Pacing was very cliché. Isabella has always thought so, and whenever she watched some actor darting back and forth on screen, anxiously awaiting life changing news, she always thought to herself how dizzy they must have felt by the end of that scene.
As it turned out, pacing didn't make a person dizzy at all. At least not when everything she had ever hoped for was about to either detonate into a million pieces or take wings and soar higher than she ever imagined it could. Now, on the edge of her life taking a shift into the unknown, Isabella absolutely adored pacing. She loved moving, loved the feeling of her legs carrying her wherever she wanted or needed to go, loved the fact that she could flee at the turn of a heel and leave all the chaos far behind as if it never happened at all.
'I could still leave right now, before he gets here…' Isabella felt the tug on her nerves as she spun herself to pace in the other direction, 'He probably won't show up anyway. Phineas wouldn't do that, he wouldn't leave a girl standing at the alter. I can go home now and pretend this never happened, change my name, dye my hair, and go stay with my mom's family in Mexico…'
Hands clutched together as if in prayer, the young woman contemplated how exactly she could pull off being a blond. She turned once more to walk the opposite way when, to her horror, the back door of the church began to open.
"Eek!" Isabella jumped, her heart beat lapsing before her mind registered who it was walking through the door way. Ferb glanced at her with an odd amount of disinterest, taking in her wide, petrified eyes and pale sunken face as if he were inspecting a tool he needed for a project. He sat on a stone bench located near the door way and said nothing, casually propping up his foot against his knee as he took a small book out of a hidden pocket located inside his tuxedo jacket. The man appeared to be ignoring her as he began to silently read, his expression calm and collected as it had always been.
Isabella shifted to one foot awkwardly, glancing between Ferb and the ground as she wondered what he was expecting her to say. She opened her mouth to speak, but almost as if on cue, he shot his eyes up towards her, a finger pressed delicately to his lips in an unspoken order of silence.
She blinked at him, slightly taken back, until she saw him point to a nearby corner, a stern expression on his features as he spoke a single soft word, "Hide."
He watched her give him a blank stare before jerking her body towards the building, pausing only to glance at him once more in silent confirmation. Ferb gave her a curt nod and, once Isabella was safely hidden behind the side of the church, went back to his novel to enjoy a few sentences of literary artwork. His sparse seconds of peace were interrupted by the alarmed entrance of a young usher, who all but slammed opened the door as his eyes scanned the area, finally settling on the green haired lad.
"Have you seen her?" His voice was strained with anxiety, not that Ferb blamed him terribly. Having Adele as a cousin couldn't be an easy task, certainly not on her now crashed wedding day. He could only imagine the havoc the young bride was wreaking inside.
Still, Ferb had little sympathy for the young boy and shook his head without a moment's hesitation. It was times like this where he was glad he had built a silent reputation for himself; it was much easier to lie to a person when you didn't have to speak the actual words.
The usher sighed and glanced around once more before giving what Ferb assumed was meant to be an order, but came out as more of a desperate plea, "Well, keep an eye out for her, and if you see her, come get me, ok?"
The Fletcher's boy had already gone back to reading at this point, giving the usher a confident thumbs up without ever lifting his eyes from the page. Ferb could feel the boys glare on him, uncertain as to whether he could trust the stoic stranger, but was distracted when his name was called from somewhere down the hall. He left immediately, but still Isabella stayed tucked away in her hiding spot, making no sudden movements until a few good solid minutes had passed by undisturbed. She rounded the corner uncertainly, her eyes watching the door, half anticipating a mob to burst through it any second. When she found all was safe, she allowed herself to sigh and fall back against a nearby tree, rubbing her arms in an attempt to calm her frazzled nerves.
"This was a bad idea…" Isabella managed to whisper, her eyes glued to the cement pathway below her. She began to hug herself, as though physically keeping herself together would stop her from falling apart.
Ferb glanced to her curiously, and then returned to his book as if she had never spoken at all. He could sense her body begin to stiffen, altering the aura of the area as her dread began to give way to anger.
"Ferb…"
He ignored her.
"Ferb!" Her voice remained a whisper, yet the tone held a certain snap to it, as though she were lashing out a whip towards him. The man managed to drag himself away from his- apparently-terribly interesting story long enough to give her a tolerant stare.
Isabella met his eyes with a glare, her shoulders stiff as she spoke, "Why did you tell me to do that? Phineas probably hates me now, and even if he doesn't, Adele will probably never want him to see me again!"
Ferb gave her an incredulous look, answering her in silence until the girl seemed to get the message and covered her face in shame.
"Argh! I know, I know…" Isabella let her body begin to slump against the trunk of the tree, barely one slide away from slipping to the ground, "If I had just told him to begin with, none of this would have even happened. I'm sorry, it's just…"
She lifted her head to look at her old time friend, desperation consuming her big, blue eyes, "I thought, maybe, if I told him, he'd come running over to me and we'd go off and live happily ever after, and then I saw the look on everyone's face when I started talking…"
A small, amused smile crawled on Ferb's lips, causing Isabella to flush in irritation and scold him, "Shut up, it wasn't funny, Ferb!"
He shrugged in reply, glimpsing towards the door before he settled his attention on the discouraged, dark haired brunette before him. She let out an exasperated breathe and looked up towards the clouds, watching as they drifted by without a care in the world.
'Phineas would have said that cloud looked like a pirate ship…then we would have built a real one, only we would have given it wings, and we would have traveled in the clouds all day as the world's first sky pirates…' Isabella felt her throat tighten at the thought. If she'd had one wish right then, it would have been to go back in time, back to when they were children. Perhaps he'd been dense back then when it came to romance, but, for all intent purposes, he'd been hers. Other girls had known to stay away, and the neighborhood boys didn't even bother to try and woo her, because as far as everyone was concerned, she and Phineas simply belonged together.
'Did you really never see it, Phineas?'
The soft thump of a book closing brought Isabella out of her thoughts, straightening herself against the tree, wide eyed as she watched her companion begin to walk away from her.
"H-hey…Ferb, wait!" Isabella began to make a move for him as he rounded the corner away from her, "Ferb! I'm sorry, come back!"
"Isabella?"
She stopped in her tracks and spun around, thrilled and petrified all at once. With one hand gripping the churches door frame and another around the golden, brass door knob, Phineas stood staring at her in apprehension. His hair looked disheveled as if he'd been running, and his slightly heavy breathing led her to believe that the assumption was correct. He cast a fretful glance over his shoulder before stepping through the door way and closing it gently behind him, careful not to make a sound. As he walked over to her Isabella felt her heart sink into the depths of her stomach, her hands trembling much like they had in the church; his eyes, while concerned, looked agitated, and it was all directed at her.
"Isabella…" He began, his tone cautious, as if afraid his own emotions would get the best of him, "What are you doing?"
"Oh…uh…" Isabella began to wring her hands, glancing around before she pointed up the sky awkwardly, "I-I was just thinking, that cloud, it-it kind of looks like a pirate ship, don't you think? Yeah, I, um, was telling Ferb about it, but then he wondered off, so maybe if we go find him, we could…" She trailed off, looking to the ground, the cars, the corner where Ferb had disappeared behind; everywhere and anywhere that could avoid meeting those piercing blue eyes that focused in on her.
Phineas said nothing, but allowed his eyes to trail up to the cloud Isabella had mentioned. He stared for a minute, and despite himself, felt the gears of his mind begin to turn with innovative thoughts. For one small moment, he felt as though he had stepped into the past, into his parents' backyard, free to the glory of summer and eager to capture all of its wonders. The blueprints were already being sketched in his brain; he wondered if good old Paul was still in the wood business, maybe the man would even know where he and Ferb could get an industrial sized quantity of feathers, they would need an awful lot of them…
He shook his triangular head vigorously, "Wait-ok, no. We can't do this right now. Flying pirate ship though-make a note of it." Phineas seemed to be mumbling more to himself than to her, but he snapped his distressed gaze in her direction all the same, remaining serious.
"What I meant was what are you doing out here…and what was that all about in the church? Isabella, I thought-I mean-we're friends, aren't we? Why, just, I don't understand…why would you want to ruin my wedding day?" When Isabella finally gathered the courage to glance into Phineas's face, she immediately regretted it. His eyes, those big, beautiful blue eyes she had always loved, looked so confused, and desperate, and…hurt.
'I'm so sorry.' She wished she could have said the words out loud, but in that moment, speech seemed impossible for her. There was a part of her that wanted so badly to believe that this was all just a horrible nightmare and she'd wake up any moment. She'd be 10 years old again and hop out of bed to prance over to Phineas's house, and then cheerfully quote her infamous catch phrase. Phineas would smile at her and tell her the activity of the day, and all would be right with the world, if only she could wake up.
'No matter how many times I tell myself to wake up though, it isn't going to work.' Isabella took a deep breathe and straightened herself, trying to reach back into all those years of fireside girl training that had taught her so many life lessons, 'A fireside girl never backs down from an apology, no matter what."
"Phineas." She watched him blink at her, taken back by her sudden burst of assurance, "I'm sorry."
Though still a bit surprised, Phineas's shoulders began to relax, clearly expecting the worse of their confrontation to be over. He breathed a sigh of relief at the thought; he had never truly argued with Isabella before, and didn't really want to start now.
"It's ok," He looked at her with a mixed expression of kindly pity and shame, "I'm sorry they dragged you out of the room like that; it really wasn't necessary. They didn't hurt you, did they?"
Isabella gently shook her head as she stroked her arms, remembering the firm grip the two ushers had held her with not too long ago, "No, that's ok, they, um, they didn't hurt me…"
Phineas nodded in response, a small smile on his lips, but the gesture did nothing to hide the uncertainty that still remained in his eyes. The pair glanced away from each other, awkward silence falling into place. Phineas scuffed his shoe; Isabella fidgeted with the fabric of her dress. The red haired inventor darted his eyes up towards his long time neighbor and friend, thinking how to carefully place his words so as not to break the peace the two of them had just created.
"So…" He shoved his hands into the pockets of his grooms jacket, tittering on his feet in what he hoped was a relaxed body motion, "What did you need to tell me?"
"I…uh…" Isabella bit her bottom lip and glanced around feebly, half-heartedly wishing that Ferb, or even one of the Ushers, would swoop in and save her the task of confronting her greatest fear. When she brought her attention back to Phineas, she noticed him staring down at her hands worriedly, and only when she followed his gaze did she realize she had been nervously rubbing and wringing her hands the entire time. She quickly separated them and placed them behind her back, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.
"You see, I…I don't think…well-I mean-we've been friends for so long, and-I-I-uh, well, um, for awhile now-or, no, not that long-well, o-ok, maybe, but it's not like-um…you see-"
Her chaotic thoughts were interrupted when she felt a gentle hand land on her shoulder. Phineas's compassionate eyes were filled with concern as he pulled himself around her, placing his free hand on the small of her back as he guided her towards the stone bench Ferb had been reading on only moments ago. Isabella felt her heart skip more than just a beat as her mind focused in on the warm sensation of Phineas's large, strong hand pressed against her backside. He gently sat her down on the bench and began patting her hand, as though she were some poor old senile woman caught in the midst of an episode.
Isabella didn't see what Phineas saw in that moment. She didn't notice how her face and neck had grown a stressed, reddish rash of a color, or how her entire body trembled meekly under her friends' quiet stare. Holding her hand in his, Phineas felt as though he were handling a delicate porcelain doll that had suffered one to many cracks and, with the slightest bit of pressure, would crumble into a million broken shards. He was used to this sort of ordeal from Adele, but not Isabella-no, not his strong, independent Isabella. She was the girl who climbed mountains and trekked across desert terrains, the woman that could stand in front of a giant monster without the slightest flinch and single handedly bring him to his demise.
Phineas could handle emotional break downs from Adele, or Candace, or even the rare incidents from Ferb, but as he stroked the soft skin of Isabella hand, he was at a loss for words. With everyone else, he could look at the tears and the blotchy skin and see past the enormity they had built up around their problems; he could always see the simple, rational solution, and with gentle encouragement ease his friends back from their state of panic. Watching Isabella slowly dissolve in front of him, however, was a different thing entirely. It brought him back to the helpless state of a child watching their parent cry, an uncomfortable sensation if he'd ever felt one.
"Isabella." The tender whisper broke through Isabella's small engrossment of his touch, causing her to blink at him with wild eyes. Her tensed muscles began to loosen at the sight of Phineas's restless face, "…what's wrong?"
She felt trapped in his stare, her heart beat pounding in her ears. At last Isabella gathered the strength to drag her eyes away from his and trail down towards her hand, still receiving the occasional loving pat from the extravagant inventor. Her delicate fingers gripped the cloth of her dress, and she watched as Phineas's hands warily withdrew from her touch. His concern turned quickly to confusion, blinking as Isabella drew herself up in a stiff stance of defense. There was a fire in her eyes that caught him off guard, and he began to wonder if he hadn't imagined the trembling women he'd been coddling just moments ago.
"Phineas." Isabella spoke with the commanding authority of the natural leader she had been born to be. She met his curious gaze and refused to bulk, pronouncing each word with careful deliberation, "I don't think you should marry Adele."
She had expected more surprise from him, or confusion, or perhaps even anger, but all Isabella saw was traces of fatigue suddenly draw themselves upon Phineas's young face as he sighed, looking away from her as he ran a hand through his fire-kissed hair.
"Isabella, look," Phineas tried to give her a patient smile, his voice straining to remain positive, but she could still see how his shoulders seemed weighted under some kind of unknown pressure, "It's nice that you guys are all worried about me, but you don't have to be, honestly. I know that you don't always see eye to eye with Adele, but she's a nice person, really she is. Sure, she yells sometimes, and she can get a little excessive when things don't go the way she hoped, and maybe I don't see all of you as much as I used to because she likes to plan a lot of dates for us, and maybe Perry growls at her now and then, and…"
In the midst of his rambling, Phineas paused, his brows burrowing together in an expression that came off as slightly baffled. He shook his triangular head, as though he should shake off the thoughts that slinked into his mind, "Wait, ok, I'm not helping. I really need to be a little more like Ferb…" Phineas turned his attention back to his friend, his eyes urgently craving her understanding, "The point is, even with all those bad things, Adele has a lot of good qualities. She's always there for me when I need her, and she always believes in me, and she really thinks I'll make a difference in the world-"
'Just like me.' The thought left a bitter taste in Isabella's mouth, and before she could stop it, detest laced words spewed out of her mouth, "Yeah, I know."
Phineas's mouth clamped shut just then, his eyes widening at her tone as his body instinctively leaned away. He watched her release the grip of her dress and sigh, jerking her head away from him.
"I know." Isabella repeated, her voice softening, "Adele…isn't a bad person. She can be really nice…that's not…that's not why I don't think you should marry her."
She could feel his eyes on her, scanning over each inch of her face as though she were some type of ancient code he was attempting to crack. Isabella knew that look-she had seen it many times as he poured himself over his blue prints, trying to diagnose why a certain mechanism failed to function properly. She could see it in her head clear as any summer's day; his mouth would be dipped ever so slightly into a frown, his red brows narrowed and forcing a thoughtful wrinkle to crease in the space between his eyes. His stare would flicker back and forth, trying to soak in every last detail until the picture was stained into his brained, and, if the problem was particularly tricky, he would begin nibbling the inner flesh of on his bottom lip.
Isabella normally found all of this ridiculously endearing, but found that the tables turned slightly when she was the subject of his scrutiny. She'd been focusing so intently on ignoring his stare, in fact, that she nearly jumped when she heard his voice, passive and cautious as he continued to absorb her.
"Well…then why don't you?"
The loud pounding began to drum in her ears again. Isabella felt all of the blood in her body suddenly rush to her head, a reminiscent sensation of spending too long in the suns beating glare without shade. Her body swayed, and for a split second Isabella was horrified that she may actually faint. She snapped her eyes closed and tried to focus on sitting upright, but could only seem to think about the colorful spots that suddenly blinked into her vision. Large and small they appeared, flicking like round, rainbow-infused stars, twinkling just for her pleasure.
Phineas could only stare as Isabella gritted her teeth to keep herself together. The situation unfurled itself in front of him like an equation of sorts, and he began to silently inject information where it was needed, like so many a+b=c formula's he had deliberated before. He gathered all that he knew of Isabella and Adele and how they interacted, then calculated how they in turn interacted with him individually and pluralized, and all he knew of life from first and second hand experience, and novels, and movies, and-
He stopped. A look of disbelief played with his features as his arms and legs began to go numb. It took Phineas a few moments to find his voice before he restated his question, the words quiet even to his own ears.
"Why don't you want me to marry Adele?"
Isabella opened her eyes into little slits, keeping her gaze firmly down casted. She licked her lips with every intention of speaking, but found the words caught in her throat, as tangible as small blocks jamming her gullet. Though she made a valiant attempt at swallowing them, they refused to go down, and so remained in their place, silencing her from any verbal communication.
"Isabella," Phineas pressed, his tone barely classified as an audible whisper, "Just say it."
The words had barely finished rolling off his tongue before he felt soft lips pushed against his, tender, and rough, and terrified, and imploring all at once. Familiar fingers were tangled in the untamed strands of his hair and digging into the fabric of his tuxedo, and then just as quickly as the lips had lunged on to him, they tried to retreat. Isabella had scarcely inched away when she felt Phineas crash his mouth into hers, her surprised mumble drowned against his lips. His hands gripped her too tight, and his mouth was pressed so firmly against hers that it hurt a little, but she melted against him regardless and allowed herself to indulge in every wonderful chemical of ecstasy her body released.
An eternity ticked by in mere seconds, and when the connection was broken, snapped by sudden gasp from Phineas, Isabella was left with a sensation so light she thought she was likely to float away. They remained close together, as though they were now tied by some invisible string, Phineas pouring his gaze down towards her.
"Isabella."
His voice was a whisper, but there was such intensity in the hushed pronunciation of her name that he might as well have screamed it across the lot. Isabella felt her eye lids droop, softening her gaze as she smiled up at him, apologetic but enthralled as his touch still tingled on her lips.
A smile twitched along the edges of Phineas's mouth before dropping at once. He shook his head slowly from side to side and gave a hard stare as he questioned her, his voice roughened as if it had been hiding in the back of his throat, "Why didn't you ever tell me before?"
"I thought-" Isabella paused and cleared her throat, her voice squeaking more than usual, "Uh, that is…I didn't know how you'd react, I didn't know if, you know, if you felt the same way."
He quirked an eye brow at her, and suddenly she felt like the one kid in class who answered '42' to the entirely wrong question, "I'm sorry, what?"
Isabella felt her cheeks flush out of embarrassment, and she immediately rose to her defense, "Well, you never acted like it!"
"I never…" Phineas seemed to be having trouble wrapping his head around her words as he recited them, then rattled his brain as he gripped a patch of his own hair, "What are you-but I-you never-I mean, come on Isabella, wasn't it obvious?"
"Obvious!" Isabella couldn't contain the shout as she baulked, gaining a fervent hush from Phineas as he glanced towards the door. The pair all but glared at one another in incredulity until Isabella took a deep breathe, crossing her arms as she gave him an even stare.
"Ok then, if you were so obvious, how come you never told me?"
He gave her another grimace as she appeared to miss a painfully large part of the picture, "Think about it. Why wouldn't I tell you?"
When she gave him no answer, Phineas let out a wounded up breath, and Isabella could swear she saw a blush start to creep into his cheeks as he spoke, "Ever since we were kids, you were adorable, and fun, and everyone liked you, and I was…I-I was shorter than you, ok? By a lot, and I tried to make these stupid shoes but they were kind of ridiculous and then there was the nutrition shake but Candace drank it and it made her a giant so obviously that was unstable. Then we got older and I started to out grow you, b-but my nose was big and my head was weird and so many other guys talked about you all the time and I thought we'd been friends for so long that the idea of us probably never even crossed your mind and I was OK with that but now you had to come along and just-just-just…!"
Isabella knew she probably looked a bit stupid as she sat slack jawed and saucer eyed, but every word she heard seemed more preposterous than the last. Phineas's cheeks were burning red as he rambled, and there was an odd insecurity etched into him that she had never known existed.
It was too much. Before he could continue, Isabella snapped at him, grabbing hold of his shoulders as she frowned up at him, "Phineas!"
He stopped, but her hold on him didn't ease up as she began to lecture him, her usually sweet voice stern as she spoke, "That is who you are, right? Phineas Flynn? 'Cause the one that I know is amazing and he knows it, and he would never let stupid things like height or noses stop him from doing anything!"
"I know." The pain of embarrassment was evident on his face as Phineas glimpsed to the ground, his typically happy expression contorted as he replied, "It's just different with you."
The two companions sat in silence then, unsure of where to go from such a stopping point. Isabella took a sudden interest in her lap as Phineas began to study the small sparkling flecks in the stone bench they sat upon. She dared a look in his direction and examined him, his shoulders hunched as if to protect himself and the stain on his cheeks still fading from view. Isabella couldn't fight the smile that began to extend upon her lips, and she leaned over to playfully nudge him with her shoulder.
"Hey." He looked up at her, his eyes open and questioning, and Isabella felt her own cheeks start to burn the lightest pink as she continued, "You know…I've always been kind of insecure about my eye brows…or, well, lack-there-of."
Phineas's own distinguishable eye brows rose in surprise, taking in her confession before he let a small grin break loose, his eyes giving off the slightest hint of a playful glimmer, "…yeah? Well, in that case, I guess we're even."
She punched him in the shoulder, and Phineas pretended to pretend that it didn't hurt. The pair silently sat next to one another, Isabella's fingers tentatively hooking his until it became a small game, their hands turning and twisting against one another's as one tried to catch the other, gently tracing the lines of their palms as they passed, much like a dance that was waltzed in secret. At first, Phineas looked down at the sweet play with fond eyes, but as their silent orchestra drew to a close, so did the soft light that had been glowing from his gaze. He wouldn't look at Isabella's curious face as he gently tugged his hand away, but instead focused his attention on the church in front of him. The building itself seemed to glower at him, towering over his lanky form as it hissed reality back into his world. It seemed to rasp to him that play time was for children, and he was a man well grown, with responsibilities to attend to. His family was awaiting his return; his guests were owed an apology, and his fiancé could be very well still be standing at the alter, staring at the open church door with mortified eyes.
"…you should have just told me before, Isabella." Phineas muttered under his breathe as he rose to his feet, his movements slow and struggled as though the air had become water and pushed against him with every step.
Isabella looked up at him, every part of her twisting together as she watched him stand, "Well, I…I did now."
"Yeah, now, when I'm about to legally bound myself to someone else until the day I die. Danville doesn't practice polygamy, you know."
Isabella hadn't seen Phineas angry very often during their long friendship, and she wouldn't have necessarily have said he was angry right in that moment, but his face was drawn closed with an emotional wall and every inch of him appeared tense. She remembered the pleasure of his lips touching hers and their hands intertwining, and she wasn't sure she could survive seeing him walk away now that she'd had a small taste of what could be.
"You still have a choice, though!" Phineas shot her a look of skepticism as she blurted out at him, desperately trying to clutch to the moment that had just shared, "You didn't say your vows, so you don't have to do anything, right?"
"I wasn't doing it because I had to, Isabella. I wanted to." As he mumbled the words, Phineas looked into the face of his long time friend, and instantly wished he hadn't. Her face slowly began to pale and her eyes tilted in a permanent display of wreckage, her little cracks finally breaking and falling into pieces before him. He wished that he had the means to put her back together, but as he began to conjure up a plan, Adele's words whispered to his mind.
'You can't fix this, Phineas.'
"No." The sound of his voice, sad and fruitless, was incoherent as he spoke, "No, I can't."
"What?" Isabella was trying, without much success, to inconspicuously wipe the moisture growing in her eyes as she tilted her head up at him. There was a child-like essence to her as she stared, the small, 10-year-old girl breaking through the woman she'd tried so hard to become. Though her adult mind insisted to accept the situation with quiet dignity, Isabella's young heart still screamed to be heard, begged and reached out as far as her little fingers could stretch towards her desires. There was still a small, faint little glimmer of hope in her infatuated dreams that Phineas would still turn around and run away with her, that he would forget Adele with the flip of a switch and simply engorge himself with being hers. They would leave the church and all who waited within it, and find a place far away that they could lay next to one another, dreaming of glorious adventures and wonders yet to be unlocked.
Phineas could see her, the little girl he used to spend his days with, her pink bow perched perkily atop her cute little head, and as he stared he could feel the 10-year-old boy inside of him start to stir. This was his Isabella, and she would always be his, and he didn't want to share her with anyone. The boy in him thought that maybe he could fix all of this after all; he could take the time machine and go back before he met Adele, and warn himself that a simple kiss was all it would take to be with Isabella instead. Just one kiss, and he could spend the rest of his days next to the girl he adored, and they could build together and laugh together and love together.
As tempting as the idea sounded, it was a child's solution, not a man's. He had given so much of his heart to Adele and in turn had taken pieces from her, they'd shared memories he didn't really want to forget, and to simply erase her from his past because he had a new opportunity presented to him just didn't seem fair.
'That, and there's that whole time space continuum thing…' Phineas mused to himself, rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced between the door and the bench.
He heard the small sound of a throat being cleared, and turned his attention back to Isabella. She'd straightened her shoulders and become a young adult again; an empty shell of hope.
"Well…?" She let her sentence trail off. There was no real need to finish it, the question on her tongue loomed over the two of them well enough as it was. Her moist eyes were conditioned to look collected, but Phineas could tell she was no longer truly looking at him. She'd distanced herself to a place where she could no longer be touched as a means to protect herself, and even as she met his eyes, she was looking past him, already preparing to accept rejection and begin picking up all of her broken pieces that would be left behind.
Phineas wasn't entirely sure that was how he wanted things to play out, though. Every molecule in his body was still buzzing from the delightful sensation of Isabella's kiss and the touch of her hand, and there was a large part of him that wanted nothing more than indulge in his own pleasure. He remembered Adele though, recalled the way she snuggled against his chest at night and would finally let her tense shoulders from the day ease down, as if all it took was being in his arms to be safe from everything. He remembered her smile, her laugh, and the way she would quietly admit all of her secrets to him when no one else was around. Phineas could almost feel her hand in his, holding on to him tightly as she looked up with those big, hopeful eyes, like he was her hero about to make everything right with the world.
"Well…" He began slowly, his expression a tattered mirror of his thoughts, "That-I mean…yeah, I…I need to go think."
Isabella stared at him with mixed emotions, an odd combination of shock and the slightest hint optimism evident in her blue eyes. The hope was quickly snuffed, however, before its flame could get too high.
'He's only going to think about it. That doesn't really mean anything yet.' She reminded herself, taking a deep breathe to calm her nerves.
With as much strength as she could muster, she gathered up a smile, praying that she didn't appear too eager as she nodded her head towards him, "Oh-um-yeah, no, that's cool. Think about it, if you want. I-uh-I think maybe I should head home though, since, well…"
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Phineas felt his muscles relax as he watched Isabella get up from the bench, silently thanking her for not pushing him towards a decision right away.
'Isabella would never do that.' He mused to himself as she awkwardly gathered her things, 'She's always just let me be me, in my own time…'
"Ok, well, I'll be home later if…I mean, I might be home later, but don't let that stop you from, you know, coming over if you want." As Isabella began a small ramble on whether or not he should call her or come over, or if she should plan on contacting him, Phineas felt a small smile gather on his lips. He probably shouldn't have, but it seemed that he just couldn't help it as he wrapped his arms around his friend and held her close to him, hugging her with all his might like they used to do as children.
"Thanks, Isabella."
Isabella didn't respond, but instead let herself melt into the embrace, a dopey smile on her face as returned his hug. When Phineas finally pulled away, they both gave a nervous chuckle and exchanged awkward grins before waving farewell, Isabella resisting the urge to glance back at him with every step away she took.
Phineas watched her pull out of the church's parking lot and drive off, giving her another small wave as she did so, before releasing a heavy sigh that had built up in his chest. He looked back towards the church with determination and marched through the door way with as much confidence as he could muster. With every step he took he weighed his options and tried to determine what would be best, for him and all others involved. He wanted desperately to talk things out with Ferb, or even his father, but when he passed by the alter room he noticed that things between his and Adele's family were still a bit heated. Angry mutters filled the room to the high ceilings, and he watched as the woman who was going to be his mother-in-law shot looks of daggers towards Candace, who in turn scowled at her as she sat low in her pew with arms crossed. His father and Jeremy still stood in the middle of the aisle, acting as a sort of human barrier between the two crowds, calming everyone down with sensible words whenever cross language was spat across the room.
He didn't see Adele, though. As much as he craned his neck to look through the doors small opening, his bride couldn't seem to be found anywhere within the room. Phineas gave a small breathe of relief; Adele was always easier to deal with when she wasn't in front of a large crowd. With only the slightest smidgen of guilt, he left his father and Jeremy to continue crowd control as he went on strolling down the church's hallway, taking slow, deliberate strides.
So many memories were filling Phineas's mind at that moment. He recalled days of sitting next to Adele in the schools cafeteria, long before they had started dating, and creating odd, funny doodles with her as a way to communicate. Then of course there was the history project they did together, where they had gone to the library to combine the data they had gathered from the top ten most historical buildings in Danville. They had stayed for hours getting their project ready, and when it was finally finished, the outside world had become pitch black and bitter cold. Phineas had insisted that the two of them make a game out of it, racing home as the running would keep them both warm. It had been working wonderfully, until Adele ran out of breathe and had to stop for a short break. Phineas, naturally, couldn't leave her alone, but he wasn't exactly keen on the idea of standing still in the cold, either. He convinced Adele to climb up on his back so they could continue piggy-back style, and hadn't thought much of how he could feel her heart pounding against him.
Phineas slowed to a stop in the hallway, a hand rising to rub the back of his neck, almost able to feel Adele's warm breathe from that night. That had been moment where, after only being a few blocks away from Adele's home, he had felt her lips place a tender kiss on his freezing ear. Time itself seemed to have stopped in that instant, and suddenly the wind didn't feel so cold anymore. With a blush that had looked adorable on her normally guarded face, Adele had explained to him that she had feelings for him deeper than friendship, and wanted them to be returned.
It wasn't as though he'd forgotten about Isabella; in truth, he hadn't at all. He still got strange tingles whenever she standing just a little too close to him, but in that moment with Adele, her heart being handed to him so openly, he suddenly thought that maybe there was something to that 'fate' theory his sister had always raved about so often. Maybe, just perhaps, there really was a designated person for each man and woman, and there was a possibility that Isabella was only meant to be his friend, and that Adele was meant to be his 'person'.
Phineas wasn't too sure about it at first, but as time went on, he began to believe that all the pieces had fallen into place. Adele included all that research had proven a girlfriend should be; she was kind to him, did certain things if only to please him, encouraged his dreams, and appealed to him physically to boot. She was difficult at times, but from what he'd studied on the subject of relationships, that was actually fairly common behavior from females. He wasn't sure why it was acceptable, but in every movie or novel he investigated, a woman was able to get away with even the most outrageous behavior, and was forgiven at the end of it all. The 'good' men that he had observed were portrayed as being patient and understanding even during the most frantic emotional outbreaks, and treated their female counterparts' erratic behavior lightly, almost like a small game they played privately amongst themselves.
As his thoughts dwelled on the subject, Phineas began to think of Isabella again. She had her moments to, he realized, that she would seem unnecessarily angry with a situation, and would choose odd ways of handling it. Yet it was different from Adele, it was somehow more controlled, more independent. He couldn't quite wrap his head around it.
Phineas sighed, grabbing a fistful of his red hair as he leaned against the wall in thought. Isabella had so many positive attributes, but even as he counted them off, he was still drawn back to his days with Adele, of the high emotional drive the two shared. He remembered days of loud laughter and quiet fighting, of hurt tears and long kisses.
His blue eyes fogged as he stared at the small, white glare of light on his dress shoes. There were so many moments in his past that belong to her, the petite French girl who had intertwined her life with his. Of all the recollections spinning out among his head though, there was one that he held on to extra tightly, and it made him wonder if he could truly ever leave Adele behind him.
He could close his eyes and be back to that weekend where Adele's parents had left town, and allowed their youngest daughter the privilege of staying home unsupervised. Phineas could still feel the nervous twist in his chest when he'd packed a small bag of clothes to take over to his girlfriends, and he never entirely got over the guilt of somewhat lying to his mother about where he'd be spending the night. It was wrong, he had known that, but the poor girl was scared to be home alone, and as her boyfriend it was his job to protect her. Or, in the very least, that's what he had told himself at the time.
What a weekend it had been. Adele had gone through so much trouble to cook a little dinner for the two of them, they had watched a movie, and overall had a cozy little evening, but she'd seemed to anxious the entire time. Phineas had a small hunch as to way, but he'd mainly discarded it, focusing instead on their pleasantries until the awkward elephant in the room could no longer be ignored. They were a romantic couple, alone in a home, and he would need a place to sleep for the night. So the question came to be; did he act as a gentleman and insist on the couch, or did he dare crawl into bed along side her?
Phineas had dared. The two of them had tried to act so casual about it, but flinched whenever they happened to bump a leg next to their partner, or touch a spot that was, mostly, unintentional under the covers. There was so much tension between the two of them, but Phineas couldn't help but think that it was exciting as well. He'd kissed her goodnight and was fine to leave it at that, but she'd given him another, and wrapped her arms around his neck, and suddenly he was on top of her and his thoughts had turned murky…but 'it' hadn't happened that night. They weren't prepared-they had no means of protection-and even though everything had felt so wonderful, the risk was too great. Still, they'd left the house at only an hour till midnight, and like the sleekest spies had made their way down to the store for soda pop that they suddenly had a craving for. They picked out their snacks, made their way around the store, and just happened to pass a certain aisle precisely dedicated to family planning.
There weren't many times when Phineas felt too young to do something, but buying his first means of sexual protection certainly borderland the sentiment. The couple could barely glance at each other as they made their way to the cashier, and when the old woman behind the counter finally rang up their items, Phineas could feel the shame burning in his cheeks.
Yet she hadn't even questioned his age, or given him a look of doubt as she had bagged his items and kindly sent him on his way. When Phineas and Adele had exited the store, they had finally looked at each other, and busted out into giggles. They'd raced to the car, and when they finally retuned back to Adele's house, the thick tension that had been in the bedroom before was hardly even noticeable, and they'd slept innocently and soundly together.
When he woke up the following morning, the room was bathed in soft early morning light, and beyond the window a spring shower cleansed the outside world. Phineas had only meant to give Adele a simple kiss good morning, but unlike the night before, something felt so right in that instant, so-as his girlfriend would have put it-perfect. Sure, it had also been awkward, and messy, and it took them a few tries to really understand how to go about it, but despite all of the embarrassing inexperience between them, it had been the most wonderful expression of love that Phineas had ever been apart of. The after-math had been just as splendid, with Adele's soft skin resting against his as she slept on his chest, the covers draping over her in such a way that it gave him a lovely view of her curves. In that moment, lying in bed with one of the most beautiful girls he'd ever known, tired but satisfied, he thought that life had never felt so good, so complete.
Phineas attempted to push down a growing lump in his throat as he thought about it all. Adele had been his first, and he'd been so ready to accept her as his last. In spite of everything, his terrible marriage pressures and Isabella's sudden love confession, he wanted nothing more in that instant than to go back to that morning, when his life had made sense.
'What do I do now?' Phineas desperately reached inside of himself, trying to pull an answer as he shoved his hands in his pockets and dragged his feet down the hall once more, 'What's the right thing?'
Long before he was ready, he was at the door he knew had been dedicating to the bride and maids. His long fingers wrapped around the door knob, but refused to turn it. Instead, his head resting against the door, eyes closed as his heart pounded. He strained his ears to ear any sort of noise, but found there was nothing; no sobs, no sniffles, not even the shuffle of movement within the room. Perhaps Adele wasn't in there, after all.
Phineas was wrong, of course; he opened the door to find his bride sprawled along a one armed lounge couch, her veil tossed aside to the ground and her shoes barely dangling from her feet. Her eyes were closed and strangely serene, her chest rising and falling slowly with the passing of seconds. Phineas felt his shoulders begin to relax as he stepped into the room and quietly shut the door behind him, grateful for his timing.
Adele's behavior may have always been a bit intense, but in the very least it had a solid pattern to it. She would get angry, she would weep, her chest would heave and there was a possibility of her picking up the closest thing in her reach and throwing it at the wall; but then, at the end of it, she would cry herself dry, and fall into an exhausted sleep. She was always at her most sensible at that point, after having emptied herself of all her wild emotions, and would normally apologize for her behavior at that stage of the game.
Now, crossing the room and crouching next to Adele's sleeping form, Phineas wondered if it should be him apologizing to her. Resting his hands on his bended knees, he was so lost in thought that he almost didn't notice Adele's eyes slowly begin to open, looking at him with an empty glaze as she met his stare.
"…hi." Phineas whispered softly, his expression daunted, but managing a smile of sorts all the same.
Adele said nothing, but continued to drill her ghost of a stare into him before pushing herself up into a sitting position. She began to smooth her hair as she spoke, flat-toned and numb, "Hi."
The pair sat in stale silence; Phineas still crouching low to the ground, Adele focusing her attention on minute details such as the wrinkles of her dress. Taking a deep breathe, the boy looked up at her, his brain working overtime to figure out what to say that could possibly make everything better.
"Adele, I-" Her look stopped him. There were still stains on her cheeks from where she'd been crying, and Phineas had never seen her eyes look quite so desolate before. He gathered up his strength and went on, his voice strained as he resisted the urge to wrap her in his arms, "…I-I'm sorry, Adele."
"Why?" There was no anger in her voice that he could detect, but then again, Adele's tone seemed to lack traces of any emotion at that point, "You did what you felt was right, didn't you?"
"I…" Phineas felt that darn lump in his throat again, and pushed it down, "I just couldn't leave her like that, Adele. She's my friend…you know…?"
"I know."
He felt as though a large boulder had plummeted on top of him. The way she had whispered her words, so hushed and delicate, made him feel as if she did know; know everything, in fact.
It took him a few moments to realize that she was patting a space on the couch next to her for him to sit. He obliged, but kept his eyes away from her, staring at his hands as his brain tried to process everything at once.
"I don't want-" Phineas stopped, not sure how to complete his sentence. His hands became fists and his thoughts were screaming at him to just say what it was that he wanted so desperately to say. The words were too unknown though, too frightening, and once he said them, he could never take them back.
"We can fix this." He offered meekly, his fists relaxing as he began to fiddle with his fingers, "I..I know we can, we just have to…h-have to…"
"Phineas." He paused as she spoke, and he could feel her eyes on him, but he didn't have the courage to meet them, "I told you before…you can't…we can't."
"Y-yes we can." Phineas felt his jaw set in place, shaking inside as he tried to remain composed, "There's a way to, there has to be. We could…we could talk to someone about it, or attend one of those seminars they have downtown, or-or we could just leave-get some fresh air-that could be all we need-I could make a plane-or a hot air balloon-or a train, whatever, and we could-we-we could…"
There was tightness in his chest as Phineas continued to scramble for ideas, lost and desperately clinging to the cracks in his foundation. His rambling ended in a mumble, indistinguishable words as his eyes spread flickered from one side to the next, looking for a solution and finding nothing.
Adele was quiet as he prattled on, and for a moment, a flicker of light glowed on her face, her tone cautious as she spoke, "Perhaps...we could…"
She stopped when Phineas finally glanced up to her, distressed and indecisive. Her heart lurched forward for a moment, and her hand instinctively went to cover her chest, as if she could somehow steady the pain.
Adele shook her head lightly and murmured, looking away from him, "Well…you know how time flies…yesterday our lives were perfect, but I have heard it said…that sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, and that's simply a fact we must accept…"
"No." Phineas stated firmly, his world quaking before him as she spoke. He grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him, the words spilling out of him even as his heart whispered that she right, "No, no, no! I promised you, I told you I wouldn't let you get hurt, I said that, and-and I won't! I won't do it! I'll make this all better and we can be happy, right? …right?"
"Phineas…" For a moment, it seemed as though Adele was going to break down, her hands covering her face as her body threatened to burst into tears once more. She had cried for so, so long now though. It felt as though she'd been crying for years, and now, all she wanted was rest.
"I-" She stopped herself. She wanted to tell him that she loved him so badly, wanted to let him take her in his arms and try to wave away all her problems, but in the end Adele knew that it was all only temporary. He could tell her that he loved her all he wanted, and he could make every promise in the world to her, but the fact still remained that she was second. Only second, forever second. Somehow, all of it just didn't seem fair, because he'd always been first to her, and he'd always told her that no one would ever come between them.
In that moment, Adele couldn't understand why she didn't hate Isabella. She wanted to, and she felt she was very justified to do so, but when it came right down to it, the emotion just wasn't there. Isabella had crashed in to her special day, the day where her happiness was about to be secured, and she'd pointed a finger and demanded that it all be taken away; but the raven haired girl wasn't the one who left her standing at the alter, family and friends staring, alone and crying. Isabella wasn't the one who ignored her begs to stay; she wasn't the one who broke her promise and then tried to act as if it could somehow be glued back together.
'Did you ever really love me? Even once?' She wanted to ask the question so badly it nearly made her tremble, but she stopped and collected herself. What did she need of empty answers anyhow; it had been shown to her already.
"Never mind." Adele spat the word just a bit too quickly, causing Phineas to flinch slightly in surprise. She evened her tone and continued, her eyes hazing over as she forced herself to lock her stare with that of the man she had once trusted above all others, "Don't worry about your promise, just…never mind. I'll find someone like you, and maybe they'll make me happy, so just-forget it. I'll be fine."
Phineas's expression stared at her like a blank, pale void. If she didn't know better, she would have thought his heart was breaking in front of her, but that couldn't be; after all, how could a heart break in her hands if she had never truly held it to begin with?
"Adele-" His voice was cracking, and it suddenly occurred to Adele that if he were to fall apart now in front of her, all would be lost. She'd give in and accept his false promises, and they'd be happy for a time, only to have him inevitably abandon her again.
Adele didn't think she could live through that pain, not again, not ever again.
She more or less jumped to her feet and pulled him up from the couch, coaxing-or pushing rather-Phineas out the door as she let her frantic voice fill the room, strained with the emotion she refused to let herself feel, "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's much I have to attend to, so you best be going."
Phineas tried to push against her, but found his body had gone numb and weak, and when he was pushed outside the door all he could do was gawk open-mouthed and red eyed at her, his pain barely contained under his control.
"No-" He rebuked meekly, reaching a hand towards her, but stopped when he saw her reach for the door and give him one last, hard look.
"I wish nothing but the best for you two, Phineas, just…don't forget me…ok?"
She was going to cry again, and Phineas was powerless to do anything about it. He tried to step forward, but as he did so she shut the door, causing him to fall against it as he called out her name in a last ditch effort. No matter how much he knocked, or tried to turn the now locked door knob, she wouldn't open the door, or even respond to his pleas. He must have said please a million times, but she didn't so much as squeak at him. It was as if she couldn't even hear him, as if he wasn't even there.
Finally, he did the unthinkable, and let his hand fall from the door. Stepping back, he stared at the door and realized he had no choice; he had to give up. There was nothing more he could do.
Phineas went for a long, quiet drive after that. He should have gone to his family first and let them know what had happened, but seeing their faces along with Adele's family seemed too much to bear at the moment. He sent his brother a message to relay back to everyone else, and apologized in advance. He was replied with only a simple "Ok", but somehow that was all he needed. His brother would take care of clean up matters with the guests, and Phineas would keep driving, and driving, until long after the sun had set.
He didn't have in real destination in mind, but somehow he ended up in front of his house. His new house. The one that he had spent all last week moving things into but hadn't even slept in yet, all because Adele wanted their first night in their new home to be together as husband and wife.
As Phineas pulled into the driveway, he couldn't help but curse himself for driving there, of all places in Danville.
He sat in his car for what seemed like an eternity before he finally stepped out and made his way to the front door. It was such a beautiful house. He'd spent so long looking for it along side Adele; for the old fashioned little porch and the quaint little balcony attached to the master bedroom, for the fireplace that they would sit beside late at night and read by the faint glow of flames.
Numbly, he unlocked the door, and carelessly dumped his coat on the floor as he walked in. Everything was all set up for the two of them; all the furniture had been moved and positioned just so, all items unpacked and placed; everything ready for Phineas and Adele to begin their new lives together.
He plopped himself down at the breakfast nook counter, trying to ignore the roses he had set up only this morning as they mocked him from their crystal vase. Phineas rested his head in his hands, and stared down at the black granite counter top beneath him.
None of this was right. He was supposed to enter this house with Adele bridal style in his arms as they would giggle and kiss, then fall down to the living room floor and never even make it to the bedroom for the start of their honeymoon.
This was all supposed to be a grand beginning; not an end.
Phineas was always a fairly compassionate boy, but he was a boy none-the-less, and had never felt comfortable with the idea of crying. His father and mother constantly insisted that it was a natural human response, but it had always seemed like more of a waste of time to him. All that effort spend crying could be spent trying to fix whatever was making one sad, that had always been his belief.
He couldn't fix this though. Never before had he struggled against accepting something so much. Sitting in his new home, alone and broken, he wondered where it had all gone so wrong, and without warning, he began to cry. It was soft at first, but it grew, until he was sobbing and gasping, his entire body seeming to shake under the pressure of it all, not even bothering to wipe the liquids from his face. Not once in his life had he cried so hard before, and it seemed as though no living human being had ever felt so much pain.
Unbeknownst to him though, as Phineas continued to cry into his hands, Adele was miles and miles away in a house across town, laying herself down to bed, and weeping and hurting alongside him.
It wasn't until hours later that mercy finally came and their bodies, at long last, broke down and fell into a deadened, dreamless sleep.
.
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Ok, so this took longer than a week.
It's 16-pages long though, so...at least there's that.
More song inspiration is maybe- maybe not- so obvious.
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