"What was that about earlier?" Bella asked me as soon Mrs. Johnson had left.
"What do you mean?" I wanted to know, although I had a pretty good idea what my colleague was referring to.
"You running after Ms McCullers." The woman clarified.
"I didn't know that you knew her." I said slowly.
"She's been here a couple times, how do you know her?" Bella questioned.
I swallowed. "She's my ex and former best friend. We've dated for three years."
"Oh ..." Bella replied slowly, looking guilty. "I didn't know ..." She paused giving me a compassionate look. "I'm really sorry, you must feel terrible."
"It's okay." I answered.
"It must be terrible to handle such things in relationships, it must be so difficult to deal with. How is she doing?"
I raised an eyebrow, not really understanding why my break-up seemed to be such a big deal for my co-worker. "She seems okay. She's in a relationship with someone else."
"Oh, I see ..." Bella replied. "Well next time you see her give her my best wishes and tell her she can come in anytime she likes."
My frown only deepened but I nodded. "Will do."
I wasn't even blinking anymore when the needle slowly disappeared inside of my arm. I stared at the wall in front of me while Gabriela took my blood sample. Gabriela wasn't much older than me, maybe a couple years. We've spent quite some time together the past year.
"How are you feeling?" The short, dark-haired doctor asked me but I kept on staring at the wall.
"Like shit." The room felt suffocating.
"I'm going to send those to the lab." Carefully pulling the needle out and putting a cotton ball on the spot. "If this is good we can start the next round."
My expression was empty when I turned around to look at the doctor. "I don't want another chemo." I stated.
"What are you talking about? It's not a matter of wanting Paige, it's important."
I chuckled ironically. "I'm done with it Gabby, seriously." I grabbed my hair and tugged on it, removing the wig. "You see this? My hair has gotten longer again. I'm slowly becoming my old self again. You know, I was at the hairdresser's today wanting to ask for a new one but then I thought it's pointless. If I can feel normal for my last days than I take that chance, I don't want to go through all that shit again just for you to tell me afterwards new shit turned up. I'm so done with it."
Gabriela closed her eyes for a second in defeat, letting out a deep breath. "Where's this coming from? I haven't seen you this mixed and messed up since ..." She paused. "Are you talking to her again?" The woman asked. "Since when?"
"She's working at that hair salon I go to." I said playing with my fingers in my lap.
"Did you tell her?" She nodded as she understood.
"No. I certainly did not tell her. And I'm not going to."
"You should! I'll keep telling you this, you should have listened to me back then. You've been miserable ever since, it didn't make it better for you at all."
"It wasn't supposed to make it better for me, it was supposed to make it better for her!" I yelled, close to losing my temper.
Gabriela shook her head. "Paige, this logic of yours, oh my. She's going to find out someday sooner or later."
"Yes when she reads about my death in the newspaper."
"Paige!"
A long silence followed.
"Let's talk hypothetically here. So she reads about your death, do you have any idea how that would make her feel?"
"I wrote her a letter just in case. She will get it when I'm gone and everything will be explained."
Gabriela couldn't stop shaking her head at the way her client - friend acted. "So are you going to meet her or what?"
I nodded. "One last time." I paused. "To say goodbye."
/
Emily was already sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. She looked so innocent and beautiful, it broke my heart. When Emily looked up and our eyes met, she smiled warmly.
"I haven't ordered yet. I wasn't sure if you would actually show up." Emily said shyly.
"Can't blame you for that." I mumbled.
When the waiter came by we both ordered something to drink.
"So tell me what have you been up to these past months?"
I had expected this question and came prepared. "I've tried to change my life a bit, tried to live healthier, been travelling." I tried to analyze the look on Emily's face when I tell her these things. Does it come across as 'Oh you know I started enjoying life and do all things I couldn't do with you.' It couldn't sound worse than the truth. 'I've been through chemo, still got metastases everywhere. Most days I've been too weak to even leave the house, I throw up all of the time, I'm preparing myself mentally for the day I die, yeah it's been hell. And to tell you the complete truth, I've missed you every fucking single day.'
"I'm glad to hear you've had a good time. What places did you visit?"
Doctor offices, hospitals and therapists sounded terrible. "Paris, Barcelona, some other places in Europe. Very pretty cities."
"Paris is still on my list. You're lucky to have seen it." Emily smiled. "So Gabriela has been with you?"
Yes she was with me during chemo, during CT's, during my monthly nervous breakdown. "Yeah we have visited her family in Mexico too actually." These lies were ridiculous.
"How did you two meet? What's her name again?" I had to fully change the subject.
"Ava." Emily smiled. "Met her at the salon."
"Sweet." This conversation was awkward.
"I'm glad we're finally talking again. I have to say, I was devastated that you cheated on me but I'm not mad, not anymore." She reached out and touched my hand. "If that's what you needed to do to be happy then I'm okay with that." She emphasized her words with a nod. "You're special Paige, I hated not having you in my life. We were a team. I don't feel complete without you."
I nodded, feeling my hand get sweaty. Feeling the tears swell up again.
"We used to be best friends before we started dating, do you think we can get back to that? I mean not right away but slowly? Maybe?" Her voice sounded hopeful. She was still the girl I had known for so many years, the girl I fell madly deeply in love with. The girl I always wanted to protect from all bad in the world. I sure as hell hoped that Ava chick was treating her well, I might be weak but I still am able to kick some ass when I need to.
"I don't know." I said after a while. "I missed you too." It was probably wrong to say this, but it was a truth I can't deny.
"Would you want to see me again?" Emily finally asked. "I mean you could bring Gabby. You could meet Ava. I'm sure you two would get along. We can go do something fun. What do you think?" Emily's eyes were glowing and she clapped her hands together in excitement.
I never should've stepped a foot in that damn fancy salon. I knew her too well, she just wouldn't let me go after just one meet up. One double date would turn into two, and then the show's on the road. I can't let that happen. I wasn't even dating anyone.
"Just once." Emily continued. "If Gabby doesn't like me or Ava then we don't have to repeat. Though I'm sure that won't happen."
Great. Now I have to deal with seeing Emily happy together with another woman. No way I will say yes. I'll be as honest as possible telling her I just can't do it. Yep, it's a no.
"Paige?" Emily asked carefully, looking a little sad.
"Yeah, yes okay."
Okay? I mentally threw my hands up in the air. I just couldn't believe myself, after all this time I'm still whipped.
"Awesome!" Emily exclaimed, biting her fist to keep her from grinning wider.
I stared at the woman in front of me who was emptying her drink, looking so happy and relieved. I retrieved my phone from my pocket. I quickly clicked on Gabriela's name in the contact list and typed the message.
I need your help.