Thanks so much to BrickRoad for all of the ideas and to Natty for the continuing grammar lesson. I continue my vow to never write a story that doesn't have a happy ending. Although, I still don't own Chuck, so I guess that's not happy.

The Decision

- - - -

"Good morning, Sarah." Frank said cheerily as she sat on the couch across from him. "I hope that you had a good night's sleep."

"Not really," said Sarah with a frown. "Please don't take offense, Frank, but I am really tired of being here. When can I get back to L.A.?"

"I don't take any offense at all." said Frank with a laugh. "Don't get discouraged. We've made some good progress. We still have some work to do."

"I don't understand." said Sarah with a big sigh. "Ok, I have some issues, I'll admit that. But you've helped me understand them a lot better. I always thought that people were only institutionalized when they were a risk to themselves or others. Certainly you can't believe that I'm a risk?"

"You're certainly not being institutionalized." said Frank with a smile. "I hope that you don't feel that way. Unfortunately, Sarah, you're not a normal person. You're a highly trained killing machine. The agency is going to be incredibly careful before they allow you back in the field. I can think that you would understand that."

"But can't we schedule some sessions in L.A.?" Sarah asked. "I would gladly agree to attend. I just feel trapped here. I really feel like I need to get back to Chuck."

"I know that you're going to disagree." Frank said softly. "But I really think that it's in your best interest to be here. I don't want you to feel trapped. But let's face it, Sarah, you going back to L.A. right now is not the answer."

"Please, Frank," said Sarah as tears began to form in her eyes. "I miss him."

"I know." Frank said with a smile. "You're sort of in a panic right now. You're terrified of making an emotional commitment to Chuck and you're terrified of losing him. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sarah nodded as the tears began to flow down her cheeks.

"I can help you." said Frank softly. "We can work on those issues. Can I make a deal with you? If you will calm down and truly work with me, I'll bring Chuck here. Would that work for you?"

"When?" Sarah asked as her eyes brightened.

"It could be as early as tomorrow." Frank said with a smile. "But I need you to understand, we have some work to do first. You're in no condition to see Chuck right now. Do we have a deal?"

"I guess I don't have much of a choice." Sarah said looking up into Frank's eye. "Yes, we have a deal."

"Good," said Frank as he clapped his hands. "Tell me about the instant when you realized that you were in love with Chuck."

Sarah looked down at the floor appearing to be deep in thought. After a moment she looked back up at Frank.

"I guess that would be in my apartment." she said softly. "Bryce had just come back after we thought he was dead. He asked me to return to being his partner …."

- - - -

Sarah felt like cement blocks were tied to her feet while she was packing. She knew that leaving with Bryce was the smart play. She just didn't want to do it.

She knew all of reasons. She had gone over them time and time again. Bryce just made much more sense. He was like her. He knew the life she had chosen. There was no question that he was a superior agent. There was no one she would rather have at her back on a mission. He would understand completely whenever she had to flirt, or even more, with a mark. Truth be told, he would more than likely be the one to suggest it. She didn't have to worry about any emotional demands from Bryce that was for sure. He was like a wind up toy. Give him sex a few times a week and he was good to go. Ok, she didn't love him. But wasn't love over rated? Wasn't her commitment to the greater good more important than love?

Chuck, on the other hand, would never be satisfied with what she could give him. He would always want more. He would never be able to understand the things that she had to do for the job. Sure, she longed for a normal life. Who wouldn't? And, yes, Chuck was the nicest man she could ever hope to meet. And yes, she liked to daydream about how their children would look. But she also knew that she had made a vow to serve the greater good. It was a shame but those two worlds don't mix very well. In order to do her duty, she would constantly have to hurt him. And she knew that she wouldn't be able to look at those sad brown eyes and continue to crush him. It was only a matter of time before he would whittle away at her resolve. First she would be his girlfriend, then his lover, then his fiancé, then his wife. She couldn't help but smile as she imagined Chuck proposing. He would go out of his way to make it a romantic experience that she would never forget. That was his style. He was always looking to make her feel good.

"Come on Walker," she told herself. "Snap out of it. You don't love him."

As Sarah continued her packing she eventually came across Chuck's favorite blouse. He never failed to compliment her every time she would wear it. It was getting to the point where she saved wearing it for special days to make sure that it made Chuck happy. As she began to fold the blouse, she smiled at how Chuck's eyes sparkled the last time she wore it. Bryce never commented on her appearance. Well only to encourage her to seduce someone. Oh, and to get her into bed, but only then when she was already semi naked. As a matter of fact, Bryce's favorite blouse was which ever one he was taking off her at the time and throwing on the floor. Sure, as a woman, she really appreciated how Chuck would always take the time to compliment her. She could see in his eyes that he meant it. He wasn't trying to butter her up to get something like Bryce would. She could really get used to hearing him compliment her for the rest of her life.

"You don't love him." she whispered to herself firmly. But the tears in her eyes were making it hard to concentrate on her packing.

When Sarah went to put the blouse in the suitcase, she realized that she had already hung it back in the closet. For the life of her, she couldn't remember doing that. She absolutely knew in her heart that if she didn't leave tonight, she never would be able to again. All she could see was Chuck's face when he heard that she was gone. The hurt look was more than she could bear. He didn't deserve to be hurt like that. He was the most genuinely nicest person she had ever met.

"You don't love him." she sobbed to herself as she threw herself onto the bed. Her neatly packed clothes went flying as she kicked the suitcase off the bed.

- - - -

"So that's the point where you knew," said Frank. "What did you do about it?"

"Well, actually," Sarah said. "I treated Chuck really badly for a few days. I snapped at him and made his life pretty miserable."

"Why?"

"I don't know," said Sarah with a sigh. "I guess I blamed him for making me fall in love with him. It doesn't seem very fair, does it?"

"You've never told Chuck that you loved him," said Frank. "Is that right?"

Sarah nodded sadly.

"But I assume he's told you that he loves you?"

Sarah nodded again, but this time with a smile on her face.

"Tell me about the first time."

"Well," said Sarah thoughtfully. "We had gone on a cover date with Chuck's sister and her finance. Our cover was that we had been dating for about six months. I guess I sort of used that as an excuse to try and show him how I really felt…"

- - - -

Chuck and Sarah were sitting in the back seat of Devon's car. From the front seat, Ellie could not contain her excitement.

"I'm so excited that you and Chuck could finally come with us to the beach." Ellie said with a huge smile. "I've been looking forward to this all week."

"I'm really glad that it worked out." said Sarah with a smile as she snuggled into Chuck. "This is really going to be fun."

Sarah could feel that Chuck was acting stiff so she smiled at him.

"It's ok, Chuck," she whispered in his ear as she nuzzled his neck. "Put your arm around me and relax. Don't worry about anything. Let's just have fun today."

The almost imperceptible nod that he gave her as he slipped his arm around her shoulder told her that he understood.

The day at the beach was one of the best days Sarah could ever remember. Chuck kept her laughing all day. She was actually surprised when they played volleyball how athletic he was. Although he was not in Devon's or her league as an athlete, he certainly didn't embarrass himself. But the thing that impressed Sarah the most was his lack of possessiveness. Naturally Sarah attracted a lot of attention in her bikini. Bryce would have gotten all macho in that situation and made sure that everybody knew they were together. If the stares bothered Chuck, he was great at not showing it. Sarah made sure that whenever any guys would overtly stare she would go over and give Chuck a quick kiss, just to let them know the situation. Chuck even suggested that Devon and Sarah take on the local volleyball champs. "It only makes sense." he explained as they were the two strongest players. Instead of pouting like Bryce would have done, Chuck actually cheered. He was even able to point out some strategy that helped Sarah and Devon win. It was a side of Chuck that Sarah had not seen much of. And it was very attractive.

On the ride home, Sarah made sure that she snuggled tightly against Chuck. Since she was still wearing her bikini, the impression she was making was obvious. Once, Sarah leaned in to give Chuck a kiss. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she saw his eyes widen when he felt her tongue brush between his lips.

Once they got back to Ellie's place, the two couples quickly decided to head to their respective rooms. Even though Ellie was beaming at what she had witnessed all day, she was obviously more interested at being alone with Devon. As soon as Sarah led Chuck into his room, Chuck smiled.

"Thanks for today." he said softly. "You've really convinced Ellie that we're a couple."

Sarah stepped up to Chuck and put her arms around his neck. Just before she kissed him she whispered, "Have I convinced you?"

The force of the kiss pushed Chuck onto his bed with Sarah on top of him. They were still engaged in the long kiss. As soon as the kiss broke, Chuck looked at Sarah with a longing in his eyes that she had never seen.

"I don't know if I'm totally convinced that we're really a couple." he whispered. "But I am convinced that I'm totally in love with you."

With that Chuck kissed Sarah again. This time it was his tongue that made it past Sarah's lips. Sarah didn't respond to the kiss but she didn't resist it either. Then she felt Chuck's hands untying the top of her bikini. It was a testament to his hand eye coordination that he had her top off before she could react. Suddenly Chuck rolled over, putting him on top of her. One of his hands was on her bare breast while the other was attempting to slide her bikini bottom off.

Sarah quickly reacted. She rolled over and jumped off the bed.

"I'm so sorry Chuck." she said softly as she covered her breasts with her arms. "I can't do this."

Sarah grabbed her top and went in the bathroom to put it back on. When she came out Chuck was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry, Sarah," he whispered without looking up. "I guess I misinterpreted what you were saying. I'm so sorry."

"Please don't be sorry." Sarah whispered with tears in her eyes. "You didn't do anything to be sorry for. This is my issue. I can't do my job and … Well, I can't do this right now. Please don't hate me."

When Chuck wouldn't look up, Sarah said "It's best if I go. I'll go out the window so Ellie doesn't know."

Chuck simply nodded without looking up.

"Chuck, please don't feel bad." Sarah said as she opened the window. "I want this as much as you do. Maybe more. I just can't right now."

As Sarah closed the window she saw Chuck throw himself face down onto his pillow. His body was heaving with emotion. Sarah had to sit in her car for over an hour before she could compose herself enough to drive home.

- - - -

Frank waited a moment for Sarah to compose herself purposefully averting his gaze while she wiped the tears from her eyes. Then he turned to her softly

"You really wanted him?" Frank asked softly. "Didn't you?"

"I've never wanted anything more in my whole life, Frank. Ever."

"You told Chuck that the reason was the job." Frank said. "Do you think that he bought it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think that he accepted that reason?" Frank asked insistently. "You are telling him that you couldn't be in love with him and also do your job. You're also telling him that your job is more important to you than he is."

"But that is the reason." Sarah said. "Chuck knows how important my job is to me. He knows how dedicated I am and how much I'm driven by my sense of duty. He understands. He has always accepted that I could only give him what the job would allow."

"Well," said Frank. "Then you're really not going to like what I'm about to tell you. I just got a call from Director Graham. They have decided that if you insist on seeing Chuck, you'll have to resign your position in the CIA. If you stay in the CIA, they are going to reassign you and you'll never see him again."

"What?" Sarah cried.

"I have your resignation letter right here." said Frank as he held up a clipboard that held a document. "If you sign it, Chuck will be here in the morning. If you don't, you'll never see him again."

"How can they expect me to make that decision?" Sarah said with a sob.

"I guess they think that you're right." Frank said firmly. "How can you do your job effectively and be in love with your asset? It wouldn't work. And, Sarah, you know the CIA. They don't give a rip about your personal happiness. They just want you to be effective in the field."

Sarah simply sat staring ahead unable to say a word with tears filling her eyes.

After a moment, Frank sighed.

"It's ok, Sarah," he said in a matter of fact tone. "Don't worry. I'll let Chuck know. I'm sure he'll understand. After all, he knows the life you've chosen, the sacrifices you've made. He may be a little torn up for a while but I'll make sure he gets some counseling. He'll be ok, I promise."

"Give me the letter." Sarah said through her tears.

Frank handed the clipboard to Sarah. Sarah signed the bottom of the document without looking and put the clipboard on the desk.

"When it comes right down to it," Frank said with a smile. "That was a pretty easy decision. Wasn't it?"

Sarah just nodded.

"You didn't even look at it before you signed it?" said Frank with a broad smile. "Did you?"

Sarah just looked at him with a confused look.

Frank picked up the clipboard from the desk. He took the document out of the clipboard and ripped it into pieces.

"That was actually an application for a credit card." Frank said thoughtfully. "They send me these damn things all of the time. I never thought one would come in handy. You should really read things before you sign them."

Sarah just looked at Frank with a surprised look.

"I'm sorry to have played you like that." Frank said with a smile. "But now we both know that it's not the job. After lunch, maybe we can stop this rationalizing and get you to admit to yourself the real reason."

- - - -