Summary: How could he love a boy he knew he hated. It had to be admiration or something else to make him feel this way.
"I love Matt… I love Matt!"
Uncertain Love
Chapter 2
A/N: Thanks for all the alerts (and possibly reviews) on chapter one. I only checked it once about five minutes after I put it up so I'm not all that certain. :D Anyway, things (I hope) get a little more intense in this chapter so stay a while okay! And I promise to make this chapter a little bit longer! Enjoy!
…
Mello wasn't really the type to crack under pressure, but this-this certainly took the kick. What was Near doing? I didn't even do anything! I just helped the kid find a safe place! The blond turned his head, breaking the kiss. He covered his mouth as he felt his cheeks grow hotter. Sliding out from under the albino he quickly ran out the door only to enter into a crowd of children. Some of the kids closer to him stared, probably wondering why he was in such a state, but chose not to reply and kept on walking back to their rooms. After a few moments he realized that the crowd wasn't going to die down anytime soon and threw himself into the mob, trying his best to keep his balance. A little boy-Axle-with shaggy, black hair was crying in the comfort of his sister, Alice. He was barely even six and this boy almost reminded him of how Near was last night…
He felt his head grow hotter so he shook his head to get rid of the memory. Mello looked out the windows seeing the new day. The scenery was different from last night, but seemed just as beautiful. The sky was practically coated in golden clouds since the sun's rays failed to shine through. The results in golden skies were golden puddles on the ground and the orphanage's walls were now a copper color that fit the scene beautifully. This helped the boy calm down a little, but just as he felt safe he heard a door open. He glanced back to see the albino walking out of the room. The pale boy's wide eyes looked around with uncertainty and confusion since he was still new to all of the kids there. Mello decided to walk faster, not ready to face the kid just yet. He was even surprised he was able to hear the door when he was so far away.
He shook his head again and in his attempts to find Matt he started looking around. The blond shoved his way through the crowd, surprisingly not trying to hurt anyone by pushing them down. He didn't say 'excuse me' or 'sorry' but he just didn't reply. He had no words to say at the moment. As hard as he tried not to the event that happened just about ten minutes ago was still in his mind. After another good ten minutes he decided to give up and head to his room. Maybe Matt would be there. Then about five more minutes of struggling to get up the stairs, to his room, he successfully made it upstairs. There weren't as much kids up here (yet) than downstairs so Mello was able to see a hesitating, goggle-wearing red head in front of their door. He seemed to be peering through the crowd in all direction, Mello hoped, was in attempts to find him. "Matt!" The gamer heard his name but apparently didn't know where it was coming from since he was looking even more frantic than before. He called once more and this time Matt turned to his direction. His worried features were now replaced by a huge smile as he shredded through the crowd to meet his friend. "Mello!" This time it was the red head's turn to jump on the blond. The older was happy that Matt cared enough to do this, "Mello, I'm sorry! Where did you go last night? I tried to look for you but the teachers and kids kept pushing me downstairs! Are yo-!?"
"Matt! Matt!" Mello laughed, "It's okay. I'm okay! I just…" Can't tell him… "got lost and ended up in another downstairs classroom. I looked for you but you must have been in another class." That seemed like a nice lie…
The gamer nodded his head and looked up as if he were thinking, "Yeah. I didn't see you either… That must have been it."
And he takes the bait… Yes!
"Oh! What about that kid-what's his name-Near? Was he with you?"
Why the heck did you have to bring that kid up!? Mello's face grew pink. Don't think 'bout it! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stu-! The blond shook his head, "I-I didn't seem him. He must have been in another classroom."
Matt's eyebrow rose, "I see… And is he alright?"
He sighed, "Yeah, yeah he's perfectly fine." He replied, grunting.
"Huh…" Matt nodded again. He could already tell that something was up. "Anyway," He stood up, extending his hand to his friend, "did you get any sleep last night?"
This seemed like the easiest way to get Matt to stop talking about Near, "Uh yeah, um…" The boy rubbed his aching head underneath his golden locks, "The lightening just kept giving me the jitters from screeching so loudly… And it flashed too brightly for me to sleep."
Lie… Matt thought. He followed the blond into the room and shut their door behind them. He watched as Mello jumped onto the bottom bunk, putting his head into the pillow. Before the younger could do anything else Mello sat up again. "Would you stay beside me?"
"A-aren't you a little too old to have someone hold your hand while you sleep?" The gamer replied with a smile but found himself walking over to him anyway.
"So? I couldn't see you last night. Just until I fall asleep?" I need someone to help me forget… Matt crawled to the other side and laid beside him. He took the older's hand and watched as he closed his eyes. Not just… anyone… The gamer felt his eyes drooping shut, not even aware that he was tired until just this moment. He found himself playing with a piece of Mello's blond hair before falling asleep. Mello felt Matt's breath brush against his face before it turned silent again. That's when he knew that he had fallen asleep. He opened his eyes again, staring at his friend with vague eyes.
I need…
Matt…
Is the only one…
That'll help me forget…
…
Mello found himself waking up before Matt. He laughed at the memory silently when Matt agreed that he'd only stay by his side until he fell asleep. But yet he stayed next to him for the duration of his nap. The boy smiled weakly as he placed a hand on the boy's cheek. He let his eyes wonder until they found his lips. That instant, the kiss Near had given him flashed into his mind. He groaned into his pillow. Why do I have to keep remembering that!? That's when the silent afternoon suddenly got a jolt. Matt was apparently awake and bit the blond on his hand. "OWWWW!" Mello jumped up quickly as he gripped his poor hand, "What was that for!?"
"So you're finally awake, huh?" Matt smiled, shaking out his bed hair. At first the boy didn't think Mello was going to do anything back until a fist went up side his face. OWWWWOWOWOWWWW!! "I guess I should have expected that one…" Mello nodded in agreement, blowing on his hand furiously. There was silence between the two until Matt broke it with the roar of his stomach.
This made Mello laugh, "You wanna go get something to eat? Maybe you can make me a sandwich while you're down there."
"Like hell, you're coming with me!" Matt took the boy's hand and lead him to the door where they later exited after putting on their shoes. The hallways were unusually empty. Probably due to the storm last night; maybe people didn't get enough sleep. Who would be able to sleep without the comfort of being in their own bed? The day seemed to have gotten brighter due to the decrease of clouds. Once they made it downstairs and into the kitchen Matt made his sandwich (and reluctantly made Mello's since he threatened to delete his game data if he didn't) and took it to the counter. When he reached it he noticed how Mello had a huge bowl of ice cream and continued to coat it in a thick helping of fudge. "What the freak!? Why'd I have to make you a sandwich if you're just going to eat ice cream!?"
Mello laughed, "Because I love to see you follow my orders."
"#& you!" Matt replied, throwing the sandwich on the table.
The blond gasped, "Matt! You said a bad word!"
"I know! Isn't it cool!? That teenager, Julius, taught it to me!"
"That is awesome! It's so… so rebellious!" Mello gave Matt a high five before they started eating. It didn't seem to take that long for them to eat though. Mello did complain that the sandwich was a bit on the foggy side and tasted sort of repulsive. He didn't know why, if it was because of Matt's sandwich-making skills or not, but later on the gamer found it funny to use soggy bread that fell into the dishwater. That's when Mello chased the boy around the kitchen until he eventually caught him and gave him a wet wily. So it didn't seem long but it sure as hell was. He thought he was clever!
On their way back to the room a certain albino caught the blond's attention. He paused, staring at the boy with wide eyes. After a few moments Near seemed to know that someone was watching him from across the hall and looked up. Their eyes met and it was almost like the world stopped for that split second… At least for Mello anyway… Matt just stood back and wondered what the hell was happening. I had a feeling… that something happened…
"Me-" Before the small boy was able to finish Mello took his wrist and dragged him to the nearest room. Literally dragging him. The albino didn't reject to this action either for he just stared blankly into space wondering what the blond would want to say. The older dragged him to the closet which seemed to be the closest room and the most private. Matt sighed and started towards their room. He called saying that he'd be in there. He didn't care if Mello heard or not… Once Mello closed the door Near tried to speak only for his sentence to once again be cut off, this time by the blond putting a hand over his mouth.
"Near. Don't you dare tell anyone about last night. It was nothing. I just helped out a random kid… and I sure as heck ain't making that mistake again…"
He uncovered the boy's mouth, "I haven't… told…" The albino simply replied, "So… you do hate me, then?"
"I do." Mello replied coldly, "I don't like you."
"Then why'd you help me?" Near questioned, his eyes full of concentration, "And… you didn't say you hated me." Mello gasped. Damn he was caught! "You 'hate' me because I-I scored higher than you on the test. That I'm smarter than you." Near played with a lock of his curled hair, "You're… pretty honest. You helped a guy that you 'hated'…"
"I just… hate seeing someone like that if I can do something about it…" The blond replied, irritated at himself for being like that. He was exactly what Near said. The albino reached out his hand only for the boy to push it away, "Stop… touching me."
"Why?"
Why… "Why do you keep trying to get into my head? What's the point to all this?"
Near shrugged, looking away to the mop that sat at a corner, "I like you… I want to be friends."
Friends… "Well you sure showed that a little too friendly."
"I apologize for the kiss. Even though… I don't feel the need to."
"And why is that!?"
Near sighed, "I apologized didn't I? Why are you getting so mad?"
"I wanna know why you don't 'feel the need to'!" When the albino didn't reply Mello stood up and burst out of the closet. "Oh! And I don't want to be your friend! #er!" Mello laughed inside his head. Finally got to use that!
…
Mello let out a huge breath before entering his room. The first thing he saw was Matt on his DS. The boy was aware of his friend's presence, but didn't bother to look up as usual. "So," The gamer finally replied after a few minutes, "how was your 'closet meeting' with Near? What'd you do to him in there? Beat him for money or whatever the heck bullies do these days?"
The blond laughed, "Yeah, basically." He sat on the bed just opposite from where Matt was sitting on his computer chair.
The red head chuckled, "You like him don't you?" Wow, only eight years old and already concerned with love!
"Wha-!"
"I knew something happened on that night. You lied about it."
Mello's eyes widened, "How'd you know I lied?"
"Well," Matt paused his game, "first of all, you just told me you lied." The blond sighed. Idiot… "And second, the bull you told me about how the lightening flashed too brightly for you to sleep. The staff and such took us to rooms without windows."
"Oh…"
"Yeah, oh. So what'd you guys really do?" Matt rested his chin on his hand, waiting for an honest answer.
He scratched his head, "I, uh, took the kid into a room where he'd be a little safer. He was pretty scared out of his mind. And then when he woke up…" The boy turned pink and couldn't finish.
"Oh ho!" Matt laughed, "So you do like him!?"
"No! No! I like you!"
Matt's smile faded, "What? Are you retard? Are you on drugs? No you don't!" He un-paused his game and stared down at the screen. He turned down the volume though so he could be courteous to Mello. Sigh… it just isn't the same without the volume…
"I do! You're the one I liked the most! We're best friends! Near… It just seems so…"
The gamer turned pissed as he laughed the most metallic laugh that even a two year old would know it's fake, "What the hell!? Just because we're friends you think that we're automatically a couple! You don't think that way and you know it!" Mello was blown back. He had never seen Matt like this before besides the time before when his PS2 card went missing and he worked on those games for almost a year. "Don't use me just because you're trying to hide the fact that you like him. You're not accepting that you do because you just think it's so-so unnatural. Oh! And notice how you said 'liked'."
"So… you want me to make friends with Near?"
Matt sighed, "I'd be… unhappy if you didn't."
"But I don't like him like that…"
"You don't have to. As long as you don't deny that you do like him and stop using me as an excuse not to get to know him. Just be friends. Try… to be friends."
The older looked down, "Sorry… that I used you like that. I'm supposed to be your best friend too." He laughed lightly.
"It's okay…"
"What if I do like you like that?"
Matt shook his head, "You don't."
"How can you be so certain?"
"I just know." Mello paused for a moment before rushing off of his bed and forcing a kiss on Matt. Matt didn't even try to resist. He wanted Mello to know for himself. And… It might be the last time I'll be so close. Their lips formed together and the gamer never knew it would last this long. He tried his best not to do anything unnecessary. No… This is for Mello's own good. When Mello finally let their lips separate he kept his face close. "…Anything?"
The blond stared at him for a moment before sighing, "No…"
Matt's smile was small though his eyebrows stayed creased, "Thought so."
Matt… Mello stood up straight and started for the door, "I'm gonna go apologize to Near."
"You better say it nicely!" He scolded.
"Yeah, yeah!" The door shut behind him and Mello took the chance to take a deep breath, resting on the door frame. I did… feel something… but he probably wouldn't believe me. I'll just make friends; I'll do this for Matt in return…
It took Mello a good 30 minutes to find that boy. And of course he was at the most obvious place you'd think to look for him. He was at the library. He was in plain sight when you looked through the glass doors. The blond growled at himself for being so dumb. He opened the door quietly and stepped inside. The librarian was still here, but she didn't really pay attention to kids when they entered the library. Mello strolled over to Near. He was playing with wooden blocks. It seemed like he was making a fortress for his little figures that surrounded him. He opened his mouth to start the conversation but it seemed he was at a loss for words. When he was about to attempt it twice the albino turned his head to face him. "Uh… hi." I have never been this speechless before…
"Hello…" Near extended his hand to the space opposite him, "Would you like to sit?"
Mello raised his hand, "Uh, no, this won't take long." He cleared his throat, "I just wanted to let you know that I'll… try… to be friends with you. Nothing more. Just friends."
Near smiled lightly, handing the blond one of his figurines, "It's a start."
I finished chapter 2! And as I promised I made it a little longer! Uh, just a little bit over 5 pages… Huh, now I feel a little unaccomplished cause that's not as long as I wanted it to be! Lol, anyway, thanks for reading and I hope you liked this chapter! I thought it was pretty good! :D Leave a review please! I'd really appreciate it! But for now, sayonara!
P.S. Why the hell isn't unpaused a word!? Or is it that my ancient computer is so old it wasn't a word yet…?
P.S.2 'A loss for words'… that's what it's called right!?