Chapter Two – Choices Made

JJ's Journal: Entry One

The day we were rescued was the longest conversation I've ever had with Henry over the phone. There had been other days, other cases, where I'd needed to call him and talk to him too. Those times were so much shorter though. This time I was so desperate to hear his voice and know for sure that he was okay that we talked for at least an hour. He read me a story. I told him one off the top of my head. We even played hangman once or twice. I needed it. Hearing his voice held the terror at bay for at least a little while. I called all the time until I was home with him. Sometimes I would be okay for a short time after hanging up. Other times the instant I did I could feel my chest tighten and I would be back to fighting not to panic. Henry didn't understand, and I don't really think Will did either, but they put up with the constant calls. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if they hadn't.

0~0~0~0

Nobody besides Reid had slept that night, though none had really figured that they would. The team had met the next morning looking worse than they had when they'd separated despite the fact that they were showered and in clean clothes. When the entire team was gathered, Hotch addressed them.

"Strauss called last night. She wants us all back today for debriefing."

Rossi winced. Of course Erin would call Hotch only hours after their rescue and demand things from him. Hotch didn't need that, and Rossi doubted the others had missed the unspoken words either. They weren't just returning to be debriefed; they were returning for evaluations and interrogations. In Strauss' mind, someone would need to be blamed for their kidnapping. For her, that came before their mental recovery.

"Not wasting any time is she?" Emily asked with a sigh.

She knew Strauss wasn't exactly one for compassion, but the section chief had been getting better. It had been at least somewhat reasonable to hope they wouldn't be rushed into evals right away. Apparently they weren't going to get that lucky.

"There's no point arguing," Hotch confirmed. "We'll head home and go from there. If you need time I'd suggest you take it immediately. If you decide that is the path you want to take, I can petition to postpone your evaluation until you are ready to return to work."

At least that way they could escape a bad report in their permanent files.

"I might take a few days, Hotch," JJ told him. "I need some time with Henry before I start jumping through hoops."

Hotch nodded, approving of JJ's choice. Of all of them, she seemed the most withdrawn. He didn't like her coloring either. A few days would definitely do her good.

"I can't promise Strauss won't request that you come in to be evaluated even if you are taking time," he warned.

"I know, Hotch. Either way I need some time at home."

Emily reached out to brush her fingers along JJ's arm for a second in reassurance. At first JJ flinched but then she turned to give Emily a small smile. Neither of them had wanted to be alone last night, so they'd stayed together. Unable to sleep, Emily and JJ had spent a good portion of the night talking. During that time Emily had needed to repeatedly remind JJ that Henry was alright.

"Prentiss?" Hotch asked, wanting to know if she intended to take time off.

Emily tipped her head from side to side, considering for a moment. Finally she answered.

"We'll see how it goes. Even if I don't take time off I'll probably be expected to go back to my shrink."

Accepting that, Hotch turned to Morgan for an answer. Morgan's head was bowed and he didn't seem to realize Hotch was watching him. Right before Hotch was going to speak up, Morgan met his eyes. Whatever decision he'd been so lost in thought over had been made.

"I think I'm going to stick around here for a little while, Hotch."

Hotch remained impassive to the decision though Reid and the girls looked rather surprised.

"You want to stay here?" JJ asked incredulously. "Why?"

The last thing JJ wanted to do was stay in New York. For her, the sooner they were in the air the better. She needed some distance from this place. Morgan looked a little uneasy at the question and rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn't sure what the others would think of his reason, but in the end it didn't really matter. There was no way he could leave yet.

"I want to make sure she's okay."

Understanding sparked in Emily's eyes. Of course Morgan would want to stay so he could keep an eye on Olivia. She'd seen that protective side of him after her return to the BAU and during the Doyle case. It wouldn't be different with Olivia just because she wasn't a part of their team.

"She?" Reid asked, his eyes and head darting between his teammates in confusion. "You mean Detective Benson?"

Obviously he was missing something big here, and he continued to look around in hopes of someone filling him in. JJ saw his confusion and took pity on him.

"Morgan and Olivia helped each other out a lot during all of this."

She'd kept it vague, not really wanting to share the specifics of the ordeal with Reid. Not yet at least. Eventually she would since he was just as linked to Tobias as she was, if not more.

"Oh."

"You could invite her to Quantico for a break, Morgan," Rossi suggested.

"I could try, but she seemed pretty stubborn. I'm not sure she'd want to. For now I think one of us should stay with her, at least for a little while."

"It's your decision to make, Morgan. Just know you'll be finding your own way back," Hotch told him.

Morgan nodded. He'd figured as much, and it didn't bother him. Getting a flight back to Quantico should be easy enough, and even if it wasn't, he would still stick around.

"Wheels up at one. That should give everyone enough time," Hotch announced.

There were nods all around and the group split up, some heading for a quick continental breakfast or cup of coffee, others returing to their rooms to start packing. Rossi caught up with Hotch on the way to get coffee.

"So I don't even rate asking if I want time off, huh?"

He kept a straight face and even tone regardless of the fact that he was more teasing than serious. Hotch simply glanced at Rossi with an upraised eyebrow. He too remained serious when he answered.

"Do you need time off, Dave?"

"I think I'll manage."

The faintest trace of a smile crossed Hotch's face.

"I thought as much."

"Erin might have a different opinion of course."

Hotch's smile twitched just a little bit bigger.

"You've never let that stop you before," he pointed out to Rossi.

"Stop me, no. It simply provides me with a bit more challenge in my life."

0~0~0~0

"Spence!" JJ called out as she hurried down the fourth floor hall after Reid.

"Oh, hey, JJ. Something wrong?"

JJ slowed when she reached him and managed a small smile, though it was nowhere near her usual sunniness for him.

"Can we talk for a minute?"

"Absolutely. You don't even need to ask."

It felt really good to know JJ wanted to talk to him about what had happened. He was rarely the one anybody leaned on. Typically he did the leaning, or at least he was the one the team worried about even though they had no reason to. If there was so way he could help them now, he would do it without question.

"I don't want to bring up bad memories for you, Reid. Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"If it'll help you deal with what happened, I will deal with any nightmares or challenges our discussion might cause."

Reid seemed so sure of himself, yet still JJ hesitated. She'd seen how hard he'd fought to get off of Dilaudid. Sharing with him and therefore bringing up Hankel could break his control. JJ didn't want that. It wouldn't be worth it in the end.

"JJ?" Reid asked when she'd remained quiet for a while.

"Never mind. It's fine."

The hesitation in her voice was obvious, and Reid refused to let it go. She'd originally thought that he could help her. If she was having second thoughts now Reid would understand, but he still wanted to try. She was worth it.

"Talk to me, JJ. Please?"

It was the please that got her. Reid was almost begging her to talk to him. Like if she didn't it was because he wasn't good enough to listen. JJ hesitated for a moment longer before sighing.

"Okay."

Reid beamed at her and started toward his room. They'd have privacy to talk there.

0~0~0~0

Morgan had just gotten a few things organized in his room for a longer stay when his phone rang. A quick glance at the caller ID brought a smile to his face.

"Hey, Baby Girl."

"Say it again you incredible man. I've been in withdrawal."

"I'll say it as many times as you want, sweet cheeks."

"Just hearing your voice stills my pounding heart."

"Oh yeah? Usually it's the other way around."

"Very true, but this time it reminds me that you're okay and coming home."

Morgan winced. He knew Garcia wouldn't be happy about his choice to stay in New York for a little while longer, and he hadn't prepared a good way to tell her. Of course there probably wasn't any good way to tell her. He knew full well that one of Garcia's biggest fears was that she'd send the team away on a case and they would never return. It had almost happened this time, and because of that she desperately needed to see them all. Even so, Morgan had to stay.

"Look, Garcia. When something bad happens you want to stay with someone who knows what you're going through, right?"

Immediately Garcia became suspicious. Why was Morgan asking something like that all of a sudden.

"Derek, what are you talking about? You darn well better just spit it out or your phone is never going to stop ringing, and if you turn it off I'll just call the others until they get sick of it and force you to answer!"

With a sigh, Morgan braced himself for the onslaught he knew was coming.

"I'm staying here for a little while, Garcia."

There was silence on the other end of the line. Morgan quickly filled it in, hoping he could rationalize the situation before Garcia started planning how to drag him home and tie him down so he couldn't escape.

"I know you want me back, Baby Girl, but I can't walk away yet. There's someone here I'm really worried about."

"Who?"

"Her name is Olivia Benson. She's a detective."

Morgan could hear typing in the background and knew Garcia was pulling up everything she could about Detective Benson in a short period of time. She may not like digging into people's pasts who weren't victims or possible perps, but this was different. This involved him. He let her look and waited until Olivia passed the inspection and Garcia started up the conversation again. When she finally did, it was with resignation.

"Okay. Fine. You stay and make sure she's alright, but not for too long because I need to know that you're alright. I need to see you, not just hear your voice. Until I can you better be planning to check in with me a lot or I'm going to track you down and drag you home, Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan."

"Yes ma'am. Your wish is my command."

"Darn tootin'."

That brought a smile to Morgan's face. They seemed to be good again despite his choice to stay, so Morgan decided to ask a favor. Having the information would simply make the next few days a lot easier, though he would try not to use what he was asking for if he could help it.

"I need a favor, Garcia. Can you tell me how to get to the 16th precinct and get me Benson's phone number?"

"Sure thing sugar, though I guarantee you she's not going to be pleased that you somehow got it. Phone numbers are a sacred thing among women. You don't just hand them out to anyone."

"I know. That's why I'm not going to use it unless I really need to."

"Right. Here you go then." Garcia rattled off two numbers which Morgan quickly jotted down.

0~0~0~0

Even though it was after ten, Olivia didn't want to get up. In fact, most of her had no intention of getting up for a long time. She just wanted to stay curled up in bed and not move. What that meant wasn't unknown to her. She'd seen it in many of her victims. In fact, she'd experienced it herself a few months after Sealview. Now the feeling of heaviness and disinterest had returned, and Olivia really didn't want to deal with it. Unfortunately she wasn't going to have much choice in the matter. Cragen and Huang were already checking in on her, which meant the others would know soon. Olivia didn't want their pity, and she didn't want them treating her any different than they were before. With that in mind, she pulled herself out of bed and went to get ready.

The trip into work frayed Olivia's nerves. Even though she'd been extra careful and had kept her defenses firmly in place, she'd been far more skittish than usual. At this rate she might not be able to convince the others she was fine. As she walked into the squad room she pulled together all the strength and self-control she had to build up the walls around her. Olivia strode into the room with her head held high. She would not allow what had happened to take her pride.

Amaro spotted Olivia first and looked at her in surprise. None of them had been expecting her to come in that day, and by ten they'd all assumed she was actually taking time off. They'd apparently been wrong.

"Liv. What are you doing here?"

Olivia didn't even bother looking at Amaro as she answered the question. Instead she just made her way toward her desk.

"I work here, Nick."

Her tone didn't discourage Amaro from continuing to press her despite its obvious crispness. He moved toward her and reached out to touch her arm in a soothing gesture. It was a good thing Olivia had seen it coming though because if she hadn't her semblance of normalcy would have been broken in an instant. Instead, Olivia was able to intercept the touch and slap Amaro's hand away. She glared at her partner, allowing her intense disapproval to seep through.

"Don't you dare try to treat me like we do the victims, Nick. I can handle this just fine. I am handling it. Am I clear?"

Amaro was a little taken aback by Olivia's vehemence on the matter. He'd faced her cold shoulder and snappish judgments early in their partnership as she was getting over her old partner, but this was different. Her current warning tone had only been directed at perps before, not at him. He didn't like it, and he could understand why it made their suspects squirm. Olivia wasn't screwing around.

"Okay, Olivia. I know you can."

Olivia nodded, seeming at least slightly appeased. She dropped down at her desk and started pulling out paperwork. Both Much and Amaro gave her odd looks, but they didn't argue. While Munch outranked Olivia, even he wouldn't win in a fight about whether she should be at work. Only the captain would have a chance, and he wasn't in. Munch certainly didn't envy him the job either. Had Fin been at the precinct, he might have picked up on the cracks in Olivia since he'd seen them before. Unfortunately, both he and Rollins were out of the office for a case.