Titans-a-Wassailing

A Teen Titans Fan Fiction by Jacob McDonald

Let It Snow

-From Robin's personal log – December 15th, 2006-

I've decided to forbid the Titans from having snowball fights on the island. Ever. Again.

I've reached this decision based on events that happened earlier today that will live in infamy for the remaining tenure of this team and be known henceforth as the Great Snowball Massacre of '04.

It's a rare thing to see snow in central California, and when we do get it, it never sticks. Not like back in Gotham where when it snowed it fell with two feet of accumulation a night and stayed until the spring thaw. No, here snow just isn't that common.

This year though, Jump City played host to the Weather Wizard. Now he normally doesn't range too far from Keystone City, so usually the Flash takes care of him. Apparently he was after some tech that the local branch of STAR Labs was making though, so he decided to drop by and wreak some havoc. Obviously no one told him the Titans were fairly strict when it comes to super villains.

We beat them all down equally.

Some time during the battle he decided to conger a blizzard, thinking that a team of capes on the west coast wouldn't know how to fight in the snow. Since I'm from Gotham, and Cyborg is from Metropolis, we didn't have any problems at all. Snow was a way of life when we were growing up. Raven doesn't need to see an adversary to attack him, and Starfire barely feels the cold, so there was no real problem for them either. Even Beast Boy, who spent most of his formative years in a jungle in Africa didn't seem to have too much of a problem. He just turned into a polar bear.

Still, after the battle was over and we had Weather Wizard in custody, he'd left a sizeable amount of snow in the city. School was canceled for the day (a snow day in Jump City… who would have ever thought it could happen…) and more than half the city shut down until the snow could all melt. We knew it wouldn't take too long with the mild winters we have here (it was 43 degrees most of today) so the Titans decided to take advantage of the situation while we could and introduce Starfire to snow games.

The snowmen went fine. Snow angels did too (even Raven made one.) The trouble started when Beast Boy started building a snow fort and declared himself King of the east side of the Island. Cyborg couldn't let him get away with that of course, and he and Starfire quickly had their own fort built and had declared the west side of the island the Republic of Titania. In the interest of fair play, I joined Beast Boy and he knighted me. Everyone looked to Raven and she looked back with apathy.

Just as she was about to tell us that she didn't 'do' snowball fights, and that her presence would just unbalance the teams, Kind Flash showed up. He had been held up in Keystone with Mirror Master and Trickster he explained, otherwise he would have been there to help us with Weather Wizard. Cyborg quickly drafted him into the service of the Republic, so Raven begrudgingly joined Beast Boy's newly dubbed Kingdom of the Beast.

We decided on a half hour preparation ceasefire before the engagement began. I'm not sure what the Republic of Titania got up to, but Beast Boy ordered his two subjects to begin ammo production while he gathered more snow and bolstered the defenses. Raven and I did just that, as quickly as possible. We knew that with the two strongest members of our team, plus the fastest teen alive as our opposing force, we'd need to use strategy and stealth if we stood any chance of winning.

We dismantled some of my freeze disks and took of the cooling elements. I worked quickly to downgrade their blast zones and splash effect, then packed them in snowballs. Raven used her powers to mass produce ammo. Beast Boy re-enforced the fort he'd built, and worked on building large mounds of snow that he could sling with a stegosaurs tail like a catapult.

At the appointed time, I contacted Cyborg with my com and the Kingdom of the Beast officially declared war on the Republic of Titania. He replied by lobbing a snowball from the other side of the island and hitting me in the shoulder.

Since I hadn't anticipated him having accuracy at that range, I decided we should bring out the big guns first. I ordered a salvo of snow bombs, and Beast Boy (despite being King) took the order and ran with it. After ten minutes of the snow howitzer that was Beast Boy, I took a look at their fort with my binoculars. It was in pretty sorry shape, but still standing. The Republic was going to go down without a fight though, and as soon as the shelling stopped, Cyborg and Starfire opened fire with snowball after snowball.

I moved to good cover and ordered Raven to fire off some of our own arsenal. She did so with a light grin, centering her attack on Cyborg, who was far more accurate at range than Starfire. I suspect she derived some kind of sadistic glee out of pounding him, as he had spilled her tea on her cloak just this morning.

Since we seemed to have them on the defensive already, I ordered a full scale raid. We left cover and ran out into the field, dodging when we could and only pausing to gather more snow in our hands to use as ammunition. When we were within fifty yards of the Republic's fort, they brought out their secret weapon.

Kid Flash began a rapid fire snowball assault. Now, one snowball hitting me at a hundred miles per hour I can take, but five hundred is wearing it a bit thin even for me. The body armor in my costume took most of the abuse, but I'm still bruised like you wouldn't believe. Raven was forced to put up a shield, and Beast Boy had to become a tortoise to have something to hide behind. We fell back and Raven called to me to form a new plan of attack, since Kid Flash was obviously using ammo faster than Cyborg and Starfire could replenish him. We knew it would only be a matter of time before they were out of weapons and we'd be able to devastate them as they hid in their already shaky fort.

Cyborg realized this as well, however. He ordered Starfire and Kid Flash out to the field and they complied with a war cry. We now faced off in an open expanse next to the Tower, between our two forts, with nothing to fight with except the snow on the ground all around us.

What followed can only be described as one of the most horrific battles in human history. Raven retrieved the ice bombs that I had made and used them on Kid Flash as soon as she could. With him slowed down enough to even the odds a little, the battle began to escalate. I won't go into detail here, but suffice to say that almost all of the windows on the lower levels of the Tower will need to be replaced, I lost both my boots, Cyborg wont be combat ready for at least two days due to the need for replacement parts, we all got head colds, and Raven will never be able to wear the cloak she had on today ever again.

Kid Flash is staying here tonight, claiming the need to have a dry uniform before he goes running around at three times the speed of sound. We gave him a guest room and he turned in an hour ago. Raven and Starfire monopolized the shower for over an hour, and now Beast Boy is in, warming up. I volunteered to go last.

So no more snowball fights on the island. The damage to the Tower was just too great. There was no clear winner today in the battle between the Kingdom of the Beast and the Republic of Titania, but one thing is certain; we all had a blast. Maybe next time we end up with a foot of snow for some reason, we'll do it again in the park.

Or in the desert outside of the city, away from all the buildings.

-End Entry-

Just got a whole heap of snow where I live. Decided this would be a good one to post now.

-Jake