Chapter 2: Think of her

Han's POV

Han couldn't stop thinking about her. He was trying to fix the hyperdrive but she kept intruding his thoughts. Right now he should be on his way to pay Jabba but he couldn't leave without knowing she was okay. He tried to get her to her transport but it was too late, so he brought her with him. He had to save her. He cared for her. He loved her. He realized he loved her in Ord Mantell. He had loved her since the Death Star but couldn't admit it to himself.

When she got shot by that bounty hunter he felt like his whole world was falling into pieces right in front of him. When he saw her lying there, motionless, barely breathing he couldn't stop asking the gods why wasn't that him. That was supposed to be him.

He thanked the gods she had made it okay. When they got back to base he knew it was time to leave. It wasn't safe anymore. He would stay if he was the only one in danger. But now Leia was in danger too. He couldn't bear the thought of her getting hurt because of him.

In Ord Mantell he had promised Leia he would stay with the rebellion. And it was true he had decided to stay. But after what happened he needed to break that promise no matter how hard it was.

He could still remember that night on Ord Mantell when he almost kissed her. He would've kissed her if it wasn't for that bounty hunter who had impeccable sense of timing. He could still see the way she looked at him with those big brown eyes. She had never looked so beautiful.

Han wanted her, had wanted her since after the Death Star. I mean who could blame him? She was beautiful, smart, brave and infuriating. She drived him CRAZY. At first it was only lust, but lust quickly turned into something more… love.

He wished he would've left after the battle, so he wouldn't be hurting so badly now. After leaving this cave he was getting her back to base, then he could pay off his debt with Jabba, where he knew his death awaited. But it was the thought of never seeing her again, never getting the chance to tell her and show her how much he loved her that was killing him inside.

He started thinking about their fight in the south passage. Why couldn't she admit she loved him?

Like you can, answered his other part of the brain.

It was true. He couldn't tell her he loved her, but not because he didn't want to. He wanted to tell her how he felt but he was scared, he hadn't felt this way before. And what if she really didn't love him after all?

He wouldn't be able to live with that. Plus, admitting his feelings will make it harder for him to leave.

Since their return from Ord Mantell Han always started fighting with Leia, he thought making her hate him would make it easier to leave, but it didn't. Her hate only brought an unfamiliar and almost unbearable pain to his chest.

But if it doesn't make it easier for me at least it will for her. He thought sadly.

Suddenly out of nowhere he remembered the kiss Leia gave Luke. The thought brought an ache to his chest. She had hurt him badly, the worst way she could. He knew he made her angry, he actually loved to see her all riled up, she looked so beautiful. But he never expected her to kiss Luke. Han loved the kid like a brother but seeing the smile on his face after Leia kissed him… made Han want to punch him, just wipe that stupid smirk off his face! But he couldn't blame the kid for having a crush on the princess.

Han always wondered if Leia loved Luke. Just the bare thought…

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to clear his thoughts. He wondered how long he had been here.

He opened his eyes and looked at the chrono. He'd been back here for almost an hour!

He needed to shut down the ship now, so he started making his way back to the cockpit.

To be continued…

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review if you can ;) xx