Author's Note: So this is the next chappie of Dealing With It…sorry it didn't come earlier. I had to force myself to do this because I've been depressed that summer break is ending. So enjoy. Dunno if it'll be good though. I'll have to see for myself how it turns out.
Warning: BoyxBoy! Yaoi! A bit of lemon and lots of cursing and some violence. I promise there will be a lot of lemon later! I'll do my best! My characters will probably be OOC!
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or its characters! I only own this plotline!
Dealing With It
Chapter 2
Eight years ago…
- (Ichigo's point of view) -
I peeked out the window as a car door slammed shut. Yes! It was Rei nii-chan! He came home from his college, where Mom and Dad told me he had to live away. But they said he could leave there for now because it was summer break. And I could see him again after a whole year!
I watched in fascination as his hair shimmered in the sunlight. He had grown it out in the time that he wasn't at home. Even his pale skin shimmered in the light. He was always so pale. I remember that one time where we went to the beach together with Kai nii-chan and Shiro nii-chan and I had become so tan that when I came home, Mom thought it was dirt and scrubbed me until my skin was raw. I couldn't really do anything to struggle then because I had only been four. My lips pursed as I recalled that painful memory.
I stared at my oldest brother, faintly aware in the back of my head that I was hiding and peeking through the curtains to look at him as if I were one of those stupid girls that did the same to me at school. But, he was beautiful, the most fragile yet the strongest person I had ever known. I had felt that big hands of his on my body, in my hand when he had played with me. But it was all brotherly. He only played with me and stayed with me and laughed and smiled with me because I was his younger brother. But I wanted more. I wanted him to touch me in other places, places that felt weird when he touched me on the head, or held my hand. I had felt like this ever since Kengetsu, my friend, had showed me some of the porn movies he had stashed in his room.
The girl had writhed under an older man's touch, moaning and whimpering desperately as he teased her. His lips had trailed over her skin, catching softly on the tips of her breasts, making her pant. He had trailed down her stomach, his lips and tongue circling her navel and went down further. He reached her opening and had licked along the slit and dipped his tongue in. He twirled his tongue around and thrust it into her. As she writhed and screamed in ecstasy, he had slipped a finger into her and then two, and began to thrust them in and out at a steady and rapid pace. Each time he pulled his fingers out, they were covered in a milky liquid. He did this until her whole body convulsed and she screamed that loudest she had so far. Then, he had covered his cock in lube and proceeded to thrust himself into her until she was screaming again. At the end, they came together, and called out.
That night, I did not dream about the two. Instead, I had seen myself in the place of the girl and Rei nii-chan as the man. He had licked me, kissed me, and touched me everywhere. He had thrust into me until I was full of pleasure and we had both came, crying out each other's name. I had woken up sweating and my thing had been hard for the very first time. Kengetsu had told me what to do during those times, as he knew since he was three years older than me. I had gone into the bathroom and hesitantly touched myself, following what Ken had told me. I had slowly stroked myself with my right hand, clenching my fist to create more friction. My other hand had trailed up my chest pinching my nipples as I had seen in the video. My breath had quickened and I had collapsed on the small rug on the tiled floor as I curled over my erection and the hand stroking it. My hand had gone faster and faster, more erratic until I had finally come. I had stared in fascination in the liquid that had coated my fingers and has licked it off until my hand was clean. Since then, I had done the same thing every time I woke up from an indecent dream with me and Rei nii-chan.
I moved slightly as I came out of my reverie and winced as a tinge of pain shot through my body. And it brought up what had just happened yesterday when I went to the park alone. The older boys in the school, which weren't hard to find because all of them were taller than me, had surrounded me. I thought back to what had happened.
"You stupid ass brat." One of them snarled at me, he was probably the ring leader, seeing that he was standing in front. "You always look so disgusting. Like you're not a guy but not a girl either. Do ya even have any balls down there?" at this point, the guy reached forward and groped my crotch. I had been so startled that I jumped back and landed against this wall.
"My god," the guy drawled, "it seems like this kid actually has something down there. It felt tiny though. You wanna strip him to check how small he is?" The last statement was directed at his cronies. At this, identical sneers had crossed all their faces, and I knew that I had no way out. Still, I had punched and kicked and bitten and scratched for all I was worth and had received punches all over, except for my face. The leader actually had some brains, saying that the school would find out if there were bruises on my face. And so, I was stripped until I had nothing on except my knee socks, which looked ridiculous against my stark naked body. After the hits had rendered me unable to fight, I had curled up into a small ball like those cats I had seen them tormenting.
They had aimed some more kicks at my stomach, not being able to reach my crotch as they wished because of my curling up. They grew bored after I stopped resisting and just lay there limply because all my nerves screamed with pain. They wandered away after the big fat ugly leader announced that he was bored and that they should find other toys to play with.
As they walked away, one of the underdogs had aimed another kick at me and snarled, "We'll be back." Then, he had scuttled off as his boss called to him, completely ruining his efforts at acting cool. I had picked myself up and slowly dragged myself home, climbing up the stairs to my room before collapsing on my bed. Like always, Mom and Dad never noticed anything; they were too wrapped up with themselves and acting all like a newlywed couple even though they had been married for twenty years already.
I had been standing at the window for almost fifteen minutes already, just thinking about yesterday's events. With a jolt, I realized that there was no way that I could meet Rei nii-chan like this, not without getting in trouble, both for me and the bullies. Knowing this, I quickly devised a plan that would prevent me from having to see him face to face. Immediately, I ran into Kai's and Shiro's room to ask if I could borrow their cell, I always did when I needed to call my friends since I didn't have a cell of my own.
Once I had the Shiro's phone in my grasp and was safely holed up in my room, I flipped the phone open and rapidly dialed the number of my best friend, Kengetsu. With a minute of hurried conversation, I finalized my plans and set it in stone. Satisfied, I flipped the phone closed and ran to my closet to grab the duffel bag I used for emergencies like this. Shoving my school uniform, three pairs of pants and shorts, four shirts, and enough boxers for a week into the bag, I quickly zipped it closed. Once that was done, I grabbed a notebook from my desk and ripped a piece of paper from it to write a hurried note that I was going to be at a friend's house. I shoved the notebook in my school bag, set the cell next to the paper, and climbed out of the window.
I had done this many times before and I could easily jump from a fourth floor window without breaking my legs or sustaining any severe injury so the two story drop was no big deal. I dropped the bag first and landed next to in on the grass with a muffled thump. Before walking around the house towards the front, I peeked around the house to check if Rei nii-chan was still there; he had already went inside the house and the luggage seemed to have gone with him, which meant that he wasn't going to come out anytime soon.
Quickly, I ran towards Kengetsu's house as fast as I could with my hurting body.
- (Rei's point of view) -
I half listened as Father blathered on and on about some random thing happening in the clinic. All I wanted to do right now was run off towards Ichigo's room and hug him and play with him again. However, my self control wouldn't let me do that so I was subjected to the torture of listening to him drone on and on, not even noticing let alone caring that I just didn't want to hear it! We finally reached Ichigo's room and he left.
"Ichigo, it's me, Rei." I knocked on the door and listened for some sort of response. When only silence followed, I frowned, unless he was asleep, he usually responded, whether to tell the person to fuck off or to get his ass in there. As I prepared to knock again, Shiro came down the hall, yelling,
"Oi, Ichi! I need my phone back now! You said you only needed it for a few minutes." My younger brother spotted me and looked mildly surprised. "I thought you weren't coming back until tomorrow?" I shrugged, and decided to open the door. And so, the door opened to an empty room. I stepped inside the room, which looked like a hurricane had passed through. There were clothes thrown around on the floor and the bed and even on the bookshelf. The window was open to its fullest extent and there were a few pens on the floor.
"Looks like someone was in a hurry to leave." Shiro whistled, "I mean, he even jumped out the window rather than going out the door." He walked over to the desk and took his phone and read the note. "Seems like he went to his friend's house, though he didn't say which. And I'd have thought that he would have at least said hi to you. He was so hyped up all week when he heard that you were coming back."
I felt my eyebrows furrow. What had happened to make Ichigo leave in such a rush? He had been excited to see me apparently, but then he left without even saying hi to me. Wait, was he avoiding me? Why? Had I done something wrong? I turned and left the room abruptly, my body going into auto-mode, steering me to my room. I didn't come out of my daze until I felt myself flop onto my bed. My mind was racing; did he hate me now for something I had done? I felt my heart and lungs constrict and I doubled over, curling into a ball to try to ease the pain. I couldn't stand the idea of Ichigo hating me.
He was the one I loved, more than as a family member, more than as a younger brother. I wanted to touch him in ways I couldn't as a brother and to protect him from all harm as a lover, not as an older brother. But I couldn't do that, because it went against the rules of propriety. He would hate me and find me disgusting if he ever found out that I loved him as more than a brother. Was that why he had been in so much of a rush to leave the house without meeting me? Had he somehow found out? No, that was impossible. I had hidden my true feelings too well. So, as long as I could stay by his side, it didn't matter to me if I was just a brother he could depend on to him. Because as long as he felt like he could depend on me and did, I would be happy. So I would just seal these feelings away, with conflict inside. I wanted to forget these feelings so I could be just a brother, but I knew that if I did, I would never find someone I loved as much as Ichigo.
- (Ichigo's point of view) -
I curled up on the bed, pulling the rumpled bedcovers closer to myself as I shivered. I had been placed in the spare room of Kengetsu's house, which I was already used to from my many visits but I could never stand how big it was. Of course, anything in Kengetsu's house had to be big and fancy because he was rich. So I just dealt with it since this was a good place to sleep when I didn't want to stay in my own house. Also, it was pretty funny when Ken pulled out his porn mags I fell into a slight doze, living in a dream that started out harmless enough.
I laughed and ran when Kei nii-chan announced that we were going to play tag. We were in the forest next to the park and I ran until I reached a clearing. The footsteps behind me had disappeared so I took the chance to stop and rest. I climbed up the sakura tree that was in the clearing and didn't stop until I had reached as high as I could go. I sat myself comfortably on a branch and wiggled a bit when a small branch poked my back. I had a nice view up here and I surveyed the clearing below. I had climbed pretty high up so I could see a bit in the surrounding area. Not seeing Rei nii-chan anywhere, I settled down to wait.
"Oi, Ichi. Wake up." I heard Rei nii-chan's voice above me. I was surrounded by something warm and I didn't want to get up yet. However, hands shook me so I reluctantly opened my eyes. And was startled when I saw Rei nii-chan's face above mine. He had a worried look on his face and was holding me gently. I realized that I was lying on his lap and that was why I had felt so warm. Blushing, I moved to scramble off of him but my limbs gave out when waves of pain beat through my brain. Rei nii-chan caught me, and slowly pulled me back towards his body, trying not to jolt me with sudden movements. He cradled me, his strong calloused fingers moving softly over the back of my head as I lay there wanting to stay in that position for as long as I could.
"I found you on the ground below this tree." Rei nii-chan said softly, "I thought you were dead." His voice hitched slightly and he hugged me tighter. My hand grasped at his arm feebly as I said, "I'm fine, Rei nii-chan. I probably just fell out of the tree when I fell asleep and –" My voice hitched and disappeared as I felt Rei nii-chan's lips brush softly over my fore head. They traveled lower and finally, he kissed my lips, slowly slipping his tongue into my mouth and began to explore my mouth. I hesitantly put my tongue out to, trying to do the same things he did. He seemed to like it, because his kiss grew deeper and fiercer. After a while, he finally broke away, the both of us gasping for breath.
"Rei nii-chan?" I asked hesitantly, "Why did you do that?" I watched as he swallowed and prepared to answer.
"Ichigo," he said, "I lo –"
I woke up, gasping for breath, as I was jolted from the dream by a door slamming open. I slowly sat up, preparing to kill the person who had ruined the best dream I had ever had. Unfortunately for the person at the other end, I was seething. I saw that I was a maid and that she looked excited. She opened her mouth to say something, but before anything came out, I was screaming,
"Who the hell do you think you are, disturbing my sleep?" I yelled, making the girl flinch. "Do you know how damn hard it is for me to get a good sleep? This was the best rest I could have had in a few months if you had not bothered me!" I had to stop for breath. As I did, I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. What I saw just spurred on my rage. "You should know that it's the goddamned middle of the night? Did you even think about the fact that I would want to have a peaceful rest at a friggin' two o' clock in the morning? What the hell's your problem?" The girl didn't say anything, just cowered. I growled, "You woke me up and I'm extremely pissed off right now. Now tell me what the hell you had to wake me up for!"
The girl replied haltingly, "There is a visitor for you. He said it's urgent." I waved her away.
"Tell him to come back in a few hours. I'm going to sleep." I replied as I lay back down on the bed…and shot back up as I heard Rei nii-chan's voice.
"It really is urgent, Ichigo," he said, and addressed the maid, "Could you please leave? This is something that's a bit private." The chit nodded, blushing and beaming at my brother. Hidden beneath my blankets, my hands balled into fists as I longed to either punch that look off her face or to throttle the life out of her. Before I could do either, she left, bowing and scraping towards my brother. Sighing, he turned to face me and asked, "Was it really necessary to yell at her? She was near tears." I scowled and shot back, "She looked perfectly fine when she was leaving. Now tell me what you want so I can go back to sleep."
"I-I don't know how to say this, Ichi." He muttered, "it's hard." I looked closely at him and noticed that there were dark circles around his eyes and that they were slightly red-rimmed.
I could feel the apprehension and dread growing inside me and finally let the panic show after the silence dragged on too long. "What?" I demanded, afraid of what was coming next. And there was a reason to be; what came next shook my world.
"Mom and Dad are dead. Kai's in the hospital undergoing surgery right now." I felt my face go blank before a weak smile crossed my face. "Y-you're not serious, ri-right? I-it's all a joke, right? I-I mean, any second they'll pop through the door and start laughing at my reaction, right? RIGHT?!" my voice steadily rose from a whisper until I was screaming hysterically at the end. Rei nii-chan reached a hand out to me.
"Ichi…" he said hesitantly, "I –"
"NOOO! TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE TELL ME IT'S JUST A JOKE! THAT IT'S JUST A JOKE YOU GUYS COOKED UP TO PUNISH ME FOR LEAVING THE HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING YOU?!" I was crying now, weeping as I screamed. My voice cracked, "I-it can't be true…right?" I felt myself whispering. I looked up and saw Rei nii-chan's face twisted in pain.
"I'm sorry Ichi." He whispered, "It's all true. They – Mom, Dad, Kai, and Shiro – went out to look for you and I stayed home in case you came back. it was dark and it was raining too. Another car came at them, and they had no chance to get out of the way. Mom and Dad are dead. Kai and Shiro are alive, but Kai's in the operating room because he got a huge wound on his head. Shiro called me and told me that the last number that his phone had called was to this house. So I came over to look for you and tell you the news." Rei nii-chan's voice was halting and full of pain. I knew then that this was no trick. He would never lie about something like this. In fact, he had never told me a lie before.
Mom and Dad were dead. And Kai nii-chan might be dying this very instant. Shiro was fine at least. But Mom and Dad are dead. And it's all my fault. If only I hadn't left the house without telling them. If only I had told them where I was going. If only I hadn't tried to avoid Rei nii-chan. Yes, it was all my fault. And it all started because of those bullies. It was all because they had covered me with bruises so I couldn't show that to Rei nii-chan and everyone else. It was all because I had these disgusting feelings that weren't proper. It was that that had caused me to avoid Rei nii-chan and not tell everyone where I was going. It was all because I looked too girly. I shouldn't exist. If I had never existed in the first place, then Mom and Dad wouldn't be dead. Then Kai nii-chan wouldn't be hurt. If only I hadn't been born. Strong and firm hands gripped m arms and I was shaken fiercely. Numbly I looked up into Rei nii-chan's eyes. He looked upset, furious even.
"Don't you dare say that you shouldn't exist!" he yelled, "It's not your fault, Ichigo!" I stared back at him blankly. I hadn't realized that I had started muttering aloud. My eyes flickered briefly as I thanked the fates for not saying anything before that aloud. As quickly as my emotions had shown, they became blank again.
It was all because of these disgusting feelings that had caused all this to happen. If these feelings didn't exist, then I would not cause any more pain to anyone. So, carefully, and tightly, I sealed away these feelings…all of them: the happy ones, the mean ones, the sad ones, the painful ones, the disgusting ones – all of them. I did what I should have done a long time ago. I threw away my feelings.
Slowly, I pushed Rei nii-chan away. I had never fully used my strength before, because before I had been afraid of hurting the others around me. Now, I no longer cared. My sudden strength took Rei-nii by surprise and he stumbled backwards. I walked towards the door and left the room. I could hear Rei-nii following me and calling my name. I reached the front doors and I felt Rei-nii grab my shoulder. Without saying anything, I pushed him hard enough for him to crash into the wall next to the doors.
I turned around and walked out the doors into the inky black darkness…
- (Rei's point of view) -
I watched as Ichigo disappeared into the night. I had known about his abnormal strength but he had never used it until this point. In the bedroom, I had some unknown emotion flicker in his eyes though it had disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. He had seemed to be struggling with something inside, but then, something in his eyes had died and his eyes had gone curiously blank…like they were the eyes of a dead person.
I stared outside even though Ichigo had long disappeared. I had vowed to protect him from anyone, from anything. But how was I supposed to protect him from harm when he himself was doing the harm and had no interest in stopping? His eyes had looked like they had lost all emotion, so now he was the husk of the person he had used to be. How was I supposed to bring a dead person back to life? Numbly, my feet carried me outside, automatically following the path that would take me home. As I walked, I wondered,
What was I going to do now?
Author's Note: There it is…sorry I took so long to update. The plot bunnies for this story went MIA for about a week, and then I officially became a high schooler, and there was so much work, and-and-and…ahem. So, there's the new chappie and don't kill me if you don't like it! It was my hands that did it! **smacks her own hands** Please review so I can know what you thought of it. Also, I'm probably gonna do a one-shot sometime in the near future, so keep an eye out for it. BAI BAI FOR NOW! HUGGLES TO ALL!