaco remarked dryly. "Actually, morons, HQ means –"
Hungary cut her off excitedly. "The number of times you've seen France do it with a pair of scissors and–!"
"-HQ means headquarters." At the confused silence that followed, Monaco added, "That's a place where we hold all our meetings and such."
"Ohhhhhhhh…" the rest of the nations said in slow understanding.
"Our HQ should be a castle! A big one, with Santa Claus statues in all the windows and lots of rainbows and candycanes!" Giddily, Wy bounced up and down at the thought.
"What the hell? Where would we even find a castle if we wanted to?"
"Right there!" she said, pointing.
The group all looked up. Standing right in front of them was a huge building that looked like a medieval castle.
"Erm, well yes. That might make an acceptable headquarters."
"HEY! Everybody look up there!" Belgium announced, focusing on something far away.
Wy folded her arms. "Everybody's already looking up there. Don't you see the big damn castle?" the micronation cussed.
"No, not there! THERE! In the sky~!"
"What is that?"
"It looks like a pony!"
"Is it gonna teach us that friendship is magic?"
"It can't be a pony! Ponies don't glow! It has to be a…" Liechtenstein began, squinting.
"Rocketship?"
"Firefly?"
"Bottle of Vodka?"
"…I was gonna say sockpuppet, but it's probably a shooting star."
"OOOOOOHHHHHH~!"
"Make a wish, everybody!"
"I wish for something exciting to happen!" Kenya grinned.
"Don't wish for that – something exciting might happen! And then where would we be?" Hungary bit back.
"Doing something exciting?"
"Exactly!"
Wy clasped her hands together excitedly, the little girl staring up into the stars sweetly, eyes shining, as if it were the most wonderful thing in the world. When the shooting star streaked past and out of sight, her demeanor instantly changed.
"Wait, where the heck is it going?" Wy suddenly snapped at the sky. "GET OVER HERE YOU MOTHER FUCKING TROLL AND GRANT MY WISH!"
CRASH!
EXPLOSION!
SPARKLES~~~!
And so, on that day, the biggest alien meteor in the history of the world crashed in the backyard of the huge damn no-way-this-should-be-here castle that the female nations called their Headquarters. It also happened to be the vacation residence of one Tony the Alien, at whose feet a huge sparkly meteor crashed. And it also so happened that on that day, Tony the Alien realized something very important.
He was…
-TO BE CONTINUED-
(maybe… ;)
...And that's the end of Chapter 2! What mysterious magical powers might this mysterious magical meteorite contain? Will the nations continue to fight even after splitting up? And just what did Tony-the-freakin'-Alien realize?
Tune in next chapter to...
HETALIA: THE POWER OF MEW (Never gets old, does it?)
And don't forget to review~!
(Haha that rhymes! This chapter was brought to you courtesy of the AWESOME PANDA. Therefore it is AWESOME. G'night everybody!
~Panda)