If Only

September 5th, 2008

Dear Journal,

What a boring summer… I didn't get to see any of my friends… maybe once for Roxas's birthday party but that's it. Well tomorrow is yet again the first day of school… it'll probably be more exciting then sitting here by myself being bored. At least I'm a sophomore and not a freshmen… ugh, back to homework and tests. I'm not as excited as last year… you probably know why Journal. Yup cus of Zexion.

-Demyx

Sophomore year of high school was probably one of the better years.

Throughout the entire summer I had a lot of time to think about things… one of those things was that I thought I might have been gay… I had kind of lost interest in girls and gained interest in guys. It freaked me out at first since I wasn't that fond of gays… but I got used to it. I didn't tell my parents or anyone else that I knew. But I was planning to… planning to tell just one person.

So there I was again, in front of those big school doors. I opened them and went down the second hallway this time which wasn't as long as the first. I could see all my old friends at the end of the hallway… when I went by them they just stared at me. I went to homeroom and found myself sitting next to Demyx again. I didn't say anything… neither did he. But I stared at him for a long time.

"What?" he said looking down at his desk.

"Nothing." I said.

He looked up at me looking as if he wanted to say something… but then the bell rang. I left the room and went to my first period class biology. Axel was in it. I sat in the seat in front of him. During the class Axel kept throwing paper at me… I finally turned around and told him to stop. He told me to open it. I did, it said: Demyx still loves you… that's why he dumped me. I heard what you did to him… pretty cruel. My heart stopped when I heard he still loved me… I sent a note back to Axel saying: I've changed… I didn't mean to do that to Demyx… I think I love him too. Then Axel sent another note back to me: You should tell him.

"Excuse me!!" Yelled the teacher. " Why are you passing notes in my class?"

"I-I-I" I stuttered not knowing what to say.

"Um he wanted to know what the homework was so he sent me a note instead of disrupting the class." Said Axel. Few.

"Well ok… but next time you have a question Zexion all you have to do is raise your hand and ask me." Said the teacher.



I nodded my head and turned to Axel. "Thanks."

"No problem." Said Axel.

My next couple of classes were pretty normal… nothing exciting. But then I came upon my fifth period class English. The teacher really freaked me out. Mr. Xemnas kept giving me weird looks and stuff like that. While the class was just sitting around he told me to come up to his desk.

"Yes sir?" I asked.

"Hello… no need to call me sir… call me Xemnas."

"Ok." I said.

"Zexion I would like you to stay after class today." He said.

"For what? Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"No, no, no… I would just like to talk to you."

"Ok si- I mean Xemnas." I said… then I went back to my seat and sat down.

A couple people asked why he wanted to see me… I told them I didn't know. A few minutes later the bell rang. I went up to his desk and once all the students left he closed the door and stood up next to me.

"Zexion do you know what nice eyes you have." He said.

I gave him the weirdest look I could. "Excuse me?"

"And your beautiful, silky hair… I love how it flops over your right eye."

This really freaked me out. "I think I should leave."

"No I don't think you should." He said.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. I struggled to escape his grip.

"Why the struggle?" He asked.

"GET OFF OF ME!" I shouted.

"Kiss me Zexion."

"NO!" I yelled and kneed him in the nuts and ran for the door… but he grabbed me and threw me on his desk.

Then he slapped me in the face.



"Now Zexion" He said as he pinned me down. "If you want this to go smoothly you will do as I say."

I nodded and started crying.

"Good boy… no need to cry… I promise you'll like it." He said.

He started to unbutton my jeans and he began to kiss me. It was horrible. I started struggling once again… then when he stepped away for a minute to grab a condom I took a big text book and smashed his head. He fell to the floor. He opened his eyes.

"You little bitch… fine you can leave for now… but if you tell anyone about this you will die."

He stood up and grabbed me by the shirt and jerked me towards him.

"Oh, and if you don't show up to class tomorrow I will find you and you will die. Remember what I said Zexion."He said.

Then I ran out the door to my lunch period.

My hair was a mess and I had to button my pants. When I came into the lunch room Axel saw me and called me over.

"Hey you're really late." He said.

"I know… um I stayed after class to… ask the teacher something." I lied.

"Oh I see… well I think this is the perfect opportunity to tell Dem how you feel." He said.

I really didn't want to deal with Demyx at that time.

"I don't about this Axel."

"Aw c'mon." He said

"I'll do it when I'm ready." Then I walked away.

Soon lunch was over and I got through all my other classes alive… and I went home.

The next day I came to school very afraid of English class. And when it came time for that class Mr. Xemnas stared at me with pleasure. Freaky.

Then class was over… I knew the drill. This time he turned the lights off and threw me to the ground.

"Can't get away now can you?"

I shook my head.

He pinned me to the ground taking all of my clothing off and breathing on me with his horrible coffee breath. I pretended like I wasn't there knowing I couldn't escape him. He started making out with me… 

gross. I felt like puking… he never really got to the dirty stuff because Demyx walked by the door and saw me struggling with Xemnas. Demyx opened the door and pulled Xemnas off of me and pinned him to the wall. He threw a couple punches to his face but Xemnas fought back and pinned Demyx to the desk and punched him a few times and almost knocked him out. Then, even though in pain, I jumped on top of Xemnas and started choking him. He then flipped me off his back and pinned me to the ground and started choking me.

Everything stopped… I couldn't breath… everything was in slow motion. The room went black.

The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital bed. Demyx was there sitting next to me. I looked over at him. He was already staring at me.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered.

"I just thought I'd keep you company." He said.

He came over to my bedside and knelt down. He took my hand.

"I'm glad you're alright. I thought you were dead for sure." He said.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well after Xemnas started choking you, I came up from being knocked out. I saw you struggling so I took a chair and wacked him with it. Then I saw you laying there… you looked dead. So I called 911 and ran out carrying you. The ambulance took you away and they arrested Xemnas after I told them what he did to you." He explained.

"Thanks Demyx… thank you so much." I said in tears.

"Anything for you Zexion."

"Really? I thought you hated me." I said.

"I'm still mad but I still kind of love you."

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah, don't yell at me ok?"

"I love you too Demyx." I said crying.

"What??" He asked confused.

"I love you too."

He smiled at me and gave me a hug. It was nice.

September 7th, 2008



Dear Journal,

Oh my god!! Guess what journal?! Zexy loves me too!! He told me! We were in a hospital cus I had saved him from almost being raped by a teacher… but that's not important… the important thing is, is that we love each other now! My dreams are coming true right before my own eyes! I'm as giddy as a school girl! Ok, that was weird. I can't wait to make out with him! He's so sexy! My life is the best life in the world, no one has a better life than mine! Well I'm tired so I'm gonna go to sleep… nighty night journal!

Love, Demyx xoxoxo

October and November went by pretty smoothly… no raping teachers, I got my friends back, I had Demyx… yup pretty cool. Until…

"HUH! Zexion! What are those scars on your arms?!" Asked Demyx.

We were all sitting at the lunch table when Demyx had discovered that I cut myself every now and then.

"It's nothing… I'm fine." I said.

Everyone started to stare at me.

"Do you cut yourself?" Roxas asked.

"No… yes… not really." I said.

"Zex why didn't you tell me about this?!" Yelled Demyx.

"Because it's personal!" I yelled then I stomped out of the lunch room to the bathroom.

I put my head down as I leaned on a sink. I heard the squeak of a door. It was Demyx. He came towards me and put his arm around me.

"Zexion it's ok… I can help you." He said

I pulled away from him. "I don't need help!" I started to cry.

"Zexion please… let me help you." He begged

I shook my head and ran out of the bathroom. I ran home after that.

Later on that night I was lying in my room staring at my scars when I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in" I said.

It was Demyx.

"Ugh. What do you want?" I asked.



"Zexion all I want to do is help you." He said as he sat net to me on the bed.

"Demyx… I don't need help… I stopped cutting myself during the summer." I said.

"Then why'd you make such a big deal?"

"I don't like to talk about it… it's just one of the tragic memories I have to deal with." I said.

"Oh, ok… I'd also like to help you with something else." He said.

"What?" I asked.

"Your wardrobe." He said.

"My clothes? What's wrong with them?" I asked.

"They're all black. I think you should stop this gothic act."

"But it's who I am."

"Do you want to look like an emo weirdo?" He asked

I was kind of offended.

"I guess not…" I said

"Well then dress like you used to dress." He said.

"Maybe I don't want to."

"I'm just trying to help… but if you don't want to then I guess you don't have to." He said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, It's what you want to wear not what I want you to wear."

"Oh." I said.

He left after that and kissed me goodbye. I started thinking about what I was wearing and decided to go with Demyx's advice. So I searched through my closet for a colorful outfit ad found a couple. I wore the outfit to school the next day… it made Demyx really happy. Yay!

Pretty soon all the months passed and it came down to June. We took finals and passed. Demyx and I had gotten closer in our relationship… and it looked like I'd be leaving high school on a positive note this time. Thank god.

June 13th, 2009

Dear Journal,



What a great year! I had a great time. I can't wait for summer now! You know why? Cus now I have Zexion to hang around with! I'll never be bored. Today was the last day of school… I got everyone to sign my year book twice… this year I had good times and bad times but in the end it all kind of added up to one great big GOOD TIME! Woohoo! I can't wait until next year! Well I gotta go now… I'm going to an end of the year party with Zex… FUN! Ok, see ya!

Love, Demyx xoxoxo