Bella's point of view.

I looked in my mirror at my reflection, I really didn't care what I was wearing I really didn't care what I looked like. People at school told me I was beautiful, all I did was shrug them off and ignore them. I was good at blocking people, and unnecessary things out of my mind. But as my life was crashing down on me, painful images flashed through me, like a slide show.

My mom leaving me and Charlie in the dust, not caring what her absence was doing to the both of us.
I cooked his meals and I cleaned his house, but every night after he ate the food he would get dunk and pass out, Not wanting to deal with reality I imagined. I could do the same, of course, he wouldn't be able to get mad at me, I understood why he was doing it, but I had a different way of relief.

I found mine in a knife that sits in my room, in my desk drawer. Both Charlie and I dealt with things differently and this was mine. I wore my black tank top and my loose gray zip up sweater over it to hide what I did to myself. I wore my dark blue jeans and slipped into my too worn shoes. I traced the dark circles under my eyes and stepped away from the mirror. I didn't get much sleep last night due to my burning wrist and the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had pale skin, practically translucent. It was clear all the time, I never once remember having a zit. My eyes were big and chocolate brown. It looked like I had bruises underneath from lack of sleep. I had long dark brown hair going to my bust line, it was dead straight and hung down perfectly, my bangs swept to the side, falling over my left eye, It was layered a few times I guess it looked pretty, but honestly I only made myself look half normal on the outside so people wouldn't catch on to my crumpled up life. I was skinny, yet not too skinny and unlike my mother I didn't have any smile lines, for I usually didn't smile, unless I was pretending for the teaching staff.

I grabbed my backpack skipping breakfast, which was becoming a habit of mine and walked into the light drizzle. I unlocked my car and got in, revving the engine and pulling out onto the street. It didn't take me long to get to Forks High School, and as soon as I was there, I wished I had just skipped. I hated it here, where people judged each other like they were on trial or something. Here I was known as the beautiful girl who doesn't speak to anyone like she is afraid of them. Only they don't know the half of it. They don't know that my family fell apart leaving me scared and bruised, nothing yet healing, just open and making me suffer. I am sure if I told other people they wouldn't get it, and just think I was a cry baby.

But I loved my father and my mother so much, that when my mom left, she took all of me with her. I was basically just a body that was wondering aimlessly around. I don't even know why I am still here. I should just do away with myself, it's not like anyone would really even care.

I bit my lip pulling my sleeve up and tracing the dark gashes that were already healing. I took a deep breath and got out of the truck. Slinging my bag over my shoulder and heading inside.

People still looked at me like I was something good to eat, and I hated it. I frowned and headed into my first class. English. I sat at the back, taking out my notebook and doodling. I didn't really have an interest in school, and as much as I hated it, it was better than staying at home, constantly being reminded of my past.

I sighed when the final bell rang and everyone filed into the room. Nobody sat with me, and for that I was grateful, I didn't have to deal with pushy people trying to pry into my life. I honestly didn't really pay any attention to the latest gossip or what was going on. I mostly just stayed in my own head, thinking about what I was going to do with my life. I honestly can't see it going on much longer.

Mr. Taylor started talking and I looked up only half paying attention. I don't really know how long it had been into class when one of our councilors came in interrupting him. She held a paper slip and handed it to Mr. Taylor who raised his eyebrows and looked at all of us. I made a face and looked back at my paper, I started to sketch the person in front of me, only because they were easy to draw. Before my mom left me she had taught me a few things about art. I was actually really good, in-spite of myself. I drew a lot to take my mind off of other things. Just as I looked up to get the guys hair right I saw someone coming in. A girl at that. She was short had inky black hair and was very beautiful, She stood at the front looking around, as our teacher introduced her.

Apparently her name was Alice Cullen. A lot of the boys were whispering about her, well I guess you couldn't really call it whispering since I could even here them. He told her to take a seat near where I sat, and I rolled my eyes. I wasn't in the mood to converse. I looked back down at my paper and returned to drawing, The girl sat quite close to me, but she never even looked my way. I let out a big gust of air, mentally thanking her for not talking. I would have ignored it anyways. I kind of felt bad for her though, everybody kept twisting in their seats to look back. I shook my head, I mean I know she is gorgeous and makes me along with everyone else look like cows, but they are being absurd. Being the Hippocrates I am I looked at her for a fraction of a second. She had striking topaz eyes and pale skin, she wore expensive looking clothes and all her features were abnormally straight. She looked like she could be a model. No a model wasn't a strong enough word for her, more like an angel I guess?

Sometime between my gawking I realized that I actually didn't look away, and what snapped me out of my insane thoughts was the bell. I looked back down at my paper and packed my things up, I didn't look at the new girl anymore and I was just hoping that this was the only class of mine she was in.

I walked out of English and headed towards the parking lot, I didn't want to go to government or Spanish so I was going to skip those ones and just go to biology this afternoon. It was the only class I was even remotely close to liking. I ran to the forest and decided I would wait out the morning there.

I had my knife in my backpack so maybe I could take my mind off my pitiful life for a few minutes or so. I walked quite deep into the green forest and found a fallen down tree I could sit on. I dropped my pack and looked around hugging my stomach. When my mom first left two years ago I had a numb feeling that I loved so dearly. It made everything easier and when I cut myself the numb feeling came back for a couple of hours. I smiled to myself not something I usually did and took my knife out, looking forwards to the feeling that followed.

I pulled up my sleeve and looked at my already cut up wrist. I just went higher and took the blade pressing down on my skin harshly. Tears leaked down my cheeks silently as I dragged it across, blood oozed out and I shut my eyes, I let it drip on the tree away from where I sat, I took deep breaths the tears still leaking out of my eyes. I raised the knife and right beside the other one I dragged the sharp blade again. After that I dropped it and let all my emotions run wild.