They barely exchanged a couple of sentences on their way back. Paul liked to talk; he was interested in the conversation because he thought it was a good way to discover what was behind the behavior of some people. But he also appreciated silence, and at that moment neither of them seemed uncomfortable with the lack of communication.
He had no intention of pressuring Andy. Since the incident with the Saviors his attitude had changed radically, and had become more reserved and thoughtful. He didn't blame him. Andy had always been very collaborative; he didn't think twice when he volunteered to be one of those transporting half of the provisions that now belonged to the Saviors. But what happened that night had affected them in a very different way.
He knew that Andy, like many other inhabitants of Hilltop, was not satisfied with the agreement Gregory had reached with Negan. But he, and the rest of them, understood why he did it, and they had accepted it very aware that at the time there was no way they could fight back.
Nobody doubted that Gregory was simply trying to safeguard the welfare of the community. However, they felt that he had yielded too quickly in the negotiations and now they had to work twice as hard to subsist at the same time they fulfilled the unjust debt they had acquired.
Paul was not pleased with the deal either. He had always thought that Gregory had opted for the easiest and cowardly settlement. He hated to see his people break their backs to obey the demands of a sociopath who extorted them as if they were scum. Paul also wanted the peace and security for Hilltop, but not at any price. He worried that, in light of recent events, their new friendship with Alexandria would complicate things for them. He felt, in the depths of his being, that the calm, reigning in that moment was temporary, and that sooner or later they would have to confront issues for which they were not at all prepared. Paul knew it, and Andy did too.
He took a glimpse of his traveling companion. Andy rested his head on the window and looked ahead absorbed by his own thoughts.
"There is a town in the north," Paul said, breaking the silence. "It's fairly large. I haven't wasted much time looking around because there's nobody left, but it might be interesting to look for supplies. Maybe we'll get lucky and find something, like a new sweatshirt for Eduardo? That red one he's always wearing is going to start walking on it's own soon..."
Andy curled the corner of his mouth silently thanking his friend's attempt to lift his spirits.
"We should go back home. We're too tired to spend another night out here."
"Andy" Paul said with a quiet voice "I'm worried too, but I'm trying not to think about events that are still out of ours hands"
"I thought you always were ahead of everything"
"What do you mean?"
"You are always on alert."
"That's not true."
"Yes it is, and you know it; it must be exhausting. The truth is, I actually admire your ability to remain calm despite whatever's going on, or at least to pretend that nothing affects you. Everyone feels safe when you're around. They trust you. And sometimes it seems unfair, because I have the feeling that you care about people more than they care about you."
"Andy–"
"I don't mean they don't really care, it's pretty obvious that you are one of the most beloved members of the community. But they put you on such a high pedestal that sometimes, I'm sure, they think you're immortal or something like that" he laughed slightly, then his face showed a deep uneasiness "They have become very dependent, and that's a big problem. I can't imagine what would become of them if anything happened to you one day."
"We will be fine."
"They will discover we were there, and that Gregory's still alive–"
"Andy… Nothing will happen" Paul interrupted him firmly "Now we know what to expect from them, and the Hilltop walls are strong–"
"Yes, and they are also made of wood."
"You're a real doomsdayer, you know that?" He asked mockingly and then gave him a reassuring smile "Look, I appreciate your words, but I want you to know that I don't do what I do expecting something in return. I need that freedom; I don't want to tie myself down to anything. I'm not even scared of loneliness. I enjoy the runs and I learn a lot about the world we've left behind, and about the people that still remain here, with us." He paused briefly. "That doesn't mean I don't enjoy good company; I like people. I like to talk, making conversation... It's like two sides of the same coin. It's not all black and white, right? But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that I don't expect a reward of any kind, Andy."
"That's bullshit. We all like to know there's someone willing to do anything for us. Even Paul "Jesus" Monroe has someone waiting for him."
Paul smiled.
"I'll rest for a couple of days," He said changing the subject pointedly "then I'll go to that town to see what I can find, if you want to join me."
"I'll think about it."
They didn't talk much during the rest of the trip. They had driven for much of the afternoon, and the sun was already seeking a shelter behind the mountains, tinting the few clouds that crossed the horizon with oranges and purples.
It didn't take them long to see the high wooden walls appear among the trees surrounding their home. They left the high road and drove down the muddy road that led them to the main entrance.
"You see that?" Paul said suddenly. Andy stared at him absently. "There's no one on lookout."
"What?" Andy leaned forward to get a better look.
Paul stopped the car a few meters from the entrance and got out, followed by Andy. They walked slowly, scanning the area carefully in case they saw or noticed anything out of the ordinary. But just the hum of the birds could be heard and that was what disturbed Paul the most.
They were a few steps from the huge steel doors when Kal appeared above their heads.
"Why is no one on watch?" Paul asked somewhat irritated.
Kal disappeared again behind the high wooden poles with no answer. Paul and Andy looked at each other puzzled. Then they heard a click and with a high-pitched whine the doors started to move.
"Take charge of the car" Paul said.
Andy obeyed walking away, and Paul waited until he saw Kal appear at the other side.
"What's going on?" He asked approaching him quickly.
Kal stepped aside and made a gesture towards the RV that was parked in the road leading to the big mansion.
Paul felt a twinge in his stomach. It was obvious that something was wrong.
"Apparently the Saviors ambushed them" Kal explained as they walked together "They killed one and–"
"Who?" Paul asked, stopping abruptly.
"The Korean guy, the husband of the pregnant girl. She's in the hospital trailer, she's sick, they think it may be a problem with the baby…"
"Fuck…"
"And then that other guy, the one with the vest with the wings? He was shot in the shoulder. He didn't look good…"
Paul tried to process the information with the serenity that characterized him, but the truth was that deep inside there was an icy chill running all over his body.
Andy joined them with a confused look.
"Who else is here?" The scout kept asking.
"I'm not really sure. Everything became a bit chaotic as soon as they arrived. Some went with the injured, the rest… I don't know. Their leader–"
"Rick."
"Yes, that's it, Rick. He's in the house, I don't know if someone else is in there, but you should go, Jesus, that man is not in the right state to talk to someone like Gregory."
Paul left Andy and Kal behind, and strode firmly to Barrington House. From the great hall he could hear footsteps on the floor above, however it was the deaf echoes of voices coming from the main office what really caught his attention.
"That's all I can do for now" Gregory was saying when he entered the room, not bothering to knock.
Everyone turned to look at him. Gregory was standing by the window, behind the wooden desk. Rick sat in a chair opposite him. His pale skin looked ill and he had red lines under his eyes framing a completely blank stare.
Paul noticed a movement to his right; he saw Michonne was sitting in one of the armchairs decorating the center of the room. She didn't look much better than his partner, but he was glad to see her there. Otherwise he was sure that Rick would not have taken any guff from his self-appointed boss.
"Jesus! Thank God you're back. As you can see–"
"Yeah," he interrupted, "Kal has already tried to explain what happened."
"A tragedy" Gregory pointed.
Rick fixed his eyes on the floor as Michonne let out a sigh, revealing that she was still processing what had happened.
"As I was telling them before you came–"
"Gregory, I'd like to talk to them in private," Paul said, cutting off the gray-haired man for the second time.
Gregory made an exaggerated gesture with his head, as if he hadn't heard him clearly.
"Are you kicking me out of my office?"
"No, I'm not. I'm asking you kindly to give me a moment with them."
"Yeah, sure… anyway, it doesn't matter" He said, waving a hand in the air and then placing it on his belly. "I'm tired, I'm still having a hard time moving around, you know… either way, I'd like to talk to you when you're done here. I'll be in my room."
"I'm sorry," Paul said as soon as they were alone.
Rick lowered his head dejectedly, and moved it from side to side expressing a pain he was not yet able to understand. Michonne rose quickly and squatted beside him resting her hands on the pale cheeks of her friend and lover.
"It's my fault, it's my fault…"
He repeated again and again.
"Rick, listen to me, this situation has completely gotten out of hand. No one is to blame here, there's just a lot of ignorance on our part. We were wrong, that's true, but we all agreed to this."
Michonne fixed here black eyes into Paul's looking for some help. He pulled up a chair for Michonne to sit down and then he bent in the same place she was before.
"Rick, blaming yourself for what happened is a waste of time. This is how their group works; this community has been under their belt since the beginning. If not now, it would have happened eventually, they would have found you and the result would have been the same. It's the way they do things. They're the only ones to blame here."
"Remember they captured a member of this community, and they sent someone to kill Gregory, and they were also willing to kill Sasha, Abraham and Daryl," Michonne added, laying a hand on his knee. "They probably knew about us already. We took action first, took advantage–"
"And how did that help us?" Rick interrupted quietly.
Paul and Michonne shared a look.
"I think it's best if we leave this conversation for another time" Paul said "It's been a difficult night and you all need to rest."
"No" Rick said firmly. "We need to return to Alexandria. Tell them what happened, make sure they're all okay."
"He should wait" Michonne said.
"We must go back."
Paul stood up.
"No, you're not going anywhere, not now. Give you a break, if only for a few hours. Then, tomorrow, you can take the RV and go back home. Right now, the most sensible thing you can do is get some sleep. Do it for your sake and for theirs."
Michonne reached Rick's hand and squeezed it hard, letting him know that she was agreeing with Paul.
"I think you have everything you need," Paul said once he showed them the room where they were going to spend the night "but if you need something, whatever it is, just ask. I'll go find some food and drinks."
"I'm going with you," Michonne said.
They left Rick, who was lying on the bed with all his clothes still on, and went down to the pantry next to the large main kitchen on the first floor.
"What will happen now?" Michonne asked distractedly "Are we going to let them control everything? Are we going to let them manipulate us? To take everything we had fought so hard to have?
Paul let out a loud sigh.
"God, I hope not. I've seen this community undermined because of them and it's not fair. The worst part of all is the frustration of not being able to do something about it." He paused and his face became the reflection of guilt. "I wish I could have helped you more, offered you more information…"
"You did what you could, Jesus. And you did help; you risked your life, and the safety of your own community, when you went there. You saved Glenn and Heath. The deal was already sealed. You didn't have to go there, but you did. And we are grateful for that."
"There is nothing to be thankful for. We are together in this."
"Yes, we are," Michonne said with a bitter smile.
"I know everything is all too fresh, and the urge for vengeance is probably seething, but if we have learned something from all of this, it's that we need to be much more careful. We're still in the dark, and it's important to learn more about them, to study their movements and habits, before we draw any plan to act."
"This will end in a war." Michonne said uneasily.
"Probably, yes."
Michonne put her hands on her face; she was physically and mentally exhausted. Paul opened a cupboard and took a small box from which he extracted two infusion bags.
"Here, Lime Blossom. It expired last year, but something hot may help," he said softly.
Michonne smiled, posed the two bags on the tray they had prepared with some food and water, and muttered a thank you.
"What are you going to do now?" Michonne asked once they were in the hall, in front of the stairs. "Are you going to talk to Gregory?"
Paul shook his head.
"Gregory can wait. They probably need help at the trailers."
"I'll lend a hand."
"There's no need, Michonne. You are tired. Go and get some sleep."
"That won't be easy."