Hey, again!

"Update? So soon?"

I decided to upload chapter two because the first one was so short and not really showed the depth of the story.

Thanks for those who reads and for the alerts and favorites! :D

"No, please, I can't.." It was the third night in a row that Quinn had nightmares. She woke up; still shaken and with tears streaming down her face, she tried her hardest to forget her dream and especially the person in them. She knew that if she'd even think about that, it would make everything real. And she couldn't let it happen. Pushing away these feelings were the right thing to do, for everyone's sake.

Luckily Quinn had a cheerleading practice early; she got up from her queen sizedbed and got in the shower. She laid against the wall while the hot water streamed down her body. As she enjoyed the relaxing shower, a thought crept into her mind, about how she's going to see her best friend shortly. Her heart ached at that thought, but when she realized what she was doing, she immediately turned off the water and got out.

Panicking and hyperventilating, Quinn sat on her bed in only her robe. She hated when she lost control like that. The 'I'm not going to think about it and it'll pass' mentality wasn't working so she decided to be more serious about it.
Quinn stood in front of her mirror and said to herself, 'I need to cure myself. I can't be a sinner'.

After she got dressed, she walked downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Good morning, darling," Her mom greeted her.

"Morning, mom," She took an apple and turned to walk out.

"Hey, what about breakfast?"

"Late for practice," She yelled and closed the door.

She ate the apple on her way to school and when she got there she parked in her usual space. Taking her time collecting what she needed for the day, she heard a knock on the window. She looked up and smiled when she saw who it was.

She got out and closed the door when Santana finally spoke "What's with the crazy loud music so early?".

"I woke up in a good mood," She hated lying, but had no other choice.

They walked together, with their arms jointed, to the field; All the cheerleaders were already there, stretching, and they knew their coach was about to be very angry at them for being late.

"Oh thank you, girls, so very much for showing up," The legendary Sue Sylvester said to them through her megaphone.

"Sorry, coach."

"Save it, Sandbags!" they stood in front of her, but she kept talking through the megaphone. "As the co-captains of the team, I expect you to be here before everyone else! I won't let you ruin my chance of winning the nationals! You want me to replace you?"

"No, coach," They said together. There was no point in arguing, their coach was a competitive person and just the fact that she didn't kick them out yet was good enough. Quinn knew how important it was for her to stay in the 'Cherrios', the popularity that came with being a cheerleader protected her from being teased or bullied. She was the one in control of what being said or done in school.
She was in control.
At the beginning, Quinn didn't even want to be a cheerleader, all the attention and the tumult that came with it wasn't so appealing to her. Santana made her come with her to the tryouts, she was so excited and kept talking about how it's going to so much fun and that it's going to boost their place in the social scale in school. Quinn couldn't really say no to her. Of course, when she got in and made the co-captain, her parents were thrilled. It was kind of a win-win situation.

They started doing laps when Brittany approached them. Brittany was Quinn's secondbest friend and together with Santana they got the nickname 'the unholy trinity'; they met at day one of first grade, when the girls protected Brittany from some prick who called her stupid. Since that day they rolled the school and were the target of most of the rumors. The girl was blond, optimistic without boundaries and a dancer in soul.

"Hey, girls," She said with a smile.

"Hey, Britt," Santana said and Quinn just smiled.

"Have you heard about Puck's party on Friday?"

"We did," Santana was the one doing the talking. Quinn had to focus on breathing and looking everywhere but at her best friend. Besides, Santana was in batter shape than her.

"Awesome! When are we going shopping?"

"After school, I need a sexy dress so Puck won't be able to take his eyes off of me the whole night," They giggled. Quinn couldn't help but roll her eyes, she told herself it's only because Puck was scum that just used Santana for her body.

"We haven't hung out together in a while, I missed our fun," Brittany pouted.

"Cause Quinn here is a dork!" Santana gave Quinn a little nag.

"Shut up, San!" Finally she opened her mouth.

"It's true, yesterday I found you reading," she mocked her.

"Well it's not like you were partying, we watched.."

"Q!" She pushed her a little harder than before. Even though they were far from the others, Santana couldn't risk her secret being outed. "Not cool!"

Brittany and Quinn only laughed; they both knew Santana had a soft side she won't let others see. It made Quinn feel a little special.

When the bell rang to announce that the class ended, Quinn quickly collected her notebook and book and headed to the door.

"Hey, Quinn," It was Sam. He was on the football team and also in the glee club, which Quinn found weird. He was a tall, blond guy with a good-looking body and good grades, just the type her parents would love to see her with.

"Oh, hey, Sam," It was obvious that she wasn't feeling comfortable.

"I thought maybe we can.. If you want.. Go get some ice cream or something after school?" Lack of confidence was something Quinn hated and he was so clumsy, almost bumped at the wall on their way to her locker.

"The truth is, I'm going shopping for Pucks party today so..." All she wanted is for him to leave her alone.

"Oh cool, ok.. So maybe I'll see you there?" He said with a half a smile on his face.

"Yeah..."

When he left she was relieved. She didn't need one more person in her life, they were complicated enough.

"Hey, Blondie," Santana opened the locker next to her. "Saw you talking to trouty mouth, what did he want?" The smell of her perfume filled Quinn's nose and she almost didn't hear what her best friend said.

" He wanted to take me to get ice cream." She giggled nervously. Her heart was beating faster and her palms were sweaty. She wasn't sure way, it's not like she felt anything for Sam or did something wrong.

"Are you serious?!" Santana turned to face her "I hope you said no, He's way out of your league," Was it jealousy in her voice? Quinn raised her eyebrow, not sure what was going on.

"He's so hollow, you deserve someone much better than him," Santana said nonchalantly, not knowing Quinn just had a small meltdown.

"Yeah, totally," Quinn closed her locker door, somewhat disappointed.

"Are you Ok, Q?" It was Santana's turn to raise her eyebrow.

"Couldn't be better," She forced a smile.

"Don't worry, babe, we'll get you someone." She put her arm on Quinn's shoulder "But with some brains and smaller lips." She laughed.

"Oh thank you for so much for your kindness, you're such a good friend!"

Santana stood in her place, "Is that sarcasm I hear in your voice, Fabray?", she folded her arms.

"Me? Never." Quinn stood just a few centimeters in front from the Latina.

"Are you doubting my intentions as your best friends?" Santana challenged.

"You know Quinn loves you!" Brittany skipped to where the girls were.

Quinn's face turned red and her heart started racing again.

"Of course she is, I'm awesome!" she grinned.

"And so modest!"

Quinn parked her car on the street, in front of her house, and got in. She heard her sister and mother talking in the kitchen and wished she could avoid them and get straight to her room; she didn't have enough strength to handle both of them. Of course everything in her life happened just the opposite to what she wants, they noticed her and called her to come and eat with them.

"Thanks, I already ate in school." Lie.

"So just come and talk to as for a bit." her mother's tone was a bit harsh. Quinn had no choice so she sat on one of the chairs and frowned.

"How was school today?"

"Fine, mom."

"Met any nice boy?"

"No.." She moved uncomfortably in her chair.

"Of course she didn't." Her sister decided to share her view on the subject "She's always with that bimbo and the stupid girl, they only attract sleazes"

Quinn stood up and pointed at her sister, "Don't talk about them like that! They're my friends.."

"Quinn, don't yell at your sister." Her mom cut her off.

She huffed, as expected, her mother defended her sister.. She didn't want to start a big fight, she had enough of those, so she got up to her room to rest for a bit.

'Santana's been my friend for so many years and they still treat her like crap! I hate them! Why can't they just let me live my life, do what I want and be friends with who I want! They just expect me to be perfect, like Frannie , but I'm a different person. I try so hard to make them happy, or at least don't disappoint them, but nothing is good enough..' Quinn though, she was afraid to even say it aloud. She rested her head on the pillow and cried for a couple of minutes, just letting things out a little.

On her way to pick Santana up to go to the mall, she got a text saying to drive to Puck's house, 'just great..'. She wasn't in the mood to hear how great Puck is in bed and how much fun Santana had with him. She barely left the house. All she wanted was to stay in bed and dive into a fantasy world with her book.

Sent: "Out". That's all she wrote.

Santana came out of the front door after a few minutes; she walked quickly and opened the passenger door of the car.

"Wait," Quinn said before Santana got in.

"What?" Santana was confused.

"Did you shower?"

"I'm not sure if you're serious or not, because of the sunglass, but if you have to know, I did," She sat next to Quinn "What's with the bitchiness?"

"Nothing, just don't want the smell of Puck sticking in my car," Quinn put her hand on the gear, but Santana wasn't about to let it go.

"Talk."

"Family stuff, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just go."

"Oh honey! You should know by now, you can't let them get to you! What do you say about coming to my place for dinner?" Santana said with a big smile.

"I don't think it's a good idea." She didn't need another lecture from her parents about spending time with Santana when she'll get home.

"Come on, my family misses you and you'll get to eat my father's food, I know you love it!" She poked her in the stomach.

"Ok, OK, just stop!" Quinn couldn't stop laughing. It's amazing how Santana could change the way she feels in seconds.

"Good, now drive." Santana put her own sunglass "Oh, and next time if you want to know about my sex life just ask."

"Ew, gross." She made a disgusted face and Santana just laughed.

"Don't pretend, Fabray, I know you want all up on my sexiness." Santana lowered her sunglasses and wiggled her eyebrows.

Quinn stopped the car at the last second; she almost missed the red light. "Stop talking shit, San." Her heart was pounding like crazy, either from Santana's comment or almost driving on a red light.

"Wow, Q, no need to kill us over a joke.. Or maybe you want to tell me something?" Santana being Santana, she kept having fun, not knowing Quinn almost fainted.

"You're so full of yourself, you know that?" Quinn tried to be as convincing as she could, bringing on her HBIC side.

"You didn't say no." Santana kept pushing.

"I don't." Now Quinn was irritated. 'Why does everyone think they know best?! Why can't they just leave me alone?'

"Too late!" Santana giggled.

"Oh shut up!" Quinn's hands held tight on the wheel, her knuckles turned white.

"God Q, no need to yell, I was only joking." Santana didn't really understand what was going on with her friend; she was jumpier than usual. She thought maybe the shopping would help calm her down and they could talk after dinner. She hated seeing her best friend like that, she was sure that was her family's fault. Little did she know that her little play was the main reason for Quinn's outburst.

"Sorry.." She felt bad for losing control. It was strike one for the evening.

The girls reached the mall and met up with Brittany. They took their time and just walked around, chatting and pointing at the clothes they wished they could afford. Usually, the girls held each other's arm when they walked, but that day Quinn didn't feel comfortable doing that. Moreover, she was a bit disconnected, floating in her own mind. She tried to keep up with the conversation so the girls wouldn't notice, but sometimes Santana glanced at her.

They got into a store and immediately picked a variety of clothes to try on. Brittany was the first to go into the changing room. In the meantime, Quinn looked around. She spotted two girls, one of them just went out of the changing room and her friend complimented her on her choice. The girl was quite beautiful, she wasn't that tall, but she had a dark skin tone, her eyes were green and her brown hair was curly at the tips.

"See something you like?" She heard Santana's voice and quickly diverted her look. 'What the fuck is wrong with me?! Well, it's normal for a girl to look at other girls.. Right? It's not like I'm attracted to her.. What if Santana thinks I checked her out? Maybe she'll get.. Oh just stop thinking and say something!'

"What?" Quinn mentally slapped herself for her stupid response.

"Did you find something you like for the party?" Santana said hesitatingly "Q, you're really out of it today, what's wrong?"

"Nothing.." Strike two.

Santana wanted to try and push it a little bit more, but Brittany just came out of the changing room so she had to leave it. She wore a turquoise floral lace dress with a belt that was perfect on Brittany; it wasn't a surprise because the girl knew how to choose the right clothes since forever.. Brittany was excited, she loved the color and that the dress wasn't too tight, she wanted something she'd feel comfortable to dance in. The three of them approved it immediately.
Next was Quinn, she took her dress and got in the changing room. She took off her clothes and put on a pink pleated dress with belt. Hers wasn't as short as Brittany's, but emphasized her hourglass body. She laughed to herself; her mother would never let her buy this dress. When she buys clothes that her parents don't approve of, she leaves them at Santana's place and comes to her to get ready for parties. 'So lame! I can't even wear what I like..' she thought while trying to zip the zipper of her dress.

"Need help?" Santana's voice surprised her. She entered the booth and helped her. "You look amazing." She smiled.

Quinn blushed furiously and avoid Santana's eyes "Thanks.."

Santana put her finger under Quinn's chin and lifted it "Q, you're a beautiful girl, embrace it! I know it's hard for you, but start trying. For me, ok?" Quinn felt vulnerable under Santana's gaze. She was used to being told to hide her body and to watch what she ate or else nobody would like her, so to hear someone saying she's beautiful was a big thing.
The small space forced them to be close, so close that Quinn was sure Santana could feel her heartbeat. Subconsciously, Quinn flicked her eyes to Santana's lips. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to find words to help her escape the awkward situation. "Um yeah, thank San.. I'll change back now."

"Cool." With that Santana exited the room.

'I'm such an idiot! I can't deal with these horrifying thoughts. Fuck, I just want them to go away!'

Strike three.

When it was Santana's turn to try on her dress, Quinn excused herself, saying she needed to make a call. The truth is, she didn't feel good, she wanted to vomit and hide under her bedsheets. No matter how hard she tried to push her sinful thoughts away, they came back, tearing her apart.
She didn't want to accept them and deal with what she was feeling. She wanted to be normal. She wanted the pain in her heart to stop and to go a day without feeling like she deserved to die.
She didn't ask for any of that, so why couldn't she just switch it off and be like everyone else.
Quinn walked between all the people, but didn't hear any of the noise; she was so deep in her own head. Nothing made sense to her.

The three girls wandered around some more after they were done shopping. Quinn pushed away her messy thoughts and tried to enjoy the time with her friends.

Dinner time came close so the girls decided to go home. They said goodbye to Brittany in the driveway and went to Quinn's car.

"Fuck, I'm so hungry!" Santana said shortly after the drive started.

"You're always hungry."

"But now I'm starving."

"I bet, shopping is so exhausting." Quinn said sarcastically.

"Shopping and sex, yeah."

"Puck doesn't feed you?" Quinn tried to sound interested, even though it was the last thing she wanted to hear.

"We're not like that.."

"What does that means?"

"We have sex, that's all"

"San.." Leaving her confusion, she wasn't pleased with this arrangement. Casual sex wasn't something she thought was right and she didn't want to see her best friend gets hurt.

"Don't, Q, it works for us" Santana knew Quinn would never be ok with what she was doing, but they never judged each other so at least Quinn wouldn't yell at her.

"As long as you're happy." It wasn't a lie, she wanted her to be happy. She just hoped it would have been with someone that would actually appreciate her.

Quinn parked in Santana's driveway and watched her take the dresses and get out of the car.

"Come on, Q."

"I think I'll go home, I'm really tired."

"Oh no! You can crash at mine. Please!"

"Rain check?"

"You're no fun! I'll see you at school." Santana turned around.

"Don't be mad.."

Santana turned half of her body and said, "Like I can be mad at you, you're my best friend, even though you're totally a nerd."

"Good night to you too."

"Night, Quinnie."

"Nice of you to show up." Her father said when she got home "Where have you been?"

"Study group." She was thankful that she didn't shudder.

"That's my girl!" He petted her on the head. "You do well in school, right?"

"Yes, dad."

"Good. Your education is very important; look at your sister, she's going to Princeton next year." He was so proud. Her mother and sister just grinned at his words.

"Sit and eat, darling," her mother said.

"I ate with the guys, thank you. May I go to my room?"

Her mother looked like she wanted to object, but her father let her go.

Finally, in her room she could let herself break.
Quinn laid on her bed, stared at the ceiling and held the tears that begged to come out.
She didn't move for a couple of hours. She listened to the noise from downstairs until everyone went to bed. When it was quiet she got up and stood in front of her mirror.
'If I want to be cured I need to be committed and part of the process is also punishment. I deserve to be punished because I can't control myself; I let the horrible thoughts enter my mind, I get too emotional and I let evil and lust guide me instead of god. I will get better, I just need to be stronger.' After preaching that to herself, she took a razor blade from her bathroom and let the blade slice through her flesh.
Her thigh started to bleed, but she didn't care. The pain was good; it helped her relax and released some of her emotional pain. It felt right.
Strike one wasn't that deep, by strike three it felt much better. All her lies were shown on her skin, together with sin, confusion, fear.
When Quinn stopped she felt a little better. She let the tissue absorb all the blood and made her feel proud.

Maybe it could work and she'll be cured.

Tell me what you think! What or who you like\dislike, what you want to see happen and any ideas you have.

The updates are up to my inspiration, your reviews and my beta. So if you want more just say so ;)

'till next time :)