IMPERFECT CHAPTER 2

"Hey, beautiful… what are you doing all the way over there?" Thomas whispers, as he hears Donna stirring at the edge of his king-size bed.

Donna turns over, her sleepy eyes meeting his gentle ones. She can't help but give him a lazy, early morning smile, grateful that he's pulled her away from her thoughts.

Maybe it's the confidence in his voice or the kindness she sees in those soft blue eyes, but there's something about Thomas that just makes the world go away.

"I was restless and, for some reason, I couldn't sleep," she says, not wanting to admit anything to herself, let alone to him. "I was afraid all my tossing and turning would wake you."

Thomas lifts the bedsheet and shuffles closer. With his fingers guiding her chin, he places a slow, tender kiss on her lips.

"I'm sorry… What can I do to help?" he asks, his hand now gently massaging away the tension along her neck and shoulder.

Donna closes her eyes at his touch, and she consciously gives herself permission to savour how good this feels. This is a man who doesn't need to be asked, he just does, she tells herself.

"Thomas, why are you so good to me?" she whispers back, relishing in the tingling sensation of his warm hand on her skin.

"Good to you? You're very easy to love, Donna," he states, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "And wanting to make you happy is hardly a chore."

His words shoot like an arrow into her heart, slicing through the heartache she's felt for so long. Easy to love… It's suddenly clear to Donna why things have never fallen into place with Harvey.

Even more, she believes Thomas when he tells her. The comforting warmth of his body when he's close, and the honesty in his touch, Thomas is all in. She's also starting to believe that she could be, too.

"You're one very special man, Thomas Kessler," she compliments, as her palm smooths across his bare chest. "And you make me happy, too."

It's true, he does make her happy. Thomas is also easy to love, which is good news because Donna is looking for something real and long lasting. She wants to feel "all those feelings she's supposed to feel," as Rachel would say.

So, the fact that "all those feelings she's supposed to feel" aren't coming as naturally as she'd like is both frustrating and confusing. Thomas is good to her and good for her. What's holding her back? If only she could will her heart to follow her head, rather than the other way around.

So, instead of focusing on what's not there, Donna decides to pay attention to what's in front of her. Propping herself up on her elbow, she meets Thomas's gaze.

"I'm starting to think that whatever we did last night didn't work off enough of my restlessness," she flirts, trying to nudge those feelings into the light. "Maybe we should try again."

Thomas chuckles. "Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me," he says, quoting a risqué scene from The Graduate. His choice of movie giving away that Thomas is not young, but a man who's lived enough of a life to know what he wants. "You should know, I'm a very capable student."

Donna giggles back. "Are you saying I'm the sexy married woman and you're the hot graduate?"

"Except, you're not married… but you are certainly very sexy," he replies between the gentle kisses he places along her neck.

"I'm definitely not married," Donna confirms, feeling a twinge in her stomach upon hearing those words out loud. She and her 20-year-old self thought she would be by now.

"You should also know that I'm taken," Thomas whispers in her ear. "Completely taken…"

Donna can't help but close her eyes when his breath hits her cheek. She has to admit, Thomas is hot. Breathtakingly hot.

For a man in his early forties, his body is remarkable. Donna remembers the first time they slept together, she had to catch her breath after seeing him shirtless. There he was, naked in the glow of her bedroom candles. His skin, gorgeous and sun-kissed, and his build, chiseled and athletic.

That first night together, Thomas's muscular arms and firm chest enveloped her like a cocoon. She felt both excited and safe. And once his strong legs pressed against the soft skin of her thighs, it was all she could do not to melt. Throw in that dark hair, those intense blue eyes and his confident mouth, and you have one very handsome package.

Thomas Kessler is most definitely all man, and he knew from the minute he laid eyes on Donna that they'd have amazing sexual chemistry. He's also very much a gentleman who's not afraid to put his heart out there. He's been particularly careful with Donna, though, because women like her don't come around every day.

Thomas knows there are times she wants to take the lead, and there are times she prefers to be taken care of. He's also aware that understanding the timing of these needs is what will set him apart from the rest.

This morning, as Thomas is quick to discover, Donna is definitely in the mood to lead. Her tongue is already in his mouth, teasing and taunting him, as she pulls his weight on top of her.

His hands are lost in her hair now, while hers travel the length of his back. He can feel her fingers pressing and reaching and grasping at his skin, as if they're in search of something.

Feeling her way across his back, Donna wants to experience with Thomas, the kind of closeness that would deepen their relatonship. She really does. If she could just tip the scales to feel more for him and less for Harvey, she's certain she could easily move on.

"Mrs. Robinson, what are you doing?" Thomas teases.

"Forget about her," she commands. "You're getting the full Donna treatment this morning."

xxx

Harvey is setting the cactus plant back on the coffee table when he hears a knock at the door. Two o'clock… right on time. He feels the adrenaline pump through his veins, causing his heart to pick up pace. As Lipschitz once explained, adrenaline readies the body for "fight or flight" during stress. This makes complete sense, he thinks, and explains so much of his past behaviour.

Harvey shakes his head and sighs. He's been on the planet more than forty years and he's just getting to know himself now.

It's Saturday, and Harvey is wearing black jeans and a navy blue collared shirt. Donna once told him that no matter the occasion, men are always more attractive in shirts with collars. He's come to agree, and it's just another shining example of the influence she's had over him for the better part of his adult life.

It's why he drinks his coffee with vanilla, and sleeps under 300 thread count, Egyptian cotton sheets and wears that very expensive cedar and sandalwood cologne. He's intentionally kept her at arm's length, yet she's managed to infiltrate every part of his life.

Harvey first meets the front door with a long exhale. And before opening it, Louis's words come to mind.

Talk to her…tell her the truth.

"Hey, you made it." he says, trying to look and sound upbeat. Harvey can't help but smile at Donna's appearance. Black workout capris, a light pink tank, loose ponytail and the faintest hint of lip gloss. Over her shoulder is a grey gym bag with a turquoise yoga mat peeking through.

"I take it you expect you're going to need yoga after coming here?" Harvey tries to meet her with a little humour, but Donna isn't in a playful mood. She's standing firm at his doorway.

"My class starts soon, I only have a few minutes, so…" she says without expression. "What do you need, Harvey?"

What do you need… the wording throws him off. Her perception of their entire relationship summed up in one phrase. He asks and she's supposed to give. Harvey realizes it doesn't even occur to her that, for once, he might be the one with something to offer.

She's also done away with the niceties today, getting right to the point. It leaves Harvey feeling unsettled and off balance.

"We haven't talked in a while, that's all," he says, walking towards the kitchen. "Can I get you something? I might have herbal tea here somewhere." Harvey turns around to discover that she's not following.

"No, I'm fine thanks." There's a distance in Donna's voice, and Harvey can read enough of her body language to tell that this is pretty much the last place she wants to be right now.

Harvey's shoulders slump, as he rests his hands on the kitchen counter. This isn't going to be easily fixed. Peering around the corner, he asks, "Can we sit for a minute?"

Donna slowly walks in, but instead of heading for the sofa, like Harvey expects, she makes her way to the kitchen stool closest to the door. Sitting on its edge, her expression is blank. She doesn't even drop her bag, leaving her fingers to continue their firm grip on the handles.

Harvey's instinct is to stay behind the counter, treating it like a protective barrier of sorts. But he realizes that if he wants something new, he can't fall back on old habits. So, he takes a seat on the stool next to her. It's close enough that his knee brushes hers when he drops down.

Donna can see the discomfort on Harvey's face. His glassy eyes, the nervous wrinkles across his forehead, and the twitching muscles along his jaw.

Six months ago, seeing his expression like this, Donna would have racked her brain trying to understand what it all meant. But now… she just doesn't have it in her.

His proximity to her is disarming, so she pushes back the stool, allowing herself to maintain the emotional breathing room that she needs.

"How have you been?" he starts, his eyes carefully watching.

"Great. But you already know that, Harvey. We see each other every day." She's also not in the mood for small talk. "You texted… so, what can I help you with?"

Let's get this over with, Harvey.

Harvey senses that, emotionally, Donna already has one foot out the door, and he's starting to feel panicked. It's clear she's not interested in hearing him out. But he soldiers on, like he promised himself he would.

"Donna, I know you're with Thomas, and I know you're happy. But I need to say this…" he starts, with an uneasy breath.

Here we go, she thinks, letting out a sigh.

"I love you…"

His words echo through the stillness of his penthouse, filling its emptiness and ringing loud in her ears. Sitting silent, Donna tries to recover from what feels like an assault on her senses. He looks for a reaction, but her stare is cold.

"You love me… that's great, Harvey." Her response is flat, her anger now spreading like a rash across her skin. "So… what do you expect me to do with that?"

"I don't know…" he admits, his Adam's apple anxiously bobbing. "I just need you to know that I do."

Donna rolls her eyes, stunned that they're here again. She suddenly sits up, positioning herself for battle, and he can feel her resentment building.

"Ok, Harvey, I'll play along for old time's sake…" Her words oozing sarcasm and hostility. "Exactly how do you love me?"

Harvey jolts his head back, as if someone has just taken a swing at him. And it's a swing he knows he deserves.

"In all the ways that you think," he says, his voice unsteady. He wants to look away, but he won't let himself. He needs to give her every cue to prove he means what he's saying.

Donna presses her lips together and offers a shaky nod.

"So, we're back to this, are we? It's still up to me to figure it out then..." Fuming, Donna gets up to leave.

Harvey immediately stands and reaches for her wrist. "Wait! Please don't... I'm trying here."

Donna lets out an exasperated sigh. She turns around, but refuses to sit back down.

"I know my timing's bad, and it's probably not going to make a difference anyway, but I love you, Donna… I'm in love with you… for a while now." His eyes are pleading for her to believe his words.

Afraid of falling back into this game, Donna refuses to meet his gaze, so she scans the penthouse. She's mildly impressed that the cactus is still alive, but tells herself his cleaning lady probably waters it. Then, she notices the new bottle of scotch on the counter.

Shaking her head and with a humourless chuckle, she says, "I see what this is about now… This is about you feeling lonely on your birthday."

"It's not, not at all... but you didn't even call… Why didn't you?" he says, his voice giving away his hurt.

Donna is incredulous, and her eyes go wide. "All these years, you hated me doing things for your birthday, but like an idiot, I kept insisting," she retorts, raising her arm and immediately dropping it in frustration. "It's taken me a while, but I finally got the message… you can't make someone want something they don't want."

"Donna… everything you've done for my birthday has been special to me… Are we talking about birthdays now or something else?" His brow furrows as he tries to understand.

"Does it even matter anymore, Harvey?" she asks, her voice exasperated. "This is because of Thomas, then... because you miss the attention."

"No… it's because I've been working up the courage to tell you and I finally have." His chest is visibly rising and falling now. Louis warned she'd be angry.

"So all those months that we were both single, you thought it wasn't worth the risk… but now that I'm unavailable, you decide I need to know?!"

"That's not fair. I'm trying here… at least I didn't kiss you without a warning," he says, instantly regretting his words. Even though they had agreed to put it behind them, Donna kissing Harvey when he was with Paula is clearly unfinished business.

Donna steps back with an angry nod. "So, this is you wanting to settle the score, then? Ok, consider us even." Water starts to pool in her eyes, and Harvey feels like shit for bringing her to that point.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that…I'm sorry," he jumps in, trying to recover. "I was upset that you kissed me because of what it made me feel."

Harvey's voice is soft now and his defences are down. "And then you said you didn't feel anything."

"Really?! I recall you telling me, yelling, actually, that you didn't want more…" Donna refuses to let him away with his screwed-up version of their history. "Why are we even talking about this, anyway? It's still how you felt."

Harvey shakes his head in disagreement.

"It's not how I felt… I was scared," he admits. Then with a frustrated sigh, he continues. "Look, I'm an idiot. You don't need to remind me of how flawed I am. Believe me… I know."

With his stomach turning, and a lump forming at the back of his throat, Harvey adds, "And Thomas is a great guy… the perfect guy… and he's probably the one for you… but I couldn't let you move on without telling you the truth."

Once again, Donna shakes her head in disbelief. Her hand is now throbbing from how tightly she's been gripping her gym bag.

"You don't get it, do you? Thomas isn't perfect. He's human and he's flawed like the rest of us," Donna snaps back, her eyes burning with frustration.

She pauses to look Harvey over, seething at the fact that she can't will herself to walk out and let this go.

"You know what the difference is between you two?" she asks.

"What?" Harvey tilts his head back and slips his hands into his pockets, waiting for the blow that he knows is coming.

"Unlike you, he thinks I'm easy to love. Nothing more than that." Once again, hot tears start to pool in Donna's eyes. "It's not stressful or difficult for him to feel that way about me. I don't exhaust him with my questions and my needs. I'm just… easy to love."

Harvey's face drops. He can see that Donna is so upset that she's shaking. He reaches for her again, but she pulls away.

"You are easy to love.. you've always been easy to love," he whispers. All he wants is to wrap his arms around her.

"I should know, Donna, I've felt this way about you for a long time… and I've never felt like this about anyone else," he confesses, his eyes now starting to mist. "It's never been because of you, it's because of me. I'm the one with the issues. I'm the one who's not easy to love..."

"Well... it's nice to see you finally got something right." Her hurtful words dropping like grenades at his feet.

Backing away, she catches a tear threatening to fall. "I have to go..."

Donna quickly turns and storms out, leaving Harvey feeling beaten and helpless as the door closes behind her.

Louis warned him this was going to happen.

You have to be willing to put it all out there, Harvey. Can you stick it out when she's angry?

Before Harvey can second-guess himself, he's out the door and racing to catch the elevator. Donna is at the end of the hall, waiting for it to arrive. She knows he's behind her but refuses to face him.

"Donna, please look at me, I'm not done." He's breathless and her eyes are bloodshot.

"I love you and I always have. I want to respect your relationship, but you also need to know that I want more. I won't screw it up this time," he promises.

The elevator doors open and Donna steps inside, her eyes are glued to the floor.

"Harvey, I'm with Thomas. I can't think right now."

As the doors start to close, Harvey rushes in and presses the emergency stop button.

Donna's eyes go wide and her mouth drops. She walks back from him until she meets the wall.

"Harvey, what the hell are you doing?"

"I said… Look at me." His raised voice commands her attention as he steps into her space. Their faces are inches apart now, and his gaze never leave hers. Harvey wants to touch her, but he won't. As much as her being with Thomas makes him crazy, he refuses to be that guy.

"You don't believe me? Then you're going to hear it every day from me until you do…," he warns, as he presses both his hands against the elevator wall, her head held back between them.

This time, his words are slow and intentional…

"Donna."

"I love you."

"I always will."

"I want more."

"I want a home and a life."

"With you."

Harvey's temples are throbbing and he's sure Donna can also hear his heart pounding. There's nothing but shock and confusion in her eyes. He can hardly blame her. She's staring like she doesn't even recognize him. Shit, he barely recognizes himself right now.

Harvey doesn't move, and neither does she. They're so close, she can feel his breath on her face, and the scent of sandalwood tickles her nose. For a moment, his eyes dance back and forth between hers, and then, with a breath, he drops his arms and steps back.

Harvey turns to press the button that restarts the elevator, and without a word or a glance, he walks out.

The second the doors close, Donna starts to breathe again, and her tears hit the floor.

You're such an asshole, Harvey.

Exiting his building, Donna realizes she has just enough time to make her yoga class. But all she wants is her bed right now, so she cancels and heads home instead. Her emotions are running wild and she doesn't know how to contain them. Exhausted and angry and confused… and, worst of all, still in love with Harvey Specter.

Meanwhile, Harvey slowly walks over to the couch and with a frustrated sigh, drops himself down in front of the cactus. His apartment feels emptier than ever now. For years, he's been afraid to admit his feelings, and today, he just confessed to loving her six times in the span of twenty minutes.

Exhausted and tortured by what just happened, Harvey drops his head into his hands. He doesn't know what to do with himself now, so he pulls out his phone to text Louis.

Talked to Donna. Didn't go well. It's over.

Seconds later…

Did she come over? Was she angry? Did she fight?

Harvey writes back.

Yes.

Louis responds.

Then, my friend, it's not over.