I apologize for any medical inaccuracies—you can only get so much off the Internet and the Discovery Health channel. This story is complete but the end needs a little tweaking, so expect regular updates over the next few days. Hope you enjoy! Thanks!
CHAPTER 2
John looked up at the whining sound in the sky, frantically search for its source. He knew that sound. The hairs on the back of his head stood on end, and a feeling of icy dread filled his gut.
"Run!" He yelled. He knew that sound. The whining was growing louder. He felt his legs moving, pounding against the rubble-strewn street. He turned back to signal to his team to take cover when he noticed they were gone. Disappeared. One second he was surrounded by them; the next second he stood in the middle of the street all alone.
"McKay? Teyla? Ronon?" He called out. His voice echoed through the empty street and darkened buildings.
"Where are you guys?" John glanced up as the whining sound grew so loud that some the rocks and debris on the ground began to shake. He began running through the streets, straining his eyes as he peered into every dark corner for his team. The sound of distant explosions echoed through the devastated town.
John suddenly found himself in the middle of some kind of town square. He spun around, looking for any sign of life. Some of the buildings around him were half standing, half destroyed. Piles of rubble littered the square where other buildings had once stood tall. The whining pitch reached painful heights and John desperately tried to cover his ears with his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw something thin and black crash into the building in front of him. Before he could do more than blink, the entire building erupted into flames, and a blast of hot air and shrapnel rushed toward his face.
"No!" John half screamed, half choked as he came awake abruptly from the nightmare. His body jerked back into consciousness and he was immediately overcome with a stabbing pain in head. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the pain increased, spreading down his neck and chest. With it came waves of dizziness and his stomach churned with nausea. A loud beeping noise pierced through the pain, and suddenly someone's hand was on his shoulder.
"Easy, Colonel," the soft Scottish brogue soothed. "You're alright, lad. You're in the infirmary."
John recognized that voice. He turned his head toward the man, then groaned at the spike of pain that small movement caused. After a few seconds, he opened his eyes slowly and tried to focus on the blurry form of Carson Beckett leaning over him and peering down at him in concern.
"Wh—aa..?" John's voice sounded weak and slurred, and he felt his heart pound faster. What had happened to him? He wondered.
"You're home, on Atlantis," Carson said. John felt the doctor grab hold of his wrist to feel for the pulse. A second later he felt a cool metal disk slide across his chest pausing over his heart and lungs. "Just take a minute to get your bearings. Deep breaths for me now."
"Hhh-ead….'urtsss…"
"Aye, I imagine it does, son." Carson moved the stethoscope and readjusted Sheppard's blankets. "I'll get you something for the pain in a minute."
John groaned in response. The pain was relentless. He opened his eyes to look back up at the doctor, but even that seemed to sap all of his energy.
"You were pretty seriously injured, John. Do you remember what happened?" Carson stood above him, his hand on John's shoulder again. He looked concerned and exhausted.
John stared back at him, searching his memory for what had happened. Images from his recent nightmare flashed unbidden to his mind.
"Umm……ex..explo..s.'n…mm'ybe..." It was getting harder and harder for him to force the words out. He closed his eyes again, trying to focus his muddled mind. "Wha…. happ..'n'd..Cc'rr…s'n?"
Somehow Carson seemed to understand what he was trying to say. "Easy, John. Take it easy. You suffered a massive head injury and you've been unconscious for over 24 hours. It's not unexpected to have some memory loss. You also bruised your right lung pretty badly."
John felt the hand squeeze his shoulder, grounding him. He opened his eyes again, willing the throbbing in his head to let up for just a few seconds.
"He..eadd? …donnn't 'n-dderss..'nd." John lay there for minute trying to get his mind to catch up with his body and everything that had happened. Images of a building exploding in front of him flashed through his mind. A sudden thought jerked him out of his stupor. He grabbed Beckett's arm in earnest.
"T'..mm? Wh-wh'rress mm' tt..eam? …'ll ri..ghtt..?"
"John…Easy, lad." Carson looked down in concern at Sheppard pale face. Beads of sweat had broken out on the man's forehead and he was beginning to pant. His eyes were glassy with pain, but he stared intently at the Scottish doctor.
"Rrr..dney…Rrr..n'n? …T…'lla?" John gasped. His world had begun to spin dangerously, and his stomach clenched. He moaned, clutching the bedrail and Beckett's arm. "Pp..leassse?" He begged the doctor.
Carson rubbed the bridge of his nose, finally deciding Sheppard would not relax until he knew about his team.
"You were on a trading mission. You were thrown through the gate by an explosion on the other side. Your team didn't come through with you."
"Wh…why?…wh'rre?"
"We don't know, John."
"Hhh…'ve …go b'..ck.."
"Whoa!" Carson explained as John suddenly tried to pull himself upright with more strength than Beckett thought was possible. He grabbed a hold of his patient as John's strength disappeared as quickly as it had come. His faced had gone ashen. Carson, already knowing what was coming, quickly turned Sheppard onto his side as the Colonel lost his battle against the nausea and began to gag. A nurse appeared, hearing the commotion and helped Carson get John settled once he stopped retching She silently nodded toward one of the monitors, and Carson grimaced in return, reaching for the oxygen mask already near Sheppard's bed.
"Lay back, son," Beckett soothed. He waited a moment while the nurse cleaned Sheppard's face with a damp cloth before fixing the mask over the man's face. "Breathe," he commanded.
"…gg-go…b..'kk…ttt…mmm," John mumbled under the mask.
"Sssshhh…just rest, lad. You're going to fine." Carson spoke softly, injecting something into Sheppard's IV. He waited while the drug took effect, not standing up until Sheppard's restless movements quieted and the man fell back into a sedated sleep.
OoooOoooOoooOoooOoooO
The next time Sheppard woke up, his rise to consciousness was much more gradual. It was usually the sounds that came first—the beeping of heart monitors, the quiet murmur of voices trying not to disturb patients, the occasional squeak of a rolling cart. This time, however, the first thing he noticed was the feel of a cool sheet on his skin. His head felt oddly constricted as well. Soon after, he noticed the soft mattress beneath him, but it was different than his room, his bed. Where was he?
He turned his head, intending to open his eyes and look around, but a sharp pain shot through his head. He groaned, trying to still the pain that was spreading.
"John?"
A voice floated somewhere above his head, and he felt a warm hand on his arm. He tried to open his eyes, but it felt like he had lead weights holding his eyelids down. The hand on his arm disappeared, and he heard the voice again—this time farther away.
"Carson, I think he's waking up again."
A second later the hand was back, squeezing his arm. He felt another hand on the side of his face, surprising him enough that he finally opened his eyes.
"Hey, there. How are you feeling?" Elizabeth Weir asked, concern pulling at the features of her face.
John looked up at her intending to answer, but as he opened his mouth to respond, his throat tightened. He began coughing, causing the pain in his head to spike and spread down to his fingertips. He was vaguely aware of Elizabeth telling him Beckett was on his way. He felt an ice chip on his lips, and he opened his mouth instinctively. The water finally wet the dryness in his throat, quieting the coughing fit. He closed his eyes, groaning against the pain.
"John? You're alright. Just hang on."
Elizabeth's voice sounded distant, but as he lay perfectly still, the pain gradually ebbed. He opened his eyes after a few deep breaths, and looked up at Elizabeth.
"Hhh..'rtsss..." he hissed.
"I know. Carson's coming."
John swallowed against the cough building in the back of his throat, dreading the pain that would erupt if he fell into another coughing fit. Elizabeth seemed to notice his distress. She quickly turned to the stand next to his bed and grabbed the cup of ice chips sitting there.
"Here, have another ice chip," she said. John sucked on the ice, moaning slightly in relief.
"Better?" Elizabeth asked with a smile.
"Yeah." His voice was rough and hoarse, and sounded weak. As he looked around the infirmary, he wondered again what had happened. The image of a building exploding flashed through his mind again, causing him to jerk forward. He gasped at the sudden onslaught of pain, and the room began to spin wildly.
"Easy, lad," someone was speaking to him, but all he could hear was a rushing sound around his head, like he was underwater. White spots began dancing in front of his eyes and he struggled to pull in a breath. His vision grayed out for a second, and he felt a slight pressure against his face.
"Breathe, John. You're all right," the voice soothed.
John sucked in a deep breath, feeling the oxygen fill his starving lungs. He half wondered why it was so difficult to pull in air, but it took all his energy to just breathe at the moment. He took another breath, then another, and the feeling of the world tilting underneath him finally calmed down. He kept his eyes closed tightly until he was sure the dizziness had passed completely.
"Take your time, son."
Sheppard looked up at the Scottish doctor after a few more deep breaths, and noticed how tired the man looked. He blinked, noticing the throbbing in his head was returning with a vengeance.
"How's the pain?" Carson asked, still holding an oxygen mask to John's face.
"Hhh…'eddd…" he mumbled through the mask, waving his arm weakly.
"Aye, I can see that," Carson responded. He lifted the mask and watched the man's breathing for a moment. When he was satisfied John's breathing had settled down, he set the mask aside and began looking over his patient.
"Look here for a moment, John," he said, checking his neurological responses. John did his best to do what Carson asked, but the effort it cost him was obvious.
"Good. Does it hurt anywhere else?"
"Chest, a little. M-my team?"
Elizabeth stepped up and gripped John's arm, getting him to focus on her. She felt a pang of guilt stab through her at his look of desperation. "I'm sorry, John. We've tried to contact them over the radio, but they aren't responding. It's been over 36 hours now since you came back. Do you remember what happened?"
"Remember…umm…explosion…my team was there."
"In the explosion?" Beckett asked, alarmed.
"Y-yeah…no...dd-don't know..." John closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His head was pounding and he felt hot and stifled. He swallowed and forced the words out of his mouth. "Can't rem..member…have to g-go back…I have t-to…gg..get them," he ground out. He tensed his body and tried to sit up.
"Whoa, John," Elizabeth cried, grabbing a hold of John as he tried to move.
Beckett jumped into action as well and put his hand on Sheppard shoulder, easing him back down on the bed. He noticed the beads of sweat breaking out on the colonel's forehead. The man's face had gone extremely pale, the color of his skin matching the white bandage encasing his head.
"John, I need you to look at me. I'll get you something for the pain, but you need to calm down, lad."
"John, Lorne has been working on a rescue plan," Elizabeth soothed, resting her hand on his forehead. "With the way the debris is positioned in front of the gate, there's no way we can get through with a jumper and it's too dangerous to send any teams on foot."
"No," John mumbled, feeling desperate and panicked. He looked up at Elizabeth, the pain in his eyes having nothing to do with his physical injuries. "I..left them…bb…behind...have g-go..bb'ck...I left th'm behind..."
"Someone bombards the area around the gate as soon as it's activated," Elizabeth explained, trying to get through to Sheppard.
"No…can't…ssst..'ay…..lleffft..b'hind." Sheppard began to roll to the side.
"Whoa, son. Where do you think you're going?"
"SSss..'ck…"
Beckett reacted quickly and helped Sheppard roll onto his side as the man began to gag. A nurse rushed over to help, and Elizabeth stepped back to let them work. She bit her lip, feeling helpless and terrified at the scene in front of her. John's pallor had gone gray, and she could see him panting against the pain as the nurse and Carson got him settled back into the bed. She knew the head injury he had suffered was serious; she'd seen the piece of shrapnel embedded in his head, and Carson's guarded answers on whether or not he would be okay had set off major alarm bells. She shook herself, forcing herself to focus on the scene at hand.
"I've given you something for the pain, lad. You need to rest." Carson was leaning over Sheppard, talking quietly while he placed an oxygen mask over his face.
"Left th'mmm…Why…Why d-did I…lea-leavvve…?"
"Ssshh, John. It's alright." Elizabeth stepped forward, gripping his limp arm. Even beneath the oxygen mask, she could hear the desperation. Her stomach churned at her own sense of helplessness. "You're going to be alright," she soothed.
John's eyelids fluttered close as the medication finally took effect and he drifted asleep. Elizabeth and Beckett sat next to him in silence, lost in their own thoughts of what had happened to John and the possible fate of his team.
OooOooOooOooOooOooO
"Hey, Carson," Elizabeth greeted. She knocked on the doorframe of Beckett's office to get the doctor's attention. Beckett glanced up from his work, smiling at the tray of food she held in her hand. He waved her in.
"I brought you some lunch. Some of your nurses mentioned you'd been working non-stop and hadn't taken a moment to look after yourself."
"Ach, sounds like I need to have a talk with some of my nurses," Carson grumped, but he dug into the tray of food with a vengeance. "Thank you, Elizabeth. This is wonderful."
"You're welcome." Elizabeth wandered over to the corner of his office where the images of John's head hung on the wall. She bit her lip as she thought of what John had been through—of what he was still going through. She turned back to Carson.
"How is John doing?"
"Physically, he's stronger. I'm having Doctor Amadine go over John's case to determine how quickly we need to do surgery."
"Surgery?"
"Aye, that piece of shrapnel is not big, but it can't stay in there forever. He bruised his right lung pretty good at some point as well, which seems to be healing well enough, but it's causing him a little trouble with his breathing though nothing we can't help with. Right now, it's his mental health I'm concerned about. A trauma like that can have a serious impact on your personality and general mental well-being as it is, but with the stress of not knowing or remembering what happened to Rodney, Teyla, or Ronon…" Carson shook his head. "Have you heard anything from them yet?"
Elizabeth sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "No, nothing. We've dialed the planet every few hours, but we haven't heard anything from them." Elizabeth sat down in front of Beckett folding her arms tightly against her chest. "The whole area around the gate is devastated—completely bombarded. Radek has been studying the footage from the MALP, but there's no way to get through with a jumper with all the debris laying over the top of the stargate…"
"The gate's buried?"
"Not buried. It looks like a bunch of columns or statues have been tipped or blown over and are resting against the top of the gate. A jumper could get into the area directly in front of the gate, but Radek says the columns are too heavy to just plow through."
"What about a drone? Not that I like thinking about those buggers."
"The explosion from the drone would probably destroy the jumper, and there's the very serious possibility that any explosion we set off will destroy the stargate as well." Elizabeth took a deep breath, unable to shake the stress of the last few days. "The way they start bombing the area as soon as we activate it…the risk of sending a team on foot is too great. Carson, I just don't know what else we can do."
"What about the Daedalus?"
"Colonel Caldwell said it would be another week before the Daedalus's repairs are completed, and then another two and a half weeks before it reaches the planet. Not to mention the fact that it's already been almost three days since John came back. Whatever happened on that planet…I just don't know if Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon can survive that long."
"I don't know if Colonel Sheppard can survive that long." Carson's gaze wandered over to the X-rays of Sheppard's skull. "Even if he does heal physically, I don't know if we can get the old John back without his team. He's absolutely obsessed with finding them. The fact that he came back here and left them behind is killing him."
"I'm sure he had a reason."
"Of course he did. But he's not in any condition to think through anything logically right now, and he has no memory of what happened. All he knows right now is that he left his team behind, and now we can't get back there to help them."
"Aaaaggghhhhh!"
Carson and Elizabeth both jumped at the sound of Sheppard's anguished yell. They ran out of his office to Sheppard's bed in time to see him shoving a bowl of soup toward the nurse. The nurse jumped back, but not quickly enough as the soup splashed up onto her shirt.
"Colonel! I don't know why I put up with this."
Elizabeth and Carson stepped out of the way as the nurse stormed by. They looked back at John, but he had his arms folded and his eyes closed, studiously trying to ignore everything around him.
"How are you feeling today, John?" Elizabeth asked.
John shifted in the bed, grimacing.
"John?"
He finally looked over at Elizabeth.
"I have to leave. I need to leave. Please."
"John, you have a piece of metal in your head. You can hardly even sit up, let alone stand."
"You don't understand, Elizabeth. I have to go after my team. I have to get them!" He frowned, bringing a hand up to rub his face. He was still extremely pale, with dark circles under his eyes that only heightened his haunted expression. "Why isn't anyone trying to help them?" He yelled, banging his hand against the bedrail. "Where's Lorne? I want to talk to Lorne before he goes back to the planet."
Elizabeth took a deep breath. She'd been warned about the extreme mood swings John had been experiencing, but this was the first time she'd ever seen him this angry. "John, Major Lorne is not going back to the planet."
"What do you mean he's not going back?" He yelled. Carson moved forward as one of the monitors began to beep rapidly.
"There isn't going to be a rescue, John," Elizabeth said quietly. She sat down next to him and reached for his hand, hoping to calm him down. "We're doing everything we can, but right now, there's no way for us to get back to that planet."
"No," John groaned, jerking his hand away from Elizabeth.
"I'm sorry, John. Radek is working on a way to clear out enough of the debris for a puddle jumper to fit through, but the risk of destroying the gate completely might be too high."
An image of a building exploding around his team flashed through John's mind again. He pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to squeeze out the memories. A warm hand on his arm wrenched him back to the present. "We don't leave our people behind," he said, his eyes flashing. He noticed Elizabeth flinch, but he was too worked up to pull back. He banged his arms against the bedrails, the pounding in his chest matching the rapid beeping of the heart monitor.
"Colonel, you need to calm down," Beckett commanded, grabbing a hold of one of Sheppard's arms.
"We can't—I can't leave them behind," John yelled.
Elizabeth glanced at Beckett. "John—" She began. John suddenly went limp beneath both her and Carson's hands.
"No, no, no, no, no, no…" he whispered. He sunk back into the bed. His surge of energy had disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared. He felt Elizabeth grip his shoulder, but he turned away from her, exhausted.
"John, we're working with Colonel Caldwell, but the Daedalus is down for repairs for at least another week, and then it would take a good three weeks to reach the planet after that."
"I'm tired," he rasped, closing his eyes.
"I know. I'm sorry, John. We're doing everything we can to find your team, but they haven't responded to our calls at all."
"He needs his rest, Elizabeth," Carson interjected, concern etching his haggard face. He looked almost as tired as John.
Elizabeth nodded. "John, you need to know we are trying to get Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon back. We haven't given up on them yet."
John just moaned in response. Beckett noticed the sheen of sweat covering his patient's face and cursed himself for letting John get so worked up. "How's the pain, John?"
John didn't answer, just brought a hand to his face covering his eyes. He could feel tears building up behind his eyelids as he fought for control of his emotions. He didn't move as Carson fiddled with his IV, but he breathed a sigh of relief as the pain killers hit.
"I'm here, John, if you need me," Elizabeth said.
John didn't dare look at her. The images and sounds of explosions again flashed through his mind, threatening to consume him, and he flinched. Whatever Carson had given him was strong, and he felt sleep pulling him under. He shuddered at the final image of his nightmare—the faces of his team disappearing in an explosion.
Elizabeth looked up at Carson, the pain and worry she felt reflected in his eyes. He patted her back before heading back to his office. Elizabeth sat next to John and he fell asleep, watching him twitch and shudder at whatever memories he was seeing before finally going still. She pulled his hand away from his face and tucked it under the blankets. She swallowed the lump in her own throat as she wiped the tears off his pale face.
TBC