Chapter 2
That night, Emily lay in bed thinking about the changes that had occurred in her life. She was a pondering type of girl—she had been ever since her mother died. Two years ago, her life had been turned upside down. All of the sympathy and support she had received had been very comforting, but after a while she began to feel like she was suffocating underneath everyone's comfort. The only time she'd had to herself had been when she would lie awake in bed. This was the only time when she didn't have to stay strong. She could break down and let out her true emotions. When she was surrounded by her family and friends, she didn't feel free to cry. She didn't want to be hugged and hushed, and told that everything would be okay. Everything wouldn't be okay; she would grow up without a mother! Therefore she'd resigned herself to reserve sorting through her feelings until she was alone and didn't have to "live up to any image."
Several months after her mom died and she'd moved in with Ray, Emily had been lying awake again. She felt the urge to cry wash over her, and didn't do anything to hide her tears—after all, she was alone. After a few moments' quiet sobbing, she pulled herself up into a sitting position, rocking on her heals. She became aware of another presence, and looked up to see that Ray had appeared in her doorway. He didn't say anything, just joined her on her bed and encased her in his arms and let her cry. It was a wonderful feeling for her, not only to not have to show any restraint with her tears, but to be able to express them with someone going through the same exact thing she was. They never spoke of that night, but it was one of the most significant bonding experiences that solidified their changed relationship.
On this night, however, Emily's thoughts were not of loss, but of hope and change. She lay awake, her mind filtering through everything that she would be writing about if she kept a diary. She didn't—she wasn't sure why. She loved to write, but somehow felt vulnerable having her own thoughts staring back up at her. Still, she found that she sometimes couldn't get to bed if she didn't lay everything "out on the table."
What's going on with Ray's "No guys when I'm not home" rule? This is new. What changed? He knows I'm responsible, that I wouldn't do anything…"unsavory," I guess. I mean, okay, I see where he's coming from, but still. And jeez, it's not like he isn't a total hypocrite himself! How many times have I been in his and Neela's company when I seriously would have preferred not to be? God, least they could do is go over to her place once in a while. Anyway, it's not like Brandon and I are dying to have sex or anything—oh, my God, Ray thinks I'm going to get pregnant! Yeah, that's gotta be what it is—he's worried that without the "positive female role model" in my life, I'm going to go and get myself knocked up! Again, the filthy hypocrite…does he think I don't know about his player days? It could be fun though…I mean, I know better obviously, but it could be fun to make him nervous, watch him squirm, thinking he's raised a—I dunno— Painted Woman, for a sister.
Ugh, it must really be late…I'm practically formulating plans to pretend to be a hooker to get back at my brother! Maybe I was wrong, maybe this mono crap did addle my brains…
At some point, Emily drifted off to sleep, to be woken up seven hours later by her alarm clock. Still groggy, she was halfway through trying to force both legs down the same pant hole when Ray gave his usual morning knock to check her progress.
"Good morning," he greeted her, "Almost ready?" he asked.
"Almost," Emily answered, having finally gotten her jeans right.
"Okay, I have to go in to work a little bit early, so as soon as you're done," Ray said.
"Okay, I'll be done in a minute," she answered.
Fifteen minutes later, Ray and Emily were in his car, halfway to her school.
"Set with everything?" Ray asked.
"Yup," Emily answered.
"I'll be home at the usual time, maybe a little bit later. And Neela might be coming home with me," he added cautiously. He was pretty sure he hadn't been imagining the tension that Emily he had been sensing regarding her feelings about Neela. Sure enough, he was pretty sure he saw her stiffen, if only very slightly.
"You know, Em, you might want to think about getting to know Neela a little bit better…maybe doing something with her this weekend."
"I know her fine," Emily stated.
"I know sweetie, but she's a pretty big part of my life, and I want to make sure you, the most important person in my life, are okay with her."
Emily softened. "Well, I'll see." For good measure, she added, "You know, I don't hate her, right?"