Whispers in Blindness
Bethany was having a bad night.
Lucía could hear her crying – first, it was a little sob, like a baby's. Then, it became more intense and continuous. By this time, however, it had turned into a full-fledged wail that her mother seemed unable to stop. Lucía counted the seconds, waiting - hoping that for one night, her mother didn't come asking for help. She knew Leandra was trying to do her best – she had ever since Malcolm had left them, broke and helpless– and most days, she managed to calm poor Bethany down. Tonight, however…
Thud, Lucía heard. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out slowly. Thud.
Leandra opened the door and approached her eldest child carefully and apologetically.
"¿Luz? ¿Estás despierta?" ('Luz? Are you awake?')
Lucía got up from the couch and put on her slippers. "Sí, mamá. Ya escuché. No te preocupes, ahí voy." ('Yes, mom. I've already heard that. Don't worry, I'll be right there.')
Leandra looked positively mortified. "Perdóname, corazón…" ('Forgive me, darling…')
Thud… Thud… Thud…
Lucía entered the room quietly. Bethany was sitting on her bed, hugging her knees, banging her head on the wall. Thud, thud, thud. She wasn't shouting anymore, but the tears gushed down and the eyes were wide open in horror. Lucía's heart sank – every time Bethany had a spell of lucidity, everybody had to relive the pain of explaining to her what was going on. After years of doing this, Lucía had come up with a simple method that had proved effective.
She lay down in her sister's bed and patted the mattress. Bethany dove and buried her face in her sister's neck, sobbing uncontrollably and clinging onto her with such a strength that made Lucía wish Bethany was 5, not 18.
"¿Pesadillas otra vez?" ('Nightmares again?')
Bethany nodded, but didn't say anything.
"¿Quieres contarme?" ('Do you want to tell me about it?')
The girl shook her head nervously.
"¿Quieres que mañana vayamos a ver a Andy?" ('Would you like us to go and see Andy tomorrow?´)
Bethany was quiet. And then she gave a little nod and a little sob.
Lucía put her right arm around her and kissed her sister's forehead repeatedly, stroking her hair, caressing the back of her head, and humming Bethany's favourite song. She felt her sister's body relax against hers, and when Bethany started to hum along, she knew that the worst part was over.
Once she'd made sure that Bethany was sleeping again, she slithered out of the bed, picked up her slippers and got out of the room. Her mother had made some tea and toast for three, and she was opening one of the jars of homemade Embrium jam, Lucía's favourite. She slipped a fingertip in the jar and Leandra slapped her hand playfully. She smiled at her daughter and tossed her fringe lovingly. They sat at the table and the mother poured the tea for the yawning daughter. And then they heard the rattling of the keys. Carver went in, tossed his bag and the keys on the couch, and closed the door behind him.
"You know… I could have been sleeping and you'd have hit me right in the face," Lucía complained.
Carver shrugged. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work? It's almost 6."
"Bethany had a bad night. I'll call Varric and ask him to cover for me one more hour," Lucía said, reaching for her cellphone in her bag.
Leandra looked at her two children, half-proud of their progress in learning another language, half-confused because she'd only understood a few words. Carver kissed her on the cheek and told her not to worry. She poured some tea for him while he was washing his hands, and when he sat down, he wolfed down his part of the breakfast.
"Varric, listen… We had another episode," Lucía explained in a hush voice.
"It's the second one this month. Are you sure you don't want Blondie to see her?"
"I told Bethany we would see him today. You know why I didn't want to do it before…"
"Yes, I remember. I told you: you're just seeing things. There's no way-"
"Better safe than sorry, right?" Lucía's voice had become tense.
"And if it was like that," Varric said, trying to relax her, "you should feel happy that it's Blondie and not someone else. You've known him for almost a year now. Has he ever been rude to you or Bethany?"
"No, but-"
"Maaaaaaybe, and it's a big maybe," Varric teased, "you're just jealous, Hawke."
Lucía frowned. "What? No! The things you say, Varric… You know you're the only man for me," she purred.
Varric laughed heartily. "And that's how I know that you're actually phoning to say you're coming late. It's alright, Luce. Take your time. I'll go and spend some time with Bianca."
"I'll come to the shooting range when I get there, then."
"Take care, sweetheart."
"Bye."
"It's good to have friends, right?" said Carver right behind her, munching on a piece of toast with jam.
"You'd know if you had-hey! That's mine!" Lucía took the toast from her brother's grinning mouth and stuck her tongue out at him. Carver yawned and stretched out. Lucía massaged his broad back for a couple of seconds and then told her mother that she'd be taking Bethany to Anders's clinic that day. Leandra said that she'd use the extra time she'd have to go to the market that was a bit further away, because the prices were lower and she could get better deals.
"¿Por qué no aprovechas y visitas a Benoit?" ('Why don't you take the chance to visit Benoit?')
"No estoy segura de ir… Su hija volvió hace poco de Orlais y tal vez quieran pasar tiempo juntos…" ('I'm not sure about going… His daughter just got back from Orlais and they may want to spend time together…')
Leandra's greatest concern was being a burden. The idea of depending on her children had made depressed at first, but now that feeling had spread onto other people as well. Her existence was barely noticed in the neighbourhood. She moved quietly from one place to the other, taking Bethany by the hand wherever she went, her ears closed to the whispers that had always followed her.Tell her that if she dates that man, she'll never see a cent again… Pregnant so young and not even married… Did you hear about the husband? I heard he was involved in a murder… Their little girl is so strange… I heard he's cheating on poor Leandra… I heard he's abandoned them… I heard they're applying for food stamps… Sometimes, keeping her eyes and ears closed worked well for her, but if it didn't, she always made sure that her children wouldn't know how much it affected her.
One hour later, Lucía and Bethany walked down the street, hand in hand, talking about the sunshine and the people and the trees. Bethany's face looked tired, but she seemed more conscious than other days. Lucía wondered if it had to do with the prospect of seeing Anders. Her sister was a woman after all. And women had needs, as Carver and Varric usually said.
"Bethany!" Anders cried when they entered his office. Bethany ran towards him and let him hug her. Over Bethany's shoulder, Anders smiled at Lucía. "Varric called. He said you'd be coming with her. I'm glad you brought her in."
"I'll be glad when things become more stable," Lucía said grimly.
"Don't be such a pessimist, Hawke. It doesn't suit you. Come this way, honeybee," Anders said, holding Bethany's hand. He offered Lucía his other hand but she shook her head and clutched her bag a little tighter.
"Luz?" Bethany whimpered. Anders's smiled broadened very slightly.
Lucía rolled her eyes and held his hand. It was a firm hand, a hand that had known hard work and hard times, but still remained gentle. Lucía thought his hands were just like her father's. She hated him for that. He had no right to confuse her like this.
"Let's go to the lab," Anders said to the sisters, and he started whistling Bethany's favourite tune. Lucía's lips relaxed, but she hid her smile before Anders could see it.
...
.
.
.
.
.
Title: "Whispers in Blindness" is a song by Ace of Base. Originally this chapter was going to feature flashbacks into Malcolm and Leandra's relationship, but somehow the chapter changed into this introduction to Bethany's condition. I did want to capture the idea that through the whispers, Leandra finds out about Malcolm's little deceptions. Whether she reacts to them or not... That's for a different chapter.