Alpha and Omega
Omega
It didn't seem as if the beach had changed in all these years, at least not this part of it, Jonathan thought to himself. It had remained the same ever since they had moved here to Schooner Bay, to Gull Cottage all those years ago.
He liked the ocean. It might storm, and the waves would get higher and stronger. It might be calm and the waves would still, but no matter what the ocean was there and would remain there, it was a something that would never change. And at the moment that was something that Jonathan Muir, a handsome, strong man at the age of forty six, craved in his life at that moment.
He walked slowly along the beach, seeking out the large rock a couple of miles from Gull Cottage where he went to sort out his thoughts ever since the Captain had found him there as an uncertain boy at the age of six.
Jonathan had stopped in to see his aging mother and found that the Captain was nowhere to be found. His mother had told him that Daniel had been a bit out of sorts of late, but he wouldn't tell her what was wrong. After a short discussion with her now grown son, she had kissed him goodbye and sent him after her errant love.
Jonathan had a pretty good idea where he might have gone as the two had shared this as their private spot for manly heart to hearts ever since that day that seemed so long ago. So it was with no surprise that he saw the Captain standing staring out as the sea, hands clasped behind his back as he stood several feet in front of the large rock. The younger man approached the Captain, assuming a stance similar to the Captain as he fell in beside him. The Captain never looked at him, but Jonathan knew that he didn't need to, the Captain already knew he was coming, knew that Jonathan was looking for him.
"Jonathan, I did not know that you were stopping by for a visit," the Captain said as he turned to look at the man beside him. Jonathan was tall now, taller than the Captain by a couple of inches. He had a sturdy muscular build, broad chest, strong arms and legs, handsome face, thick sandy blonde hair and compassionate blue eyes. With the similar mannerisms he displayed, it could be easily assumed that he was the Captain's son.
"I couldn't resist, it's been what, two weeks since I stopped by," the younger man joked.
"That long? God, boy, we miss you," the Captain reached out and pulled the younger man to him in a fierce hug.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Jonathan was concerned now. Though he knew the Captain had learned to be corporeal over the years he usually wasn't so demonstrative. He returned the hug and then gently disengaged, surprised to see that the Captain looked tired, weary even, and for him that was very unusual.
"How's Melissa? And the children?"
"Melissa's fine and says hello. Cassie and Danny are fine and wanted to come with me," he chuckled.
"You left your family home?" Daniel was disappointed.
"Yeah, I felt like something was wrong and that I needed to talk to Mom and you, and without the curious children around." He grinned. "The ones that are only starting to understand that there is something different about their grandpa."
"They are amazing, and I am most grateful you allowed me to be involved in their lives."
"How could I possibly do anything different when you're my Dad?"
"You honor me," the Captain said in a voice rough with emotion and turned away from Jonathan.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Jonathan queried softly, and studied him. With a start he realized that Captain Gregg looked like his portrait today, like he did when he died at the age of forty two. Usually he created the illusion of age to make his mother feel more comfortable, she hated that she looked older than him, but today he was himself.
"Nothing really," he said.
"It doesn't sound like nothing. You sound…pensive."
"Maybe I am." He paused, and gestured to the large rock on which they both could sit, and had spent many afternoons solving the problems of the world, solving the problems of their family, and the issues of a young man growing into adulthood. They sat on the rock.
'Well?" Jonathan prompted. "I know something's bothering you. You look more tired than I've ever seen you, which I didn't think was possible for a ghost, you're moody as hell, and you've been away from Mom for more than two hours. I can't remember the last time you left her alone that long."
"We spend time apart," the older man protested.
"Yeah, right." Jonathan laughed, and soon the Captain joined him.
"That's better, now what's up?"
The Captain remained silent but gave Jonathan a sad look.
"It's Mom, isn't it?"
The Captain nodded.
"She seems fine," Jonathan frowned.
"I know."
"But she's not?"
"She is as well as she can be considering her age and…"
"What do you know?" The younger man's mind quickly ran through the possibilities that could cause this kind of sadness within his hero, and there was one thought that came to the forefront of the cascade of thoughts whirling in his mind. "Is Mom going to die?"
"We all die, Jonathan," the Captain said in a kind voice.
"That's not what I mean." He studied the spirit next to him. "When?"
"Soon. Two days? Two months? I am not sure, only that it will happen.' He squeezed Jonathan on the shoulder. "I do not believe she will suffer any pain, the things I can discern, which are not a lot, is that her passing will be peaceful. In her sleep, I would assume."
Mom, dying? Jonathan's mind screamed at the thought, resisting the acceptance of the older man. He needed to do something to help her, something to keep her here on earth with him and his sister Candy, with her grandchildren that loved her so.
"There must be something to do," Jonathan pleaded softly.
"No, she's fine. You saw her, she bright, as well as she can be at her age, she's wonderful, exquisite, but none of that matters when it is your time,' the Captain finished in a somber tone.
Jonathan allowed a smile to touch the corners of his mouth despite the sad subject, he had never doubted the Captain's love for his mother, it had never wavered, and it still shone through with the words he chose to describe her.
"Which would explain why you died in the prime of life."
"Exactly so. It was not a choice, only something that was meant to be."
"Kicking he blasted heater with your blasted foot!" Jonathan raised his voice and did a mock imitation of the Captain at his best.
The Captain laughed. "Did I bluster so much?"
"Really? You're asking me that after all of this time with you?" He grinned at the Captain, but then the grin faded as he stared into the blue eyes. "She will die?"
"Yes. And soon is all I can say. I would suggest that you and Candy and the grandchildren spend as much time as possible around her while you can."
"Does she know?"
"Perhaps." He shrugged. "We have not discussed it though I believe we will in the near future. She is an intelligent woman and will face this with the courage she has faced everything else.'
They were silent for a time then content to watch the waves.
"Will she go to heaven?" Jonathan's deep voice asked.
"I would assume so given the life she's lived. I cannot imagine anything else for her."
"There's no chance she'll be a spirit like you?" Jonathan sounded almost hopeful, so much so that the Captain stared into the younger man's face.
"You are not saying that you would deny her heaven in order to have an existence such as mine?" he asked incredulously.
"No, that's not it, it's just that…" Jonathan chafed uneasily.
"Yes?"
"You've been with us since we moved here as a spirit. Sometimes it seems as if you will always stay here with us."
"And you want me to do that? You want your mother to do that? To become a spirit?" He scolded him gently.
"No, I just don't want her to leave."
"We all must leave at some point," his said, his kind blue eyes meeting Jonathan's sad blue ones.
"You haven't."
Daniel leaned forward and repeated the words softly, giving Jonathan time to think about them. "We all must leave at some point."
"No." Jonathan shook his head. "Not you too."
"I made a promise to your mother. To spend eternity with her, and I'll not disappoint her."
'Blast!" Jonathan shook his head in frustration. "I know, really I do. Candy and I have even talked about what would happen when Mom passed. We always thought that you would go when she did, but it always seemed so far off.' He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. "I just don't want to lose both of my parents."
'I'm sorry, lad. But I feel, despite my love for you and Candy and your beautiful families, it is my time as well. I would also like to move on to heaven."
"You're a good man, Captain, why didn't you go before? I mean, you could have, right?" Jonathan studied his hero, wondering why he hadn't thought to ask him about this subject before now.
The Captain stared out at the sea for a long moment. "Yes, that door has been open to me for some time now. Ever since your mother took care of my unfinished business…"
"You mean clearing your name, and the seaman's home?"
"Yes, that is what I believed that kept me tied to earth, at any rate, once that was done, the door opened to me." He gave Jonathan a sad smile. "But though part of me longs to go through that door, I found that I could not. I was far too in love with your mother and with her children to ever consider leaving."
Jonathan was stunned. He had never really thought about the fact that the Captain could, or would even want to go on to heaven. He had been with them willingly for so long that such an occurrence never crossed his mind. He also realized how selfish he had been all these years to want to keep the Captain by his side simply because he loved him so much. He bowed his head and felt tears slide down his cheeks, felt like he was six years old again.
Captain Gregg watched the other man, his son, in silence for a short time, before he placed his hand on Jonathan's cheek and waited for him to look back into the Captain's face.
"Jonathan, don't ever forget that I love you and your sister. In every way but one you are my children, and in the end that doesn't matter, does it?"
"No, sir," Jonathan lapsed into old habits as the Captain held open his arms to him, and feeling much the little boy, Jonathan gratefully buried his head against the Captain's chest, and cried quietly. "It's not just Mom…I love you too…you're my Dad…and always have been….'
The Captain held him and rocked him like the little boy he had once been, and at that moment in time nothing had changed, they were father and son like they had always been. They stayed like that for several minutes, Jonathan deriving comfort from his father.
"I'm sorry I'm selfish, but I don't want you to go."
'You'll be fine, lad. No man could be prouder of his son than I am of you. You have a lovely wife, and beautiful children, one that you had the good sense to name after me," he said and Jonathan laughed as he pulled away to gaze into the Captain's tear filled blue eyes.
"You too, huh?"
"Yes, well, we will not speak of this to your mother," he rumbled in his manly voice, but wiped a tear away.
"Do you know what I think?" Jonathan queried.
"What?"
"I think that we, the four of us are meant to be together. That something happened and we ended up in different times and apart." He frowned in thought. "But even with that you were here for us to find you. So as much as we could be together, we are." He smiled at the Captain. "And as time goes on, once both Candy and I have passed, I think we will all be together again in the future. I think you have always been our father, but this time we had a wrinkle in it."
"Reincarnation?" The Captain laughed. "You expect me to believe in reincarnation?"
"You are a ghost, a super spirit at that, but still." He paused. "I used to wonder if I made up this theory just to make myself feel better, but I honestly don't think so. We feel right together, we feel like a family, as if we've always known each other and always will." He paused and studied the Captain's face. "Can you tell me you don't feel that way?"
The Captain thought for a long moment before he spoke. "No, I cannot. I was a confirmed bachelor set in my ways, believing there was nothing wrong with that life." He laughed and shook his head. "But one look at your mother and I was lost…." He rolled his eyes and Jonathan laughed. "I fell for her the first night the lot of you moved in." A soft smile crossed his face as he recalled that first night so long ago. "I even told her so…"
"She never said anything."
"She couldn't, I told her while she was sleeping." He grinned at Jonathan. "It was far too soon to share my feelings with her, feelings that I shouldn't have for a mortal woman when I was but a spirit." He sighed. "I still worry sometimes that I have taken the lot of you away from a more normal course in life, a course that rightfully belonged to you."
Jonathan stared at him in disbelief.
"How can you believe that? You are so much a part of our lives, you changed so many things to the positive for us, and I can't imagine our lives without you. I wouldn't want to." Jonathan's clear blue eyes sought out the Captain's. "We wouldn't have wanted to have our life without you. Can't you please accept it? And please stop telling yourself that you are interfering in our lives as you have not, at least no more than any parent would, "Jonathan finished with a grin. "I must admit I didn't appreciate you being an unseen chaperone on some of my dates, most notably the curvy and vivacious Susan Miller."
"Yes, well, I was trying to keep you on the straight and narrow," the Captain grinned back.
"Like you were at the age of sixteen?"
"Yes, well," the Captain ran his hand through his hair and laughed.
"That's what I thought. Do as I say, not as I do."
"Well, on that score your mother was right, being a parent puts things in a whole new light, and though having once been a young and promiscuous man myself I understood what you were going through, I couldn't allow you to get in trouble, at least as much as it was within my ability to do so."
"But you had an unfair advantage, you're a ghost. You could be invisible to everyone but me!"
The Captain laughed.
"You enjoyed it, didn't you?"
"Well, yes, rather."
The two looked at each other and laughed.
"So you'll leave when Mom goes?" Jonathan asked his expression somber once again.
"Yes. You understand how it is between your mother and I don't you?"
"You mean the epic, undying love that you have for each other?" He snorted. "What other woman would fall in love with a ghost and promise to love him for eternity? And as for you, what other spirit would become so earthbound to spend the whole of that woman's life tied to her and her children? And then promise to spend eternity with her when she passes?" He sighed. "Dad, I understand, you two are epic. Rhett and Scarlett have nothing on you. In fact, you achieved far more than they ever did, despite the small obstacle of your death."
"Rhett and Scarlett?" The Captain's brow crinkled as he searched his memory. "Oh, that Gone with the Wind movie, star crossed lovers and all that."
"That would be the one," the younger man smiled at the Captain. "What am I going to do without you?" Those damn tears seemed to be back.
"You'll go on, you'll live a long and happy life, and someday we will meet again whether it is heaven or as you've suggested reincarnation."
"Maybe then you and Mom can get it right and you can create Candy and me again."
"Nothing would please me more," he said, and stopped as he realized this was getting very personal for the both of them. He cleared his throat and both he and Jonathan looked away from each other and out at the ocean.
"Well, you know what I mean…" Jonathan said uncomfortably.
"Yes, I do."
They were silent again, staring out to sea.
"I suppose I should be getting back to your mother," the Captain said.
"Yeah she was worried about you." He looked at the Captain again. "Why do you look like yourself? I thought Mom preferred you as the distinguished older gentleman of late."
"Your mother has asked me to be myself more and more often of late, on some level I think she knows her time is drawing to a close. She wants me as when we first met, which is easy to do as I only have to appear as this." He shrugged. "She has mentioned from time to time that she is now enjoying the role of a cougar and then gives me a rather predatory look." He gave Jonathan a puzzled look. "While I do not understand the terminology, I do understand the implications."
"Mom? Really?" Jonathan laughed, he laughed so hard that tears ran out of his eyes, the Captain giving him a confused look. "Well, if it makes her feel better, what's the harm," he laughed and pointed at the Captain. "You're her boy toy!"
"Boy toy?" The Captain stopped laughing and gave the younger man a look of chagrin which only sent Jonathan into another peel of laughter.
"Boy toy?" the Captain intoned and thunder rumbled in the distance.
"Stop, please…" Jonathan rolled off the rock and onto the ground, holding his sides.
"But I am not anyone's boy toy."
It took several minutes for Jonathan to get a grip on himself, and even when he accepted the Captain's offered hand and got to his feet he had trouble keeping a straight face, the Captain seemed quite perturbed.
"Captain, Dad, it can be a good thing, in this case it is a good thing," he grinned. "Your younger appearance is making her feel more desirable, more wanted."
"But I always want her, I always desire her. She knows that." His brow wrinkled in concern.
"Well she might, but as I'm sure you remember from human nature, being wanted and desired by someone younger than you is always a turn on. So just by you being you, you are making her feel better about herself." He grinned at the Captain again. "So be her boy toy. She's enjoying it."
"Well, when you put it like that I suppose it is acceptable," he grumbled, but raised a finger as a matter of point to Jonathan. "But don't share this with anyone."
"Would I do that?" Jonathan asked innocently, his fingers crossed behind his back, something he had learned from his mother. He let his expression grow serious once again. "When you go, will you be able to say goodbye before you leave?"
"I don't know lad. If it is at all possible I will arrange for a goodbye with both you and Candy, but I truly do not know if that is possible, or if we will simply have to leave." He paused. "My best advice is to spend as much time with your mother…"
"And you..."
"And me as possible, as you want to, during the next couple of months. As I said, I don't know when. It could be shorter than that, it could be longer than that…"
"All right." Jonathan straightened and looked into the Captain's face, into his kind blue eyes. "I don't think I could have become the man I am without you, I owe you everything. You gave me hope when I needed it, you gave me a father that I never could have imagined having when I thought I was alone, and you are the man I always wanted to be, still aspire to be. You're my Dad."
The Captain had no words to answer what Jonathan just said, he was overwhelmed by his emotions, feelings of pride at the man Jonathan had become, knowledge that he had greatly contributed to that process, and complete joy knowing that this was indeed his son. Now the tears were trickling down the Captain's face, and Jonathan opened up his arms to his father.
"This is very unmanly," the Captain whispered, holding his son in a tight embrace.
"I promise; it will be our secret. Besides, fathers are always allowed to comfort their children, and children are allowed to comfort their parents," he whispered back. "You've always done that for me."
After a few more moments they drew away from one another, both wiping their eyes and they laughed.
"Very unmanly," intoned Jonathan.
"Quite," agreed the Captain. "Well, we really should be getting back…'
"I know." Jonathan sighed as the two of them turned away from the sea and began to take the path that would lead them back home to Gull Cottage. "You'll take me sailing, won't you?"
"If you want to go, I'd be delighted to take you out," the Captain said.
"Cool, I can hardly wait!" Jonathan enthused.
Walking side by side, still talking amongst themselves, they made their way back to Gull Cottage and the woman who meant the world to each of them.
Authors note:
I have a soft spot for Jonathan and the Captain stories and this is my contribution to that theme, I hope you like it…