2. A new beginning

When she walked down one of the village roads with only a robe wrapped around her, she knew she was dreaming. She hadn't had any dreams in a while. She'd been too tired to dream for a long time- but this one seemed so real. She got no odd looks as she walked among people she'd known for a long time, people she was sure she'd never seen before. Still, she chatted with a couple of them, pulling her robe closer to her body- it was a dream, but still. But off to one side, something caught her eye. In the doorway of one of the villagers' homes, a girl she hadn't seen in months stood weeping. She approached her, but then froze when she saw the woman that sat just inside the doorway to one side- unseen from the road. The woman turned to look at her, tears still streaming down her face.

"You killed her."

She protested. "No, I didn't!"

"You killed her- as sure as if you were the one who set the barn on fire while she was in it. You killed my baby!" the woman shrieked, seeming to collapse into herself. She wailed- a piercing, mournful sound that tore her apart. She looked up at her friend, one of three she'd grown up with, poured out her heart to. Rachel looked the same age as when they'd last met; the same eyes, just as bloodshot with tears and hatred as the last time she'd seen her.

"Murderer!" Rachel spat at her.

Kirana woke up, but here eyes didn't open. They'd been weighted down by the weight of the tears she'd shed while she slept.

That night, as the butler announced her presence at the top of the staircase, the ballroom fell silent. All eyes focused on the new arrival. Sighing inwardly, Kira walked demurely down the main staircase as light brown eyes simultaneously scanned the room for her quarry. Clad in a silver floor-length ball gown, diamonds strung through her hair, delicate jewelry adorning her ears, throat and wrists, she looked exactly what she rightfully was- a Lady of the manor. As she approached the gathering, eyes drifted away from her- she walked through the room seemingly invisible to the guests gathered in her father's manor- yet, they moved out of her way as if for royalty. Or a leper. Eyeing the reason for all of their "attention" across the room- did they really clear the path straight to him?- Kira wondered what rumor had been buzzing around the room before her entrance. But then again, she didn't exactly doubt the topic: her.

"Good evening, Kirana. I hope it finds you well?" Ah- that explains it, she thought as she turned to face the only person brave- or foolhardy-enough to speak to her.

"Mr Kindle."

"Come, come, we're all friends here. Call me Derek."

"Friends?" The crowd moved slightly closer. She thought about it, then decided against giving them what they had been hoping for: a scene. Something else to gossip about. "We were never friends."

"Ah but that was your choice, wasn't it? We could have been… more." The gasp as he referred to their broken engagement was almost audible- but of course, the sheep gathered here wouldn't dare to acknowledge what was happening by making any sound. Tired of playing this game, she looked at the man she'd almost married.

"And what kind of luck-" the emphasis she placed on it brought more almost-gasps- "would that have brought to your family?"

"Ah- you forget. Our signs are greatly favorable. No unfortunate luck would cross our threshold."

"Well then. I guess it was destined that we'd never be… more." Dismissing him, she stepped aside and continued her walk towards her judgment. She could feel him seething behind her- but tonight, she had bigger fish to fry than some rich merchant's ego and aspirations.

The town's matrons stood in a semi-circle around her target- she greeted them, then turned to him.

"Goodnight, father."

"I didn't expect to see you here." She almost winced- of course he didn't. He'd locked her in her room. But he'd forgotten that that had stopped working when she'd bribed one of the stable hands to show her how to pick locks at the age of ten. Or had he counted on embarrassment, even despair, to keep her away? If so, he still didn't know her- at all.

"This concerns my life, does it not?" The aged soldier looked down at the girl standing defiantly before him on what was supposed to be the worst night of her life. It was just like her, wasn't it, he thought sadly. And the chit looked regal- with that long tangle of raven's wing hair, her lightly tanned complexion, her pride- all cocooned in silk and diamonds, with an icy attitude to rival the grandest royalty. His thoughts sobered- but there was too much wildness in her. That was never a good sign in a girl. The past seventeen years had proved that. He had done his best for her, and look what it had brought him. Only pain and death. Now, it was time to act for the greater good of his family.

"It does, but know that this is for your own good." She dared not argue with that before the disapproving eyes of the entire community- then she laughed. What did they matter? After tonight, they'd never matter again. Looking askance at her after the unexpected chuckle, her father turned to the assembled gathering.

"Attention, everyone." The milling crowd turned to him- most of them pretending they hadn't been staring in that direction ever since Kirana's approach. After they fell silent again, he continued. "We all know why we're here- if the whispers I've heard going around the ballroom are anything to go by. Therefore, I would like to say right now that I have an announcement to make."

And with his next words, as she stood tall and proud before the wolves, he tore her life apart. Head held high, she dared them to pity her.

"I can't believe he actually did it. I didn't think that he was that far gone." Kira stood before the mirror in her room as her elderly more-than-a-maid, Lise, helped her undress and voiced her opinion of the night's events.

"Of course he did. The Council didn't leave him with much choice. It was either this, or Edward would never be accepted into the Guilds."

"Guilds- pah! Just a lot of young people with nothing better to do than harass people who have no means of fighting back!" She gave the dress she'd just collected from Kira a firm shake at that. "To turn you out of the house because of that!"

"You know it wasn't just that. I always seem to be in the middle of calamity. And plus," the two repeated the oft-heard line- "I appeared under an unlucky star." Lise sighed.

"Bunch of superstitious mumbo jumbo." Kira moved to the window, clad only in her silk chemise. She fingered the garment- there would be no more of these where she was headed. And, as she'd swore to that very day, facing the loss of everything she'd ever known, she tore away the last of the curtain of secrecy that had surrounded her all of her life.

"I always thought that phrasing was apt, though..." Hearing a sudden noise, she spun around to face Lise's beloved, lined, furious face. The vacant look she'd adopted fell at the anger she saw faintly restrained in Lise.

She knew. She always had.

Sadly, Kira smiled; confused, Lise's anger faded- for the most part. After staring at the young girl for a minute, Lise sighed in resignation.

"How did you know?"

"I always have, I think. But Edward's needling more than once confirmed it," she smiled ironically. "But I don't think he ever realized what he was doing."

"Stupid boy."

"Did you see her? The woman who brought me here?" Lise sighed and sank into the soft feather bed.

"I'm too old for this," she complained, rubbing her aching knee. "But back then- ah, back then, even your father used to have an eye on me. I wasn't young anymore- I was a full-grown woman who knew her way around. But though he never did more, he looked. And the mistress- she knew. She always did. But she put up with it. You see, she had no children, and it was rumored that if her husband had a child by another woman, the babe would be gladly accepted into their family. But the other women never had children. " Lise's eyes hadn't moved from the wrinkled hand rubbing her knee in slow circles- but then she glanced up, staring vacantly out the window, into a past Kirana had known only whispers of.

"It drove him mad with anger, the master. For days on end we'd be the brunt of his anger and frustration- for, though none said it, we all knew that the fault lay not with the mistress, but with the master himself. Ah- but we dared not say a word. Time passed; the master spoke of remarrying; the mistress grew thin and sick with sorrow and bruises. There were some of us who'd feared that he was planning to kill her and marry a widow in a town not far off with three children."

"But then, one night, there was a terrible storm…"

And, after seventeen years of being forced to silence, the old woman told the young girl of her arrival at the manor house in the dead of night, silent in her hunger, burning up with fever, in the arms of a madwoman telling tales of war and hellfire.

Late that night, Kira watched with dry eyes as the only woman who had been a mother to her slowly left the room. Alone, she looked around the garret room that had been her sanctuary- and sometimes prison- all her life. It was bare now- the servants had already taken her things downstairs to be loaded on the cart- heaven's sake, not the carriage!- then the coach, that would take her to her aunt's province, where she was to serve as nanny and governess to her children. The general consensus was that the vicarage the woman lived in would be enough to prevent her "evil" from spreading, and the employment would tame her. Looking at the small bag that lay on her bed- items she'd removed without anyone's knowledge over the past two days- she firmed her resolve. They wouldn't have the privilege of kicking her out of her home. She'd determine her life, not some council of superstitious idiots.

She moved across the room to the mirror above her dresser, staring at the face that had pursued her her entire life. If they didn't want her around, she thought as she stared at the determined eyes staring back at her, then she was going to find the one person who would.

She was going to find her mother.