"Bullshit."
"Raph! You're in the presence of a lady!"
"What's bullshit, Raphie?"
"Mikey!"
"What?"
"…"
"He didn't deserve her, Mikey. She should have just kicked him out already."
"This is why I can't bring you guys anywhere."
"I disagree, Raph. He proved that he loved her and wanted to be with her."
"Shuttup, Brainiac, he messed up. She deserves better."
"So you're saying that no one deserves to get a second chance?"
"That's not what Raph's saying, Don. He made a choice and when it turns out bad, he came running back, not caring how much he hurt her. That is unacceptable."
"But, guys! She forgave him! And he was sorry. And they were great together."
"Ever the romantic, Mikey."
"It was her first kiss! She gave her first kiss to a jerk!"
"Calm down, Raphael. Put the sai away."
"I know how to settle this. April!"
"Where'd she go?
"Getting more popcorn, I think."
"APRIL!"
"Yeah?"
"Whaddya think? Was he a douchebag or not?"
"Way to phrase it, Raphie."
"I think he made a mistake, recognized it and changed."
"…"
"…"
"Good thing you have us for when you get your first kiss."
"Guys… I-"
"Like she'll get her first kiss anytime soon. She has to be at least forty-five. She's way young."
"Listen, guys… I've already-"
"And if he hurts her, he dies."
"If he makes her cry, we'll make him cry."
"That's nice, but-"
"And no hippy long hair or dreadlocks. I reserve the right to tie whatever hair that's too long to the Battleshell and drag him down the highway 'till it comes off."
"He should wear a suit. Or at least own one. And have a good job, ya know? So he can support her."
"And us."
"And he has to like children! I wanna be uncle Mikey soon!"
"Enough! Guys!"
"What?"
"I've already had my first kiss! I've had plenty!"
"You've.. already.."
"Name?"
"No! It was my decision and it was fine as far as first kisses go!"
"April, you are too young and infatuated by the thrill of first love to understand this, but these guys are all scum. Now, give me a name."
"No. It happened when I was thirteen and I am older than all of you!"
"… You were thirteen? We've failed. My brothers, we have failed to protect her from the horrors of the real world."
"I hadn't even met you guys back then!"
"Doesn't matter. I'm going to need a list of names of every person who's ever taken advantage of you."
"Absolutely not. I can take care of myself, Leonardo."
"Sure, Ape, but you know, if you don't give us a list, we're gonna find and interrogate every man you've ever interacted with."
"You're exaggerating, Mikey, I am fine! And don't you dare, Donnie!"
"Just let us take care of it. We'll find you a suitable man that you can marry. When you're old enough."
"It's none of your business, Raph."
"Or she could become a nun."
"Oh yeah!"
"Great idea, Leo!"
"Brilliant!"
"… NO!"